Animals As Noisy As A Giraffe

Animals As Noisy As A Giraffe

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a giraffe named Jo-Jo who was a singer. Well, actually that's what she wanted to be. The only thing that was keeping her from achieving that goal was the fact that giraffes make no sound. In fact, they're the only animals which make no sound. That meant if anybody ever heard nothing, the smartest thing to do was to look all around because there might be a giraffe in your house. Stranger things have happened, although I've never heard of any. Her biggest problem was not being able to hit the high notes, which definitely was not something she was too concerned about because she didn't like to, "hit" any-thing since she was afraid of it hitting her back. She didn't even like it when people would tell her to, "hit-it" since she was afraid of it hitting her back. That left her, as they say, "in a pickle" that she calle"dill," although she was feeling as healthy as a horse, except when she would lose her voice because it was so difficult to find every time. She hated that since each time she would take a pill for that problem it would take 2 days for the pills to get down her throat and then all the way back up to where the ailment was. Still, she made up an acronym which was iiwii which stood for, "it-is-what-it-it." That was a word you could us like supercalafragalistic etc, and nobody else understood.

Jo-Jo's biggest problem with being a lead-singer in her chorus was minor, although it still existed. It was called, "giraffes are the only animals which made no sound." At least there was one good thing about that which was any-time somebody would hear nothing, that meant a giraffe was more then likely in the room. As everybody know, they have a bad habit of creeping into people's houses whenever they would leave their front door unlocked. That was especially a major problem in Danville since giraffes were so plentiful in that major metropolis. That's been a problem for many people. The best thing to do when one gets into your house is just to make a noise that sounds like one to lour it that way then throw a giraffe net over it. Any other way of doing that in Danville is illegal.

Then one day while Jo-Jo was walking through that big city, somebody shot her with a tranquilizer cartridge, which is a definite no-no in that big city. Even though they're quite plentiful in that huge metropolis, it's still illegal regardless. The dude who shot that poor animal was named George Giraffe since he'd always write stories about his experience with capturing them. At any rate, he took the long-necked animal back to his house and put him in his closet, which is also a federal offence to keep any giraffes in your closet. You can look that up. It's on the same page with keeping an elephant in your bath- room. You don't want to do that if possible. Yet there was a jerk named Phil Fanatic who had a thing for selling giraffe's livers to certain people because they would pay him mega-bucks for them. He cared more about the all-American dollar then making the giraffe's lives miserable.

Joe-Joe had the most beautiful voice in the entire jungle, especially concidering the fact that he had no vocal-chords. Yet he'd sing the most beautiful lullabies at night when all the animals were too stressed to sleep. His voice would charm the bees from the trees with ease if you pleas in the breeze with a wheeze from the fleas they would seize when the fleas freeze in the trees please.

Because Jo-Jo was the best singer in the entire jungle, especially considering the fact that he had no vocal-chords, it was a real treat to hear him singing. That would have been terrific, except that one day a mean, money-hungry man named Snidely Whiplash happened to hear about the singing giraffe. He immediately began seeing dollar signs flashing in front of hi eyes as he tried to thing of some way to get that nutty giraffe to return home with him back to America where he was certain that he could become extremely rich with that singing giraffe. That was when he approached that funny-looking creature who had orange and purple polka-dots all over his body. Plus when the sun or the moons shined on them, they would actually twinkle with such beauty it would hypnotize anybody who looked at him long enough. Some of the animals could even read at night by the light he would give off just by being near them. That was quite helpful because most jungle animals don't have time to read during the day.

As Snidely twirled his mustache, which is a sign that all villains do when they're thinking about their next crime, eh laughed a right sinister-sounding laugh that had every intention of being as evil as possible. The only person who was amused by hearing it was one guy who lived in an extremely hot environment with horns, a tail and holding a pitchfork. The weird thing about him was that he had no intentions of hoeing any garden with it. Although he did enjoy playing pitcher on a cheating baseball team because he'd, " 'pitch-fork' balls" when he wasn't throwing a been-ball to hit the batter on purpose. He also got a major thrill out of convincing people to steal things, meaning more then just bases, the show or some kisses. That's his thing. Because he loved baseball so much, or rather messing up a baseball game, he especially had fun up north on the Philly Phanatic as he ran around just being silly, which was his job. Some of their best players had been Duke graduate because they were, "The Blue Devils." At any rate, while that jerk with the horns, tale and pitchfork was busy ruining the livbes of so many people, since baseball is America's favorite past-time, ruining the lives of so many good-people is actually the favorite past-time of Satin, Lucifer, the Adversary, the Devil, Beyelsibub, The Evil One, The Prince Of Darkness, the Enemy, That Bad Dude, The Man Downstairs, Captain Zero wants me to believe.

All Phil could see in his evil eyes was green pieces of paper with pictures of Ben Franklin on them. He actually wanted to see some with Woodrow Wilson's photo on them because his picture is on the $100,000,00 bill, which is even more valuable not just because it's the largest dollar bill ever made, but because they don't make them any more. At any rate, he was seeing all those sights flashing right in front of his eyes while he twirled his evil mustache the way all the evil villains do in the movies.

As Phil approached the giraffe, who was resting his voice so he would be at his best for the next show, that money-hungry jerk approached him and said, sounding like The Godfather, "Hay there, buddy, I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse." Then he commenced to telling him all the lies he could think of to get that animal more on his side. He even told him a bunch of stories which were not true in addition to several confabulations, which is a 75 cent word for l. i. e.. Actually, some people might call them, "con-'fib'-ulations," but they are all the same. He told him so many falsehoods that thinking up more of them really did wear him out. That meant he really did have to, "lie," only that meant down on his bed since he had exhausted his brain muscles from thinking up so many things that he'd never do for that mighty talented giraffe.

As Snidely discussed how much money he would be getting paid for just putting his extremely talented giraffe on tour, it overheard him discussing the things he wanted to do with him. Then he heard him say, "What will I do if he refuses to sing? I reckon I will have to just shoot the darn animal. Oops! Excuse me! I didn't mean to cuss! He is just a dumb animal who has no realization about what's going on with him. Those freak-animals are all the same!"

Even though Jo-Jo wasn't the smartest animal ever born, at least he had enough sense to know that stupid old man was not his friend the way he'd been pretending to be all along. He knew there was more to life then what he had been getting out of it recently, which was extremely little.

That giraffe had been watching t v enough to know that dialing 911 was what you were supposed to call when you're in any trouble. The problem was he didn't know the number for 911. That brought a major problem for him, because what he had in talent, he was actually lacking quite severely in the brains-department. He thought i. q. had stood for I quit, which was precisely what he did.

As the giraffe sang past when the sun went down, that man who owned him was seeing the dollar signs flashing in front of his eyes since he knew the money would be raking in to him for having a singing giraffe, especially when no other giraffes made any sound whatsoever.

Just before they went on their tour of the entire planet Earth, a jerk named Phil Fanatic got wind of the singing giraffe. He approached Phil and offered to pay him any amount of money for Jo-Jo. When he refused, it made him mad since he really wanted to have that animal as his own. So that night as everybody was asleep, he snuck up behind Jo-Jo and shot him with a tranquilizer cartrie which knocked him out cold. Then he laughed quite feendishly while he put him on the back of his truck and took him far away to Atlanta, Georgia. Nobody would ever think to look for a giraffe down there. He figured it would be smart to begin his tour in The Home Of The Brave, because the only good thing about that team was the Indian mascot who was named Big Chief Knock-A-Homea. Snidely had already begun raking in the money on his very first night.

Yet after the certain went up exposing Jo-Jo, he froze since he wasn't expecting to have so many people staring at him and waiting for him to do something. As the crowd cheered, poor Jo-Jo just stood there. He didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do. Snidely didn't even give him any accompaniment to sing with. After the piano-player had played the intro to Take The Ribbon From Her Hair 12 times, waiting for the animal to begin singing, the crowd began to boo. Later they began to throw things at him. As the curtains closed among all the booing from that highly disappointed crowd of over 12,000 people, Snidely beet Jo-Jo badly for not performing properly and costed him hundreds of thousands of dollars which would have be-longed to him if he had done the things he should have.

The same thing happened the next performance. The only difference was Snidely beet Jo-Jo even worse then he did the first time. Then he put him in a box which was so small he had to go outside just to change his mind. That made Jo-Jo cry so loudly all night that Snidely couldn't even sleep over all that noise, so he beet him even more.

With all those beatings, poor Jo-Jo was really hating the whole show-business scene. That's when he wished for a change to occur in his life. Right after he said, "amen," the ground began to shake underneath him. Snidely fell down.

Suddenly a massive earthquake occurred. That was not normal since earthquakes are so seldom in Danville, like there had never been one in history. Then the ground opened up and swallowed Phil whole. As the earth closed back, it crushed him between the opening, amidst all of his screaming. When the earth pulled back into place, the screaming seaced. Everybody knew Snidely was crushed which meant his dominance over them was finally over. With him gone, it meant all the animals in the circus also came out to celebrate the fact that the evil man who had been dominating over all those animals for such a long time was finally no more. That caused all of them to come out and celebrate the fact that mean old man was finally no more. That meant everybody concerned was at the time considerably happier with that mean dude's absence. They changed their government so that it was run by everybody's approval like a democracy. So, like the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!"

----------------------------------------- The end. By, Cuz Roye.