Sacrificium

It was always during the quiet moments, when conflict thins, that the pain settles in. Kane sat on a stiff, wooden chair in the center of the room. More of a hole than a room, actually. Barely lit by a candle close to giving up. He trembled in his dirty, tattered uniform. Gunshots, explosions, and endless screaming rattled his mind. Clenched in his hand was his only form of peace. A delightful photograph of a wonderful woman. His beloved. He hadn’t seen her since he enlisted. She begged him not to go, but he was too enthusiastic. If the country calls, then why wait to be conscripted? It’ll be over by Christmas, they said. In a matter of months, he’d be back home with his family. However, it was 1916 and two years had passed.

While he sat there, teary eyed, a visitor entered. It was his commanding officer. The once proud and tall man now dragged his feet and slouched. He placed his hand on the soldier’s back while drinking from his alcohol flask.

“How are you holding up, son?” he asked, offering Kane a drink. His tone was soothing, almost fatherly. Although, there was a hint of distress.

Kane was quiet for a long moment. Then, he took a sip of the alcohol. “As best as I can, sir”, he whispered.

The officer noticed the photograph. “She’s beautiful”, he said, making the soldier grin. “You’ll see her soon, I promise. We’ll all return home soon”. He took another sip. “I have news”.

Kane’s eyes lit up. “Did the runners return from their negotiations? Is the battle finally over? We’ve been here for months”.

The officer shook his head. “The runners never returned”.

“Executed. Great. So, the enemy won’t stop”.

“The enemy can’t stop and neither can we”.

Kane clenched the photograph even tighter. “We can't stop? What do you mean”?

The officer began pacing around the hole. “All of human history has been defined by war and I fear that we’ve finally reached our breaking point as a species. I don’t even remember what we’re fighting for. Do you? I know the enemy doesn't. Our senseless need for violence has created something beyond comprehension and it's out there prowling No Man’s Land”.

Standing up, Kane grabbed the officer’s shoulders. “Come to your senses. What are you talking about? The only things out there are the enemy and dead men”.

“No!” the officer yelled as he shoved the soldier away. “It spoke to me, I swear. I exchanged messenger pigeons with the enemy and they agreed that something is out there”.

“What is out there”!

“The runners weren’t executed, they were consumed by the beast. A beast born of humanity’s natural need for war. For disorder. Chaos”.

The soldier looked away in disbelief. “You’ve gone mad. This war has made us all mad. Constant artillery, machine guns, poison gas, flamethrowers, landships. Everyday I wonder if I’ll completely lose my sanity, but you’ve definitely lost yours”.

“I met with the other officers. We’ve planned a charge. You’re going over the top”.

Kane shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere. Every effective attack leads to an equally effective counterattack. Not once have we gained any ground”.

“This attack will be different. Not only can it end the battle, but also the war”.

“No, it won’t. Nothing will. I don’t want to die and I won’t die on foolish orders from a foolish officer too drunk on hallucinations to think clearly”. He sat back down on the chair. His face in his palms. “I only want to see my family again”.

The officer unholstered his revolver. “You’ve no say in this matter”.

“Go ahead, shoot me. I’ll never see my sweetheart again anyway as long as you’re in charge”.

The officer grabbed the soldier and shoved him outside the dugout. “Far too many men have senselessly died under my watch. No more”.

“I need my rifle”, Kane said with a sigh.

The officer shoved him again. “Out, now”!

Both exited and walked through the narrow trench. The moist, muddy ground further dirtied their irreparable boots. All was quiet. There wasn’t a single conversation or even laughter. The troops simply stared. Not at anything in particular. Seemingly into the abyss. Their faces rife with despair. Some wore their gas masks permanently as if they were extensions of their faces. Others were disfigured by incomprehensible injuries. One was so still that rats were nibbling on his fingers and burrowing into his boots to nibble on his toes. Throughout all of this was the aroma of ash and hints of poison gas alongside a colorless, cloudy view of gray.

Eventually, the two arrived at the frontline trench. Kane’s heartbeat increased rapidly as the officer motioned for him to grab hold of the ladder. The officer’s eyes were bulging. He didn’t even blink. “It’s time to face the amalgamation of all of humanity’s sins, the chimera. For king, country, and our future. Godspeed”, he said clenching his whistle. His hand was trembling.

Looking around, Kane was alone. “Why aren’t the others joining the charge”?

“We must keep casualties to a minimum. You’ll be remembered for this, son”.

Kane whispered to himself. “Remembered for what?” he sighed. “I’ll see you again darling. I promise. You, the children, our home. I promise”.

The dreaded whistle blew deafeningly loud and the soldier went over the top into No Man’s Land.

Blanketed in fog, the eyes became useless at a distance. So, Kane took short steps, coughing from the residual poison gas the wind carried about. He waded through endless detritus of a world mad with rage. Flies hovered over decomposing bodies whose smell invaded his nostrils. He wondered if it was possible to bury them all. Equalling the number of human bodies were that of dead horses. Aside from the horses, there was fresh landship wreckage, still burning and riddled with bullet holes. Both the past and future of warfare side by side. A chimera of our desire for violent evolution and advancement. All amid a barren, poisonous land violently devoid of nature.

Where is the chimera? Should I return and be executed for desertion? Or continue and dive head first into the enemy’s jaws? He thought to himself. He began to cough excessively. Even coughing blood. His head throbbed and he was dizzy. I don’t care about the survival of the human race. I only care about my survival. For myself. For my family.

An explosive roar burst his eardrums and quaked the ground. Kane stumbled into a crater. Lying next to him was a fellow soldier covered in ash and mud, barely clinging to life. His muddied rifle lay beside him. “Please, help me”, the wounded soldier tried to say, his voice lower than a whisper. Slowly, he removed a letter and a dead flower from his pocket. “I won’t make it. Please, take these to my wife”, he said as his eyes closed. Kane stared, teary eyed. He grabbed the letter and flower and placed both within his pocket, next to his own wife’s photograph. Then, he grabbed the rifle, wiped off the mud, and examined the bolt. It was loaded.

He let out a heavy cough. “I must survive. I… I must kill the chimera, so I can see my family again. So, you can be avenged”, he said as he climbed out of the crater and witnessed flames grazing the clouds.

Hunting for the mythical prey, the soldier prowled the barren wasteland set ablaze by the falling sparks. His eyes bulged out of their sockets, no longer blinking. Yet, he was still blind in the blazing fog. The further he travelled, the roar grew louder and the flames brightened. Eventually, an outline was visible. The body of a lion, a goat’s head on its back, and a snake for a tail. Immediately, he readied his weapon. Yet, the closer he came to the beast, the roar and flames lessened until the chimera left no trace. Its form morphing into something else. Suddenly, he heard footsteps nearing ahead. He halted, breathing heavily. Sweat covered his body.

Out of the fog came an enemy soldier holding a rifle, too. Quickly, both aimed at each other. The enemy soldier had a mad look in his eyes.

“Did you come searching for the beast?” Kane asked, rubbing his eyes. The insanity spread, but he might be reasonable. It was all a hallucination. Surely, he must understand. His breathing slowed. “I don’t think anything is out here. Let’s withdraw our weapons and return to our trenches. Tell our officers everything. This”, he said motioning to the surrounding devastation, “must end”.

Kneeling to the ground, the enemy soldier began to cough blood. Kane came to his aid, but he shoved him away. Suddenly, both were aiming at each other again.

The enemy soldier spoke in his foreign language. His tone was aggressive.

Survive.

“Please, I don’t understand you. Put the gun down. We’re both afraid, but we don’t need to do this. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I just want to go home”, he said, taking out his wife’s photograph.

The enemy soldier stepped forward, his body trembling.

I must survive for my family. He looked at the photograph.

“There is no chimera. It must be the gas. Please, stop. Don’t make me shoot”.

The enemy soldier screamed in anger.

I will survive.

“Put. The gun. Down. Now”!

Both soldiers, men, humans, beasts were crying. Their fingers on their rifle’s triggers.

I don’t want to die.

Flashing gunshots sent both men down to the ground. Kane’s body was frozen. He was still holding his wife’s photograph, but he couldn’t look at it. He lost all feeling within his body. “I’m so sorry”, he said. Slowly, his heartbeat and breathing stopped and his eyes saw darkness. Both men were lost to the chimera. Husbands, brothers, sons lost forever. Sacrificed in the war that didn’t end all wars.