3am Man

Monsters were real. Ella knew this because she had one hell of a monster living in her head. A monster that would eat her all up one day. But not today. And that was OK by Ella because today was where it all happened. She secretly called her visitor the Tomorrow Monster. She didn’t quite rightly know why she kept this secret, only that she knew she must. Some things come along and they just are. The secret was one of them. Speaking the truth of the Tomorrow Monster would give it power that didn’t belong. There would be consequences if she weren’t to be ever so careful when it came to this monster and Ella knew all about consequences. She had a bunch of those things crowding around on the horizon of her future. Hyena clouds baying for the carcass that she would become one day soon. Until then, she would do what she must do and figure out exactly what that was. That was what people did sometimes, but not often enough. When they put their minds to it anyone could figure things out for the best.

At night was when everything changed. Ella remembered when she was younger and afraid of the shadows in her room. Even then she hadn’t been afraid of the dark. Not all of it. Most of the night time landscape was familiar to her and she found nothing to fear there. No, it was what moved in the dark that she worried about. The things with dark camouflage. Hiding in plain sight and watching.

Those times seemed so very far away. That was another Ella. The way things were now had crept up on her and they continued to creep. Ella had never cried out in the night. She remained silent as she observed her surroundings and worked out what it all meant. Somehow she knew that this was for her and only for her. Sharing would break the spell and the bridge they were building would collapse forever.

Bridge building was a part of childhood. A child saw things that adults had lost and forgotten. Yellow bricks presented themselves from thin air and bade the child build what they could imagine in order to travel to a place beyond imagination.

And Ella still believed. Despite everything, she continued to see beyond the adult world. Caught glimpses of another world in the gaps of this one. Those fleeting moments had taken on a jarring quality once the Tomorrow Monster had made his presence known. There was a wrongness to what she saw now. As though he were there also. Infecting a place where he’d no business being. And so Ella built and built. Pushing forward through the waves of pain. Hanging on and fighting because there was something she needed to do.

When the 3am Man appeared, Ella covered her mouth and swallowed her scream. The taste of it unpleasant. Worse than the medicine they made her take before some of the procedures in the hospital. She hated that medicine. Her hatred wasn’t down to the taste. She associated it with the hope she could see on her Mum and Dad’s faces. And it made her think of her little brother Billy and how he never came to the hospital. Her folks didn’t want him to make memories in this cold, sterile place. Didn’t want him to think of Ella in this way. That she was dying was a badly kept secret. Billy knew. All kids knew adults’ secrets. The big people had become slow and clumsy and their truth was too obvious to ever hide it.

Standing stock still in the cupboard doorway, the 3am Man stared at Ella that first time. It was all Ella could do to stare back. The 3am Man reminded her of the other, younger Ella and the way piles of clothes could transform themselves into a bad creature when she was ill with the flu. This though was real. Once Ella got over herself she sensed the other presence in the room and heard his breathing. A sound like dry autumnal leaves being stirred with a stick. The 3am Man seemed to sense the change in Ella and he nodded once before turning and disappearing into the cupboard.

Once he was gone, Ella experienced a wave of inexplicable disappointment. There should have been more. She’d only just woken up to the reality of her visitor and then he’d left her before she could move, let alone speak.

The following day Billy eyed her over breakfast. There was something he knew. She saw it written in his features. Saw it in the uncontainable energy buzzing within him. As much of his breakfast was landing on his face and lap as it was entering his mouth as he bobbed up and down excitedly.

“He’s here isn’t he?” he whispered in the car. Ella always rode in the back with Billy. Once she’d shared the ride as they both went to school. Now there was no point. She would return home and spend the day reading between naps. The extent of her tiredness was, she knew, a measure of how long she had left. That and her waning ability to concentrate on the pages before her. She imagined a day when the ranks of soldier letters she were inspecting would be dismissed forever. Throwing their hats in the air they would scurry this way and that way across the page and head for pastures new. Their time in this story land over.

“Who?” she whispered back whilst keeping an eye on their mother.

“You know who!” Billy was grinning when she glanced at him.

“No I don’t,” hissed Ella.

“But you’ve seen him,” Billy’s voice was serious now and that bit louder as a result.

“Seen who?” asked Mum.

“Billy’s talking about that K-Pop demon hunter thing again,” explained Ella.

“Oh right,” said their Mum absently. Ella had banked on that. Kids had a knack of switching adults off when it was required.

“How do you know about him?” whispered Ella.

Billy shrugged, “I just do.” There was a pause as their Mum navigated a right turn and grumbled about an inconsiderate driver. “He said he was here to guide you,” Billy added.

Ella turned to look at her little brother, “what did you just say?”

Billy looked at her blankly, “nothing.”

Then her mother was opening the passenger door, undoing his seat belt and fussing over him and his school bag. Making sure everything was present and correct before she walked him into the playground.

Ella watched them go and wondered whether any of the conversation had taken place. Decided that it didn’t matter. All that did matter was that the 3am Man was apparently a guide.

That night, when he came to visit her, Ella was ready. As before, he stood and observed her and Ella did likewise. He nodded as he had the night before. But before she could speak he raised a finger to silence her, “not tonight. Tomorrow.”

“But…” began Ella as the 3am Man turned to leave. She had a pressing question that she had to have an answer to. It mattered more than anything right now.

The 3am Man seemed to sense this. Turned back towards her, “I am not Him. I don’t guide souls to That Place.”

She nodded her thanks and then he was gone.

At breakfast Billy was his usual self. Ella watched him and wondered what’d occurred the day before. In the car he shot imaginary foes and exploded invisible vehicles. Most school runs were a fierce and entertaining battle for Billy and when he got to school he’d raise his arms and fly around the playground with his friends. This seemed to be a boy thing. No girls joined in. Some looked on and wondered what species this was that they had to share a school with.

As the car stopped and their Mum climbed out, Billy paused his warfare and grinned at Ella, “good luck, Ella!” he said and just like that the moment was gone as the side door opened and he was whisked away for another day of playful learning.

Ella didn’t nap for the rest of the day. This panicked her because she knew she would need to be fresh for the 3am Man’s visit. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep, but try as she might it didn’t take her. By lunchtime, the words of her book weren’t playing ball either. There was no escape from the anticipation of an adventure that would begin with a shadow figure taking her who knew where. But Ella had an idea of where she was going and also why it was that the 3am Man had come for her.

That night Ella felt sick with tiredness and her head throbbed rhythmically as though her heart were in the wrong place and trying to call for help from its captivity. She was close to tears as exhaustion got the better of her. This was how endings were. Not the lack of time. Instead it was the well of energy running dry. The needle pointing to empty as the engine ground to a halt and left a person stranded. Limbo was a kind of hell that spoke dread words of what was to follow.

She didn’t know how long he’d been there. Eventually, she felt his eyes upon her and she struggled to sit as she came back to herself. As the duvet fell away it revealed her state of dress and readiness. She reached for a torch on her bedside table.

“You’ll need none of that,” he reached a hand out to her and she stood, pausing for just one second as she allowed herself a smile. This then was her last adventure. An interlude before all life’s adventures would come to an end and she would voyage to a place both unknown and unknowable.

His hand was neither cold nor warm. Their connection was that of two dissimilar objects, it were as though she were furniture and he was moving her across the room. The back of the cupboard no longer existed. There was only darkness. They moved silently in a blind cloud.

Then they emerged into a land Ella had only ever glimpsed. A dream that belonged as an eternal promise. And yet here she was.

“You’re late,” the 3am Man told her, “and there is precious little time remaining.”

“What am I to do?” Ella asked him.

The 3am Man shrugged. There was a sadness in the gesture, “that isn’t for me to know. All I know is that you will travel the path before you and when it ends you will have a decision to make. But isn’t that the nature of all paths?”

“The path…” she turned to look upon the path before her. A meandering yellow brick road that dissected a green and fertile land of rolling hills watered by babbling blue streams. She almost expected a yellow disk to be hanging in the sky. A disk firing out yellow lines of sunlight. Instead there were storm clouds in the distance and lightning roiling and clashing within those clouds like angry eels. Clouds descending upon a palace that even from this distance she could see was falling into rack and ruin. “I…” she turned back to the 3am Man, but there was no sign of him or the darkness that’d delivered them to this place.

There was nothing for it other than to walk, and as Ella walked the thrill of this fantastical place and the freedom it afforded her soon lapsed into foreboding. A lightness of being weighed down with what lay ahead. She walked at a steady pace and resented the approach of her destination. Too soon would it be upon her.

Soon enough, she was at what she guessed was the half way point. A little way ahead lay a small, welcoming cottage but before she closed the distance to it, she knelt at a pool of water fed by a stream. Her intent was to drink, but before she plunged her hands into the surface of the waters, she caught sight of her reflection and her heart caught in her throat as the reflection of the woman she was destined to become looked up at her and smiled.

“You’re me…” Ella managed to croak at the woman in the water.

Always, was the reply. And that was enough and everything. Ella sank into the moment gifted to her and gave thanks for it. She was beautiful and she was whole. Here there were no monsters and the possibilities ended in happiness. This was how things were and how they should be. Ella returned the smile and drank from her cupped hands and now she knew the name of this place; The Kingdom of Happiness.

“You’re here!” The voice was familiar even though Ella had never heard it before. She rose up and ran to the figure in the cottage door, throwing her arms around the young man.

“Billy!” she sighed into his shoulder and all she felt in that moment was love. An all-encompassing love that burnt away all the grey of the pain and the uncertainty she’d had to live with for far too long.

He was grinning as they ended their embrace, “you know my name?”

“I’d know you anywhere,” smiled Ella.

“Then you are the one he told us about,” said Billy.

“The 3am Man?” asked Ella.

Billy nodded, “we thought he was with He Who Will Not Be Named,” he thumbed over his shoulder towards the ominous storm clouds, “just goes to show you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.”

“I have to go there, Billy,” now that Billy had referenced the storm Ella was looking towards her destination.

Billy nodded grimly, “you cannot stay a while?” he asked her.

Ella took his hand and squeezed it, “there’s no time. I wish we’d more time. But we have this right now and it is more than I could ever have hoped for.”

Billy nodded, smiling sadly he reached into his pockets and gave her two objects.

“What are they?” she asked.

Now he grinned, “that one goes BRAP! And that one goes BOOM!”

They both laughed. Some things never changed. The echoes of their laughter accompanied Ella on the next leg of her journey.

The cold set in and dark clouds entangled themselves in Ella’s hair. Wet and miserable she walked on. The energy of the caressing clouds drained Ella’s will and her steps became heavier and more deliberate. But still she moved forth over the now cracked and grey bricks. Staggered towards the broken doors of the once glorious palace. The heart of the Kingdom of Happiness. The home of the King and Queen who ruled this place of hopes and dreams.

Ella knew she would find the King and Queen within, but with one last upwards glance, she also knew that he was waiting for her here. The Tomorrow Monster had been waiting for her all along. He was the storm and he wanted to bring this palace down and lay waste a land he envied. He fed on everyone’s tomorrow and he was ever so hungry.

As Ella entered the cold, damp palace, she felt the presence of the land behind her and remembered Billy and the woman she would be in this place. That was her tomorrow and she would hold on to that tomorrow forevermore. That was the promise she made to herself as she entered the throne room and set eyes upon the sleeping monarchs. The King and Queen were shrouded in grey and the Tomorrow Monster slithered between and around them possessively. The translucent flanks of the creature pulsed with a terrible energy that set Ella’s teeth on edge and blurred her vision.

You’re too late!

The Tomorrow Monster rose up and hissed at her. Jaws opening wide. Bile dribbling down its chins.

“It’s never too late!” Ella said in a calm voice that came from deep within. Came from the woman in the waters. This was her strength. A sense of what was true and what was meant to be. And with the words she spoke came a belief. And in that belief was her power.

I have already won. All happiness dies here!

The Tomorrow Monster reared up and thrashed from side to side in its triumph. And in that triumph he was complacent. He was overreaching. Celebrating before the victory was won.

Ella knew her history. She’d read a lot of stories. This was where the villain lost. In the final moments that aren’t yet final. She reached into her pocket and pointed the first of the two gifts Billy had given her, “this isn’t OK,” she said firmly.

As she pulled the trigger she said the words Billy always said when he shot his imaginary foes.

BRAP! BRAP!

There was a magic to those words and the invisible bullets hit home.

NO!

There was anguish in that word and the Tomorrow Monster collapsed heavily on the floor between the unconscious King and Queen. Her sleeping Mum and Dad stirred in the ensuing silence and Ella stepped forward cautiously. Her hesitance was warranted as the Tomorrow Monster lunged towards her, but instead of flinching and falling backwards Ella threw her arms around the monster and help him in a tight embrace.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

The grey, pulsing monster writhed in her arms but couldn’t free himself.

LET GO OF ME!

“Never,” whispered Ella, “I have to do this for them. They need to be happy. They all need to be happy.” She smiled at the monster that wanted an end to happiness and spoke the magic words that would undo him, “I love you.”

Then she pressed the button on Billy’s second gift and the Tomorrow Monster exploded within her embrace.

BOOM!