The Wandering Heart by Einen Lee

“There’s nothing to do here, Aunt Margaret!”

“Oh, my dear, you will need to learn to curb your exuberance! Ladies are expected to be demure, delicate and above all docile. I know it will be difficult for you. But you have time. That is why your parents sent you to me, to educate you and prepare you for your debutant ball.”

“What if I don’t want to be a debutant?”

“Coming out at 16 is the best, and some say the only way, to guarantee you get a shot at marrying into the higher echelons of the aristocracy.”

“They’re all a bunch of stinky old fat men!”

“Ah, but their sons are not!”

“Why do I have to get married? I don’t even like men!”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re all full of themselves. Well, except Jonah.”

“And who is this, Jonah?”

“Just a boy that attended my school. Sometimes he would walk me home. He was nice and we talked about traveling and reading and farming!”

“My dear, it is all well and good that you had a friend. But you will find over the next two years that your tastes in men will change. You may be lucky enough to meet a man’s eyes and know that he is the one. It may also take a while for an acquaintance to meet with your approval. Now, speaking of reading, why don’t you go to the library and find a good book. It will help you pass the time as you adjust.” Aunt Margaret took Miss Lila by the shoulders and guided her to the library. “I’ll be in the sitting room if you need me, dear.”

Lila looked around the huge room filled from top to bottom with books. The copper ceiling tiles reflected the sun as it came through the floor to ceiling casements. Beyond lay the grounds: fields and meadows ringed by protective trees, ponds, gardens and fountains. Lila wished she could play outside, but she knew her childhood was at an end.

“I guess I’ll look for a book,” she said to herself somewhat dismayed. She strolled along the shelves, pulling out a book here and there, but not finding anything of interest. As she walked away from the windows she saw the sun glint off gold lettering on the spine of a book on the bottom shelf. “Wanderings of the Heart”, she murmured.

Lila sat down in the window seat and opened the book. As she turned the pages, the odor in the room changed. It had hints of perfume. It also had hints of vetch and newly mown hay. The atmosphere in the room changed almost imperceptively, but was off enough that Lila noticed. She closed the book, went to the door and looked out. There was no one there. She returned to the window seat, making herself more comfortable with a couple of cushions at her back. She opened the book and quickly returned to the page she was on. Almost immediately she felt a swirl of air. The odor of perfume returned. A few pages later and she felt older. “That’s strange,” she thought. Her body felt – feminine. She put down the book open on the bench. She went into the hallway to look in the mirror.

“Oh, what has happened to my face?” She analyzed the reflection in the mirror. The face was much thinner. Her lips were like rose wine, and her cheeks refined the hue. Her eyes, carefully lined in a thin charcoal line, shone like aquamarine gemstones, beguiling yet pure. Her hair hung down over her shoulders in waves ending in delicate curls. It glistened like her mother’s. She touched her face just to verify in the mirror that it was she who looked back.

“Oh, there you are dear! Come, please meet Sir Wilhem Drake.” Aunt Margaret took her by the hand in encouragement. “Sir Drake, this is my niece, Lila Courtenay.”

Lila found herself curtsying, bowing her head to the man. “It is a pleasure to meet you, milord. How is it that you came to visit us today?”

“I see she is direct!” He smiled at Aunt Margaret. “I find myself my mother’s vassal to invite your family to Castle Drake for the first night of the Debutant Balls. Will you be so kind as to attend?”

Lila took measure of his appearance, then looked at Aunt Margaret with a slight nod.

“Of course we will Sir Drake. We wouldn’t miss it for the world as this young lady shall be a new debutant!”

“What a privilege to host you! With my message delivered I will be on my way. I look forward to seeing you on Thursday next at 8 o’clock pm.” He approached Lila, took her hand and gently kissed it. He looked into her eyes. His were a brilliant green. He then kissed Aunt Margaret’s hand. “Good day, ladies!” And with that he exited the drawing room. They watched as he road his black stallion down the lane at a trot.

“Well, what did you think, Lila?” Aunt Margaret hugged herself in anticipation.

“He could do. But I shall have to see what other prospects I might meet, shan’t I?”

Months went by. Lila was consumed with the preparations for ball after ball. Each time she needed a new dress, a better hair style, more jewels. Eventually she agreed to marry Sir Wilhem Drake. The wedding was lavish, her gown was extravagant, and their honeymoon was heavenly. They travelled the world for 6 months, enjoying each other’s company and developing their relationship. When they returned home, they moved into the grand manor the senior Sir Drake had purchased for them. Now the scene was set. All was ready for Lila’s life of sitting rooms, cross-stitching, reading, and entertaining guests. As well as providing her husband’s heir. That proved to be less appealing and seemingly less appreciated as her husband was ‘attending to business’ for the birth of three babies, and was only in the local vicinity for the fourth. She loved her children more than anything else in the world. But she could not spend as much time as she wanted to with them. She was required to leave them under the control of the nanny. A fact that provided her with endless dissatisfaction.

One of the most wonderful opportunities of her life of luxury was to ride her beloved horse Bentley. She often rode after the children were sequestered for lessons. She rode through the open fields and through the oak savannah, jumping over the creeks that lay between the two.

Wilhem had noticed that Lila seemed to be despondent and urged her to take a holiday to see her aunt. It was an 8-hour carriage ride. She wanted to take the children, but she was over-ruled by her husband and the nanny. Lila was forced to accept the verdict. She left for Aunt Margaret’s the next morning.

Upon arrival to her aunt’s after the grueling journey, Lila retreated to her room where sleep overcame her quickly. Waking early, she dressed for the day and went to the kitchens for sustenance. The library was her next stop. Sitting in the window seat she gazed over the open fields, the trees, ponds and fountains. The sun was just rising on the far side of the house so the room glowed a pale blue. Lila pushed aside a book so as to be more comfortable when she recognized that it was the same book she began to read so long ago. She picked up the book and began to read.

As she turned the pages, the odor and atmosphere in the room changed almost imperceptively and Lila didn’t notice. Yet, when she closed the book, she felt younger, more like the girl she used to be. She put down the book open on the bench. She went into the hallway to look in the mirror.

“Well, glory be!” Lila touched her face amazed at the transformation. She was indeed young again.

“Ah, Lila! Up early I see. Can’t wait to go home and see your mother and father? The carriage won’t be leaving for another hour!”

“The carriage? I get to go home? Really, Aunt Margaret?”

“Yes! Yes! I told you yesterday, didn’t I?”

Lila could hardly contain herself. She packed her things and had her cases sitting on the driveway within a half hour, well ahead of the scheduled departure.

Once in the carriage Lila recalled what she thought must have been a dream. Marrying Sir Wilhem would certainly have been a life of luxury. But it would have also been a life with little meaning. Her children would grow up without her, and her husband would seldom be home. She decided she would take interest in Jonah’s daily life, to see if he would be a better suitor for the way she wanted to live her life.

“Mother! Oh, how I’ve missed you!”

“You haven’t even been gone a fortnight, dear!”

“Papa!” She ran to her father and gave him a tight hug. “Papa, do you know where Jonah is working today?”

“I believe it is down in the south field. Will you not visit with us?”

“Of course, Papa. I just want to go say hello, and I’ll be right back!”

Lila ran off on foot, disregarding her good shoes, lifting her skirts so as not to trip in her excitement!

Breathless when she reached the south field, Lila stopped to catch site of Jonah. He was scything hay, his blond hair gleaming in the sun.

Lila waved. “Jonah, woo-hoo, Jonah!”

Jonah looked up and, when he recognized her, came running. “You’re home! Oh, I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too.” Lila’s blue eyes matched the clear summer sky. “I can’t stay long. I just wanted to let you know I was home. I don’t even know for how long!”

“I’ll stop by after I’m done here.” He smiled and gave her a quick hug. “See you later!”

They spent every available moment together. For the next two weeks, Lila and Jonah walked over the fields, lay down in the meadows and watched the clouds go by. They listened to the bees buzzing at the wild flowers, the birds singing in the trees, and the babble of the creek over stones in its path.

“Lila.”

“Hmm?” She lazily turned her head to look at Jonah. There she beheld a difference in his eyes. They melted into her. His eyes captivated her with a smokey urgency she had never seen before.

“May I kiss you?”

“Umm.” Lila thought a moment. If she kissed him, would he want more? If she kissed him, would she want more? She was returning to her aunt’s house the next day. Who’s to say what would become of her? “Yes,” she said quietly.

They rolled up toward each other, the sweet smell of grass between them. Their lips touched, ever so gently, ever so softly.

“Thank you, Lila. I hope you come back to me.” He left everything else he felt unspoken. “We best be getting you home, now.” He rose to his feet and offered her a helping hand. Once she was standing, she rushed into his arms and held him ever so tightly. He stroked her hair while repeating “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

They walked home in silence. As they parted ways at Lila’s door, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. And then he was gone.

Returning to Aunt Margaret’s was dismal. Lila now faced a life changing decision; to become the lady that her parents hoped, or to follow her heart.

When she once again entered the library, she went to the window seat. She pondered the possibilities she had discovered through the book. The rest of that day and deep into the night Lila read. As the sun came up behind the house, and the library turned blue, she closed the book.