A Super Hero Named Stuperman Wins

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a mild-managed newspaper reporter named Cluck Kent because he was too, "chicken" to be at any breaking news sights and he was such a, "bird-brain." Everything he bought had to be, "Cheep." Cluck had a girlfriend named Highess Lane, who was Lois Lane's big sister.

Then when Cluck was on his way to report on a story, he was struck by lightening. The odd thing about it was that there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The bolt knocked him out cold. When he came to, he felt really different. Then he saw a phone booth. He went in to tell his boss he'd be late, but while he was inside it, he heard a woman screaming. That was odd because it came from 2 miles away. As he spun around in the phone booth, suddenly he had a cape on. Being a newspaper reporter, Cluck felt it was his job to check it out, so he ran towards the sound, but was quite amazed at how fast he could run. He looked through the window and saw a woman being raped by a jerk on the 3rd floor. As Cluck ran towards the sound, he tripped over book on the ground, but instead of falling down, he flew through the air up towards the screaming. As he crashed through the window, which didn't cut him at all, he saw some man raping a lady. He grabbed him and threw him on the floor, so that knocked him out cold. As the woman thanked him, he heard people yelling, "Help! Somebody please help!" He excused himself from that lady and flew towards the yelling. Then he saw a building on fire. People were on the top floor looking out the window, so Cluck flew up towards them and grabbed them, then flew them across the street away from the flames. The people were ecstatic to be saved, but then Cluck heard a sound of another disaster across town. He spent all day saving people's lives. What was so amazing was he wasn't at all tired. Rather he felt pumped-up by the flying and saving people's lives. That went on through out the day.

By the time Cluck got home, he should have felt like he had been sitting behind a smoking car, (that means, "exhausted)." Yet instead he had more energy, so went to Planet Fitness and worked out for several hours. He didn't like smoke and wasn't comfortable with no clothes on and so he wouldn't have made a good policeman because nobody could truthfully be able to call him, "Smokey The, 'Bare.' " Yet he was still pumped. That meant when Highess came to see him, she had to let air out of him so she could huge him. She told him about all those potential disasters in town that he'd prevented, ending with some guy flying to the rescue and saving the day. Cluck acted surprised and said, "Wow, Highess! That sounds like a comic book story! Are you certain you got those stories right? How can one guy do all that?"

Highess just shrugged her shoulders and said, "It beets the heck out of me! Oops! I'm sorry, honey! I didn't mean to say a bad-word!"

About that time, Cluck heard another disaster 4 miles away, so he told her he had to go and kissed her, then ran to the phone booth which was outside of her house. The problem was some woman was in it making a call. She screamed which made Cluck say, "Sorry," then he ran to the next one which was open. He did that kind of thing all day again, and wrote the stories as if he had seen them, which he had.

Then a criminal named Lacks Leether, who'd broken out of prison in Mexico, was quite power-hungry. The problem was he couldn't find any restaurants which served power to eat. He stole an afro and put black paint all over his body so that he looked like a brother. He was wanted for several robberies, 2 murders and 4 embezlement charges. Actually, he was definitely not, "wanted" by most of Danville since he was so blamed evil. There had been a few attempts to excicute him, but he was so mean the devil didn't want him in, "the Hot-Place." At any rate, he hated Stuperman, so he got some Criptoday, which was just like Cryptonight, only not as potent. Then he snuck some gas into the Ceasars Va. Casino, which it the largest building in Danville. That caused flames to blaze out of every window. Of course, that attracted our hero, Stuperman to come rescue all the people in it and put the fire out. While he was busy doing that, Lax robbed 2 banks since he knew the police would be a lot more attracted to the burning casino.

As he was running out with several huge suitcases filled with big bills, who should arrive but our hero. When he saw Lax, he flew down to grab him, but that was when Lax slapped him in the face with a lot of cryptoday, which is much more potent then cryptonite. That caused him to fall on the ground. Lax wrapped that horrible stuff all around The Man Of Steel's body which liked to have killed him. That caused our hero to lie limp on the ground, unable to move, and it was really hard for him to even breathe. Lax laughed feandishly when he saw The Man Of Steal lying helplessly on the ground, barely breathing. That evil villein had finally won the war by causing our beloved hero to lose.

Just when it seamed as if the whole world had seen the last of their beloved hero, who should come to report on the commotion but Hiass. She tried to get some people to tell her what happened, but they were so upset they could barely speak. Then a 10 year-old boy named Greg, who was an avid comic book collector and had a great big stack of those about Superman, noticed The Man Of Steal lying on the ground, and not breathing. By the time Greg got to him, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "Quick Greg! Do you know c. p. r.?"

That's when Greg, who wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed said. C. p. r.? Let me look it up in my book! How do you spell that anyway?"

Just then Kevin, who had a huge stack of Superman comic books came in and removed the Cryptoday from around our her's neck. That made him open his eyes and gasp for air. Then he sat up and said, "Gee! Thanks a lot, kids! Not only have y'all saved my life, but you've saved the lives of this whole metropolis of Danville! Everybody who lives here owes you a great deal of gratitude! Thank you! Way to go!"

Then he stood up, shook Kevin's hand and flew out the window. Yet unfortunately, the window was not open so he made a mess all over the outside part of the house. Then using his extremely sensitive hearing, he located where Lucks was. It turned out, he was right where you would expect somebody who had that name would be, at the casino and playing the slot machines. He was also gambling at playing poker with some other bad-guys who had just escaped from prison for various different crimes. As Stuperman said, "Hay! Don't you know it's illegal to be betting on your poker hands for money?"

That's when they replied in unison, "We haven't, 'poked-her' in several hands! Nobody told us that was against the law anyway!"

That's when Lucks jumped up and ran out the door and got in his car then sped off. Yet Stuperman flew through the window and chased after him. Of course, he jumped in front of his car and stopped it. Then he grabbed Lucks and said, "Lucks, it looks as if you need to get another name! Now, your, 'luck' has just changed! You're still having luck, but it's the wrong kind for you!" Then he picked him up by his feet and flew him to jail, prison, "The Hacksaw Hilton," "The Crowbar Hotel," "The Big-House," "The slammer," "The Hoosegow." Since he had committed so many different crimes including stealing many goods, 4 murders armed robbery, embezzlement, selling illegible drugs and several other charges, he was put away for at least a while. Cluck wrote the newspaper article on him. Since he knew slightly more then anybody else about the story, he got a promotion to vice president of the entire paper company. That meant he could afford to, "pop-it" to Highess who naturally yelled, "Yeah, man!" She was shocked to learn his true identity was the bumbling news reporter who worked in the same office she did. Then they were married. Years later they had some junior super-heroes to raise who were also quite bright which was they had to, "rays" them up so nicely. So at any rate, it was just like the best-written children's stories of all-time will finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!"

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The end. By, Cuz Roye.

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