Betrayal

Sam went to work and labored even harder now that he had a family to support. Many nights, he came home to two screaming infants; at other times, everyone was asleep. When he had the energy and the weather was mild, he and Natalie took the twins in a double stroller to the park, showed the babies the pond where the ducks swam, threw bread crumbs in, laughed, and went "wee." The park was large, with a duck pond, tennis courts, basketball nets, a playground, and walking paths. A Good Humor truck came by daily, and the little kids lined up with their money to buy an ice cream treat. Sam took pictures of the twins and sent copies to his cousin, Tom. His younger brother, Don, also wanted a few photos. His parents were on a trip abroad, so Sam said they'd see the infants when they returned. He was excited and happy to be a dad. Nat sent a few pictures to Judith, who put them on her refrigerator. Judith was dating a med school student.

Later, Sam grew tired and came home late, and Nat left him a plate of food in the microwave. Nat was asleep in their bed, exhausted from the day. Most days were long, and she felt more drained than ever. "How can such beautiful babies be such a pain?" she moaned as she put the pillow over her head, and the twins started crying at the same time. It was a whirlwind. Even with Abigail, the helper, it was a lot of work.

Then Sam came home even later. When she heard him arrive, she looked at the clock. At first, she didn't understand; it was probably one or two in the morning, though she wasn't sure the clock was correct.

"Where have you been?" she asked in the middle of the night.

"Oh, I fell asleep at my desk," he said.

"Really?"

"I guess I was spent."

As this behavior persisted and Natalie noticed that Sam was often hours late for dinner on several nights, returning home a long time after dinner, she could no longer ignore her suspicions.

"Can't you come at a decent time?" she asked in the morning while feeding one baby and the other napped.

He often mumbled some vague reply.

Natalie grew more curious and searched through his pockets, pants, dresser, car, and anything else he might have left behind. She even emptied the trash bin by his bedside. When she went into the garage and dumped the trash can's contents, she knew she had hit a new low. She found a sales slip for a dinner for two at a restaurant and a gas receipt. Then she came across a receipt from a perfume store. He hadn't given her any new scents lately.

The hour was four a.m., and Natalie got out of bed and went to the kitchen. She boiled water and made a cup of tea. She added some honey and a slice of lemon. That was how she liked it. As she was sitting at the kitchen table, Sam came in through the garage. He opened his eyes wide as though he hadn't expected to see his wife awake.

"Why are you up?" he asked. He put his keys on the counter and his face colored from nervousness.

"Why am I up?" she repeated. Sipping the tea, she tapped her foot and tried to stay calm.

"I know I'm late, but..." he stumbled.

"Where the hell have you been?" She was sick of this routine. Just this afternoon, she'd gone through the trash in the garage, ashamed to have to do such a humiliating thing with her new husband, and found receipts for dinner and a purchase of some fragrance, none of which she'd seen.

"I went to a bar. Had a few drinks. Why?" he said, as if that were a regular thing to do.

"Since when do you go to bars in the middle of the night to have drinks, Sam?"

"I just didn't want to come home and hear the twins crying," he said, lowering his head.

"Well, no one expects you to feed them. That's why we have the nanny, Abigail."

"I guess I hate hearing them howl."

"What else have you been up to?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"Don't lie to me, you coward."

"I met someone. Got to talking. We went to her place."

For one minute, she wanted to slap his face, as her hand clenched and twitched.

"I hate you. I really hate you." Her heartbeat was faster, and her voice grew louder.

She rose from the kitchen chair and went to the liquor cabinet. Poured herself a scotch, neat.

"Why are you drinking?" Sam asked.

"Shut up. You have no right to ask me why I am having a drink."

He stopped talking. They were both silent. Natalie picked up her drink and decided to go back to the bedroom. As she turned to leave, she said, "Sleep in the spare room, on the couch, or on the floor. I don't care."

He stood there, still in his trench coat, and said nothing.

Natalie went to the master bedroom, hoping the twins would keep sleeping. She had fed them at two a.m. Maybe she could get an hour of sleep. She drank the tan liquid and prayed it would knock her out.

As she climbed under the covers, she whispered, "Mama, I miss you so much. What am I supposed to do? Tell me what to do. Everything feels like a mess. I am so unhappy, Mama. Please tell me what to do?" More tears, more pain, more hurt.

She heard Sam's footsteps. He stood in the doorway, still with his trench coat on.

"I am so sorry, Nat." He looked tired, with a slight beard, worn out.

"Go away. I don't want to talk to you."

"Please," he began.

"You've ruined everything. You've messed up our lives with your selfishness. We haven't even been married a year!"

He stood silently in the doorway before finally leaving to find a place to sleep, at least until the twins woke up hungry.

The night was long; she tossed and turned. She was incredulous and shocked that her life had taken such a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn. The sun rose, and Natalie was exhausted. She didn't want to start the day, but she got up and made coffee. She wished she had a cigarette. She wished for a lot of things, like turning back the clock.

Then she saw Sam, standing in the entrance to the kitchen. They stared at one another.

"Do you mind if I have a cup of coffee?"

She stepped away.

He went to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup. The aroma of coffee smelled inviting.

It was going to be an unusually difficult day, she thought. Perhaps I'll get a massage. I'll call the doctor. Get some pills to help me sleep. No, I have to hear the babies. I can't do that. A lawyer, that's what I need, a good lawyer. How did this happen? She decided to take a hot bath to see if it helped. Warm baths worked, yes, she would do that.

She had to cancel her lunch date with Judith. No, she'll keep it. Tell her what happened. She'll have some good advice. Oh God, I am so tired. Maybe I'll get a massage. Maybe I'll have my hair cut. Isn't that what women do, cut their hair to make themselves feel better? Maybe I'll throw him out of the house. Let him go stay in a hotel. Then she started to cry again.