Always Alone

PW: Sexual abuse, language and physical abuse are in this story.

My name is Abby, although im not entirely sure you care. No one ever does. I walk the school halls alone scuttling past the various friend groups and cloaking my face with a ginormous hood. I feel safe under here, like nothing can hurt me, but i know that isn't true. Shit, all i need to do is walk into the girls bathroom and it's made known. I don't understand how people can find pleasure in hurting others. They call me poor, ugly and fat. Yet some days i am told to eat more because i am too skinny. That's not the worst of it though, I get blamed for every little thing, blame it on Abby why don't you. And because i have "done something wrong" i must be punished. I wasn't going to tell you but really i need too. I can't tell my parents and the teachers do nothing, obviously the kids would just bully me more for telling on them. They bring knives, stones, wear nails, then they cut me, shove me against the wall, knock my head against the basin, wrap their hands around my throat, attack me like a pack of wild animals. I wish i could turn into a great big bear and chew them all up but i can't, so i stay hidden in my hood and allow them to hurt me. Until that one time, two months ago, i was having my hair cut by these girls as punishment, for supposedly looking at one of their boyfriends, when a guy ran into the bathroom, got between me and the girls and told them to go. He was so handsome, tall, dark haired, tanned, muscly and with a very sweet smile. I fell for him right then, i didn't think about how maybe it was all fake, i believed he really wanted to save me. He took my hand and checked over my ravaged hair. He hugged me close as i sobbed at the possibility of being saved, even just once. He told me to show him what they did to me, so i did. I pulled up my sleeves, my top and my leggings, showing him the scars, bruises and cuts. He winced and said he would be right back after swearing. I knew he was going to go and sort out the girls so i grabbed his sleeve and begged him not to do anything. He wouldn't listen and stormed out of there. I later saw the girls and although they didn't touch me they had bloody noses that were paired with black eyes and some even had cuts on them. They glared at me, even though they were hurt i wasn't happy i was sad for them, i was used to the abuse but they didn't know any better. Then he came and sat beside me, he flattered me and every day he sat on the bus and complimented me, soon he was kissing my cheek when we met, hugging me, protecting me and i felt so loved, someone finally wanted me. Then he did it. Late at night he invited me over to his house, i said i couldn't come because my parents would realize and they would turn on me, my father liked to use his belt, my mother just stood there and watched as i screamed and begged until sometimes i am knocked unconscious, waking up in the morning to an empty, cold house. He said he would come over instead. He snuck through my bedroom window and soon we were undressing each other and he was inside me. I was happy, i wanted this with him, but once it was over i was tired and ready to sleep. He wanted more. So he used his strength and body weight to force it. His hand covered my mouth as i tried not to scream to loud. I couldn't tell or scream otherwise i would be in trouble for allowing him over. I knew what he was doing we had learnt about it in sex ed. And i just lay there, until he was done and left. The blood spilt and i was forced to clean it up alone. The next day i couldn't bring myself to go to school, knowing i would have to face him, however, my mother banged on my door and threatened me with my fathers belt if i didn't go. I still had tremendous pain in my stomach and down there but i got up and got onto the bus. I scanned the bus and saw him there, at the back, huddled over his phone, him, the girls that bullied me, and two other guys were chuckling, laughing and talking about......me. So i walked up to him and asked what he was looking at. He showed me the pictures he had taken of me last night and as i looked at what chat it was sent too i realized the whole school will soon know. I couldn't handle it, all the laughs that day, all the shouts and vulgar comments. No, i would not sleep with that guy or kiss that girl. No i would not pull up my top. And suddenly the question was asked, "Will you be pregnant?" I didn't know, i really didn't know. I had only gotten my period about a year earlier but after three weeks i realized i was due and wasn't on, so i bought a pregnancy test, much to the shop clerks surprise, and i tested myself. There, two lines. I was pregnant. My parents eventually found out and were so mad at me, How could i do this to them? They beat me and then sent me to my nan, i actually do quite like my nan, she is on my side or seems to be. I never really knew her but the short time i have been here i have grown to truly care for her. I told the teachers at my school and i told him about it. They all encouraged me to have an abortion and after a heated argument where i demanded they shut up because it was my kid, i left. I never returned. And now little baby, i am waiting for you to arrive, it will be hard and you will have no father but i love you so much.