Soul Dive

Sneaking into the palace proved easier than I’d thought. Based on their disjointed patterns and hesitant stances, my guess was the guards hadn’t been given orders. It was clear, even inside the walls, that this kingdom was falling apart.

My life so far in the Electricity Nation had gotten me accustomed to moving quickly and silently. Whether it was to hunt or to flee from the terror of this war, the skills proved useful here. I darted across the gold floors, keeping myself calm so my breathing stayed silent and my heart beat steadily. Soul diving required a clear mind. I could not afford to let fear grip me before I had even faced Terra, or I’d certainly succumb to her madness.

Remember they’re counting on you. Without Terra, the kingdom will splinter and lose its power. This is the last obstacle. The last mission. One atrocity to save the deaths of hundreds more.

Terra didn’t move when I entered her room. I closed the door behind me, locked it, and then stood there, staring at her. She was sitting at her desk, facing the window, crown askew on her head. There were papers everywhere, scattered across the floor. The gauzy curtains above her bed fluttered in the slight breeze, a lightness contrasting with the dark uneasiness that hid in the still rumpled sheets, the slightly burnt smell permeating the air, the stillness quieting a space so obviously pulsing with wildness. Like a warning.

“Hello, Terra,” I greeted softly.

For a moment she remained still and I wondered if she’d even heard me, but then, slowly, her shoulders hunched and shook in quiet laughter. She turned around and smiled bitterly. Her hair was stringy and unwashed. Her gown was tattered in some places, like it’d been ripped. Her eyes were so tired. “You’ve come to kill me, haven’t you, Anya?” she rasped.

“I wish I didn’t have to,” I murmured. “But you’ve hurt too many people. You’ve lost your mind doing it.”

Terra’s face tightened, anger sparking briefly in her eyes before fading just as quickly. In its place settled an emotion so deep staring at her felt like drowning. “I must look like that, don’t I?”

“Yes,” I said quietly, quietly enough my voice wavered. I clenched my hands, willing myself to calm down, to devoid myself of feeling. Don’t falter. Don’t fail. They’re counting on you.

“What will they see?” Terra muttered, somehow understanding my intentions.

I took a deep breath. “A suicide.” Enough. Do it now. I closed my eyes and before I could hesitate any further, plunged into her soul.

From the moment I get close enough to anyone, I’m able to feel their electricity: pulsing alongside their heartbeat and coursing through their body. At first, I simply thought of it as a means of tracking. It was only recently, when Leor suggested it, that I wondered if it could be used as a means of control. I hated the thought of it immediately, but I couldn’t let it go. I tried to convince myself, at first, that I might be able to use it for healing. Maybe to hold someone down during an operation or restructure vitals simply with my mind. It was this direction that finally led me to try the technique. I started first with Leor, the only one who I had yet confided in about all of it. I warned him it might not work. I warned him he might get hurt, that he might even die, because I didn’t understand it completely. But he only stood there and met my gaze, telling me to continue. So, I closed my eyes and reached out with my power, diving into his consciousness where the heart of his electricity was stored.

At once I felt everything, saw everything, connected to the tips of his feet to the edges of his skull. It was more than just electricity, then. I felt what he felt, I saw what he saw, I thought what he thought. My own senses blinded, my body feeling far away. Everything was in uproar at the intrusion, making navigating his own electricity, and finding myself in it, that much harder. Yet somehow, I picked up the pieces of myself from his world of being, separating my soul from his. I focused, and I pulled back just enough to exist beside him. The pathways cleared and calmed, everything steadying at my fingertips. Ready for instruction.

Terra’s mind was that chaos tenfold. Her thoughts were screaming, her senses were fraying, her body felt as if it was trying to pull itself apart. Even as I tried to pull back, her pathways of electricity didn’t clear, remaining exposed and spider-like, latching onto me. It was as if her consciousness had grown talons, her soul clawing at my own with a desperate intensity. Help me, it seemed to shout as it tore at my skin wrapped around my bones, swarming my head. Help me free me save me kill me get out get out get out-

I yanked away on an exhale, finally separating from the last of her cries. The chaos of her soul twisted out and in on itself like a whirlpool beside me, its coils of electricity lashing out just far enough from me to miss. In my own body my heart was pounding, but at least now my mind was clear. I took a breath and flexed my hand, feeling the electricity of her body react obediently under my fingertips. Terra’s body went rigid, pliant. I curled my wrist and she stood up, limbs slightly unsteady. I remembered seeing a letter opener on her desk. That would have to do. Pick up the knife, I spoke into her consciousness, feeling the order echo and calm her writhing soul. Her mind narrowed to this single action as she bent down and followed through with it, clutching the small dagger in one shaking hand. The electricity pulsed at my fingertips, waiting. Do it, I urged myself. You have to do it. I thought of Terra as she would look now- blank eyes, tattered clothes, devoid of life, of feeling, of direction. Did any part of her know what was happening?

Stab the knife into your heart. I pulled free as soon as I gave the order, slamming back into my own body as I watched Terra pierce her own, watched the blood bloom dark red, watched her now conscious eyes widen and fill with tears. She gasped, choking, and then fell to the floor. She had pulled the knife back out on instinct, but now it fell from her hand as her fingers went limp. I stood there, motionless, recognizing distantly that it looked like the perfect kill. A suicide, loud and unmistakable. Only a few people knew about soul diving, and most of them only guessed at the possibility. No one would connect this back to me. No one would ever know what I had done. They would see the blood, and they’d believe the easiest explanation.

I took a shaky breath. But I knew. I would know forever. And I knew it would haunt me forever too.

I slipped away quietly through her window, climbing down the brick shrouded in shadows, darting back into the cover of the nearby forest. This was the tradeoff. I had killed her, but I had killed a little bit of myself too.