How A Mad Doctor Becomes Happier

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a mad doctor named Dr. Goofem. The thing that made him mad was he didn't like his name and it cost too much to legally change it. His boss said, "I should have known better then to hire somebody with a name like that to work for me!" Anyway, his name fit him perfectly. One time he sent a woman in for a hysterectomy when she was in for an appendectomy. When her husband found out about his goof-up, he yelled, "You put that darn thing back in her right now! Oops! Excuse my foul language! Gad! Speaking of foul, you're a real bird-brain for doing that kind of operation on her! I aught to sew this whole flipping hospital for allowing you to do that! You are a real duck-doctor in my opinion! In other words, that's a, 'quack!' You shouldn't even be allowed to, 'doct!' I'll sew you and this whole hospital for that! Since you're an Indian, you'll, 'Nava-hoe' anything but in a garden if you'll, ' Cheraaky with your friend who's your, 'in-mate' since you'll never get, 'out-mate' and I'll put, 'A-patchy' on your mouth so I don't have to listen to your ridiculous thoughts about being a doctor! I will be darned if I let a, 'sew-and-sew' like you put me in a, 'stitch' which would be a really, 'cruel' thing to do, you, 'darn' old imbecile who puts everybody in a, 'stitch' when you hold a, 'needle' except for me! When you get sleepy, don't just, 'yarn' on your needle's, 'eye,' now you idiot! I should have known you'd be no good when I asked you for a spade and that's what you did to the hospital administrate's dog! You're fired! Plus if you don't get your hine-parts out of this hospital, along with the rest of your anatomy by the time I say, oh, never mind! I should have known better then to, 'hire' some doctor who is, 'lower' t hen an ant!"

As Dr. Goofen was headed for the out door, which would be his last time to ever cross that exit, suddenly a nurse came running out of the emergency room yelling, "Help! Somebody! Come quickly! This patient needs brain-surgery done on him and all of our surgeons are busy with performing other operations! We're not qualified to do I!"

Dr. G. was on his way out the door when he heard that shouting. He went into the o. r. and saw only nurses, who knew nothing about how to perform any kind of surgeries. That's when one of them yelled, "Hay! Stop that man going out the door! Yeah, you, sir! We need your help right away, so get your hine-parts and the rest of your anatomy in here immediately if not sooner! I'm talking like 20 minutes ago! Now!"

There had been a massive explosion in the chemistry lab up in Danville which had injured over 200 people who all required instant surgeries done on them. Dr. Goofen was the only one not doing anything at the time, so they ran him into the o. r. while one of them washed his hands and the other put a surgical gown and mask on him. When he got into the o. r., everybody looked at him with pleading eyes. The first one needed an emergency epidermal cranioeottomy done on his brain right away or he'd be a vegetable forever. The next one needed an immediate heart-transplant which couldn't wait. There were many other surgeries that had to be done right away, but there was nobody else available. Dr. Goofen was not a Christian, but he prayed for the first time in his life, asking the Lord to help him save all those people's lives who had just put their trusts in his abilities. Even though he had no clue what he was doing, his hands moved quickly as if they had brains in them. That went on for an endless number of patients who needed some emergency surgery done on parts of their anatomies somewhere. It was as if his hands had taken on minds of their own which meant he just let them do their stuff without thinking.

By the end of the day he had performed 19 critical operations on people. He was also worked overtime into the night. The amazing part about his day was he hadn't even been trained to do any of those surgeries. Yet he had saved all those people's lives and he had made all their friends and families considerably happier. He was a real hero.

When he got home, his wife asked him how his day went, but he was too exhausted to tell her. He just wanted to eat a snack, bathe and go to bed. He was one whipped puppy by that time. Before he left his wife for the day he said, "I don't know what happened at work today, but something took control of my hands. Not only did I not have a clue to what I was doing, but my hands did all those surgeries as if I was the greatest surgeon in history. It was like my hands were thinking."

"It wasn't your hands, dear," said his wife with a smile, "it was God who was working through you. You know, He is the great Physician. That means He used your hands to perform all those surgeries you did. If you would go to Church with me you would know about that."

After that incident, he encouraged his 4 sons to become preachers. Years later they opened their own Churches. Since they put God first in their lives, He rewarded them all by giving them their own Church to preach in. Their members wanted to date them. The next year they were married and had some smart, athletic children who would later change the world for the better. That's what happens when God is put first in your life, so like the best-written stories will finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!" The end.

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By, Cuz Roye.

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