Sam God & Safeway Groceries

Fog pervades the hills and trees, shaping an atmosphere where one is lost in every way one can be, in an orgy of flame that towers over the land like a satanic lighthouse rising from the soil, and covering it with ash.

Everyone is thirsty despite full water bags against their hips. The water never depletes, but neither does their thirst. They sleep, but they are always tired. They eat, but are always hungry. The sky is covered in oil, and no one has seen the sun or the moon in months.

There is one man with plenty of hair. It is dark and slicked back with an unknown substance. He does not wear a shirt, and no one has ever seen him with one. His chest and ears look like they are covered in charcoal, but they are his Grecian fibers. Earth has turned into hell. He makes no promises, but nine follow him because he has kept them alive, skilled at finding food and drink with a body and mind that would suggest otherwise. He claims that his whole life has been hell, and among the nine, his ex-wife, Melissa, is the cause of all his prior, current, and future woes. She is one of the few not defeated by the smoke and shadow. Two children hold her hands, eat, and sleep with her, despite no biological relation, just a gravitational pull that they will live if they stick together. They wear turbans and are covered in soot. Everyone but her ex-husband believes she was in the military because of her cleft chin. Her large, strong butt chin, as Samuel once called it. The kids will be safe with her, and she has told them that she'll kill anyone who gets near them. They are in her arms.

"Mama," asks Jessy. "Will it always be like this?"

"I don't know, darling."

"Does anyone?" asks Christopher.

“I don't think so."

Samuel, standing on top of a burnt rock, points at the children beside his ex and proclaims, "I know where there are rivers of fish, mango trees, and James Brown records we can all dance to!"

"Where?" is shouted by several of the living nine.

He points.

"Yonder! On the far side of that volcano!"

Jessy whispers into Melissa's ear.

"Is he telling the truth?"

"No, honey. He's not well."

"But he feeds us," whispers Christopher.

"Yes," says Melissa, "But that is mostly because he is not well."

"I am a God," says Samuel, standing on the black stone with his hands on his hips. "And I will provide as long as I am treated as such… Is this understood!"

"He's scaring me," whispers Jessy.

"Yeah," says Christopher. "He keeps looking at me and licking his lips."

Melissa runs her hand gently on their shoulders and hugs them.

"I was married to this asshole for 23 years. Don't worry. I won't let him hurt you."

"I love you, Mom," says Christopher.

"I love you too," says Jessy.

There was a time when Melissa told them she was not their mom, but time has passed, and she has become their mother, and they are her children. Christopher is eight, and Jessy is nine. Not only are they not related, but Jessy is black, and Christopher is German. They already presented themselves as brother and sister when they met Melissa, a 37-year-old divorced woman who had recently been fired from her job at the grocery store during the apocalypse.

"I know the horsemen!" shouted Samuel. "And I talk to them every night. They will leave us be and supply us with food and water as long as all remain faithful to my godleyness!"

The other six comply with what he demands. Only Melissa and the children carry reservations beside their cans of lentil soup.

"I will do anything for you," whispers Melissa. "You are my baby's. You are the future."

"Now!" shouts Samuel. "Who will provide the first sacrifice?"

His followers murmur until one of them asks, "Sacrifice?"

"That's right! I can't keep doing this out of the goodness of my Samuel heart. You are all hereby, Samuel's. One through nine, and I will be addressed as Sam God. Now, where is my sacrifice?"

"What do you want?"

"You mean desire?" It was that moment his eyes turned yellow, not gold or full of light, but as though he was just struck with jaundice. "Have I not procured food and drink for ye?"

The six agreed that he had, so they asked, "What is it ye desire, Sam God?"

His dying eyes met Christopher's.

"A child!"

Melissa pointed at him.

"Sam, you're sick, you know there are no four horsemen, and how do you know there are mango trees and rivers of fish on the other side of that active volcano that will surely take the last of our oxygen if we attempt to pass it?"

"I demand a woman now! A woman with a butt chin! A liar-woman! I demand…"

"Shut up," said Melissa. "You were born an idiot, and you're probably going to die an idiot. Yes, you have found food and water, but from where? It is only when we wake that these necessities appear. I think you are hiding something from the rest of us, Sam."

“Sam God, heathen!” He turns to the others. "Samuels, what has she done but keep the children from crying? She says they are growing, but I think she keeps part of the larger child ration for herself. Look at how bloated she is!"

"I'm pregnant, asshole. That's why we divorced. You cheated on me, and so I slept with my boss, we got caught, and then the apocalypse happened." One of the six steps forward.

"Melissa, are we expecting a child?"

"Yes, Alex."

Sam God points to their old boss.

"You are the great cause of this mighty apocalypse, then! Samuels, bring him to thy!"

Alex is a larger man with glasses and, in general, good spirits for the times, though he is not the sharpest apple in the basket. Before survival, his hobby was charcuterie boards, and being there when Melissa thought she had no one.

"You cheated on her! Multiple times! You threatened to kick her out of your trailer! You slapped her across the face! You hit her!"

"I am Sam God!"

"That's not an answer, asshole!" He turns to Melissa and the kids, apologizing for swearing. "You are a bad man!"

The remaining five begin to chant, "Bad man!" But it is not lost on Melissa that she must find out how and where her ex is getting food before Alex and the rest cast out their new God. The group encroaches on him as he steadily backs away.

"I bring the food and drink!"

Daggers are removed from pockets, with Alex leading the way.

"Hold it!" shouts Melissa. "Tell us where you procure our nutrients, and we will let you live."

He puffs out his chest, "But I cannot die, I am Sam God!"

"But you eat and drink with the rest of us, and before this, you stocked cans down 14 aisles."

Sam God squints with the verociousness of an angry wolf.

"Silence, Woman-Samuel!"

And those were his last words, as Alex stabbed him in the stomach with a sharpened rock. He falls over, and from his pocket is Alex's old set of keys, for which you can open any Safeway grocery store pick-up locker in the Seattle-Tacoma area. Alex had always boasted that they could survive anything, and when they found a set of closed lockers, they opened with ease and were full of soup, for it used to rain in Seattle, and Melissa once loved Sam and Alex, but as Alex handed out food, her hand and that of two children squeezed his.