Many Summers Agoo

It started with a letter…

Gel,

Meet me at the pier tomorrow?

Love,

Sam

I stood at the pier just like I did thirty summers ago whilst waiting for Sam. A lot had changed in this picturesque town with the colourful houses, the undulating sea and the green hills but the pier remained the same. As I was looking at the waves, I could almost feel myself being transported to that summer where the warmth embraced my skin, the salty taste of the heat lingered in my mouth and the beads of sweat ran down the bumps of my spine.

I was waiting for Sam.

Waiting, waiting and more waiting. Sam did not appear. It was only later in the evening that I found out Sam’s mother had taken ill and he was at the hospital beside her. Unbeknownst to Sam’s misery, the excitement bubbling inside me all day deflated with a pop at the disappointment of his absence. My skin burned with a heat dissimilar to the sun’s rays. The blue waves complimented by the blue sky suddenly looked gray and dull. It was no longer spellbinding.

“Hello.”

Who dared interrupt my fury at Sam? I turned towards the voice with furrowed eyebrows, the anger slipping out like a mask upon sight of the man before me. If tall, dark and handsome had a name, it would be this man.

“Hi,” I said in a whisper, amazed that I was able to even get the words out. I didn’t believe it when others said that beautiful people take your breath away. Until that moment.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you have been waiting for nearly an hour.”

“Oh, has it been that long? I didn’t notice. I was transfixed by the waves.”

Of course…I was not. I could have facepalmed myself at that moment. Transfixed for an hour? What was I? A lead actress in a romance movie? But, tall, dark and handsome did not need to know that. He did not need to know that I was your average Joe (do they call women that?) or Sally (somehow, Sally doesn’t sound right) cursing at her boyfriend’s absence.

“Hmm, they are quite mesmerising,” he said with a chuckle, “I’m Lewis. What’s your name?”

“Angelica.”

“That’s a beautiful name. Well, Angelica, it appears that we have both been deserted. Would you like to go for a walk?”

Even thirty years later, all the emotions felt so raw. It was almost like the images in my head were projected in front of my eyes. The sun, the heat, the waves…they were as familiar as a close friend. Stranger danger was not common at that time, especially in a small seaside town. Everyone trusted each other and when a tall, dark and handsome man with a smile twinkling his eyes invited you for a walk it was hard to reject such an offer. Even with that heat, that smile brought a warmth that I had never felt in my body and had never felt again after that summer.

I left the pier with a sad sigh and walked the trail that Lewis and I had walked thirty years ago. Each step bringing back the spoken words, the shy touches and the kiss at the end. I allowed myself to transport to that unforgettable moment once again.

“So, who were you waiting for?” asked Lewis after ten minutes of silent walking.

I enjoyed the sweet silence we shared. It was comforting and understanding. His steps matched my step and pace. His hands swung slightly by my side, each swing grazed the back of my hand, causing shivers to ripple through my body in this heat.

“My friend, Sam, but he didn’t turn up,” I said in response, failing to mention that said friend was actually my boyfriend. “What about you?”

“Me, too. I was waiting for a friend.”

Nothing much was said about the absentee friends and the silence embraced us once again. I felt like I was currently in a fairytale. The trail was very majestic; the trees stood tall like guards at the side of the trails with the birds singing an anthem of their own.

At the end of the trail, he asked if I wanted to meet him at Louise’s Pasta for lunch. I nodded in agreement, the butterflies starting their onslaught in my stomach. He looked at me with his hazel-green eyes, bent his head and touched his soft lips to my dry-as-the-Sahara-desert-lips. I kissed him back. I couldn’t even distinguish the guilt from the feelings overtaken by the kiss. At that moment, it was hard to admit I had a boyfriend.

My walk ended with the memory of the kiss. I was ridden by guilt by the time I reached my flat. All night I had been battling with my emotions; the euphoria from reminiscing about the kiss and the remorse for allowing myself to kiss or be kissed by someone else. I considered greatly whether I should meet Lewis the next day. I knew it would be possible because Sam had left a message stating that he was going to remain in the hospital for the next couple of days whilst his mother was recovering. No word was strong enough to describe the shame I felt at my actions and thoughts. But, it was summer. And, I wanted that summer love that was only shown in movies or read about in books. The ones that were nothing short of a fairytale.

My memories had led me back to the centre which was and still is the town’s entertainment, with café’s, restaurants, shops and betting shops facing the sea. I entered Joe’s Gelato, ordered a pot of three scoops of ice-cream (pistachio, chocolate and tiramisu) and sat on a small table outside. I looked around the ice-cream parlour and saw a group of friends laughing at something on their phones, an old couple sharing a secret smile with each other and a young couple talking with jubilant animation. The chair opposite me beheld the ghost of Lewis smiling at my younger self.

“Here- he placed a small spoonful of tiramisu ice-cream in my pot – you need to try tiramisu otherwise you haven’t lived,” said Lewis with a huge smile, creasing the laugh lines at the corner of his eyes. That day, his eyes were brown with streaks of gold and green and it was as mesmerising as when the green overshadowed the other colours yesterday. I could have stared at his eyes all day and wouldn’t have noticed the passing hours. The moment I sat opposite him; my surrounding became nothing but a blur of colours and lines.

“Wow, that’s delicious! It’s a bittersweet flavour,” I told him, reaching out to take another spoonful of his tiramisu flavour. In return, I gave him a spoonful of pistachio to which he wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“Not bad but tiramisu flavour is by far the best,” he said after tasting the pistachio flavour, “so, how long are you staying here?”

“Until end of summer. What about you?”

“Well, it should have been two weeks but I’m most likely going to prolong it further. God knows I need a long vacation.”

That comment blessed my ears and brought nothing but delight. My fairy-tale summer was not ending anytime soon. I looked away so he wouldn’t notice the joy lighting up my face. He broke my reverie by reaching over and kissing me for the second time in two days. My face flushed with the heat of the blush so I stood up rapidly and walked out of Joe’s Gelato, Lewis’s laughter trailing after me.

On the fifth day, Lewis took me to a new place. We had four amazing days together, each day spent in a different location and opening a new can of bliss. It was sad to admit that I had forgotten about Sam at that point and didn’t event contact him about his mother. I knew my time with Lewis was short-lived so I didn’t question him until that moment in front of the building. And, now, I stood in front of a five-storey apartment complex with a supermarket on the ground floor. The predecessor of the apartment was nothing more than a hotel that opened the doors to everyone and allowed their shame to cling to its walls.

“W-what is this?” I said with a slight trepidation in my voice. I wasn’t stupid. I knew what it was. It was undoubtedly a hotel. A handsome guy taking a girl to a hotel would lead to only one thing and that thing is something she had not even experienced with Sam.

“It’s a hotel,” replied Lewis nonchalantly, ignoring the hidden question behind her words.

“I know but why are we here?”

“Angelica, we are both adults. We’ve had a lot of fun this week and we can have even more fun inside,” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist. It was the dimpled smile, the sound of my name from his melodic voice and the strong arms holding me up that made me walk through those doors with him.

All week we had experienced a love that was as innocent as Snow White being awakened from her slumber by the prince, but walking through the doors transformed our love to one that required an age restriction at the movies. I was nervous but awakened to his touch and kisses. Behind those closed doors, we delved deeper into our attraction for one another and our love story was written from the touches of our skins, the kisses tracing our bodies and the whispers of sweet nothingness.

I walked away from the apartment complex burying the memory in the rubble of the hotel. It was a fond memory but I question till this day whether it was worth it? The shame, humiliation and remorse I experienced after that day stole those passionate kisses, those contradicting tender touches and the pleasure of experiencing love to its truest form. I rarely allowed that memory to surface except for the days where I missed that love.

I was subconsciously taking myself down to memory lane. Starting with the pier and, now, the final destination. The hospital. It was no surprise that I was experiencing these moments again. It was the first time, in thirty years, that I have appeared again at this quaint seaside town. It had enveloped my twenty-year-old past with its magic; promising enchantment at every corner, and making everything glow a thousand-fold.

We continued to meet after our day in the hotel until he claimed on the seventh day that he had a prior engagement and left me to my own pleasures. With no distractions from Lewis, my mind floated to Sam so I decided to visit him at the hospital. He said he would only be there a couple of days but it had been a week and I had received no contact from him. But, again, it wasn’t like I had reached out to him to check on his wellbeing and his mother’s wellbeing. No one could agree more than I at how horrid I was.

I arrived at the hospital with a large bouquet of colourful roses, lilies and baby’s breath. The receptionist directed me to the sixth floor but, for some reason or perhaps God’s will, I ended up on the fifth floor. The maternity ward. It wasn’t difficult to spot him. Tall, dark and handsome was not becoming on just anyone. It also required an aura, charisma and charm. All of which belonged to Lewis. My prince charming. My summer love.

Fortunately, he had not noticed me because I was burning with embarrassment and humiliation. Lewis was holding a tall, blonde woman in an affectionate, caring hug. Doting on her with sweet, angelic eyes. He kissed her with a passion that I had not encountered from him during out countless dates. Our ‘so-called love’ felt like child’s play at the face of that kiss. She kissed him back and playfully slapped his hands away, guiding him to room 505. In the midst of this scene, I noticed the silver diamond ring sparkling brightly on her finger and a matching silver band on his finger. A ring that he had never worn during our time together.

The bouquet fell out of my hands and landed on the floor with a soft thud. I ran out of the hospital as if it was the last race of my life. I was surprised I even made it home without an accident as I could barely see with the blurred vision caused by the tears. I was in shock. I couldn’t see straight. The tears had frozen during my run and I couldn’t force any tears out within the safe confinement of my home. I wanted to cry and scream but there was nothing. I felt like a fool. My fairy-tale summer romance had distorted into something from The Scarlett Letter.

I opened my suitcase and started packing everything. I had rented the flat until September but it was still July. I couldn’t face another month in that place. The landlord wouldn’t mind as I had already paid the full rent. I distracted the visions of the hospital scene by packing and cleaning the flat. It helped pass the next couple of hours. There was one final business left. I grabbed a pen and paper and started writing.

Dear Sam,

I have committed an unforgiveable act and it pains me to admit it.

I don’t deserve you, your goodness and your light.

At the face of seduction, I forgot you faster than a heartbeat.

At your time of need, I was allowing myself to be swept away by another.

I am nothing but darkness now.

You deserve a princess; not the wicked step-sister.

You deserve a fairytale romance and not a romance tainted with shame and scandal.

Do not forgive me but please forget me.

Love,

Gel

…and it ended with a letter.