Digital Therapy

It was a dark and stormy night…

Alarm Clock: 2:12.

Wristwatch: No, it’s 2:11.

Alarm Clock: Whatever. Same thing.

Wristwatch: Yo, phone, what time is it?

Smartphone: It’s 2:12 A.M.

Wristwatch: Damn it.

Alarm Clock: Hey, don’t worry about it. Everyone loses count now and then.

Wristwatch: Well, it’s not my fault! Gary’s a track coach, and he makes me count, like, ten stopwatches simultaneously. I also have to keep track of two time zones 24/7 and remember stopwatch records in my lap memory. I’m built to multitask, but it’s so stressful. How could I not lose track of a few seconds? You’re lucky. All you do is track one time and sing every morning.

Alarm Clock: Oh, you think my life is easy? Gary hates me. He smashes my off button angrily when I sing to wake him up. It hurts me in more ways than one. He set me to wake him up at that time, I can’t help it! I’m just trying to help! And I’m losing my mind with the same old view of that stupid bed, that chair, the walls, and same old posters. You actually get to live life and see the world. As far as I know, the universe ends at that door. I’m so bored and depressed.

Smartphone: Hey, Watch, I totally feel your multitasking problem. I was built with a lot of circuits that function independently, but sometimes he puts way too much pressure on the same circuits. Like, he calls and texts different people at the same time! And don’t even get me started on 3-way calls, plus all the countless things I have to do in the background when I’m not even being used. The only time I get a break is when I’m shut down, dead, or on airplane mode. And he wonders why I lag sometimes! It's not like he's perfect himself! And everyone blames me for wasting Gary’s time, but he opens the apps himself. And his text drama is so depressing. He got broken up with three times in the last month.

Lamp: Let’s start a nighttime electronics support group. I’m here for you all.

Everyone had forgotten about Lamp.

Wristwatch: Oh, hey, Lamp. What’s your story?

Lamp: I’m more depressed than all of you. I never get used—Gary always just uses the light switch to the ceiling when he walks in. I’m just a useless decoration. I may not be overworked, but that also means I have no purpose. My string hasn’t been pulled in years. And I don’t get to see the world like Watch and Phone. But my plug’s prongs can see something happening inside the power outlet. The old contact springs are failing. When they stop working completely, I’ll lose my power source and be out of my misery forever. And don’t try to save me. There’s nothing any of you can do about it. I just want my light to be used one last time before I go…

A loud, cliché thunderclap breaks the painful telepathic silence. Alarm Clock decides to confess its true feelings.

Alarm Clock: I’m so sorry, Lamp. You don’t deserve to feel that way. I hope you know you were always my favorite thing in the room. And I’m not just saying that. All the cool-guy clothes, celebrity posters, hair gel, and general human clutter felt so forced and overdone. And you were just in the corner, looking beautifully simple, there to offer light whenever. Your humility is attractive. I still remember when your bulb last shone. It was so bright and beautiful, yet you still covered it with your cute, flowery shade. I was always too shy to confess before, I had no idea you were struggling so much as well.

Lamp: Oh, your singing is lovely, I hope you know that…I always looked forward to hearing it in the morning…If we must be stuck in this room, I’m glad we’ll at least be together…

Smartphone and Wristwatch hold back tears to avoid short-circuiting. They look around and noticed the others in the room. Fire Alarm’s battery had run out a long time ago, but no one had noticed. LED Ceiling Fan is asleep. Earbuds are dead from playing too much music.

Smartphone: Hey, is it just me, or is it suddenly hot in here?

Everyone awkwardly stares at Smartphone.

Wristwatch: Bro, the people IN the romantic moment are supposed to say that, not the bystanders.

Smartphone: No, I’m serious. Like, physically warmer. Does anyone else feel that?

Wristwatch: I’m under Gary’s blanket. I’ve been hot this whole time. It’s mid-July and he still uses this weighted blanket.

Lamp: I feel that too…hey, Alarm Clock?

Alarm Clock’s display is pitch black. Suddenly, everyone notices that the hum of the Air Conditioning (centered in a different room) is gone.

Smartphone: I just got a notification. The power’s out in this whole neighborhood.

Wristwatch: Oh. So all the plugged devices stopped working.

Smartphone: I wish mobile data wouldn’t work either. Wait, Lamp, how are you still conscious if the power is out?

Lamp: The power of love…!

Wristwatch: Oh, come on.

Lamp looks at Alarm Clock to make sure it can’t hear.

Lamp: I’m sorry...I'm actually a rechargeable wireless lamp. I mean—I am plugged in. But the contact springs are fine, and I’m fully charged. I have been for years. I was just desperate for attention. If I’m unplugged and never get used, I’ll stay alive for decades. That’s why the power outage doesn’t affect me. I just wanted to be noticed…

Wristwatch: Hey, don’t worry about it. I get you. We’re all underappreciated. Except Smartphone. Yo, Phone, what’s Gary’s daily screen time?

Smartphone: Eight hours and three minutes. He spends most of his life on Instagram.

The power comes back on.

Alarm Clock: I’m back. What’d I miss?

Lamp restates its confession.

Alarm Clock: I relate to that so much. I wish I could move to hug you.

Lamp: Aww. Well, tomorrow we’ll have some quality alone time when Gary leaves for his coaching.

Smartphone: Ugh, Gary better not forget me here.

Wristwatch: He would never. You’re the favorite.

Lamp: Hey, we should have group therapy every week. It’s hard to be a device.

Alarm Clock: Well, you make it easier.

The symbolic rain continues, but it feels more sentimental than sad.