Magic of Love💖

Drama Romance Fantasy

Written in response to: "Write about a couple who have just moved to a place that one person loves, and the other hates." as part of Location, Location, Location.

“Ugh, I hate this place!” Darcy says and falls on the couch. 


We are in a room in an old castle. This castle is a really big one with huge walls surrounding its garden but it’s abandoned. The Royal family left it, just after Darcy was born, and moved to the new castle in the middle of the country. Now it is the home to spiders and rats. Some people come to clean it but they just do it from outside so its condition inside is awful. But unlike Darcy, I love this place.

Darcy is the Royal princess who is sent here to spend the weekend…..with me?


“This place isn’t that bad,” I reply.

“That bad?” Darcy stops as I give her a look. “Ok, so, what are we even doing here in the first place?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “But now we are here, so I’m going to explore this place.”

Darcy rolls her eyes. “Do whatever you want, I’m not gonna come with you.”

I walk out of the room into the hallway. 

The walls of the hall are painted in a old, medieval styled paintings. I have to remove some webs to have a clear look at the paintings. 

They are so beautiful. That’s why I love this place because it shows our past, it shows what we are supposed to be, it shows the things we had once but will never have again.


Every tiny detail is mentioned very clearly; how our planet used to be a land of magic long, long ago. But then space started getting polluted and that pollution came to our planet and started destroying the magical elements. After some centuries, people from a planet named Arth came and fully destroyed our planet, destroying its magic.

People with magic are exiled. People who even talk about magic are exiled. Everybody hates the word magic.


It destroyed one more thing. That thing is shown in the paintings but people don’t notice it and even if they notice it, they don't understand it.

That thing is love.

Love of a mother towards her child, Love of a person towards its planet and family, Love of a King towards its citizens. Love of a spouse towards another, Love of a lover towards the other. They destroyed it all. People forgot what love meant. 

But I think I know what it means. 

“What is this?” Darcy speaks, making me jump. 

“When did you come here?” I ask.

“I was standing here all the time,” she says, “Now tell me what is this?”

She is pointing towards a painting of the Magical Crystal. The magical crystal that gave power to all the magical people. The same magical crystal that the Arthlings destroyed to destroy the magical people.

“It’s our Magical Crystal,” I say.

“Our?”

“Our ancestors.”

“Cas, these are all lies, there was nothing like this, there was no magic.”

“No, it is the truth, lies are what you’re telling me now.” 

Yes, lies are what they are telling us. They are all lies. This is another reason why I love this place and Darcy hates it. But Darcy hating this place doesn't mean that I hate her. I still love her and will always do.


We then explore other rooms in the castle, most of them are covered in grime and dust, their walls covered in paintings. 

After exploring many rooms, I enter a room. Darcy doesn't make any noise as she follows me into the room. It is just a simple room with plain walls but it’s different. It doesn't have any paintings like the rest of the room here. The huge Royal bed, couch, and all other stuff are covered. I move around the room. The air is filled with dust as I remove the covers. Darcy coughs a little and I’m by her side the very next second. 

“What happened?” I ask.

“N-” *Darcy coughs* “Nothing”

“Do you need water?”

“No,” *cough* 

I gesture her to sit down on the couch and run out of the room. I run down the stairs to the room in which we were sitting earlier and grab the backpack. I run back to the room as fast as I can to find Darcy coughing violently. I take the water bottle from the backpack and hand it to Darcy. After drinking some water, her coughing stops. I sit next to Darcy and take her hand in mine. 

She looks at the ceiling and lets her thoughts race in silence. She looks even more beautiful as she sits there peacefully. Her long light brown hairs tied back in a ponytail. Her small perfect lips closed in a tight line. Her ocean-blue eyes staring at some point in the distance. I stare at her for a long time, because I don’t want to look at anything else.


She suddenly looks up at me, “You really like me so much, right?”

I quickly look away, I feel embarrassed. 

“Yeah….um...I mean I would have done the same thing for anyone in your place.”

“But you like me,” Darcy says.

I stay quiet.

“You know, I also believe that what the paintings show is true. I said that they are lies because that’s what everybody wants us to say, they don’t want us to know that this is the truth.”

“I know, but we can change it, we can tell the people what is true and what is not.”

“Yeah, we can.” 

Again there is an awkward silence.

“You know why I hate this place?”

“Umm...no?”

“Because this place reminds me of my...of my mother.” 

Yeah, her mother. She was killed soon after Darcy’s birth, that’s what I think, by the Arthlings because she was a magical person. I don’t know the whole story but I think it was something related to Darcy being born with magical powers. I have been with Darcy for about 16 years and I don’t think that she has any magic, I would have loved it if she had magic but she doesn't have.

“Your mother was a nice lady,”

“Maybe...my father never talks about her, he hates her.”

“No, you’re wrong, he loved her and he still loves her, but he is hiding it because people don’t want him to love her.”

“Then we need to change that too.” I say with a little laugh.

“You know what?”

“Huh?”

“Your smile is the best smile I have ever seen.” Darcy says.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“That smile exists only because of you.” I reply.


Posted Sep 19, 2020
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116 likes 267 comments

I really loved your story!! Great job!😊

Reply

D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 12:16

Thank you so much:)))

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 03:52

Author's note:-
-Ok, so, this is my second story and I think that the first one was a lot better than this.

-This is my first try at writing in 1st person so, I hope I didn't mess it up. Please comment and tell me what do you think.

-I know, it is really short because I wanted it to be romance and romance sucks and it's not even romance and I started writing it just an hour and a half before the submissions closed so it is pretty messed up.

-And yeah, I want to dedicate this story to my friend Ugochi, she motivated me to write romance. Here is a link to her profile, she writes awesome romance stories; https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/ugochi-nwauwa/

-Any feedback/constructive criticism is always appreciated.

-And yeah, I need ideas for it's title.

Thanks for reading!!
~D

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:16

See my comment, Deep.

-its lovely. I like this one too.

-No. You completely nailed it. Keep writing.

-That's a nice thing. We have a lot in common. I write my fifth story in an hour.😁😁

-Waiting for it...

-I have read some of her stories.

Okay for the title. I really love the one presently.
But I still had some suggestions. (please ignore it. Your title is awesome.)
-Love is magical
-Love is magic
-Palace love(this completely is idiotic)

Okay, if you are free. Come online at 7 30.

Bye. See ya
And thanks for the upvote.

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 07:21

Thanks!!!
7:30 pm? According to our time zone, right?

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:22

Welcome!
Yeah! We are in the same country! Lol🤣🤣😂😂
(did you like your story?)

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 07:26

:)
Yeah, Lol!
Like means really liking the story or clicking that 'Like' button?

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:27

Like button.

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:10

Hey sis
Came to read. This is a lovely story. Your imagination is wonderful and the story flowed smoothly. The ending was sad but the write up is really wonderful.
I have some suggestions:

1)You have done a mistake that I had done when I was young.
You used the word beautiful too many times. You can see it. It's also called blah blah word. I am not saying that it is a mistake. But you can use other words like stunning, gorgeous, etc.

2)“I was standing there all the time,” she says, “Now tell me what is this?”
I think its 'here' instead of 'there'.

3)“Now tell me what is this?”
This is also not a mistake. But, in dialogues we always say 'what's this'. So, in dialogues this format helps.
And then this same sentence, you may shorten it by saying
'"Now tell me what's this," he said, pointing at the magical crystal.

4)“Our ancestors,”
Next three sentences,same mistakes. There shouldn't be a comma here. It's a full stop. I think you were confused between using commas and full stops.

5)“Cas, these are all lies, there was nothing like this, there was no magic,”
Same as 4.

6)“No, it is the truth, lies are what you’re telling me now,”
Same as 4

This is a lovely story. I really liked reading this. It's short and sweet. Keep writing. And don't forget to tell me if you have a new story out. If you come online, I want to say something to you..

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 07:18

Thanks for the feedback:) I'll edit the things you suggested.
That comma and full stop mistake is because I wrote it really fast and just put whatever I came across, I'll edit them. Thanks again!!!
I'll surely tell you when I'll write a new story. I'm online, what do you want to say??

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:20

No problem, Deep.
I want to say that,
I have done all these mistakes. It's like the exact mistakes I was picked on. That's a lot in common I think.
Waiting for your next...

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 07:32

:D

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:33

Okay.

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:37

Check my bio!

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 07:39

Ohh, thank you so much, bro.😭😭 I'll also add you to much bio.

Reply

Lina Oz
September 21, 2020 03:04

This is a lovely story! I love your command of dialogue, and I love the detail here.

I saw that this is your first time writing in 1st person, and I think you did a wonderful job. I'm prone to using the present tense, so I like the voice you exude in this story.

One thing you could think about as a writer of 1st person is concentrating on "your" emotions as the speaker; the idea of "show, not tell." For example, instead of saying, "I feel embarrassed," you could experiment with different ways of showing your feelings, such as, "I feel my cheeks heat" or "I look away, avoiding her eyes" or something like that. Just a thought!

Overall I think you definitely have a knack for first person and I'd love to read your next story utilizing this voice! :)

Reply

D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 03:08

Thank you so much!!! I'm glad you liked it. I'll surely work on that 'show, don't tell' thing. Thanks again:)))

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Lina Oz
September 21, 2020 03:29

Of course! Excited to read more of your work! :)

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D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 03:30

Thanks!!! I will write more soon!!

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Orenda .
September 20, 2020 16:14

"But then space started getting polluted and that pollution came to our planet"

-here i'd suggest SPREAD instead of CAME.

"Love of a mother towards her child, Love of a person towards its planet and family, Love of a King towards its citizens. Love of a spouse towards another, Love of a lover towards the other. They destroyed it all. People forgot what love meant."

i love this part sooo muchh

i'm in love with your worldbuiliding. Very cool! I NEED more please:)
aaaaaaaand, i'm very sorry for reading it so late, but it's another great story<3 <3 <3

Reply

D. Shikha
September 20, 2020 17:41

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you liked this. At least there is someone who really likes my worldbuilding.

Sadly, I can't edit it now because it's already approved but thanks for the suggestion:)))

Reply

Orenda .
September 20, 2020 19:15

there are surely more people who enjoy your world building, but haven't expressed it.

oh, I didnt see that, but anyway, I'm always there to help ye:))

Reply

D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 02:03

Thanks!!!

Reply

Noor Ahmed
September 19, 2020 22:31

- I loved your take on first person! There was something, though, that concerned me a little bit. "She looks at the ceiling and lets her thoughts race in silence." How does the narrator know that? It's first person. Maybe you should add something that makes the narrator infer that her thoughts are racing.

-No, I actually really like this!! It did not seem at all like it was made in a hurry. You did well.

-I might write a sequel/prequel of this story to make more sense of this.

-The story is really good! Just one more thing. The "I reply." at the end makes the story seem a bit off. Maybe try removing it? Because we know that the narrator replied to her.

-For the title, I'm not sure. Maybe "Ghostly Love?" I'm not sureee ahah.

I am really sorry if I hurt your feelings or anything. I didn't mean it, if I did. I was just giving some suggestions :)) I really like this story, Deepshikha! Keep writing, you're very talented.

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D. Shikha
September 20, 2020 08:23

THANK YOU SO MUCHH!!!!! I'm so glad you liked it!!!!
I can't edit it now but I'll take care from next time. 'Ghostly Love' is nice but I'll stick with 'Magic of Love', thanks though.
Oh, you didn't, instead I'm so happy that you read it!! Thanks:)))

Reply

Noor Ahmed
September 20, 2020 19:48

No problem!

Reply

B. W.
September 23, 2020 23:07

I ain't sure if this'll do anything but i left something in my Bio for the downvoter and said something that they should comment and explain themselves. though it's probably a stupid idea because they probably wouldn't wanna reveal themselves

Reply

Clara D Berry
September 21, 2020 20:56

Great job differentiating between "its" and "it's"! I know native speakers who still struggle with that!
You did great with first person, too. I can't tell that you haven't done it before.
Don't put down your writing! You are a fantastic writer! So great you can't even make romance suck! (And I totally agree with you that it usually does.)
I like the worldbuilding here, and the relationship between Darcy and Cas was really sweet. I also really like the ending.
The title you have now is fine. Thinking of a good title is really hard. Maybe something even better will come to you in a flash of inspiration later, but if not, "Magic of Love" does pinpoint the essence of your story: that love and magic are both valuable and missing from the world in the story.
I wrote the long string of suggested edits below before I read any of the comments on your story and saw that it is too late for you to edit. Some of them have already been pointed out in other comments that were also too late. If you don't want to read the whole thing, here are a few general pointers:
Use a semicolon between two parts of a sentence that could be two separate sentences if not for the fact that the two thoughts are closely related.
When a sentence in quotes is part of a longer sentence outside of quotes, end the quotation with a comma. (Mostly you did this right, but near the end you had two sentences with a period before the dialogue tag.)
If you have time, come back a few hours or days after finishing your story and read it aloud to yourself. Think about whether or not each sentence means what you wanted it to mean. Sometimes you may find that what made sense in your head needs clarification on paper if you want the reader to see it the way you do. This happens to me all the time. Sometimes I even do this with my comments, and sometimes I forget to and they make no sense. (Let me know if anything needs clarification.)
Never give up! You have amazing potential!

And here's the list of suggested edits that can no longer be practically useful:

"The walls of the hall are painted in a old, medieval styled paintings."
If the walls themselves are painted, say it like this: "The walls of the hall are painted in an old, medieval style."
If there are paintings on the walls, say it like this: "The walls of the hall are covered in old, medieval-style paintings."
After reading the next sentence in your story, I think you want the second one.

"That’s why I love this place because it shows our past, it shows what we are supposed to be, it shows the things we had once but will never have again."
This sentence could be three separate sentences. It could be one sentence separated by semicolons. Or maybe you could do this: "That’s why I love this place: because it shows our past, it shows what we are supposed to be, and it shows the things we had once but will never have again."
This change is optional. Don't change it if you like your original tone better.

"Every tiny detail is mentioned very clearly; how our planet used to be a land of magic long, long ago."
Semicolons are used in the middle of a sentence that really could be two sentences if the two sentences are very related to each other. In this case, "how our planet used to be a land of magic long, long ago" is not a complete sentence on its own, so the semicolon doesn't work. Here is an example of what you could do instead: "Every tiny detail is mentioned very clearly, showing how our planet used to be a land of magic long, long ago."
Also maybe replace "mentioned" with "outlined" or "drawn" or "depicted" or something else that portrays being shown in a painting rather than being spoken of.

"Love of a mother towards her child, Love of a person towards its planet and family, Love of a King towards its citizens. Love of a spouse towards another, Love of a lover towards the other. They destroyed it all. People forgot what love meant."
Watch out for commas that snuck in where periods belong. I think there are 2 here. Wherever you have the word "Love" with a capital it should be a new sentence. Also "Love of one spouse or lover towards the other" may sound more natural than "Love of a spouse towards another, Love of a lover towards the other." If you want them separate for the sake of the repetition, say "Love of one spouse towards the other. Love of one lover towards another." If you say "another" next to spouse it sounds like you can have more than one. A lover can love anyone, so that can be "another."

“Cas, these are all lies, there was nothing like this, there was no magic.”
Here you can use semicolons. "Cas, these are all lies; there was nothing like this; there was no magic." Darcy might not know she is using semicolons when she speaks, but that's the most proper way to do this.

“No, it is the truth, lies are what you’re telling me now.”
Semicolon again: "No, it is the truth; lies are what you're telling me now."

"I still love her and will always do."
The end of this sentence is a bit awkwardly phrased. It means "I still love her and will always do love her," which sounds funny. I would say " I still love her and always will."

"We then explore other rooms in the castle, most of them are covered in grime and dust, their walls covered in paintings."
This should be two sentences. "We then explore other rooms in the castle. Most of them are covered in grime and dust, their walls covered in paintings."
I'm not sure about the word "then" here. I think it interferes with the tense of the story a little. You can change it to "go on to" or leave it out.

"It is just a simple room with plain walls but it’s different."
Consider adding a comma before the word "but."

"It doesn't have any paintings like the rest of the room here."
Change "room" to "rooms."

"The air is filled with dust as I remove the covers."
Use active voice. "The air fills with dust as I remove the covers."

“N-” *Darcy coughs* “Nothing”
“Do you need water?”
“No,” *cough*
Is it on purpose that two of these lines have no punctuation at the end? "Nothing" can have a period after it. I'm not sure how to handle punctuation for a cough. Maybe leave the cough without any and change the comma after "No" to a period.

"I gesture her to sit down on the couch and run out of the room."
Add a "for" after "gesture."
You need a comma before "and" unless the gesture tells Darcy she should sit on the couch and then she should run out of the room. I'm assuming you wanted Cas to run out of the room.

"I run down the stairs to the room in which we were sitting earlier and grab the backpack."
In general, when you use the word "the," it should be obvious what you are referring to. This backpack was never mentioned before, so this is confusing. You don't have to mention it earlier, but it needs some clarification, such as "...grab the backpack that __(mention the location or where it came from)___"
That is lying on the floor, that Darcy brought with her from the Royal palace, that we left there, etc.

"Her long light brown hairs tied back in a ponytail."
In contemporary English, we generally would say "hair" singular, even though she has many hairs in her ponytail. Since this story is set in a different place and time than ours, it is up to you whether you want to change this or not.

"I quickly look away, I feel embarrassed."
Use two sentences or a semicolon. "I quickly look away. I feel embarrassed." or "I quickly look away; I feel embarrassed." Personally, I prefer the second one.

“I said that they are lies because that’s what everybody wants us to say, they don’t want us to know that this is the truth.”
This should be two sentences (or use a semicolon if you want). “I said that they are lies because that’s what everybody wants us to say. They don’t want us to know that this is the truth.”

“I know, but we can change it, we can tell the people what is true and what is not.”
Again, two sentences. "I know, but we can change it. We can tell the people what is true and what is not."

"She was killed soon after Darcy’s birth, that’s what I think, by the Arthlings because she was a magical person."
Take out "that's what."

"I have been with Darcy for about 16 years and I don’t think that she has any magic, I would have loved it if she had magic but she doesn't have."
Change to "I have been with Darcy for about 16 years and I don’t think that she has any magic. I would have loved it if she had magic, but she doesn't."

“Your mother was a nice lady,”
End with a period, not a comma.

“Maybe...my father never talks about her, he hates her.”
Two sentences or a semicolon. Split it at the comma.

“No, you’re wrong, he loved her and he still loves her, but he is hiding it because people don’t want him to love her.”
Semicolon (or period and capital) after "wrong."
Who says this line? It's Cas's turn to talk, but Cas responds to it. The line before could only be Darcy, since they're talking about her father. Is there another line that got deleted somehow?

“Your smile is the best smile I have ever seen.” Darcy says.
“That smile exists only because of you.” I reply.
For both of the above, use a comma at the end of the quotation because those last two words are part of the sentence (even though the quotation is a sentence on its own).

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 22, 2020 07:27

I really wonder how you could fetch so many mistakes! Wonderful! Admire your editing skills! After that kind of reading your story from my side, I found just one. Still thinking of the many mistakes I had left out in my story!

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Clara D Berry
September 22, 2020 21:51

Thank you. I like editing. It's part of my perfectionist nature. Sometimes I don't even do it on purpose; mistakes and inconsistencies just jump out at me. I am working on being less critical and appreciating stories that have great content between the mistakes. It's easier to do that when I know the author is an English Language Learner who is working really hard on grammar (like you and your brother and Deepshikka) rather than a lazy native speaker who just doesn't care (like some people I know in real life). And while I'm at it I do point out mistakes if I know it will be helpful rather than hurtful. I try not to comment on grammar mistakes when the editing period has passed unless I am specifically asked to by the author. (Hoping to get to that request of yours soon!)

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 23, 2020 03:05

I will get one out this week. Exams are coming but I got writing a story. I will get it out today.

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D. Shikha
September 22, 2020 18:17

Thank you so much, Clara!!! I'm really glad that you liked it!!!
I always have a problem with punctuation, basically, I'm kind of confused. Some people say put this comma here; some say to put a full stop here, blah blah. But I will stick with the punctuation that you told me because I know that you are more experienced, and know more about English than most of the people here.
And yeah, thanks for pointing out all those errors. I edited them Google docs (that's where I write my stories). I'll try to correct my punctuation in my next pieces.
Thanks again!!! Hoping that you are safe:))

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Clara D Berry
September 22, 2020 21:42

Wow, that's a high compliment! Thank you! I'm glad my corrections were not wasted since you do have a separate copy of your story that can be edited. I also tend to keep a separate copy elsewhere when I write for Reedsy. I hope you are safe as well.

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Keerththan 😀
September 23, 2020 03:04

I also do the same!

Reply

D. Shikha
October 19, 2020 04:21

Hey Clara, I posted a new story, after a long time, mind checking it out?

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C.j 🤍
September 19, 2020 22:47

Loved it !!!

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D. Shikha
September 20, 2020 03:57

Thanks!!

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Noor Ahmed
September 19, 2020 22:32

“That smile exists only because of you.” I REALLY LOVED THIS!!! That was so cute and sweet omggg

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D. Shikha
September 20, 2020 08:24

Thanks, Noor!!!! (I loved your name btw)

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Noor Ahmed
September 20, 2020 19:48

aww thank you! I like yours too :)

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D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 02:00

Thanks!!😊

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Sia S
September 19, 2020 08:05

Wow... This story was so cute and sweet !! Good Job !!

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 08:45

Thanks!!

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Sia S
September 19, 2020 09:21

:)

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Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:31

Enjoy school

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 07:45

Yas!

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Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 07:52

Do you know what is post apocalyptic?

Reply

D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 08:56

It's a subgenre of sci-fi in which the world or its civilization has ended. You can Google it if you want more information.

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Keerththan 😀
September 19, 2020 08:57

I already googled it. But, I didn't understand. Thanks for helping. Gonna start a story.
I have done some upvoting(you are 87 now)

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 09:00

What you didn't understand?? I already started a story!!
Thanks, fam!!

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I'm reading... currently!

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I'm finished!

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Awesome story and so romantically sweet! I know you said this isn't romance but the dialogue between the two characters is so sweet! Love it D!
BTW- it's so nice of you to dedicate this story to your friend! 😊

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 04:57

Thanks!!

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Welcome!

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First to comment! Yay!

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Princemark Okibe
October 14, 2020 16:24

This story has amazing potential, I mean lots of potential. The idea can be used to write not just a novel but a trilogy.
A novel about how the earthlings, sorry, Arthlings stole magic from their world and their quest to recover their glorious past and also recover love. All led by Cas as the main protagonist.

I noticed some few errors like 'Love of a King towards its citizens'
The 'its' should be 'his'

Keerthan is right, you used beautiful a lot. There other suitable synonyms that will be right for the moment.

I suspect you are indian, so, maybe one day you will topple the Pakistani that is third on the leaderboard and take her place. I heard your two Nations are friendly rivals. Lol. Though there are so many indians on reedsy that I think a Pakistani as third balances it out.

Anyway, I digress. You just have to work on your writing more, you have amazing stories in that head of yours and great talent. You have the potential to be a great author. I wish I had amazing stories like yours.

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D. Shikha
October 16, 2020 17:38

Thank you so much!! I'm glad that you think so!! I never really thought about making a trilogy or even a stand-alone novel with this story but… after what you said, I’ll think about it.

Yeah, I noticed those errors, too and many others also pointed them out but it was too late for me to edit them…

Yeah, I’m an Indian! How do you know? By my writing? Or my name? And Batool is Pakistani? I didn’t know that!! She was the first writer whose work I read on Reedsy and she also my first favorite!!
Yeah, there are many Indians on this site, #9 and #10 on the leaderboard are also Indians!!

I started writing just a few months ago, so I have a lot to improve!!
Once again, thank you so much for reading and commenting!! I really mean a lot!!

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Princemark Okibe
October 16, 2020 18:05

You are welcome.
And don't tell Batool I told you she is Pakistani 😉
Best of luck.

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Zea Bowman
October 07, 2020 02:02

Hey, Deepshikha! First of all, great story! Second, I wanted to let you know that I wrote a "Zombies Sound Safer Than My Family - Part 2." You had read the first and seemed to enjoy it, so I was just letting you know that I had made a second if you wanted to check it out. :)

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Hriday Saboo
September 25, 2020 17:36

When’re we gettin a new story
I’m waiting

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D. Shikha
September 26, 2020 11:34

Well, not anytime soon because I'm so busy. Thanks for asking:))

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Hriday Saboo
September 26, 2020 14:42

K

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Andrew Krey
September 24, 2020 15:51

Hi Deepshikha, I liked your story, it was an interesting concept for the world you've created. There were some minor errors, but that would be expected from writing it so quickly, and doesn't detract from the story.

I would suggest being mindful of the show don't tell rule, there was a lot of "telling" the reader in your story, rather than "showing" by having the reader experience it as your character experiences it. This is also a big benefit of using first person too. It's a balance between the two, so is hard to get perfect.

I hope the feedback was helpful.

Happy writing

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D. Shikha
September 24, 2020 16:00

Thank you so much!!!
I try to show rather than tell but it just don't happen. Can you please give me some advice or examples of 'show, don't tell' thing?

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Andrew Krey
September 24, 2020 16:35

You're welcome. Show is especially hard with short stories, as you have have to build a world that makes sense to the reader in the lowest number of words as possible.

And of course, happy to give examples. The main one that came to mind was the crystal. You gave the backstory of what it was, but despite the character looking at it we (as the reader) don't get a physical description. In terms of balance, it would be better to give more of the physical description, so we feel like we are looking at it too, then reference the backstory, like the character ponder, "how can something so small cause so much suffering when used to.." then give the backstory as short and concise as possible.

It can also apply to emotions - like when you tell the reader the loss of magic caused the loss of love. As you are using first person, you have direct access to the characters emotions - so can have them struggle to express their feelings, then reflect love was hard for us all when we lost magic in the world.

You can also use dialogue to tell without feeling like the reader is being told the backstory. For example lots of stories use a "naive" character (such as first day at a job) that has to ask lots of questions, and as they are told the answers the reader is told too, but it's indirectly so feels more like show than tell, and builds character too by the way they talk. But in the context of this story, this method would be harder because both characters know what happened so no need to ask questions.

Hope that was helpful.

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D. Shikha
September 24, 2020 16:41

Thanks!! Yes, this was helpful.
I'll try using it in my next stories. Thanks again:))

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Andrew Krey
September 24, 2020 17:24

Great, glad I could help, good luck :)

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The Cold Ice
September 24, 2020 04:39

I love the tittle”Magic of love”.I liked the story.Great job keep it up.Super story.Keep writing.Well written.
Would you mind to read my story
“The dragon warrior part 2?”

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D. Shikha
September 24, 2020 07:04

Thanks!!
Sure, little bro!!! I'll read it soon.

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The Cold Ice
September 24, 2020 07:12

Welcome!
Thanks!

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The Cold Ice
September 27, 2020 03:22

Hey Deepshikha
would you mind giving a feedback in my story

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D. Shikha
September 27, 2020 04:40

I'm really busy, bro. I'll give feedback asap.

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The Cold Ice
September 27, 2020 04:54

Thanks.

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B. W.
September 23, 2020 04:40

Oh gosh i dunno what to do, i'm already kinda stressed out still with all this COVID and other stuff that's going on but now people are leaving?? I know Brooke said she'd only be gone for about a week or so but she'd still be gone for a while and she might change her mind and go off forever. There's some other friend's on here that i know as well who have also been getting down-voted and now i'm just scared that they'll leave as well and i don't know what to do

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B. W.
September 22, 2020 21:35

i know who the down-voter is

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D. Shikha
September 23, 2020 02:20

Who?

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B. W.
September 23, 2020 03:40

Yeah it sorta is, but she then told everyone that it WASNT her and she was just lying, but i'm not entirely sure.

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🄼🄹 🅂
September 21, 2020 22:02

This was great for your first time using 1st person. I'll be waiting to read the sequel/prequel. Keep writing!
-Mj

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D. Shikha
September 22, 2020 02:12

Thanks!!!

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B. W.
September 20, 2020 23:35

You seen this weeks prompts? i'm not sure if i already asked you so sorry if i have. These prompts aren't really good to me because they could have done more with 'face your fears' and nothing is coming to me, could you maybe help me think of some things for it?

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Charles Stucker
September 20, 2020 22:43

"The walls of the hall are painted in a old, medieval styled paintings." Maybe make it clearer "The walls of the hall have several old, medieval-styled paintings." If the walls are themselves painted it is "frescos." Then it would be, "The walls of the hall are adorned with frescos showing scenes from medieval life." I'm not sure which you wanted, the hall full of oil painting portraits, or the one where the plaster is part of the artwork.
The latter part of the scene makes it clear you probably did mean frescoes- they last far better than oil. Frescoes survive which are thousands of years old, but the Mona Lisa, painted in 1503, is already starting to fall to pieces. And both frescos and frescoes are allowed plurals of fresco. But I suggest sticking with one when you use it, unless it is for effect.

"I still love her and will always do." go with, "I still love her and always will."

I can see where time cut off any continuation. It's not a bad opening to a romance. You have a few places where you relate background information and slip toward telling, but you keep it in check.

Technical note on pollution- It is no possible to create enough pollution for it to spread from one planet to another, much less another solar system. The entire mass of the Earth is insignificant on teh scale. The people of the planet might believe that, but the reality would be more along this line- the earthlings sent toxic material deliberately from orbit down to the planet to damage it and make conquest easier. It's a great secret for them to discover if you continue the story later.

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D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 02:10

Thank you so much for the feedback!!! I can't edit it now but I'll take care from next time.

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 19:25

Okay i'm here ^^ and did you mean my first name or like my actual FULL name like ya think you know my first,middle and last name? and for this story i really enjoyed it ^^ i'm not sure if anything is really wrong with it or anything but if you think there is then wait for others to comment and help ya with it, i'm not really that good at advice. I think you also did really great doing this story in first person as well. so ya know what? this gets a 10/10 :)

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 19:28

I know your first name.
Thanks for reading:)))

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 19:29

wait how though? and no problem ^^ eh tbh with my first name i've always never liked it

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 19:33

Idk...I think it was in one of your conversations with Aerin. Your name is nice, if it is what I think.

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 19:35

oh right, i kinda forgot about that. Well i'm glad you like the name at least, i wish i could change it though. If you ever need help with more stories though, then i'd be glad to help :)

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 19:37

Thanks!! I'm currently working on that alien and human romance story that we discussed yesterday.

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September 19, 2020 17:37

THIS IS NOT HORRIBLE!!!
I actually reallllllllyyy liked it!! I mean I could tell this is your first time writing it but still! It was amazing!
I like how you immediately added in romance, like at the beginning I woulda never thought there would be romance. I also liked that the story wasn't ALL about romance! It actually some other lessons as well.
I really liked Darcy's character, she is just straight to the point! And Cas? is that his name, I liked how he thinks and hopes. I would also love a backstory, and a time where Darcy also feels the same way..
I don't really have any critique..I mean your commas were perfectly written and I didn't catch any run off sentences.
Hmmm but I would have liked if you didn't add the "I reply" at the end. I think without it the ending woulda been way more sleeekk!
Anyways AMAZING story Thank you for writing it! Even though you don't like Romance. Now that we have both done it..hmm what other challenge should we do?
And also..this story is NOT HORRIBLE!

Oh wait I caught one! this sentence - “You really like me so much, right?”
maybe you could change that to "that much?" and like leave out the right...? I guess. But otherwise KEEP ON WRITING!

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 17:48

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I'm so happy that you liked it!!! I never thought you would like it!!!! Oh, I'm soooooooooooooo∞ happy!!!!!
Yeah, his name is Cas. I see, I only mentioned his name once.
And thanks for feedback, it is already approved so I can't edit it but I'll take care from next time. Thanks again:)))

(P.S. Read authors note, if you haven't)

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September 19, 2020 17:58

Aww thanks for dedicating thiss too me🤗
And of course it was really goood!
Yupp! Also sorry for not responding last night/last morning I was super busy and just didn't feel like entering Reedsy..I'll go respond noww!

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D. Shikha
September 19, 2020 17:59

Of course!!! I wanted to give some credit to you!!
Thanks!!! And it's ok. 😊

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October 03, 2020 19:37

Hey!! How are you!

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October 05, 2020 03:41

Hmmm? Did you not see my comment🤔Or did you...??

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D. Shikha
October 05, 2020 13:28

How will I see the comment if you reply it to yourselves?? Lol
I would have seen that comment 'cause I go through the comments of my stories when I'm bored but these days I wasn't on Reedsy much (sorry) so I just didn't see it...

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D. Shikha
October 05, 2020 13:30

I'm fine and kinda busy, wbu?

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D. Shikha
October 05, 2020 13:44

And yeah, you should join Allpoetry, it's super fun. And you might not know but I know that you're a great poet...I've felt it after reading your stories and talking to you...

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