Here's How Robbin' Hood Got His Merry Men

Here's How Robbin' Hood Got His Merry-Men

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a man who absolutely loathed poverty named Robbin Hat. He couldn't stand to see anybody who was considered 3rd class, or 3rd World. His heart went out to those kinds of people, and there were so many of them in his home city, but there was nothing he could do to alleviate that problem. He was always a good student in school and had memorized all of The Constitution, particularly the part which stated, "We are endowed by certain inaliable rights that all men are created equal" and they should all have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." He hated seeing people on the streets holding up signs which read, "I'll work for food." The thing was he couldn't think of anything to do about that problem. He worked for a company called S. S. Va.. He'd written a poem about them which went as follows, ........

"S. is for Super. s is for Strong.

V. is for Victories when things go wrong.

A is for All-caring, it's plane to see.

That is what S. S. Va. means to me."

Yet later after he'd worked under them for a long time he changed his tune, at least the words to that song anyway to, ......

"S. is for Stupid. S. is for Slack.

V. is for Very bad, all the way back.

A. is for Awful, this place is a dump.

S. S. Va.'s a kangaroo. So, jump!"

Finally he got fed up with seeing so many underprivileged and poverty-stricken people in the streets when he'd ride by. That's when he got an idea, called he would rob from the rich people and then give those things he'd stolen to the underprivileged residents of Danville since it was so poverty-stricken. At the time Danville was being run by an organization called Knottinghead. An evil dictator ruled that great big city called The Sheriff Of Knottinghead. At least that was the name all the residents of Danville called him anyway. He was entirely too evil to be allowed, that's according to all the people who lived there called Danvilleians. It was really a shame because all the villagers were really nice people, that is, except for just that one. Yet since the town was run by an autocratic form of government, he made up all the rules to make the people;s lives be totally miserable.

Then a man named Robin Hood of how mean the leader of that once fine city was being ruled so unfairly. If anybody didn't like what he did, they were all given 39 stripes with a wet noodle, which really incredibly painful. His name was Robin. Well, that was actually his nickname because he was so, "Cheep!" and he was such a, "bird-brain" who was always trying to, "spring" into action, but for whatever reason, he said, "Things should be, 'egg'-siteing when you open the, 'hatch' and see what it, 'does-in' your life. I hate being, 'bird' which is, 'egg'-zacty what I need to open the, 'hatch' to success which is, 'my-great' way to find some real joy without, 'robbin' ' anybody or making my friend, Jay be happy so he's not a, 'blue-Jay' by using a, 'crane' to life his problems or telling his brother, Bob, who's a writer, so he can say, " 'Bob,-white' me a story about birds, 'feather' it sells or not which would interest any type of doctor, like an a, 'nest'-atist. Granted, I don't want to be a mocking bird and repeat what I say. One bird wouldn't get along with his mate he pecked to merry, even though he, "wood-peck-' er" to be his girl. I don't want to be a mocking bird and repeat what I say feather that helps anybody or not I'll tell my friend, "Bob" to go, "white" to the problem and won't be, "shell"-fish if the, "yoke's not, 'white' on me so it won't, "scramble" my brains while sitting on my, "poach" since that usually makes thoughts come, "over-easy" to me and I'll share since I'm not at all, " 'shell'-fish." To, " 'egg'-stirminate" that jerk was " 'egg'-zactly" what they all needed. Still, to get some more birds they had to be seeds to plant because they grew from, "bird seeds" by using, "my-great" planting ability which they'd, "flock" to, unless they were a covey of quail which I hate but partridges are alright, although I cannot stand that guy, "Bob-White" who was, of course, a blackbird, but his neighbor, Will's wife was what some birds would call, "a bad-egg" so everybody would say, "Whip 'er, Will!" That's because she was such a, "person-brain," "egg-stravaganza and that was not, "egg"-zactly what he wanted by any, "egg"-stream, although often he wished she would become, "egg"-stinct no matter how she smelled.

At any rate there was trouble in, "Robin' Hood" because his wife had caught a disease which made her a kleptomaniac. Yet she didn't have any arms which was good since at least it meant she couldn't become an, "armed"-robber, although she she always had to, "chick" out every other birds nest to see if there was anything she could steel, but most of the time there was no kind of, "steel" in any of the other nests, that was quite rare even though it did sent off a really, "foul" aroma though.

When Robin, "left the nest" and got her own place to live, she was still, "robbin' " other bird's nests of their eggs. To get some protein she also started eating fish after they were hatched so she had her very own, "fish-hatchery." That was brain-food. The reason for that is because they all travel in, "schools." Then one day she heard about some porpoises who were extremely intelligent. The problem was they didn't live very long. That's when she found out from a doctor that the best way to lengthen their lifespan was to change their diet and feed them live seagulls. He said that would not only make their lifetimes be much longer, but it would make them become immortal. That was when Robin decided to help that species of animals who were already extremely intelagent animals, to outlive all other animals on this planet earth. That was when he went all the way to Africa so he could catch some extremely huge seagulls. After he had trapped so many of them, he brought them back to feed the porpoises so they would become immortal just like the doctor told him would happen. Yet while he was bringing all those young gulls through the jungle, he came to a lion who was asleep on the path where he needed to get past. The lion was a sacred animal to everybody who lived in Africa. In fact, it was the state animal which was protected by law. Because Robin didn't think much of the idea of spending a great deal of time in an African hoosegow, he quietly stepped over the sleeping king-of-the-beasts to avoid waking him hip. He had to hold the young gulls in such a way that they didn't make a lot of squawking to wake him up.

Suddenly a policeman saw him and blew his whistle to arrest Robin. When he asked what his charge was, the officer said he'd been busted for, "taking young gulls across the state lion for immortal proposes."

Since that evil sheriff hated Robin, because he always made a monkey out of him every time he would try to catch him, or his mate, who was more of a, "pri-mate," he hated the way he would, "make a money out of him" every time. That was when he upped his reward for the capture of that so-called, "bad-guy" who only wanted to make everybody be on the same level. To make matters worse, the evil sheriff's daughter had a crush on him. Her name was Made Marian because she, "made" all the guys be, "marry" when she walked by them. Yet since her daddy was such such a jerk, she would have given him away for the cost of a soda since then he would have really been a, "soda jerk." His wife had left him because she couldn't take how he dominated not only the entire city of Danville but even his own family.

Since the entire metropolis of Danville was so poverty-stricken, with the exception of several wealthy people, Robin was always taking their money and expensive things from them then giving that stuff to the poor people in town. That was making him be well-loved by most of the population in that great big city. He even took most of the books out of the library except for those written by Edger Allen Poe. The reason for that was because he was also a, "po'e" writer. He wrote most of his stories while being drunk, which was why he wrote such odd off-the-wall tales. He never wrote any stories about domesticated animals since that was not the kind of, "tails" he wrote about. Even that awesome poem, The Raven he wrote was a best-seller because it made all his readers, "ravin' " about wanting him to write some more.

Then one day while he was delivering money and other right costly things to the poverty-stricken members in Danville, a cop saw him and arrested him then took him to jail, prison, the hoosegow, the Crowbar Hotel, the Hacksaw-Hilton, The slammer. The Big-House. Needless to say, the evil sheriff was beyond ecstatic to finally have that so-called, "thief" behind bars at last. To say that evil sheriff was overjoyed would have been a gross understatement. That made all of his men nowhere near, "merry." It appeared as if all the poor-people, which was most of what the population of Danville was, was really sad, and yet there was nothing anybody could do about it. The sheriff's rules were the laws. All the residents in that great big metropolis were suffering because most of them were quite poor. They couldn't even afford to, "pour" any kind of drinks. That evil sheriff made it so that the people even had to pay for their water. However, since he was so wealthy, he could afford to do anything, or make any changes he saw fit because what he said was law. He was sending people to jail for jaywalking and parking in a no-parking area. It seamed making all the people in that great big city miserable was something that brought him great pleasure in life. Also since Robin Hat had his merry men, who had to change their name because they were not the least bit merry. Even Jesus's mother, Mary, was sad looking down from Heaven at what was happening.

Then one night while all the jail guards were asleep, a little ferry flew into the cells where Robin Hat, Made Mary-an and all The Merry Men were in stocks. She quickly unshackled all of them. Then she told them to invest a lot of money in, "The, 'Stock' Market" because it was about to hit an all-time high. They didn't want to talk about bonds because they'd been, "bound" in jail. At any rate, they all got out of jail free without even using their cards from the Menmoppolly game. The ferry also tied up the mean sheriff and all of his guys who were each asleep. Not only that, but the ferry put all of them on a real, "ferry" which was bound for The U. S. A. which was where life would be great.

That's where Robin, "popped it" to Made Marian. Naturally, she said, "I thought you'd never ask sweetheart!" so they were married. The following year they blessed Danville with their first offspring who grew up a thief like daddy, but that was cool. At any rate, like the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!"

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The end. By, Cuz Roye.