Here’s How To Handle A Grab-it Rabbit

Here’s How To Handle A Grab-it Rabbit

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a little bunny. When it was born, it was number 12 in the list of trashy, little creatures so their parents called them a, “litter.” None of them couldn’t tell the gender of their own babies when they were first born so they decided if they were a female they would be Misty, or male it would be Mister. All of its brothers and sisters would hop around, doing whatever bunnies do for fun. When they would get hungry, they would go to Mr. McGregor's guardian because, thanks to one of the other misfit rabbits in the family, they had sent him away, screaming with as many clothes on as a jaybird. Anyway, they had to get all of the delicious veggies they could while they were still available because their time was running out, and before too long all those great-tasting vegetables would be gone for the season. Because of that, they had to store all of them in their burrows so that they wouldn’t have to, “burrow” from any other rabbit neighbors because nobody likes any big-bad-bum-burrowing-borrowing-bunnies. Besides, time was running out for those cute, little, fir-balls, with legs. When it snowed, that would really make it difficult to find food because of the horrible snow- storms which came every year to that part of Virginia, so that’s why they had to just, “hop” to it and gather their munchies for the winter so they could watch their Playboy channel because they loved the bunnies.

While Misty or Mr. was hopping through the forest just minding it’s own bees-wax, a not-too-bright dachshund came sniffing along. Dachshund in German means German-hunting-dog since they were originally bred to find small animals for the hunters could shoot them. They wanted to chase rabbits through their holes and make them come out the other exit so that the hunters could shoot them. There was one in particular named So-Long. Her owner always sounded quite a bit weird saying, “Come her, ‘So-Long.’ “ That was an oxy-moron, although it seemed like any- body who would name their own dachshund that had to be the moron, whether it was oxy or not. At any rate, he loved to hunt since that was his favorite past-time, but his time was running out on him since he was 84 years-old and didn’t have a lot of time left on this old Earth, so he had learned how to treat every moment as if it was his last. Yet his favorite thing to hunt was rabbits because his wife wanted to make a rabbit coat and needed several of them to have enough fur. She also made a mighty delicious rabbit stew, but since he hadn’t seen any all day, it meant that he was the one who was actually in that,“stew.” not the bunny. He knew they loved to eat carrots, and he also knew carrots were really high in vitamin A and D which are needed for good vision. He figured that had to be the truth because he had never seen a rabbit wearing glasses, so it made a lot of sense.

Yet his intense lathing towards those little varments reminded him of when he went on camping trips with The Boy Scouts because they would sleep, “in-tents.” Yet he also remembered what had happened the last time he tried to catch one of them in a trap. That was when he ended up in the hoosegow for indecent-exposure and resisting arrest then murder. It was quite fortunate that he had such a good lawyer and a rich family who bailed him out, even though they would have much rather spent the, “bail” on a boat, floating down the river. He’d even broken out of prison by stabbing the warden, which meant he had 2 murders on his eval record. That was one, “record” he did not want to break since he didn’t even own any, “record-players,” but nobody was playing about those charges he had. All he had to show for his efforts to rid this old world of one less bunny was a place on his back where he had shot at him and barely nicked him. That made him stand out amongst all the other rabbits. Yet Mr. McGregger was like Boaz in the Bible which means he was, “Ruth”-less with no heart. He'd always wanted to marry a queen, but, “The Queen Of Hearts” didn’t seem to be all that realistic, it was more like, “the King Of, ‘Clubs,’ “ since he’d been to so many of them, and broken lots of, “hearts” by not giving them any, “diamond” rings while trying to drink his problems away so they couldn’t afford to get their pet, “spade.”

Meanwhile, our beloved rabbit was living a right, “hoppy” lifestyle. It had blessed the world with several colonies of younguns who’d spread their family, “tree.” Hopefully they will not get lost because it would be bad to be, “The Lost Colony” of Croatan. It seemed like it, “wooden” be lacking for much of anything since it would just, “branch” out before they could, “pine” for any of them and no, “dog-wood” be able to, “bark” at them and catch them before they could, “spruice” themselves up and none of them had any desire to dance around the, “maple” but some of them were, “chest-nut” funny enough so each one, “leaves” the forest so any animal won’t break a, “limb” before it, “leaves” to do something else.

Yet my time is running out and before long I’ll be too old to have a good chance at winning a writing contest, so before it’s time for me to go Home, which won’t be long, it would be terrific to win something just once in my life because it’s really important to me that I be the best at something. It would certainly turn my mouth from an n shape into a u shape so that the corners would be facing north instead of south. Thank you.

By, Cuz Roye.