A, "Knight" Gets A Surprise In The Daytime

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived an evil witch named Windy who stayed to herself all the time. Whenever anybody came near her, she'd always cackle, wave her magic wand and horrible things would occur to whomever it was that happened to be near by. Some would get turned into animals if they were lucky, but the unlucky ones would be transformed into other weird things such as huge 3 headed dogs like Hagred's named Fluffy, some would lose a body part like a nose since she, "knows" how that would irritate most people, whereas others would be transformed into toads who did nothing beside sit on stools. That's why they were called, "toad-stools." Nobody knew what her real given name was so all the people in that great big city just called her Old Witch Wilma. Sometimes that got a little confusing whenever another lady would come through town with the same name. Many of the witches who lived there moved to Salem. Because of that, whenever anybody would mention something about the witches from that area, all of the people who lived in that general vicinity would say, " 'Which Witch Wilma ?"

Several attempts were made to rid that tremendous city of her rein of terror no matter if it happened to be, "raining" or sunny, but every time people would end up being transformed into some kind of animal who came out when it would rain which would make a right sweet day turn into something only Santa Clause would give to his wife which was when he would say "It looks like we'll get some, 'rain, dear.' " Some of her magic spells were quite strong, but not like that jolly dude who drove the sleigh on Christmas Eve. As everybody knows, or should know, the main time witches come out is on a night that's been set aside for Satin and his demons known as All Hallows Eve, rather in lemon's terms, Halloween. Anybody who saw her would forget what she looked like. If they saw her a second time they would forget to forget, and that would be fatal. She was definitely a female version of what was thought of as the eppittamy of evil. She was so flipping bad nobody could kill her. That's because even Satin himself didn't want her soul down in The Lake Of Fire. That was because of the fact that whenever anybody tried to burn her at the stake, which is the best way to get rid of most plain, old, every-day, ordinary, run-of-the-mills witches according to the rule book, she would always summons up some demons who'd come roast marshmallows on the lake of fire. Other people attempted to just, "beet the Heaven out of her," but there just wasn't enough of it in her to do anything with. Then she would turn them into toads and would say, "I, 'toad' you not to do that! Now, go to a swamp where the water is, 'knee-deep!' May you always, 'have a person in your throat!' The water will always be, 'knee-deep' to you!" then she'd laugh, or cackle as the case may be. That gal was just bad.

Finally a teenage boy named Jack was summoned. He'd had a lot of experience with getting rid of giants involving been stalks and other tall-tales like that. Now, only the most evil giants had, "tales," even though Jack got his friend who was ironically also named Jack to come help him get rid of the horrible man-eating witch who'd always been terrorizing the whole metropolis of Danville for such a long time. The governor figured he'd have a better chance if he opened up with, "a pare of Jacks." The giant had eaten his ants which left his uncle all alone, but he was quite eager to get rid of that pest . Besides, he also hated The San Francisco Giants and New York Giants. He had already been responsible for ridding several towns of their giant problems which gave him the incentive to rid that once great major city of Danville of the terror that was afoot. Although, the governor of that once great city wanted to see every inch of his head, and each, "foot" in his, "yard." Every resident of Danville was also eager to see that.

Since Abigail Spam-burger was the governor of Danville at that point in time, and even had her own restaurant which specialized in really huge sandwiches known as, "Spamburggers" she offered a reward of any amount, along with the hand of his beautiful daughter, in addition to the rest of her anatomy, to whoever would bring him the head of that horrible beast. He was desperate to have some assurance that the man-eating, and maiden-eating monster was finally no more. He needed to have proof that he'd been slayed. Besides, he was too big to ride on a, "slade" down any hill in the snow. Besides that, the kingdom of Danville was running out of fair maidens for that big old dragon to devour. If that point ever came, he would have to resort to devouring people who were, "made-in" other parts of this planet. That evil monster was fast becoming an unpopular fellow in that huge town.

Finally one teenage boy named Jack volunteered to go and kill the mean, old dragon and end the rein of terror he was putting on the whole town. Besides, even the clouds were intimidated by the horrible monster so it hadn't rained during that thing's, "rein" of shear terror.

The residents of Danville were rather apprehensive about letting such a youthful child do the work that all the men in town who had tried to do had failed at, although the governor was beyond desperate to rid that great big one-awesome city of the terror that was in it at that time. The governor of Danville, Abigail Span-Burger, offered a reward of free hamburgers for life to anybody who could rid that metropolis of the terror that was afoot. She was no, "heel" about that, although she needed somebody to, "heal" all the brokenness that evil monster had been terrorizing the whole town with. Since Lance was quite young, none of the subjects wanted to let him go fight the terrible monster, but when the mayor got wind that the dragon wanted to eat him, he changed his tune quickly. That was when he changed it to the theme from Rocky. He was then given the only horse in that town, since it was literally a, "one-horse town," who had earned the name of Molasses because of his blinding speed, although he was a quarter horse. That just meant he had to be ridden 4 times more often then all the others, or at least that's what the owner told him anyway. Lance was somewhat leery about riding a horse built for speed with that name, but he was a beggor which meant he could not be choosy. Besides, all the other horses from those farms had, "chickened" out because they were such, "turkeys" because they'd, "lay" around the farm, doing, "egg"-zactly what they wanted which was nothing all that, "egg"-zotic, so since their lives were not, "egg"-stremely difficult, "egg"-cept when all those, "egg"-stravigent things they could afford to buy. That gave them something to, "white" home about since they didn't even have to bug their friend, Lester who lived on a chicken farm, about getting some eggs so they didn't have to, "call-Lester-all" that much about getting eggs from the grocery store, although even though they shared everything because they were not too, "shell"-fish when the, "yoke" was not of them. They didn't want to, " 'egg'-zactly," "lay" on the ground which would, "scramble" their brains when the giant came to town or sat on their, "poach" which would, "scramble" their brains if nobody would come, "over-easy" because that would bring the dragon's, "sunny-side-up" if he was that, "shell"-fish about devouring every fare maiden in town, weather shey enjoyed the, "fare" or not and didn't, " 'egg'-zactly" want to have, "the, 'yoke' be on him" "white" at that point in time the way it, "does-in" a carton. If he would fail, he'd have to, "chick-in" to a hotel somewhere to keep from being lynched by the mob because he lived near, " 'Lynch'-burg."

As the young knight approached the dragon while he was still asleep, he kicked him to wake him. Then he said, "Get up so I can kill you!"

The dragon yawned and said, "Hay! I am a good-guy! I'm an endangered species! Without me who would people bet on in a, 'drag'-on race? I've been, 'draggin' " my feet while looking for fair maidens, but they're getting to be few-and-far-between who aren't at the county, 'fair!' There aren't many who are, 'made-in' Virginia! Besides the fact that I've devoured all of them! Granted, my doctor told me to change my diet because fair maidens don't have many vitamins in them! What else do you want me to eat anyway? Veggies? Barf City! Barf me out the door! All I wanted was somebody to play with me! Yet they always run away screaming whenever I get close to say anything!"

When the little knight realized the dragon was not bad, he just needed to change his eating habits a little bit, he took him to Mayer Alonzo Jones and told him he needed to ease up on his, "maying" for a while, because that's what they spend most of their time doing in their offices. Then he gave him a job of keeping the home fires burning. Since dragons don't require much sleep, and that usually takes place during the day anyway, he was also hired to light fires in people's homes and being a great spook-light so people could walk around town at night which meant it was never dark in Danville. In return, he was allowed to live a great life in town. Since dragons live forever unless they're slayed, and St. George was nowhere to be found, (that's because nobody looked in the dragon's tummy), the governor gave him a job keeping the home fires burning, even when there was a black-out. So, like the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!"

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The end. By, Cuz Roye.

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