Ovens Can't Burn

The youngest in the family was Liam. Little Liam. The rest of the family was sure Little Liam couldn’t remember. A silent addition to the conversation.

However, at the ripe age of four Liam had a conversation with Nonna which he could recall. A memory.

“They want to talk to me about integrity? They won’t know what hit them, eh Liam? You’re the only one in my master plan so far.” she cackled. Liam stood there, blinking. Talking was fine at four. Comprehending was beyond him. That said, yes, he could remember Nonna’s lovely talk but he didn’t mention it when the day came.

~~~

“Stop fidgeting Liam!” Ma sniffled, tightening a bow tie which had once again been loosened. The invitation came a few days ago, along with the cookie. The second the cookie came into the house it was destroyed, sliced into four sections by the children, even before the envelope had been opened.

Now all she wanted was the cookie.

After wrangling Roxanne, Liam, Harrison, and Carrie into the van, Ma slipped into the driver’s seat. They rented an extra long vehicle to get the entire family to the event at the same time.

First stop was Auntie Berka, Nonna’s sister. Most probably. It was hard to determine the family tree before Ma’s generation. Auntie Berka always had a huge handbag with her. It had anything you could wish for in it. But Auntie Berka always complained about back pain and when someone recommended the wrong remedy they never saw her at a huge family-fest again.

“Yoodles, love!” Auntie Berka came hurtling down the steps, no sign she had been crying. “Got any room for my handbag up here?” Auntie Berka asked, sticking her head into the open window. She pushed Pa’s legs out of the way and stuffed her horrendous bag into the gap. Auntie Berka slid into a seat behind Ma. Next was what’s-his-name. All Ma remembered was that he was in college and that Nonna sent the address at which he lived.

Whatever-his-name-was sure had made a life for himself. The first thought that crossed Ma’s mind when she walked into his apartment was, he’s rich. But she found him hurriedly stuffing a suitcase. He stood up and pulled it up on its wheels.

“Are you here to pick me up for the-”

“Yes.” Ma interjected. She decided to change the subject. “You are doing well for yourself are you?” She gestured to the ten-foot ceilings.

Something-something smiled sheepishly, “I’m not actually related to you. I think. At least by blood. My grandmother was not related to you guys but she was neighbors with Auntie Berka and when my father was born she named Auntie Berka his godmother and-” Liam walked in, bow tie once again loose. Mystery-name crouched down to say hello.

“Pay no mind to him, just tell me why in the world you were invited today?” Ma scolded, shooing him away from her son. The college boy teared up.

“I’ve told you.” He rolled away his suitcase and raced down the steps. Ma picked up Liam and went down as well.

When she reached the stoop confusion struck as she saw what’s-his-name in tears and Auntie Berka pulling an abundance of tissues out of her bag.

~~~

Linda was waiting for the van to arrive. The clock on the wall said 10:23, the watch on her wrist said 10:23 and her phone, which was on charge, stated 10:22. Three minutes late in Linda-time. Nonna would say.

Linda knew that she should have been the one who drove the van but no, she was the caterer. Get one break in the restaurant industry and everyone wants some food, she thought. Linda finally set down her briefcase and walked back inside. No point in getting sunburned.

Linda knew the person. She had cut herself off from the family years ago. Too annoying. All she remembered was that Liam was a joy to play with. She had given the nickname Little Liam, helped him cook his first dish (toast), and helped him say his first word. Time.

“Time.” She whispered, voice breaking at the end of the word. Time flew. A short honk indicated that the van had arrived. Linda stood to get her case.

“Liam?” Linda took one step off the patio.

“Aunt Linda!” Roxanne and Harrison yelled. Carrie jumped out after them, not yet a teenager. Really, Linda wasn’t their aunt, family by marriage. But Linda searched for Liam, absentmindedly handing out some snacks to the kids.

She too had gotten a cookie. It didn’t taste as good as the one Julia had given her. But it was sweet enough.

Liam hopped out of the car. Stumbling over pebbles he made his way to Aunt Linda and wrapped himself around her leg tightly.

“Liam!” Linda screamed. Her sister-in-law stepped out of the van.

“Hey Linda. Are you bringing only-” she got cut off by a look of bewilderment on Linda’s face.

“Liam’s alive?” She questioned. Ma looked at her for a good few seconds.

“Do you mean the scare with the river last month? Yeah, he’s still alive.” Ma picked up the briefcase which housed Linda’s belongings and walked away.

Liam tugged on the hem of Linda’s dress shirt. She looked down.

“What, Liam?” She asked. To this he only gave an aggressive wink.

“Kids, back in the car!” Ma hollered.

~~~

The last person to be picked up was Nonna. She lived in the retirement home her kids had set her in. Everyone in the family must have known how much she loved making trouble.

There was the time when she got her hands on an extra phone and added it to the family group chat, often putting in shocking pieces of news which normally set the family against each other. They were too tight-knit for her liking. And they hadn’t had a schism in a long time. The oh-so-sweet nurse wheeled her to the dining hall so she could eat before she had to go. Nonna asked for two cookies, eating one and wrapping the other in paper and stuffing it into her bag. She choked down her disgusting pills and let the nurse whose name she forgot wheel her outside into the sun.

“Nonna!” The voices ranged from baritone to soprano. Ma jumped out of the driver’s seat.

“I’ll take it from here,” she bumped the nurse out of the way and gripped the wheelchair’s handles. “How have you been, Nonna?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she bit back, then feeling a bit sorry. She gave Ma the hardest hit in the invitations. She was hiding it well though. Nonna got pushed up the ramp which Pa had readily prepared. Nonna almost felt lonely sitting at the back by herself. Almost.

Boy, was there fighting going on in the van. People were straight up sobbing their hearts out. Some people stared into space, not understanding. And Nonna laughed quietly, knowing that she had started the massacre. On they drove, everyone was overlooking her except for two people. Liam, who was practically jumping to see his Nonna and the person he was dragging. Linda. Linda, who had pieced together mostly everything. Nonna saw the hatred in her eyes.

“How have you been, Nonna?” Linda asked, using the same starter as her sister-in-law, Nonna noted.

Nonna leaned down to Liam and pulled out the cookie. Liam grabbed it with his energetic hands.

“Thank you!” He opened up the wrapper. Liam’s fifth birthday was near, Nonna wasn't sure whether or not Liam remembered yet. Just to be safe she sent him to his siblings.

“I assume-”

“Save it Nonna, I want the same thing just as much as you do.” Linda muttered, turning back to her seat near Liam.

~~~

Aunt Linda was definitely hovering. Liam was sure because the same thing had happened a month ago. Everyone stayed near him, not talking to him. Liam could hear the stares of concern. They needed to convince themselves that they would keep him safe.

So at the age of four and three quarters Liam did understand. But something of real concern for him was where they were going. Ma unhelpfully kept quiet, and everyone else had too many mixed feelings. Fighting, hugging, crying, avoiding. What on earth was going on?

Finally the van stopped. Everyone filed out leaving Nonna to be pulled out. They walked into a building whose name Liam forgot to read. He might have gotten a clue.

They sat in some folding chairs which Liam tilted backwards, leaving him on two legs. Carrie pulled down the seat of the chair, being her spoilsport self.

“Be quiet Liam.” She hissed. Liam didn’t see why. In fact, he thought that there needed to be more noise. It was too quiet for his family. Then Nonna came to the front of the room pushed by Aunt Linda and Liam zipped his mouth, locked it with a key and gave the imaginary key to Carrie. She nodded, smiling.

“Dear all, we are here today to keep in memory, Clementine. May she rest in peace.”

“Who is Clementine?” Uncle Clark shouted. Other worried or angry claims were made.

“Why is Auntie Berka alive?” Peter, the boy Liam had talked with in the van, queried. Liam saw him apologize quickly to Auntie Berka about his statement.

Nonna gave the same grin she gave Liam in the retirement home not so long ago.

Linda cleared her throat. “I think Nonna has some things to explain, don’t you?” Nonna’s grin faltered. She turned to face Linda, and they had a heated conversation for a few seconds. Then Linda pushed Nonna forward on the stage.

“My dear oven Clementine has died. As Poe said, ‘Nevermore, nevermore will my oven bake.’”

“Poe never said that,” A relative spoke out.

“Shush Meena. As it was my oven I am allowed to see her off as I see fit.” Nonna closed her eyes.

“Wait, so we didn't know Grandpa was dead until after a week but you’re giving your oven a funeral?” Another person asked. Nonna glared.

“I say we should be thankful because those cookies you ate with the invitation were the last batch Clementine will ever make. I’m cremating her.” Nonna’s voice breaks. Liam remembered the cookie. Roxanne and Harrison somehow managed to snag some of his but he still enjoyed it.

“Ovens can’t burn!” Said someone Liam couldn’t see. Nonna gave a thoughtful look for a few seconds, like she hadn’t considered that.

“Like I said before, shut it Meena.” Nonna gave a smile. Finally Liam understood!

He took the key from Carrie, unlocked his mouth and unzipped his lips.

“You’re telling me that I had to wear a tie to a funeral for an oven?” he asked, loosening his bow once more.