Our Last Summer

We held hands like we always did, but something felt different. It wasn’t the first time I had felt this way. Dayna and I were having dinner at the Lumbux Restaurant downtown to celebrate our sixth year together. That first summer when we’d just started dating during our last year of high school, I can still remember that feeling I had in my chest of fireworks going off when we held hands and kissed for the first time. Fast forward, it’s the beginning of summer, our last year in college has come to its end and feelings have changed.

“It’s been six years now, Theo, and your hands are still sweating from nerves,” she says teasing me and smiling.

“You’re always happiest when teasing me,” I remarked while smiling.

“Yeah, I guess things haven’t changed over the years,” she replied.

Things have changed though. We both knew it but never talked about it. It’s strange really. We did all the things we’ve always done yet the feeling just isn’t there. We left the restaurant and during the drive back on campus the car remained silent the entire journey there. There wasn’t an argument that preceded, or any tension from a past event. There just wasn’t much to say. I dropped her off by her dorm and then headed to mine. When I got to my room, my roommate, Jacob who was also my best friend was there.

“How was the dinner date?” he asked.

“It was cool,” I responded dryly.

“That’s it? You’ve been with Dayna for six years now and that’s all you have to say?” he replied.

“Six years huh? It feels like a lifetime. Dayna and I have had a lot of great moments together for sure. At one point I thought she was the love of my life.” I said while standing in the middle of the room lost in thought.

“You’re saying she’s no longer the love of your life?” Jacob asked.

I did think she would be there with me for the rest of my life, but maybe there’s more to life than that out there. We were all about to graduate and begin our adult lives in careers. Dayna always wanted to work in the medical field, and she’s been recruited to work in one of the top medical labs in the country and I was off to pursue a career in mechanical engineering. All I though about for five out of the six years was creating a life with her but ever since we started this last year, those thoughts have been taken over by wondering what comes next. The love I had with Dayna, feels like a chapter ending these days.

Dayna had just entered her room after being dropped off by Theo. There in the room her roommate Gianna was ecstatic to hear about the date.

“How was it?” Gianna asked filled with excitement.

“It was-,” I attempted to reply but was interrupted by Gianna.

“Six years is a long time. It must have been a milestone moment to think you’ve been with someone for so long. You guys must have talked about how you’re going to move in together and start a family after graduation.”

Gianna went on until she remembered I hadn’t gotten a chance to talk. I had gotten used to it though. We’d been roommates for four years now.

“We didn’t talk about any of those things. I wonder when we both got so good at playing pretend.” I said in a melancholy manner.

“Pretend?” Gianna replied concerned. “What do you mean?”

“Theo and I, we’ve been honest with each other since high school and we just started dating, but since this last year together, all we’ve done is lie to each other,” I explained.

“What? Why are you guys lying to one another?” she asked concerned.

“Things have changed Gianna. To the public, things haven’t but inside we both know.”

I remember in that first summer when Theo and I were together how it felt when he was around. I felt so seen, and as a result I felt safe. We visited an amusement park that was only open during the summers, and I was nervous because that our first official date together. I took forever just to get dressed because I wanted to look good for him. I decided to keep it simple and wore a baggy blue washed jeans with a white top and white sneakers. I remember thinking how basic I must’ve looked to him. Each time his eyes glanced at me, I felt embarrassed. Because of how I felt that entire time, I was a lot more reserved on the date and not being my true self. He noticed how reserved I was, so he started taking off his shoes and revealed that his socks had holes in them which is why he decided to avoid the last ride we tried to go on which involved taking off shoes. He didn’t want me to see them. I started laughing and afterwards I felt more relaxed. We sat on one of the benches there and talked after getting hot dogs.

“Your socks should be in an art museum for sure,” I chuckled while saying.

“Right. I could make millions of it,” Theo said while laughing. “Why were you so nervous before?”

“I was in my head about how I looked,” I responded nervously.

“I didn’t know people felt nervous when they looked amazing. That’s a new discovery for me,” he replied.

“You think I look amazing?” I asked.

“You do.”

I felt so stupid.

“Let’s make a deal with each other here. Let’s be honest about how we feel and practice not being afraid to be real with each other. Deal?”

“Deal,” I replied. After that we were able to really enjoy the rest of the date because we didn’t feel pressured to pretend anymore.

Ever since that first date, we’ve always been us, but now we’re not. Something has changed now, and maybe it’s permanent.

It was now the middle of August, and summer was nearing its end. It was the night before our graduation. All those years together made the decision hard for Theo and Dayna to make about their relationship status. The couple and their roommates decided to head out to the beach the night before the big day. The beach was a local spot where college students hung out, partied, and did things their parents would freak out about if they found out. The group found a spot in the sand and lit a bon fire. Afterwards they sat around it with an open igloo filled with a variety of drinks, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic.

“This a was great idea I had,” Jacob announced knowing well he didn’t come up with anything.

“Sure, it was!” Theo, Dayna and Gianna shouted in unison.

The group reminisced on all the memories created during their college years while drinking and laughing.

“We should all do like some college confessions,” Jacob said drunkenly. “I’ll go first. I had sex with Eula Creek in Freshman year.”

We all reacted with disgust about Jacob’s confession. Eula wasn’t the most attractive girl in the first year of college so for him to say that it must have been weighing heavy on his chest.

“I feel so relieved now,” he sighed in relief as he spoke. “Your turn now Gianna, confess.”

“Whatever,” Gianna responded not interested in confessing.

Theo stared at Dayna and noticed how uneasy she looked when the word confess came up.

“Do you have something you’d like to say Dayna?” Theo asked and the others stared upon hearing the question.

Dayna kept quiet and then took a depth breath in followed by an exhale.

“I do,” she replied. “I don’t think our relationship...” she paused, then continued. “I don’t feel the same way about you anymore, and I know you don’t either.

Everyone stared at Dayna.

“How do you know how I feel?” Theo replied with both concern and slight anger. “You’re just projecting how you feel onto me aren’t you,” he continued with the anger in his tone becoming more apparent, but he knew what she said was true.

“Stop lying to yourself Theo. Did you forget we’re always supposed to be honest with each other?” Dayna replied in a stronger tone than she had before.

The couple began to go back and forth with each other trying to prove their respective point.

“Let’s just leave it alone,” Dayna retorted.

“You’ve wanted to leave for good while now, haven’t you?” Theo replied.

“Shut up Theo!” Dayna shouted.

“Whatever,” Theo responded. “This confession idea was so great,” he stated sarcastically.

The mood had been ruined and the group sat around the fire in silence until they decided to leave back for the dorms.

It was graduation day. Dayna and Theo hadn’t communicated with on another since the night before. They were both occupied with family and preparing for their big day. Fast forward, we’re now in the college auditorium with the graduates seated in cap and gown. Theo had already received his diploma and now it was time for those graduating from the medical school to receive theirs. The announcer called Dayna’s name and Theo watched as she walked up and collected her diploma. When he saw her, a memory surfaced.

“A promise” Theo said out loud.

The college they attended had this huge football field and the two laid there in the middle of it. The school team had not too long had a match there. It was one of their favourite spots. Theo would bring a blanket and the two would lay there looking up at the stars. At this time, the two were in their second year.

“Let’s promise each other something Theo,” Dayna said. “I read today that even stars are meant to burn out and die one day. If something as powerful as stars can end, then what chance does a relationship have?”

“What do you mean?” Theo asked. “Our relationship can outlast even stars.”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that. Stars burn bright, just like relationships do but there comes a time when things should end. That’s just the nature of life. That doesn’t mean that it has to end badly though, right?” Dayna said.

“Let’s promise each other that we won’t end things badly, if a time comes when we’re no longer.” Dayna states after climbing on top of Theo.

Theo looked up at her.

“You remind me of the stars you know. Even though things get dark at times, I’m able to find my way through it because you light up my sky. I don’t ever want you to stop lighting up my sky Dayna,” Theo responded, hoping to change her mind about the topic.

“I know it’s hard for you to think about now, especially when your own parents’ relationship ended when you were younger, but it’s okay for things not to work out. I want us to have this conversation now, because things end.”

In that moment Theo was brought back to the present because it was time for the final march outside after the valedictorian speech. During all the festivities, photographs and goodbyes, Theo had sent a message to Dayna to meet at their favourite spot. They both managed to sneak away from family and meet up on the football field for an important conversation. They met in the centre of the field.

“Hey Dayna,” Theo greeted her.

“Hey Theodore,” she replied knowing I don’t like to hear my first name in its entirety.

“I wanted to apologize for last night. I let my ego get the best of me last night. Everything you said last night was true, and I didn’t want to admit it so I acted out.” Theo said with sincerity. “I have always wanted what we had to last, especially because I wanted to not repeat what happened with my parents but now, I understand that it’s because of them that I wanted to hold on to a star that was dying.”

“I also want to apologize,” Dayna responded. “That wasn’t the time or place to have that conversation. I was just so tired of pretending and I wanted to accept what we both knew was happening.”

“We promised, well, you tried to get us to promise that things wouldn’t end badly between us,” Theo said. “I want us to uphold that promise.”

Theo tried his best to withhold tears as he spoke. “Our time together were some of the best years of my life Dayna, and I’ll never forget them, or you.”

Dayna couldn’t hold back the tears like Theo could. She cried and Theo comforted her one last time.

“I never wanted us to end either Theo,” Dayna said in between her tears. “You’ve been so good to me, and I hope our journey apart will be just as good.”

The two shared a final hug and said their goodbyes. As they both walked away in unison they both thought the same thing, “Summer was over, and so were we.”