My Neighbor

I treaded the rugged ground, my feet wet with dew and soiled with dust.

The sun had set 30--no, 20 minutes, a while back. I was freezing, the wind blowing a chill breeze through the east. There were no compacted places, no cities, no friendly smiles; only sparse camp sights and dubious grins. In the far distance I could see a large rock. I sighed. It could be a gimmick.

Warily, I treaded to the rock. I turned my head, scanning for any sign of human tampering. I continued in this manner, trodding along steadily, until I reached the rock.

I felt the hard grain as I dragged my fingers across the rock. It was real. I then stood still, focusing on noise. The noise of air could be heard as the wind whirled; and the noise of the pulse of my heartbeat.

Nothing, I thought. It was desolate of any human presence, except for myself.

Suddenly, I felt an itching in my throat. My throat was dry. The earlier sun rays had made me exhausted and dehydrated—though now I wished for the warmth of the sun.

I gulped to swallow down my spit. Perhaps it would lubricate my throat. Against my effort, the dryness still remained.

Sighing, I began to take my bag off my back. I threw it carelessly on the rock. I zipped it open and rummaged through it until my hand land on a water bottle. I pulled it out of my bag and opened the cap, pouring the—“Tck,” I sounded irritably.

I forgot to refill my bottle at the river. I dropped my shoulders and pulled my head back in exasperation. I would have to retract my steps, and darkness was already upon the sky. Lifting my head and relaxing my shoulders, I pondered my next step.

I’ll go to the river. I shoved my empty water bottle into my bag and grabbed my teal spotlight lantern. I then zipped my bag closed and slung both of its arms on my shoulders, putting my arms through them. Turning from the rock, I began to start in the direction which I came from.

By the time dawn came, my head was dizzy, athirst for water. The heat from the sun could already be felt on my skin. Keep going I told myself. Keep going. Then peculiarly, as I was trudging forward, I heard shouts. It seemed to be of a man’s voice. I crinkled my brows together, confused. I continued to press on and heard rustling ahead.

I carefully walked forward and saw a man lying on the ground, covered in dust. I perceived him to be injured.

Seeing the sight, I dropped my hands in relief. “Oh,” I said. It was just a man on the ground.

The man struggled, his hands shaking, to push his body up. His arms gave out and he fell, rustling the twigs, leaves and grass.

“He-Help me,” he said weakly. He stuck out one of his hands, desiring to be helped.

“Please,” he asked helplessly.

I squinted my eyes. Help? Why should I help him? That would mean that I would have to forget my own tasks, only for his sake. It would require much of me, even just for a moment.

I wished that I hadn’t stopped to see this sight. Now, it’s on my conscious, though I know I would not have helped anyway.

The man dropped his hand, growing tired of holding it out. He then tried again and reached out his hand.

I breathed in a breath, uncomfortable. “Why should I help you?” I let out slowly.

The man quickly said, his voice hoarse, “It’ll be a gain to you—I’ll help you,” his hand fell again.

Gain? “Hm,” I voiced. I was intrigued.

“What would I gain?” I asked with a certain smugness.

The man muffled something.

“What?” I asked. My head pounded. I remembered I was athirst for water.

He lifted his head up slightly and used his arms to hold his position. He opened his mouth saying, “My benefit depends on you—You’ll get acclaim. Tell me your name, I’ll remember it. And as proof, I’ll give you shelter,” he said grimly.

I raised my eyebrows, further intrigued. I crossed my arms. He’s as uncomfortable as I am.

“Okay,” I began slowly. “Give me what you said and I’ll do it. But first, let me go the river to get water and I’ll come back.”

He fell on the ground again.

“Yeah, I’ll come back. I’m just going to the river first,” I said reconfirming my words.

I waited for him to respond but he remained silent.

I turned toward my path before and began to walk forward.

“You don’t mean that,” the man said quietly with bitter distaste.

“You’re not going to come back,” he continued matter-of-factly.

His words pierced me. I paused and grimaced, shamed by the truth of his words.

My body began to sweat and adrenaline coursed through me by anxiousness.

“You’re not going to help me. Go on and walk. Go to your river,” he prodded.

I remained still. He began to laugh.

“Aw don’t worry,” he went on. “You’re not the only one.”

“We’re all just selfish beings," he said. "I’ve known it in me, it’s just different when someone else does it. Why is that? We want benefit from people but we give no benefit to them."

"Hey, hey," he said as if he had an idea. "Why don’t you help me, huh? A selfish person helping another selfish person. What if we did that? What’s the consequence…losing out on our own selfish gain?” He chuckled.

“I know you can’t do it,” he said laughing. “We can’t.”

The man continued to laugh, ending his words to me. Saying nothing, I continued to walk forward to the river. The man’s mocking laughs continued behind me.

Once I finally reached the river I hurriedly dropped my bag and zipped it open. I felt for my water bottle, found it, and pulled it out of my bag.

The sun’s heat was at its peak. I gulped. I needed water, fast. I opened the bottle’s cap and pulled the bottle down in the river. I held the cap close to the lid with my other hand, brought the bottle up and quickly closed it.

I then reopened its cap and poured the water down my throat. I brought down my bottle harshly on the ground, then gulped and let out a breath. I again pulled my bottle into the river until it filled up. I closed the cap and shoved the bottle into my bag.

After I had zipped my bag, I looked at the river. I became entranced with it.

I began to touch my face and move parts of my body to see it reflected in the river. My mind became blank from ill-intention and selfish gain.

It felt as the river prodded me to ponder. The river was so clear. It seemed untouched from human guile. I knew I was selfish, loveless, and crooked. I sighed. I reached my hands to touch the water. It felt cool, and brought me solace from the burning heat.

I don’t know. I liked the river. I liked its clearness and its purity. I became fixated at its flow, at its substance, at its difference —-to me.

I saw myself in it. The a sadness came over me.

Staring at myself, I began to hate it. I hated what I saw. I hit the water with my hand to make it go away. The river only kept becoming still, showing me my reflection. I felt mocked. I felt as if it showed me who I was inside.

I spoke, “No one's this perfect." I hit the water again. Shortly the water stilled from its rippling. I sighed.

"Such beauty is found in this simple river," I spoke to myself. "Such soundness and clearness is in it. We are so far from it.” I looked around to see if any one was around. No one could see me like this.

I hesitated. “The river…could it make me clean?” I said sillily. The water whished as I glided both my hands in it.

I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed this river. Why can’t we be like this river?

Then the words of the man I left behind came to my mind. I swallowed. I tilted my head, pondering. A strange thought came to me. What if I…helped him?

SPLASH. My reflection became distorted as the water rippled violently. It was someone else. In alert, I looked up and saw a strange man looking at me in anger, and his hands up high, full of pebbles.

I became angry and looked at him with distaste. He saw my feeling toward him and softened his face. He dropped the pebbles and his arm.

“You intrigued me,” he said boldly. “I saw you were in an unfamiliar feeling, and it looked strange. So I threw the pebbles to get you out of your trance. I didn’t want you to continue in such a state. You looked so….lost.”

For a moment, I was at loss for words. I was familiar with his ill intention. “You are wrong and ill,” I said, as bold as he. “You are wrong and ill,” I repeated. “Leave me to myself and do not disturb me again,” I said angrily.

At my words he was taken aback, and looked a little shamed. He huffed.

“I was simply doing what I do best. You are no better. You are wrong and ill. You are,” he threw at me contemptuously.

Those words sat within me. I didn’t like them. I frowned. When he saw my frown he smiled. “Now we are both in the same boat. What were you doing anyway? I disliked your look and your fascination with the water,” he said brazenly.

I was repulsed by him, but I also saw myself in him. I looked again at the river. Then I looked back up at him.

“Don’t think you are better than us. Why were you staring with such a strange countenance? Who does that? Why are you going against the grain?” He pressed on angrily.

He seemed to get more and more offended at the thought. “What is one little moment of strangeness, compared to your evil nature? Don't you know who you are?” He looked at me with hatred.

“You don’t get to think things the rest of us can’t. You don’t get to. Be selfish like me. Continue in your evil innate nature. Why don't you get away from the river?” He beckoned.

His spit fell on my face. I cringed in disgust and wiped it off quickly. My heart was pounding in nervousness at his anger.

He wiped his hand down his face. He then pointed at me, “You are evil. You are selfish. You are wicked,” he said condescendingly.

He then smirked with smugness. “No matter how many times you stare at the river. You’ll never change.” He then turned abruptly, spit out, and walked on humming.

I was affected by his words. I felt condemned and punched in the stomach. I looked down at the ground, avoiding the sight of the river. I got up hastily, slinging my bag’s arms on my shoulders, and pulling my arms through them. I stood there for a while, staring at the ground and my shoes.

After I had calmed down, I headed back from the direction I came before. I trudged back in indifference. I was still affected by the man’s words. I continued forward shaken and at unease.

Walking back, I saw the man on the ground again. I felt a piercing in my heart. I walked past him in grief. The weather was cooler now. The sun was setting and it would become dark soon. I am selfish, loveless, and crooked.

I stepped forward. The strange man’s words repeated in my head. You are evil. You are selfish. I continued to step. You are wicked. I trudged forward slowly.

No matter how many times you stare at the river, his words sounding in my head. You’ll never change. I stopped. I looked down at my feet. Hot tears fell down my face.

Why were we like this? Why can’t we change? I turned around in sorrow, seeing the man on the ground some distance from me.

Was there some way to overcome this? I tried to think of any good that could be found in me. I found none. I fell down on my knees. I stayed there, crying in sadness. Who could help me? What is there to live for?

I tried to remember. I tried hard to remember any good which was in the world before. In a movie, in a book, in a speech, in anything. My mind was blank. I cried harder.

I looked down. I looked at my hands. I stared at them. A thought shook within me.

I clasped them—my hands together. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t fully know what I was doing. I just stayed there and closed my eyes.

After I stood there for a while, I opened my eyes. I unclasped my hands and stared at them. I moved them up and down, playing with them at first. Then I noticed something. I observed how with the will of my heart I could move them.

I then thought on other things. I thought to blink, and I did. I thought to stood up, and so I moved my body to stand up. I thought to jump, and so I jumped up high. I laughed— and I cried also. I began to feel a change in me—-another will. I gulped. I…I have a choice to do what I will.

It was a little dark but I felt wide awake. I had joy. I looked at the man afar off. I prepared myself. Then I slowly walked up to the man on the ground. He looked at me and said, “Came to give me a piece of your mind?”

I bent down ignoring him and said, “I will to help you.”

The man was taken aback. I stared at him.

“I will to help you this day,” I said.

He let out a breath in disbelief. I reached for his arm. He shook his arm from me. I reached for his arm again and forcefully grabbed it. He didn’t say anything. I then carefully placed his arm around my neck.

“Get up with me,” I demanded.

His eyes were still full of disbelief but he worked with me. I took a step and with my strength, pulled his body up. We both fell. I tried again. We fell again.

Gradually, by trying again and again, he began to stand up. Soon finally, he was fully standing on both legs.

I looked around, with his arm around my neck, and saw a tree. “Follow me,” I said carefully. I tilted his body to the tree and we both began walking. Once we reached the tree I positioned both our backs to it and slowly bent my knees. He seeing this, bent his as well. I made him to stand upright against the tree. I stood up, removing his arm from my neck and turned toward him. I rubbed my hands nervously.

He stared at me strangely, and in wonder. He opened his mouth and coughed. He opened it again and said incredulously, “Why? What do you want?”

I lowered myself on my knees. I swallowed. “To help you,” I said.

“I don’t believe you,” he said cynically.

He yawned. “I don’t believe you,” he repeated to me drowsily.

“Fine. But I already helped you,” I said to him.

He looked annoyed. “What’s your name?" He asked.

My name? What does that matter?

I spoke saying, “My name’s Light.”

His eyes widened and then he started laughing. “Light? I can’t believe—are you lying?”

"Light. What kind of light are you?" He asked scornfully.

Feeling provoked, I bent my body down, and slapped him. He stopped laughing.

He scoffed at me. He felt his cheek and shook his head.

Pulling his arm down he looked at me for a moment. His face flashed with emotions.

"Well, Light, good job," he said guardedly and nodded his head.

I stared at him. He then closed his eyes, avoiding my eyes. I looked up, darkness covered the sky. The moon shined brightly and the stars glow could be seen. I felt drowsy. I looked at the man in front of me.

"Tell me your name," I said to him.

His eyes remained closed. "Elijah," he said briskly.

I noted his name. Elijah fell asleep shortly after speaking to me. He snored.

Once he had fell asleep, I became more conscious of my actions. A part of me was disgusted with them. Should I just leave him here alone? I thought. The question loomed in my mind.

But then I thought of that river, that clear river. I had to make a choice. I looked at him and then I looked down. I heard the noise of crickets—they were stridulating. I felt, that I should leave him and forget any of this happened.

Then suddenly the thoughts came: You are evil. You are selfish. You are wicked. I blinked, feeling hurt and shamed by the stranger's words.

I remembered the unspoken clasping of my hands. I sighed. Truly, our heart is wicked.

Against my better judgement, I began to lay down. I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to fall asleep. As I layed down I felt strange. I had never done such a thing before.

A bright and new thought came to my mind. It felt more clearer and purer than the river. I saw the thought as I slept, and it remained in my mind until morning:

Love thy neighbor as thyself.