12

Mystery Suspense

Written in response to: "Write about someone whoโ€™s so obsessed with a goal that it leads to the destruction of their closest relationship." as part of To Err Is Human.

My life is precious, everything about me is precious. My world, my job, my little computer. I enjoy them and I would rather nothing change. This is my time of peace, my joy, I love everything. The only problem is-

There it is? Did you hear it? Did you hear that little tick that threatens my life. I turn and there it is, I take a step forward but it is right ahead. I smile and it smiles right back, I sleep and it wakes me up. I need to get away, I need to run, I canโ€™t let it catch me- I canโ€™t. All my life it watches me, even on my greatest days I see it watching me like a thief. Even when I stop it moves on without me, leaving me behind.

I fasten my steps, but you're right ahead, so I turn around and your right there. What do you want from me? I havenโ€™t done anything wrong, I just want to live my precious life, please stop chasing me! Please.

I turn down Monroe street and I bump into someone.

โ€œAre you okay Miss? You look frightened.โ€

โ€œMiss? My name is Aurora!โ€ I yell, much to his surprise. โ€œSorry, there is someone chasing me-โ€

His eyes look past me into the darkness, then he meets my eyes.

โ€œSomeone?โ€

โ€œYes yes, someone โ€ฆsomeone- no somethingโ€ I respond grabbing his shoulder.

โ€œI donโ€™t really see anything.โ€ he says. Of course he doesnโ€™t, every time I try to tell someone about this, they have this look in their eye, they think Iโ€™m crazy.

โ€œMaโ€™am-โ€

โ€œAurora!โ€ I interrupt.

โ€œAurora, maybe I could walk you home if that will make you feel safer.โ€ he says with worry in his eyes.

โ€œNo! I have already put you in enough risk, just get out of here! Run as fast as you can, donโ€™t let it catch you, okay?!โ€ I look around and rush away, I hear it, why wonโ€™t it stop.

I was twelve when it started, it was my birthday and I remember me being all smiley. I finally was growing older, I could finally go on the rides I wanted too, I could finally be taken seriously. I was growing older. But that was when it hit me; I was growing older. I finally sat up in my princess dress that was way to small for me now, I picked up my tiara and suddenly something caught my eye. Something irritated my ears, something sour on my tongue, goosebumps rippled over my skin. I could feel it on my body, it was disgusting.

I ran to find my parents and before I knew it I was 24, and they laid on their bed, tired. It still chased me, chased me everywhere, I couldnโ€™t even breathe because I knew that was a count down. The count down to my death. I ran looking for my parents and before I knew it I was 36 and they were dead. They werenโ€™t fast enough.

You took them, it took them. And it was going to take me too if I didnโ€™t run. That man better be running too if he knows whatโ€™s best for him.

Did you know I was the fastest runner in 5th grade? I could run for miles without taking a break. At least thatโ€™s what my mother told me. But now look at me, gasping for air, back in pain, and sweat rolling down my forehead. Its already catching me. When did it drug me? I canโ€™t even remember anymore. All I know is that I have to run, to keep running, I will not let it catch my precious life. I canโ€™t even live my life but once I outrun this thing, I will live without concern. Give me ti-

No! Iโ€™m late for work! I run to the bathroom, my eyebags have become more visible. My eyes look dead and tired its a shell compared to my curious eyes in the past. Look at what Iโ€™m becoming, donโ€™t worry I just need to outrun it. Then I can live in peace.

My roommate is sitting in the corner eating her cereal, everyday she looks more creeped out by me. She barely comes home and claims to be working 3 shifts a day. I know she wants to get out of this apartment as soon as possible, because of me? Its not my fault, its its fault. They donโ€™t understand, Iโ€™m running for my life.

โ€œUm you should probably eat, you donโ€™t look so good.โ€ she says slowly putting her full bowl of cereal back on the table.

โ€œNo, ti-ti-ti-โ€ I stammer.

โ€œOkay! Okay! Just goโ€ she says with fear in her eyes.

โ€œOkay.โ€ I forgot what the quote said but I remember the ending โ€œ โ€“ waits for no oneโ€

I work every day, I love my job, mostly cause everyone leaves everyone alone. No one calls me weird and Iโ€™m good at what I do. But my job is- its filled with them. They are everywhere. Every room. Every corner. I canโ€™t take it. I canโ€™t.

I close my ears and my eyes in fear. The rooms fill with โ€˜Are you okayโ€™. โ€œNoโ€ฆIโ€™m not just get them out of here and Iโ€™ll be fine.โ€

โ€œGet what? What Aurora?โ€

โ€œThe- the things- they are everywhere please! Please get them out!โ€ I point to the walls.

โ€œTim-?โ€

And just like that, I pass out, and when I wake up,

Iโ€™m 48.

Not enough-, not enough-, not enough-. Iโ€™m running out of-

I gasp in pain as I feel my head pound. The doctors are surrounding me and I look up at them. What is that on there wrist?

โ€œYou are sick.โ€

I am not.

โ€œStay here.โ€

No. I need to run! I need to run! You need to run! We all need to run!

โ€œWe can help you get better.โ€

No you canโ€™t, they are here tooo!!!

I scream in what seems like forever and just like thatโ€ฆ

I am 60.

โ€ฆThey havenโ€™t let me leave. I always wondered how I got here all those years ago but now I realize it was my roommate. She wanted the apartment to herself and she was gonna get it sooner or later. It was only a matter of โ€“

I cough. And blood releases from my lips. My body aches with pain, its unbearable. As โ€“ passes, it is catching me, tormenting me for all the times I ran away. I can no longer run with these shackles on my ankles. Or maybe I can? No. No I cannot.

The only thing left isโ€ฆ surrender. I must end this cycle once and for all. So I call out its nameโ€ฆ

โ€œ Tiโ€“โ€ I cough. โ€œPleaseโ€ฆ pleaseโ€ฆโ€

A silver shiny metal appears in the air and I watch as the three hands move. Each hand moving at their own pace, one with immense speed, another calm, and a turtle. I reach out my hand,

โ€œTi- ti- Time. Pleaseโ€ฆโ€ surrender. โ€œStop.โ€

Each hand stops with my word. They stop at the same spot- the same place where I began, where this chase began. 12.

My heart starts to beat slower, and for the first time in my life I feel free. My hand is filled with wrinkles, my body with running scars. My precious life. I never got to live, but to live means to be free. Why is it now that I understand the meaning, my whole life has gone to waste, the thing I wanted to protect is what I used as a shield. My precious life is destroyed, but at least I do not have to run anymore. At least I am free.

My hand touches the silver shiny metal which has completely stopped.

โ€œIfโ€ฆI had knownโ€ฆit would be that easyโ€ฆI would have said those words earlier. You caught meโ€ฆit was only a matter of ti- ti- time.โ€ I drop my hand and my heart disappears, with the pain and suffering. I can finally stop running, if only I had gotten to live after, I could have been happy on my death bed. But I guess it is true what they say-


Time waits for no one.


T I M E ๐Ÿ•›

Posted Nov 30, 2020
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71 likes 303 comments

N. N.
November 30, 2020 15:42

Hello Ugochi,
First of all, happy 20th story!

Now, as for the story, it addresses a predominant theme of time: not the endless, vast lifetime people often refer to, but the inner fear, I think, most people have - running short of time. I love how the title, without giving away the main element of the story, portrays something which has a meaning of its own. (If one calculates as per clocks, 12 is the end of an hour, as well as the beginning of another hour. Perfectly symbolic of birth and death)
A few, quick edits I found:

"I take a step but it is right ahead..."
--> Did you perhaps mean, "I take a step back..." ?
"my heart disappears, with the pain and suffering."
--> "...along with the pain..."
"if only I got to live after, I would have been happy"
--> This sentence, is slightly confusing. Did you by chance mean that the narrator is wistful of a next lifeโ€“ of a life after death, where she could live more peacefully? If that is what you meant, I think the sentence could be phrased like, " if I get to live after, I could be happy"
--> And finally, there are one or two lines, that are slightly long, and hence, could use some punctuations.

These are just my personal opinions, feel free to ignore them if you'd like! Once again, a great story!
Keep writing!!

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Thank youu Neha!! And thank you for taking the time to critique. For the first critique i actually meant it like that as in "I take a step forward" not backward but I can try to rewrite if that is confusing!

The second to the last critique, thank youu cause I didn't know how to reword the sentence but I knew I messed up, so thank youu!
And i'll reread it for extra measure!

Thank you so much for this! Honestly!

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N. N.
November 30, 2020 18:03

No problem! And the edits look much better now, it solves the confusions! I'm so glad I could be of help.

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 13:45

Omg-
THIS WAS SO GOOD! I loved the mystery aspect of it! It was also quite sad thoughhhhhh
Great job!!! :D

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Thank youuu so much Kate!!!! Yeah it was pretty sad.

AhH! I wanted to read your stories first but you beat me to it!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Kate Reynolds
January 11, 2021 16:37

Npppp!!!!!!!!!

XDD It was wonderful! :D

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Maya -
January 05, 2021 01:35

I might do a story with friends on Reedsy, and I would like to put you in it, so what would you want your character's personalty/ physical description/ special skills/ spirit animal (if I do animals) to be? :)

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Ah me? I am deeply flattered๐Ÿคง!!
Well for my personality- Sarcastically funny, brutally honest (like no filter), really caring and sweet!
Physical description - Um...hm...Long puffy hair! Medium height. Brown eyes, Normal normal. (tell me if you want more descriptions here!)

Special traits - Um can tell a liar, Can draw and cook. And can do archery at any distance!
Spirit animal - Owl!

I'm sorry, but do these match up to what you had in mind for your story? If you need any more please ask! AHH Thank you for even thinking of me for this!

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Maya -
January 05, 2021 12:38

Thanks so much! That's perfect! :)

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Oh okay!
Can't wait to readdd if you do it!!

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Maya -
January 05, 2021 15:04

I think I'll post it in a few days. :)

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Hey Celeste! I'm great! How are you?
Haha I know! Alsooo thank you for always reading my bio!

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Sia S
December 25, 2020 10:23

Hey sis! Just upvoted you!! ughh but I couldn't get you a place up... ugh. Sup?

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Hey Sia!! Omg thank youuu! I will try to upvote you too! And its okay.
Heyy! How are ya!

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Sia S
December 25, 2020 18:25

No need, a Christmas gift ;). :) I'm good! You?

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Oh its nice to know your doing good! An improvement!
Yeah I'm doing good too.
How is Christmas going for you so far?

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Sia S
December 26, 2020 06:28

Yeah :) Good! I woke up at 12pm and had noodles for breakfast lol, sup with u?

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Wow, that actually sounds goood!
And on Christmas I slept at 2 in the night sooo...but Christmas in general was good!
How are youu, and why does your bio say your leaving for awhile๐Ÿฅบ

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Nickname: Mist
..... weird nickname... ooff, your in my bio now, Thanks for putting me into yours!

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Its actually a really cool nickname! I think it fits you well!
Of course!! And thank you!

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Ouu Fancy! Is there a reason why?

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Ohhh now I am actually curious to see what your hair looks like, thats cool!

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OMG
Hi! I love the ending! So sad, true, and great!
Havenโ€™t talk to u, u making a bio? I loved ur first one!

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Hey!! Thank you Celeste!
I haven't talked to you either, but I do remember reading one of your stories!
I am making a bio, I just haven't had the energy to make one yet. I deleted the other one I had it was starting to get boring. But soooooon I will!
Aw thank you!!

How are you?

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I'll read it soon!
Maybbeeeee
And thats good that your good!
Also do you mind liking the story! I really wanna see it at 50!

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December 15, 2020 20:19

WOAH. This flowed sooo nicely. When I read it I thought FOR SURE it would win. I'm sosososososososososososos mad it didn't. it totally deserved it. This has got to be my favorite story on Reedsy so far.

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Aw thank you Abby! Yeah, I knew I wouldn't win or anything cause like you have to be 18 to win and stuff like that. Oh well, I'll take your praise instead!!
Wow, I am shocked, thanks!

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December 15, 2020 21:20

Of course, again this is definitely my favorite story ever on Reedsy!

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December 11, 2020 00:01

WOAH. I am speechless. This is so
Good. Possible one of the best stories Iโ€™ve read so far on Reedsy. You are truly talented. Keep
Up the amazing work!!

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Ahhhhh, thank you so much Abby!!!

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December 11, 2020 00:20

Of course!
P.S. Iโ€™m just starting to readyour โ€œindescribable like or loveโ€ series and omg I love already.

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Haha thank youu! I'm glad your enjoying that series, alot of people seem too.

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Radhika Diksha
December 09, 2020 18:02

Hey i just submitted a new story, would love your feedback on it.

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Hey Radhika!! I have a lot of exams so I am taking a break, I will be back once exams are over so I'll read your story after. Is that okay?

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Radhika Diksha
December 13, 2020 06:25

Of course, there's no emergency. Best of luck with your exams, and so not take stress, eat and sleep properly. I know you are a well-talented girl and you will give your exams very nicely.

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Thank you Radhika! Thats so nice of you to say!

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Elaina Goodnough
December 07, 2020 04:06

This was amazing, and after just reading one of your stories from a few months ago, I can see your writing as evolved in a wonderful way. It was never worse, it just has gotten better. (If that makes ANY kind of sense!)

Great job, and I think this is one of the best stories on Reedsy. I don't follow a lot of people, but I think you may be one of them. AMAZING JOB!

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Aww thank you so much Rose! Ahh thats so sweet! Its nice to be on people follow lists! Especially when they barely follow much people! Thank youuu!

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Elaina Goodnough
December 07, 2020 15:24

Of course! Thank You for following me!

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Excuse me as I read this over and over for a good hour and a half.
Ugochiiiiiiii!!!!!! This was so gooooood!! How are you so good at writing mystery stories? I was hooked from the very start and was literally at the edge of my seat. It was amaaaaziiiing!!!!!

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Ahhh Luna! Thank you so much!!!
Maybe I should write more mystery now, well thank you so much for reading!!!

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Yes yes yes, please write more mystery!!!

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Amany Sayed
December 02, 2020 21:48

New story out if you're interested!
Warning-It's a bit odd.

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Yay! I'll go check it out!
Interesting๐Ÿค”

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Orenda .
December 01, 2020 19:05

heya, i put up a link to a quiz thingy on my bio. Check it out whenever you want :D

Reply

I checked it out, but I think I left off a few questions. SO here it is

Umm you are really funny and extra nice!! I don't think you should change a thing- your outburst of cursing are hilarious to me๐Ÿ˜‚

Anndddd yeah I think thats the only one I left off.

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Orenda .
December 03, 2020 03:16

ohhh thank youuu

๐Ÿ˜‚ that's hilarious indeed.

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Hey Orenda!! I have a lot of exams so I am taking a break! So I won't be able to get to your story till like later. Is that okay?

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Orenda .
December 13, 2020 05:48

Of course! Your exams are more important than my story. Best of luckk! :-)

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Sia S
December 01, 2020 03:27

W O N D E R F U L ! ! !

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Thank youuu Sia!!!!!

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Sia S
December 01, 2020 03:32

Welcomeeeeeee

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November 30, 2020 20:32

OOOOOOH THIS IS SO GREAT!!!!! Like okay wow, an insanely creative take on the prompt. I love how it spans over so long. You captured Auroraโ€™s panic so well! And the action is constant throughout. AWESOME STORYYYY SIS!!

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Thank youu Aerin!!
I was gonna come tell you I wrote a story but you beat me to it๐Ÿ˜‚

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Amany Sayed
November 30, 2020 19:27

S P E E C H L E S S

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Thank youuu Amany!๐Ÿ˜Š I'm assuming thats a good thingg!

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Amany Sayed
November 30, 2020 21:00

MHM

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. .
November 30, 2020 18:10

This was amazing!!!!! I LOVED IT!!!! A GREAT EXAMPLE OF YOUR WRITING ABILITY!

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Thank youuu Luke!!!
I'll check out some of your stories later today, or probably whenever but they will come!

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. .
November 30, 2020 18:13

You're totally welcome!!

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THIS IS SO AMAZING!! WHENEVER I READ STORIES WHERE METAPHORS ARE LITERAL I LOVE THEM SO SO SO MUCH!!! *takes a deep breath*

This deserves to win the contest, Ugochi! I love this so much if you can't tell. I love how you inserted time metaphors into it, great job!

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Thank youuuu so much Crystal!!!
Yes, i wanted to do something different this time!! And wow win?? Thank youuu!

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Phebe Emmanuel
November 30, 2020 05:05

AHHHHH!!!! I love this! I start it and I'm like, okay, this has got to be one of those stories where something is impersonated. So I keep reading and then I'm like, no... she's clearly running from someone... And then I get to the middle and it's like ๐Ÿ’ก OHHHHHHH, It's TIME!!! This was great, just one thing:

You said: "I fasten my steps, but your right ahead, so I turn around and your right there."

It should be "you're", not "your".

Otherwise, this was an amazing story!

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Thank youuuu Phebe!!!
I just fixed it, and reread it over, if you remember any other mistakes, feel free to tell me!!
Thank you so much for reading!

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Phebe Emmanuel
November 30, 2020 05:27

Of course! I've almost finished my submission too, it'll be out either tonight or tomorrow!

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Kay whenever you post it, I'll read!

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Phebe Emmanuel
November 30, 2020 06:43

Posted! Go check it out!

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January 01, 2021 06:32

lol idk if u remember me but i have pinterest..

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Amaya Reddy
January 01, 2021 18:57

oh. my god hiii!!! you prob don't know me but i've heard ab you from Aerin and I'm happy you're back! and doing better!

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January 01, 2021 20:53

nooono i think i do know u, ur name looks familiar. anyway thanks sm u guys are so nice and supportive :D

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Amaya Reddy
January 01, 2021 22:19

we talked a bit during voting (nov 3)

ofc!! could I follow ur Pinterest???

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January 01, 2021 22:31

omg yes ofc whats urs

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Amaya Reddy
January 01, 2021 22:37

i messaged you!

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CELESTE!!! Of course I remember youuu! Miss you๐Ÿ˜”
Oh cool, wanna follow me?

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January 01, 2021 20:51

YAYYY i wasnt sure since i changed my name and all , my Pinterest is @jimmyisalone hbu oh and I miss u too <333 mwahhh

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Yeah well I think Aerin called you Jimmy once or twice so I knew right away! My pinterest is just my name haha. I'll follow you now! Okay I did!

I heard your writing a story soon?

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January 01, 2021 22:57

AHHH OKKK yeah im working on writing one for one of the prompts, but I'm not too sure about it agh

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Sia S
January 02, 2021 07:01

OMFG THE KWEEN IS BAAAAAAACK!!!!

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Sia S
January 02, 2021 07:01

OMFG THE KWEEN IS BAAAAAAACK!!!!

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Yay! Well if you post it- I will definitely readd!

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Sia S
December 25, 2020 10:08

Heyyyyyyy Sup?

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B. W.
December 15, 2020 23:53

Hey

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B. W.
December 16, 2020 01:50

how are ya?

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I'm good, how about you?

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B. W.
December 16, 2020 01:56

Im fine, though im working on yet another novel.

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Oh? 9th novel?

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. .
December 12, 2020 19:56

Ugochi I made a new story!!

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Yay! I'll check it out!

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Hey Luke!! I have a lot of exams next week and well I am taking a break to study for them, once exams are over I'll come read your story! Is that okay?

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. .
December 13, 2020 13:14

Oh yeah totally!!

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Sia S
December 12, 2020 16:22

Hey........ I need um, some crush advice? ๐Ÿ˜ฌ, if you dont want to its fine I'm probably irritating you woth this kind of thing anyway.

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No no! Your not irritating me at alll! I LIVE FOR THIS! I'm also happy you came to me for this!
But sure, whats going on?

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Sia S
December 13, 2020 05:42

*deep sigh* Phew.
Soo ugh Sarah likes Austin now (again) and I still kinda like him. I haven't told her this yet. Then yesterday she was supposed to go tell him, buut she chickened out. After that shs kept asking me for plans. (Since I'm the "mastermind" of our group. I gave her a few, but then the next day she got angry at me for no reason and started screaming. Then she told me to stay out of "her life" and that she's closing this "Austin Chapter". Although she's said this a lot. Then she comes begging back to me to give her a plan.

WHAT SHOULD I DOOO?!!

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Wow thats alot! And I have some veryyyy strong opinions and I hope this doesn't hurt you in anyway!

For one! There is nothing wrong with both of you guys liking the same person, you like who you like, and she likes who she likes. But like I feel like thats causing alot of problems, and DON'T HOLD BACK YOUR FEELINGS! I feel like both of yall are holding it in, saying oh no I don't like him anymore and stuff," And maybe you should tell her how you feel about him ya know!? So that shes not unintentionally hurting you.

Why do you like him anyways?

AND WHY WOULD SHE YELL AT YOUUUU, thats not cool! Especially after you helped her. I say don't help her again, I mean shes not appreciating the one your giving her so why give her more? I don't know how long you have known Sarah for...but no offense to her or you- but she doesn't sound like a good friend. Like at all. And I just hope your not blaming yourself for any of the things going on.

And the main problem here. Is she lied to you about her feelings, and knowing you liked Austin at some point she still comes to ask you for more advice. Thats really insensitive. Thats why I feel like you should tell her how you feel- about all of this. Cause I can tell its really hurting you.

Um, Austin plan? How to get them together? I would say try getting him and her alone, I feel like they should sorta ease into the topic. Maybe Sarah like apologizing about saying she hates him? Did she say that? And then like boom confession!

So like!

Sarah - Hey Austin can i talk to you?

Austin - Um sure!

Sarah - I am really sorry for all I said to you and I'm sorry for the way I acted when you told me your feelings.

Austin - Yeah you don't like me, its fine.

Sarah - I do like you!! Truth is...

And yeah that was just a draft! And really corny! Sorry for the huge paragraph!

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Sia S
December 13, 2020 07:27

Hmmmm okay!!!! Thanks soooo freaking MUCH!! I was so stressed about thissss. We sorta used to hate each other, so we had this fight (2 years ago) in which she called her mom down and her mom screamed at me for 20 minutes for "bullying" her. But, I didn't. I would NEVER bully anyone. In fact, she was the one passing mean comments at me, and I use to shake them of with an eyeroll. Soooo yeah.

Ugh, Idk what to do anymore, lol. This whole thing, it's just damn confusing, 'cuz, well, Austin practically PROPSED to her. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ, And I guess the other boys are in on the secret. That's why they let Austin and Sarah be on the same team.

Ugh, she screamt at me soo much yesterday. Like "Stop interfering in my life, it's my life" , etc. But the last time she did this she came crawling back for help. So I guess I'm not gonna help her this time?

Ugh I hate this, lol.

But thanks so muchhhh!

It wasn't corny at all,
Ps. We might have broken a record for the longest paras of chatting on reedsy ;)

Reply

Sia S
December 13, 2020 14:13

Riley, my bff. Was talking with Sarah alone in the morning, They called me, and then hid.

I saw them from my balcony and asked
"Why didn't you call me if you were playing Badminton?"
Sarah replied, rather meanly,
"HELLO?! We wanted some privacy?!!"
While Riley stayed quiet.

In the evening, when I saw them they acted super weird. I could sense that they were talking about me. And they were kinda mean. Riley was a WHOLE NEW person. We waded to songs and Riley was agreeing to WHATEVER Sarah said. The songs she LOVES she denied even liking them because Sarah said that she didn't like them. And Sarah said to me during the match even though I was quiet :
"Sia! Stop THREATENING me!!"
And all eyes turned to me. And I got a few dirty looks.

So I called her aside and told her
"Hey! I didn't even say ANYTHING!!" She replied
"Oh, i didn't mean too"

My head is buzzing with emotions. And thoughts. What shd i do? Ugh I feel depressed.

Reply

Wow, that sounds bad!
I honestly feel like you should distance yourself from these people, they are honestly just messing with your energy. I mean so basically your friend Sarah is being rude to you. Riley honestly just took her side.
I just feel like you will do better without them. I mean your feeling depressed because of all of this mess. They say, when things are going wrong that is when your closest friends show their true colors. Okay, I say that. But yes that is basically what they both did.
Don't you think your life would be a bit healthier without these two? Think about it.

Reply

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