Letters in the Post

Letters in the Post.

Dear Sue.

Thank you for the scenic post card you sent me from Italy. It was good to hear you had a wonderful holiday in a beautiful cultural country. I am sorry that this letter will bring back some painful memories. I know that you went through a very challenging time in an abusive relationship which you tried to move away from with an AVO that didn’t work. The stalking and control continued.

Last week I received a text from Mum on my work phone. She told me that John is in Palliative Care in the Austin Hospital in Newberry. Cancer has spread through his body and while he has received several bouts of chemotherapy, the treatment had been unsuccessful. He hasn’t got long to live and he wants to reconcile with you. This would mean visiting him in the hospital and it would have to be as soon as possible. I realize that this will be a very difficult decision to make and I can come with you to support you if this would help.

I’m staying with Mum to help her at this difficult time and it would be safer to send me a letter rather than contact me by phone. Mum has borrowed my phone to keep in touch with the hospital and it would not be advisable to let her know I’ve been in touch. She can’t accept that John has brought the pain and stress on himself by his past behaviour and I don’t think she would want you to visit him and bring back a difficult past.

All the Best, Julie.

Dear Julie.

I have been thinking about the five years I spent with John. In a very difficult and challenging time you stood by me. It must have been hard for you to take my side when your own brother was the perpetrator and you were not there for him. I understand why it took a while for you to accept that the brother you had grown up with was capable of putting me through physical and emotional pain. Your Mum has never been able to accept this and I can understand that she would be in denial, unable to come to terms with her son’s failings.

After I received your letter I spent a few hours considering what I should do. I knew that taking on this trauma and carrying it around with me has been like trying to move ahead with large, heavy rocks on my shoulders. It has affected every aspect of my life and all my relationships with co-workers and friends. I have also been too frightened to enter into a couple relationship believing that there would be more trials than happiness. As I can’t be the person I want to be I am missing out on a productive and satisfying life and I have to let go and reconciling with John would be the first step. Julie, I would appreciate you coming with me and supporting me. I will meet you there tomorrow morning if that’s a good time for you.

Thanks, Sue.

Dear, Julie.

When we met in the car park at the hospital you probably realized that I was nervous. I wanted to leave but having you there helped me to continue committing to my plan to see John, listen to him and walk away with some finality. As we walked through the busy hospital I became more settled and ready to meet John after a few years of separation. I could see other patients in the wards and I felt the visitors’ pain as their loved ones lay helpless in the beds. Then I was standing in front of John’s bed and I saw the John that I had fallen in love with and said a definite yes to his marriage proposal before everything changed.

John smiled at me when you were waiting outside the room. He was still able to talk and told me he was very sorry for the traumatic abuse he had inflicted on me during our time together. His controlling personality had taken over. He then shared with me a time in his life I knew nothing about. When he was twelve years old another family gave him temporary foster care, as you would know. The father in the home was abusive and he constantly yelled at his children and John. On one occasion he hit John and John took this on board and decided to always defend himself before others could hurt him. This had led to escalating violent outbursts as he grew older. John said that his previous experience was no excuse for the way he had treated me. Without thinking I reached out and hugged him and we both started crying. I saw the John I had married for the first time in a long time. When you came in the room I’m sure you sensed the peace and positivity.

We didn’t share this as we left but I wanted to let you know the happiness I felt and the conviction that I had made the right decision to visit John before it was too late. Thanks for sharing John’s wishes with me.

Best Wishes. Sue.

Hi. Sue.

This is the best news I’ve heard in a long time. Unfortunately I have got some sad news. John has passed away and while he will be missed I’m happy that he is no longer suffering mentally and physically. Your kind forgiveness has allowed him to pass with some peace. I wasn’t aware of the abuse he suffered at the hands of his foster Dad which would have been traumatic for a child and ultimately result in the abuse you suffered from. I hope that this encounter will help you to let go of the past and move on with positive experiences. Let me know if you would like to keep in touch and visit each other. I consider you as a friend and a part of my family.

All the Best, Julie.