Thou who seeks pie

General

Written in response to: ""Come with us,” two burly men in gray suits say, grabbing you by the arm and handcuffing you. “You know what you did.” But you have no idea." as part of In Reverse.

"Come with us", two burly men in grey suits say, grabbing you painfully by the arm and handcuffing you. "You know what you did." But you have no idea. "What did I do?" you ask the men, the question only to be followed by silence. Finally, the one with the swollen black eye answers "You know." Then he motioned in the direction of the Apple pie you had just made. "It is illegal to own, sell, or use sugar outside of the white house." It was true, you thought. You had forgotten the sudden shortage of sugar. "Oh, no" you thought and quickly and silently said a prayer.

"How could this have happened?" You knew good and well that ever since the spring of 2688 their had been a major food shortage. Their had not been enough rain that year and by spring everyone was half starved. "How could I forget?" you asked yourself. It was thanksgiving day and you were making an Apple pie to share with your family. Last night, you had dreamed about a time, 20 years ago when you were allowed to by sugar and corn. you were just 7 years old and you and Mamma were making Apple pie.

Just then the fatter of the two shoved you through the door and outside your itty-bitty apartment. They tried to whisper, but you could still hear "Wonder what the president will do with this one." "I don't know but he will surely punish her severely. ." "Oh he dose not like it when people steal his sugar" That scared you half to death. You had heard about a time when the president was not the only form of government in the country. Not at all like now. Each president had an 15 year shift and was completely in charge. And they got sugar. Sugar was not the only food they got. They got corn, peas tomatoes and figs too. The shortage of water effected those things to.

First, you were stuffed in a police car you stared out the window and watched the scenery. Trees, Trees, Trees. People, dogs, grass. Boring! Suddenly you pulled up at an airport. Finally, You saw something that interested you an pretzel cart! "Can I have a pretzel?" You ask. You don't even like pretzels, not without sugar anyway, but you were starving after 3 1/2 hours of riding in the car as if on cue your stomach grumbled. "Fine" the police with the black eye said reluctantly. The other police looked disapprovingly but did not stop me when I walked over to the pretzel stand. I quickly walked and ordered a pretzel. You paid for my pretzel and took a big bite. As I was devouring the pretzel you realized it was made with sugar. I quickly winked at the lady that was running the stand and she winked back. I boarded the plane.

Half an hour after the plane lifted, you was sick to my stomach. And another half hour after that and you was positively green. While the police were up in first class dining with fine china, you was stuck in third class eating chicken nuggets. That was fine, at least it was food! After that, you quickly fell asleep even though the chairs were quite uncomfortable. Plastic seats who does that? You couldn't sleep long because you was between one 4yr old trying to learn to read and one teenager listening to music ugh. Just as You thought things could not get any worse the plane landed.

Once at the white house you entered through a set of large doors and looked the short, skinny guard in the eye and whispered "help." The guard looked at you with a face full of pity and said "I can't" You sigh. Out loud. All the people in the room stare at you like you have three heads. You don't care. "Lets get this over with" you say just as loud. Soon the doors burst open and the president himself entered the room. "You!" he called, pointing to me. "You are trying to ruin me!" he cried. "Why would I try to do that? you asked honestly. "You want my sugar!" "Well guess what you can't have it." "What you can have is coronavirus send her in" he shouted. "NO" I screamed. Not the room the corona room! The corona room is a room full of coronavirus germs. There is no cure.

"Anything but that" You yell but it does not matter. "Now you need to see about this Apple pie, "he says as he gets a delighted look on his face. Two guards with long masks and virus shielding clothes grab my arms and pull you. They pull me right to the exit doors. "Run" says a voice you recognize. Then you realize it is the short guard who said he could not help you. "Thanks," You say then you take off. you run and run and run. you see snobby ladies walking their snobby poodles. Soon you think you must be a good eight miles away. You walk into a Walmart and purchase a cold water. As you must look like a disaster the clerk looks on you with pity. The water tastes so good, so,so cold. You tip the Deli clerk $10 and take off for a second time. You reach the president's personal field of sugar cane. No people are here. Well that is what you thought until you heard humming. You looked for what was Causing the noise but could not find it. Then when you was giving up you saw the president slicing the apple pie. Then, before he got to eat it he got a phone call. He walked away speaking into his phone and you took the chance and got the pie. You ran and did not look back. you ran all the way to your house where You sat on the couch with your mother and enjoyed the apple pie.

Posted Jul 26, 2020
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124 likes 77 comments

Akshat .
September 03, 2020 13:56

When will you write more stories, Samantha?

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. .
September 01, 2020 05:32

Great story!

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Amogh Kasat
August 24, 2020 12:27

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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Mackenzie Meetz
August 16, 2020 03:13

This was a humorous story that brought a smile to my face. I liked how you used the current state of things to make a comedic future situation.

I'm not going to point out any mistakes because I see others have already. I will say, maybe check out Grammarly. I use it. It's a service that helps with spelling, punctuation, grammar, and capitalization. It points out flaws that we often miss ourselves.

But anyways, well done :)

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Amogh Kasat
August 15, 2020 10:13

It's an amazing story

P.S read my both story
what is a Second Chance
The Secret Mission Meeting

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Evalina Williams
August 10, 2020 15:38

Enjoyed

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August 08, 2020 03:07

This story reminded me of something out of a Grimm's tale. The unlikely hero, aided by an unlikely source, to best the evil overlord. Great stuff. I really enjoyed it!

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August 06, 2020 03:03

Very interesting and creative story

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Abby Irwin
August 05, 2020 16:31

Great idea! It did get confusing at some parts with the grammar and sentence structure but I loved the theme and the whole idea of the story! You also could've gotten into more detail with the whole story. It just seemed kinda rushed like you didn't have any room for any details but you did have room. If you worked on grammar and adding details this would make a GREAT story!!! Great work!

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Anna Irwin
August 04, 2020 21:22

I loved how intriguing this story was! Other than the few errors, your creativity was superb and interesting to read. As soon as I saw your fun title I literally said, "I have to read this." I like how you kept it sort of lighthearted too!

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Michele Duess
August 04, 2020 18:32

Besides the grammar errors, how did you run home when you took a plane to get to the president? Pay attention to things like that. Otherwise, interesting story.

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Maya Reynolds
August 03, 2020 22:38

Very nice story! Fixing the grammar errors would make it an easier read, but it was enjoyable and funny nonetheless!

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Raquel Rodriguez
August 03, 2020 18:57

Hey Samantha! I love how you used the prompt!

I also saw many punctuation and grammatical errors.
'Suddenly you pulled up at an airport. Finally, You saw something that interested you an pretzel cart!'

Okay, so first: You should remove the word 'finally' in the beginning of the second sentence. It's definitely unnecessary because that usually signifies when something happens after a long time of a character waiting for it. It also signifies the end of a paragraph (in an essay). Now your sentence should be:

'Suddenly you pulled up at an airport. You saw something that interested you an pretzel cart!'

Remove the 'n' in 'an' and put a colon { : } after the word 'you.' If you don't understand why, well, you only put the word 'an' when the word after has a vowel [ a, e, i, o, u ] as the first letter. {Ex: The girl was eating AN apple.} NOW, your sentence should be:

'Suddenly you pulled up at an airport. You saw something that interested you: a pretzel cart!'
~~~~~~
'Finally, the one with the swollen black eye answers "You know."'

Okay, this sentence is also wrong. But it's easy to fix. Add a comma after the word 'answers' and make the 'y' in 'you' lowercase because that is still part of the sentence. I had a bit of trouble with this at first too, but it is pretty easy to understand. After fixing that sentence, it should be:

'Finally, the one with the swollen black eye answers, "you know."'

Knowing about these mistakes, I'll let you see what else you can fix on your own. Other than that though, this is a great story.

Could you please check out my stories if you have the chance?

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Benny Njuguna
August 03, 2020 14:36

I like the humour in the story.

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August 02, 2020 17:25

Hi Samantha, good story. I like how it was fast-paced and kept you reading. I like when a story keeps the action going!

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Sayani Sarkar
August 01, 2020 22:43

I really like the idea on of this story. Very unique take . Although there are some grammatical errors but even then it's quite nice. And boy,if the covid situation doesn't improve and things do become like this, well we're screwed 😂

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Samantha Davis
August 02, 2020 22:43

Haha! Thanks for reading.

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July 31, 2020 13:59

The point of view confused me a little bit.
But great and funny story.
Hope the pie was worth it

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Deborah Angevin
July 31, 2020 11:24

A very unique take on the prompt, Samantha :o. It was a great read!

Would you mind checking my recent story out, "A Very, Very Dark Green"? Thank you!

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Heissell Ramirez
July 31, 2020 04:25

This is your first submission and it was very creative. Great job. Looking forward to more of your stories in the future!

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Kira Krieger
July 29, 2020 22:30

Thanks for following me. Please leave as much feedback as you can.
~
Your title is eye-catching.
Every time a new person speaks you need to make a new paragraph.
Illegal sugar. Didn't see that coming. Very interesting and a great hook.
Though if there's a food shortage how did they get it? Especially if only the white house could have it. It's not like stores would be selling it. Did they save it from before? Bought it on the Blackmarket?
How did the men find out she baked a pie with sugar?
The pretzel stand part isn't believable. And having the police and prisoners sit in different locations on the plane isn't much either. Who would let a 4-year-old and a teenager sit with a prisoner no matter the crime?
It's hard to read the rest.
There are a few holes and grammar hiccups, but it's an interesting read and an interesting dystopian future.

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July 27, 2020 22:18

I love the route you went with your story. Very interesting. Please keep writing 💕☺️

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Samantha Davis
July 27, 2020 22:31

Thank you, and I will keep writing. How do you get that heart emojy?

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July 27, 2020 22:45

Oh, when I write comments from my phone I can use emojis, whereas when I use my laptop I can’t. If u want to use emojis I’d suggest using your phone.

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Samantha Davis
July 27, 2020 22:46

Ok, thanks. I'm using a chromebook do no emojys for me.

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Niveeidha Palani
July 28, 2020 07:40

Haha, actually you can right click, then in the options, click on "emoji", you'll get a lot of emojis! (●'◡'●)

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Felicity Anne
November 13, 2020 21:54

Sorry to but in on your conversation (just coming around here to upvote) but you can also look up a certain emoji you want and there are a lot of websites that you can use to copy and paste as well! :)

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Vanessa Shipway
August 22, 2021 23:12

Hey Samantha, this is a very interesting idea! I loved the second person perspective you used :) a great read

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Julian Race
May 27, 2021 16:27

Thought you might like this https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/julian-race/

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Salma Jarir
January 28, 2021 18:47

It was really goood !!

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Jexica Marcell
January 11, 2021 20:33

i loved this! especially the title cause i love pie!!!!

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