Here's A Tale Of Drac, Who's A Vampire

        Here’s A Tale Of Drac, Who’s A Vampire

     My name is Drac The 12th. My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, granddaddy was Count Dracula. He had a good friend who came over to stoke up his fire when it got low whose name was Brahm, but everybody called him, “Brahm Stoker.” He dated a girl who was named Shelly. He couldn’t stand being away from her for any long period of time and so he, “popped-it” after only a few short months. That way he didn’t have to wait all that long to, “mary Shelly,” who was a brain surgeon. They got married on October 28th to make the date easy to remember. They figured that most people could remember it was on All Hallows Eve-Eve-Eve-Eve. When we announced that the blessed event would be on that day, both of my parents, who were full-blooded vampires and her parents, who were full-blooded werewolves were beyond ecstatic to hear the news when we told them we’d already set the date for our Blessed Event to occur on.  

     We sent out invitations for all of our friends and relations just before that small-person could take it’s first breath in this old world. It was hard deciding on which doctor to chose for our gynecologist, or rather make that, “witch-doctor.” The only problem was picking the best one to be ours since the yellow pages were filled with gynecologists with names such as Dr. Pepper, Dr. Keels, Dr. Who, Dr. Jeckle and Dr. Sholes. We finally decided on one named Dr. Franklin Norman Stine. The big sign on his front door read, “Dr. Frank N. Stine.” The only problem was they did the blood test on her before dinner. They freaked out when I drank the sample. Go figure. The doctor wanted to know the type of person I wanted my baby to be so I told him, “Any type, type o positive or b negative. It doesn’t matter, so long as the baby is healthy and will grow up to be a, ‘sucker’ like it’s daddy, because that is all I ask.”

     The baby turned out to be a boy which made me perfectly ecstatic. As he would grow up, I’d be able to teach him to play baseball. Maybe he’d play the same position I played when I was young,“bat-boy.”

     It was quite difficult growing up as a vampire when all of the other kids were humans. One of the things my teacher told me was how to brush my fangs and to wash behind my points. Of course, I always used Crust Toothpaste which was made strictly for vampires and werewolves. My fangs would shine so bright it blinded all the other kids, even though it was night-time when they saw me.

     Something else that was difficult about being a vampire was when my human friends went out to eat. I would always order rare meat which turned off all the other kids who were eating at my table with me. As I grew older and was able to have some mixed drinks, I would always order a Bloody Mary, although I didn’t have a clue who, “Mery” was or if she was even single or not, although I figured she must have been a really happy girl since her last name was, “Mary.” That was always a winner for me.

     Then one night while I was out for my nightly fly around the block since that was good for my upper body muscles, a really tall man came out of some restaurant, rather he was tall sideways. Following the guy all the way to his house, I jumped on him the moment he got out of his car. The problem was that he was on his way home from donating blood to The March Of Dimes which meant he didn’t have much. No matter how hard I sucked him, it was not at all satisfying. That’s when I went to a local hospital be- cause people had told me they have blood there. Yet when I went in and ordered some, the nurse frowned at me and said they only give blood to those who really need it. That was when I bit her.

     Life ain’t easy for a vampire, although it does have its advantages sometimes. One of them is that we get to travel a lot further than regular mortals and our claws hold on naturally so it’s easy to hang on to our roosts in the caves and attics. We also don’t have to travel like birds in the changing seasons. Sometimes things will just drive us all, “persony.”

     Even though we can’t see too well, our hearing is acute. We can hear a pin drop in the next county. When my brother, Bob put on some glasses, he didn’t like it. That was more than likely because it just made drinking all of our beverages so difficult, especially because all we ever drank was blood, and yet it is pretty cool being a, “sucker” in that respect.

     A while back I was at, “batting-practice” like all the others were. That was when a big werewolf suddenly appeared. Then I asked him if he ever did were anything else other than a wolf. When he just growled at me, I took that as a negative reply. Be- sides, vampires and werewolves are not compatible.  

    While I was out for my evening fly around the hood, a zombie appeared. He looked like he was hungry because of the way he kept trying to eat people. That’s generally a pretty good sign, so that was when I approached him and said, “Hay, buddy. You look hungry. If it’s food you want, I will be able to help you.” That made his mouth turn from a lower-case n shape to a capital U shape. In other words, the corners of his mouth went from facing down south to up north. Then I told him, “Stick with me, kid. All I want is blood, you can have the rest.”

      That made him laugh as he gave me a right evil-looking grin which I figured was a good thing.

     I flew over the entire metropolis of Danville, look- ing for the right person who looked like they would have the best taste in entertainment, or rather, taste best, which was what mattered most to each of us.

     When it became All Hallows Eve, the night when all scary things come out to walk the entire planet, that made the evening be just that much greater. As we walked holding paws, we eventually saw a group of trick-or-treaters coming in our direction.

     “Looky there!” I said to my new friend, “Fresh meat for you and some blood for me! Dinner time!”

     Yet as we approached the children, they turned around and saw us coming. The first thing they did was laugh since they thought we were a couple of children like they were. One of them even said, “Wow! Your costume is the best one I’ve seen all year! Where did you get it from? Can I buy one?”

     That’s when we 2 monsters roared and stuck up our paws, trying to be as scary as possible. Yet the kids just laughed and did the same thing back. Then one of them said, “Hay! You guys are really cool! Y’all should stick with us! It would be fun!”

     That made all of us monsters roar even louder as they stuck up their arms and tried to look fiercer, which made the kids laugh even more and put up their arms to roar back at me, trying to be scary.

     We all just looked at each other while we just frowned. We had never had anybody not be so scared of us before. That made us all curious about what they were doing, so we tagged along with them. Every house they came to the kids would yell, “Trick-or-treet! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat!” Then the people put candy into their bags. When I could see how it worked, they put out their really tremendous sized hands for the people to pour some candy into them. Then the 6-handed monster from Agleeting came to join those children on their way through the entire neighborhood.

     So if your doorbell rings and you open it to see some scary-looking monsters there, don’t wait for them to shout, “Trick-or-treet! Smell my feet!” etc.. Just put some candy in their bags and let them be. The wisest thing to do would be just to put some candy into their bags or their hands. Real monsters can be quite unpredictable sometimes. You never know what might happen to you otherwise.

     The end.

By, Cuz Roye.