Boulders

Felix reached down and picked up his egg sandwich, noticing it had gone a little cold since the last time he had touched it, but took a bite anyway. He stared back at the screen he was working on while taking a sip of his coffee, which was thankfully still warm. The cafe he sat in was fairly lively with plenty of other people sitting around working away at their own computers. Some people talked and joked or read in silence together in booths.

A small bell rang every time the door would open and close, but since his back was turned towards the door, he paid no mind to whoever walked in or out. After one particular ring, though, he could feel the hair stand up on his neck. The sensation was followed by a succession of footsteps as they walked in his direction. He wasn’t planning on meeting anyone that day, so he didn’t feel the need to turn his head, but whoever the footsteps belonged to didn’t give him a chance to look. Like a casual friend, lover, or family member, a woman, roughly the same age as the man, pulled the chair out from the table across from him and sat down.

“Hello hello, good to see you’re alone” she noted cheerfully, making eye contact and then looking down at his plate, “are you going to finish that?”

The man blinked rapidly and shook his head a little, “I’m sorry, I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.”

Without missing a beat, the woman murmured just loud enough for him to hear, “Your name is Felix Turner, you’re thirty four years old, your favorite movie is Tompopo, and two weeks ago you were in Salt Lake City for a work conference.”

Felix blinked again and without thinking slid the plate into the woman’s direction who picked up the sandwich and started to eat it. “Are you stalking me?” he asked.

“Kinda,” she replied with a shrug, looking back at him.

“I’m sorry,” He shook his head again, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, and if I see you again, I will call the police,” he closed his laptop and stood up to show how serious he was.

“Oh, feeling crabby today?” she smiled.

Felix gestured to the door, “Please leave.” He wanted someone else to notice this strange woman. He glanced around him at the other tables and even the baristas, but no one paid them any attention.

The woman looked up at him, and in an even more hushed tone said, “You have a mole on your left butt cheek, the prescription for your contacts is negative three point two five, and you have a sexual attraction to clowns that you’re ashamed of and have never explored– beyond looking at some pictures on the internet.”

His heart sank deep into his chest and mouth agape, slumped back down into his chair. It wasn’t until the woman finished the rest of his sandwich a few seconds later that he could speak again.

“How do you know all this?”

“You told me,” she wiped her face with a nearby napkin.

“Who are you?” asked Felix.

The woman looked up towards the ceiling like she was seriously trying to remember who she was, “I’m pretty sure I’m Mary?” She started to rummage through her bag until she found a wallet. She pulled out a drivers license, inspected it, and then nodded. “Yes, Mary Takahashi.”

Mary handed her card over to Felix and he inspected it. Indeed, the woman that was sitting across from him owned the I.D he was holding, the picture was a little younger than her, but it was no mistaking it.

“What are you? CIA? KGB? Is this a cover? How do you know so much about me?” he questioned. His mind started to spiral with all of the possibilities.

“I already told you, I know all these things because you’ve told me. We’ve met,” she paused to let out a small burp, “hundreds of times before. We’ve had this conversation hundreds of times before, and some days it's easier to convince you than others. Which I can’t blame you for, you’re skeptical by nature.”

“Okay, then why don’t I remember you?”

“Because you always forget. But I don’t hold it against you. And to your credit, I’m never the same each time so you wouldn’t remember meeting them either,” she smirked.

“Please just explain it to me then, stop being so cryptic,” he sighed.

She echoed his sigh. “So, I need you to know that I’ve tried the whole ‘tell you the truth thing right away’ tactic, but you usually just think I’m crazy, and then it all goes to shit. This is the best method I’ve found so far to get you to listen to me, and that’s to be a little cryptic. Because you’re a skeptic, but you also like a little whimsy,” she smiled.

Feeling as though he had been read like a book, he said, “Okay, okay, I’m listening.”

“Good, fantastic, real quick though, can I have a little bit of your coffee?” she pointed to the mug.

He answered by sliding it across the table. She took it into her hands and breathed it in before taking a sip.

“Okie dokie, this is what I’ve gotten so far. Have you ever felt like you’ve seen something before? Like you’re just going about your day and out of nowhere you just feel like you’ve been in the exact same situation before, but like in a dream?”

“You mean deja vu?”

“Exactly. And in no exact words, I cause your deja vu.”

“Then why haven’t I felt it since I’ve seen you?”

“Because it only happens when I leave,” Mary claimed.

Felix sat back in his chair, “So when you leave, I just forget I’ve ever met you?”

“Every time. And then it’s like the universe resets itself and time turns back just a second or two before I walk through that door.”

“And that's where the deja vu comes in?” he asked.

Mary nodded.

“What happens to you then?”

“That's a two part answer for two different people. First off, Mary,” she gestured to the driver license still sitting on the table, “Goes back to where she was supposed to be before I became her. And then secondly, I,” she gestured to her head, “wake up inside someone else’s body, just as bewildered every time, but remembering everything.”

“How does that even work?”

“I honestly do not know for certain, but I have some ideas.”

“And it only works with me?”

“Exactly.”

“How long has this been going on for?”

“Forever. Or at least your whole life.”

“I’m sorry, are you even… real?,” Felix started to rub his forehead.

Mary stood up and walked to his side of the table, placed a hand on the back of his neck, and brought her face down to his and kissed him, and for a second, he kissed her back. But quickly, he pushed her away and muttered, “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.”

She stood back up, “I know, Marcus, right?”

“That’s right…”

“I am real,” she sat back down, “And it’s also so much easier to convince you when you’re single.”

“That wasn’t right to do,” Felix lowered his tone.

“And it won’t matter, at some point, very soon, I’ll leave, and it will be like it never happened, because in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t,” explained Mary.

“Then why don’t you just leave?” he demanded.

“It doesn’t matter if I physically leave you, I guess it would help, but you decide when the deja vu hits.”

“What do you mean?”

Mary yawned a little bit, “It took me a while to get this theory, but I believe it happens when you think about something else, anything besides me. And then in a blink of an eye, I’m gone.”

“So all I have to do is think about something else? And you’ll be gone?”

“Yes, but please don’t.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

There was a sigh.

“Because I love you.”

Felix and Mary sat looking at each other for a quiet second.

“I think you might be deranged,” he said.

“But I’m not gone yet, so you are at the very least curious.”

He threw his arms to either side, “Well obviously! I’m trying to wrap my head around who or what you are and what the hell is happening! I’m mostly freaked out that you knew about the” his voice became a whisper, “The clown thing.”

“Fun fact, I’ve actually helped you explore that a little bit, but obviously you don’t remember,” she winked at him.

He could only respond with rapid blinking.

She tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling, “I don’t really know what I am. I’m sorry but I can’t answer that.”

“Then can you at least answer how you know where to find me? Did you have a tracker implanted or something?”

“I just always know where you are. It’s not even a feeling, it's just like knowledge I have,” she chuckled to bring some levity to the conversation.

Felix sat back again, “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“That’s okay, you’ll forget you ever felt it,” Mary gestured to the cup of coffee again, “Mind if I have another sip?”

“You can have the rest,” he pushed the cup towards her again.

She bowed her head, “Thank you.”

There was silence as Mary drank, but she was the one to speak first, “Wanna know how long we’ve had together in one stint?”

“A couple hours?”

“A day and a half actually.”

“That's insane.”

“Yeah, I imagine concentrating on one person for that long is difficult."

“When was this?”

“Like a decade ago. It was right after Hannah broke up with you, work was making you feel miserable, and you just needed an escape, I think,” she said.

“Wait, what do we normally do when you come to see me?” he asked, leaning forward over the table, looking side to side as if someone he knew would suddenly walk in.

“I mean, it depends. There's a process.”

“The first step is making me believe you?”

“No, no, that's like step three,” Mary snorted a little.

Felix smiled, “Then what is the first step?”

“Making sure you’re in a place where I can come talk to you, and better if you can’t see me right away.”

“Because if I see you and think about you for even a second, and then something else, you disappear?”

“Exactly. We’ve made eye contact while driving past each other before and even that small of an interaction reset the system. Deja vu,” Mary grimaced.

“So the second step is contact?” he asked.

“You’re getting it! Sometimes you pretend like you don’t even notice me, which I might remind you, I don’t hold against you,” Mary sat back in her chair.

Felix thought for a second, “Okay so let's say we’ve reached the point where I believe you, what happens next?”

“Do you?” asked Mary, eyebrows raised.

“Not fully,” he remarked.

“Close enough,” she smiled again, “So now, we basically just catch up a little bit. Let's see,” she paused, “How have you been? I knew about Salt Lake because that’s the last time I saw you. Oh, did your mom’s Pomeranian do well at the dog show?”

“She got an honorable mention,” Felix laughed and felt a little bit of tension leaving his shoulders, “I mean, for their first time, that’s pretty good, you know?”

“You know, I flirted with the idea of going to see it. Mary Takahashi is from Portland so I was in the neighborhood, but I think I got caught up with something else.”

“Something else?”

“I had to go to a birthday party. I think it was my, or technically Mary’s, sister?” she pondered for a second.

Felix inquired, “So wait, you wake up in a different body right after each time you see me, and then you don’t immediately come find me?”

“God no, it's exhausting traveling all the time. Usually I try my best to live the life of the person I’ve become for a while and then I come to see you,” Mary explained.

“So then why do you come? Don’t you want to try and live a normal life if everything gets so exhausting?” he sat back again and crossed his arms.

“Trust me, I’ve tried, but always I feel like I’m an imposter when I do. And since technically nothing I do makes any kind of impact on the universe, I do have fun by myself. I usually take my time coming to see you. Like I tried out Mary’s life for a while, went on a trip to Alaska so that I could go to Katmai to see all the grizzly bears fish for salmon, bummed around British Columbia for a couple weeks, and then slowly made my way here,” Mary copied his body language.

“That does sound like fun,” he smiled, “Doesn’t that screw up the lives of the people who you take over? Will Mary Takahashi’s family be missing her? Will she be drowning in credit card debt?”

“Not at all, I’ve found past iterations of myself, and I guess when the universe resets, it’s like nothing I’ve done stays. After this interaction, Mary will be magically transported back to Portland, probably, back at her desk job, having no knowledge of anything that I’ve done.”

Felix nodded, “Well that's comforting to know. But…” he trailed off, “If nothing you do has any consequences, and you technically can do whatever you want without it hurting anyone else, why find me and reset everything?”

“Because I love you, Felix,” she reached out and took his hand in hers.

He found himself holding it back, “But why? You know you can’t be with me, there’s no way I can focus on your existence forever.”

“Let’s just say that I don’t have to imagine Sisyphus being happy. It may not matter to you, but it matters to me. I remember everything, all of our interactions, every time we’ve met and kissed and made love. It’s like everything in the universe wants me to be with you—“

“— but it also wants to keep us apart,” he finished her thought.

There was another silence, which was broken by Mary, “You know, my favorite theory was one that you came up with.”

“Oh really? What’s that?” he asked.

“That the entire universe is a simulation.”

“Well that’s not my theory, that’s Bostrom’s”

“Okay, so yours piggybacks off of it. Let's say this entire world is a computer simulation just for you, no one else technically exists – it's just you, and then, technically me. You go through life thinking everyone in it is real with the same thoughts and experiences as you. And then every once in a while, a glitch,” Mary gestured to herself, “interacts with the main program and the software has to reset itself.”

“So you’re what, malware? A virus in my system?”

“Precisely,” Mary smirked.

“And what’s your function? Why were you created? Why are you in my simulation?”

“For a while I thought it was so that I could get you out of the simulation, out of the ‘Matrix,’ if you will. But nothing we did or tried worked, so now I really think my function is to love you. Maybe I exist purely so that you wouldn’t be alone in your world. There will always be at least one other person here with you.”

A single tear pooled in Felix’s eye. Something inside of him bloomed, like warmth in his gut. He knew that she was right and everything she had said was true. Maybe not in his mind, but in his soul.

Mary reached across the table and wiped the tear away, “I think I need to be with you whenever I can, to be an escape for you and in return you give me wonderful memories. And when we’re together — we are infinitely less lonely. I don’t know if there's a world outside of this one filled with other people who would love you, but what I do know is that I’m here, and I do.”

“Do I love you too?” asked Felix.

“Typically, yes,” Mary smiled.

They sat and looked into each other’s eyes before Felix broke the silence.

“And what do we do after you’ve convinced me you’re real and after we’ve caught up a little bit?”

Mary held both of his hands in hers, “Whatever we want.”

“Well you did eat the rest of my sandwich and I’m still a little hungry, would you like to get some lunch with me?”

“I would love to.”

They stood up and Felix started to gather his things into his bag.

“Don’t worry about that,” Mary said, “It’ll be there when you get back.”

“Of course, you’re right,” he smiled. She took his hand in her’s. They started to make their way out the door when he felt his pocket start to vibrate. He reached down and grabbed his phone and thought thats's probably Sarah calling, I did tell her I’d get those reports to her by noon.

He just sat there, feeling like he had been here before. He obviously had been, when he worked remotely he usually came to this cafe. But he felt like this exact moment had happened before. Like he saw it in a dream.

“Deja Vu,” he said to himself blinking a couple times. Felix reached down and picked up his egg sandwich that he noticed went a little cold, but took a bite anyway. He stared back at the screen while taking a sip of his coffee. Inexplicably, he felt a little more alone than he did before.