Spaced

Standing with her mother, Cindi asked, “Is he okay?”

“I’m sure. Your father’s adjusting after his long trip.”

“I’ve seen more active statues. Are we sure aliens didn’t switch him out?”

“Yes. I know him. He’ll be okay.”

Elaine and Cindi, watched Dan, husband and father, sit by the pool in the umbrella’s shade. The celebration of his return from outer space swirled around him. Despite lively music playing, Dan didn’t move. He appeared oblivious to the dozens of people dancing and chatting around him.

People left him alone. It was as if an invisible barrier surrounded him.

Cindi said, “I’ll talk to him.” She rushed over before Elaine could stop her.

He didn’t seem to notice when she approached and stood before him.

“You seem spacey, Daddy. Are you okay?”

Cindi looked concerned. She touched his hand.

In monotone, Dan said, “You know where I’ve been.” He didn’t look at her.

“Outer space.”

“Yup.”

“Does that happen to everyone? Why go there?”

He didn’t answer.

Cindi stepped back. “We miss you, Daddy.”

“I’m back.”

“But you’re different.”

“It feels like everything is different. Things don’t look like they did up there.”

“But isn’t space dark?”

“That’s when you can see things more clearly.”

“I don’t get it.”

This didn’t go as she’d hoped. Cindi looked at her mother who waved to her. The girl walked back to her.

Elaine went into the kitchen. Two women from the neighborhood were talking. When they saw Elaine, they went silent.

Pretending not to notice she opened the fridge.

She had to speak. “What’s up?”

Donna said, “Oh, I was telling Francine about my concussion.”

“What about it?”

“Uhm…”

Francine jumped in. “Donna said she just sat and stared for weeks. Watching TV was too high stim. Her parents thought she was brain damaged.”

Elaine said, “Dan isn’t brain damaged.”

“Of course he isn’t. He’s a hero. I didn’t mean…”

Donna said, “I’ve heard about what they call hospital psychosis. People come out of the hospital disoriented… They don’t recognize the most familiar situations, like their home, as…”

“He’s not psychotic either.”

Francine said, “Or shell shock… soldiers overwhelmed by violence…”

“Going into space doesn’t cause PTSD. I always heard space was awesome.”

“Yeah… We understand, dear. It must be difficult for you and little Cindi.”

“We’re all fine.” Elaine looked at the wall clock. “I’m sorry you have to go. I was about to start wrapping it up.”

Francine said, “Do you need…?”

Touching her arm, Donna interrupted. “No. We need to go… Remember?”

Francine began to shake her head, paused and then nodded. The two women moved toward the door.

They called back. “Thanks, Elaine. For everything.”

Donna and Francine made their way out. Elaine moved to the window and watched Dan. He hadn’t moved.

Dan was well aware of how people looked at him. He felt sorry for goldfish, always stared at, but having no way to communicate.

He wasn’t suffering from trauma. Rather, he didn’t know how to describe his feelings. The words he knew simply couldn’t convey his experience to anyone who hadn’t also gone through it. And those who knew didn’t need explanations.

Soldiers returning home sometimes find it hard to talk about their military life. Not always due of the horrors of war, but because no one had a context for understanding.

Dan had returned home. Everything was familiar. But after his extended journey through space, every mundane object or event seemed alien.

Elaine pulled a chair up next to Dan. The party was winding down. People waved good-bye and Elaine would nod to them.

She touched his hand. He closed his fingers into hers.

She said, “Cindi’s worried about you.”

“Why? I’m fine.”

“Dan…”

“I talked with her…”

Elaine looked at him. Dan took a long time to answer.

“I don’t know how to explain.”

“Try.”

“I feel removed. Everything that's important in life, now feels distant. Other. Superficial.” He glanced around and leaned toward her. "Look at everyone. The smiles and laughter... when do the masks come off?"

“We’re right here.”

Dan turned to her. “What if you lived your whole life in a dark cave with no light. And that was normal. Then, one day you find your way out and you see everything.”

“Can you see us?”

“Of course I do. I can’t find the words.”

“I bet the dictionary has the right word.”

“But it’s random.”

Elaine laughed. “No, it’s in alphabetical order.”

Dan realized he couldn’t communicate.

He said, “No one learned to speak by reading a dictionary. It’s ordered randomness.”

They sat in silence for a time. The sunlight faded.

Elaine stood. “I’m going to bed.”

Dan said, “Good night.”

A cool breeze awakened Dan. He opened his eyes and, in a few moments, realized he still sat in the deck chair by the pool. He stood and went inside.

He found himself standing in the darkened hallway between two night-lights. He had no idea how long he’d been there. One shadow stretched across the ceiling toward the front door. The other reached back toward their bedroom where Elaine slumbered. Neither shadow expressed a preference.

Dan didn’t move for several minutes. It felt an eternity.

Eventually, he went to the bedroom and slipped between the sheets.

Elaine stirred. Dan touched her shoulder and she settled without awakening.

~

Cindi shook her father. “Wake up, Daddy! It’s late…”

Sunlight streamed through the window.

He felt disoriented. “For what?”

“For the Ren Faire! You promised…”

“I did?”

“Yeah… We go every year.”

Dan groaned. “I don’t know, kid…”

“I’m dressing as a fairy princess… Come on...!”

Dan got up and dressed. He wore no costume but a broad-brimmed hat for the sun.

Arriving to the fairgrounds, they parked. Faire goers dressed in all manner of costume streamed toward the entrance. A trio of jesters, dressed in motley strolled by. They juggled and passed objects between them as they walked.

There were witches and fairies. A woman in an elaborate gown took mincing steps followed by an attendant holding her train. A minstrel followed them strumming his mandolin and singing a ballad.

Dan stopped and said, “I can’t go in. It’s too much, too soon.”

Elaine took his arm. “Dan, what happened to you up there?”

Dan shook his head. “It’s nothing. Need time to adjust.” He gestured at the outlandish costumes. Someone in a bear costume lumbered by, led on a leash by a man wearing tights. “Outer space is one thing. Now I’m feeling out of time.”

“Sorry. I didn’t think.”

“It’s not a crisis. You know… jet lag from circling the moon seven times. These witches traipsing by would have a field day if they knew.”

Elaine got it. “Okay. We won’t stay long. Don’t need that hanging over our heads.”

“I’ll get your tickets and park myself out here.”

In a few minutes he returned from the ticket booth.

He gave them their tickets and a hug. Eager to go, Cindi pulled at her mother’s dress.

Elaine said, “You’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. Have a good time.”

Mother and daughter held hands and walked into the faire.

Dan sat under a tree and watched the parade of revelers coming and going.

What world did I come back to? he wondered. I don’t belong here at all.

In a couple of hours, Elaine and Cindi emerged from the faire. They looked happy and tired.

Elaine handed Dan a turkey leg. “You must be starving.”

Dan ripped a chunk of meat off with his teeth. He mumbled, “Thanks! Delicious…”

Cindi couldn’t stop talking about the adventures they had inside the faire. None of it made sense to Dan.

Once home, Dan settled into his chair in front of the television. He didn’t even turn it on. He just stared.

Cindi came into the room and stood in front of her father.

“Daddy?”

He looked at her.

“I got you a surprise.”

“You did?”

“Yeah… Stay here a minute.”

She ran out of the room. A few moments later she returned carrying a young puppy. She set it on the floor in front of her father.

The puppy shivered. Its eyes looked about in terror.

Dan said, “It’s too young. It should be with its mother.”

He put his hand out. “Come on, pup…”

The puppy sniffed his fingers. He let Dan touch it.

In a few moments the puppy crept into his hand. Dan petted him.

Holding it securely, Dan picked him up and cradled him. The puppy calmed.

Raising the puppy to eye level, Dan smiled and said, “Hi Astro! Welcome home!”

The puppy squirmed and yipped. Dan kissed its nose. It barked.

For the first time since his space trip, Dan laughed. Tears streamed and the puppy licked them off his face.

Cindi and Elaine broke into applause.

They shouted. “Welcome home!”