Seeing God

I saw God today. Oh, I know how crazy I sound. Believe me. You will ask with your eyes rolling, no doubt, what He looks like. What He sounds like. Expecting the standard answers. Old man, flowing beard. Right? You don't have to say anything. I know exactly what the expectations are.

You also think that maybe I met someone who said they were God. Maybe we are both crazy. I am not.

Proof it, maybe you are thinking. Too polite to say it so I will for you. Next you are thinking, she can't. No way can you prove a negative.

I don't blame you. After all, I used to think the same thing. Before today.

Oh, I am a believer. I know God exists. You look sceptical. How can you know that? That is what you are thinking. Isn't it? Yes, that smile says it all.

How can I know the unknowable?

I was a different person before I met Him. Not today. I met Him long before today. Not the way I met Him today, not in person.

Yes, a different person. We all were when we were younger. True enough. But it was more than that. Not just teenage angst. I was a totally different person.

The abuse, you know. Its effects go way past what happens in the minute. Look who I am telling. Huh.

Right. Sorry. Anyway, I could have turned into a monster. Lots do. Before God. He brought peace into the chaos. He helped me to forgive. It was a process, no doubt. But one that eventually came to fruition.

I can't explain the weight that came off me when that happened. Forgiveness wasn't as much for him as for me.

Sorry. I just wanted you to know why I know He is real. Don't you see, only God could have removed the hate, for him and for myself.

Yes, myself. Children internalize everything, don't you know. When the person that is supposed to protect you, doesn't and instead hurts you, well I thought it had to be me. Shame and hate are closely entwined. Especially in a child.

Having that removed. No, I am not trying to change the subject. He is the subject. If I can't convince you He is real, the rest won't make sense.

I have, have I? Or are you just saying that so I will get to the point? You see, I see how crazy I sound to an unbeliever.

No, I guess that is true. If we all believe the same, life would be quite boring. I just need you to believe that I believe.

That you do. Thank you. Okay. So, I was saying that I saw God today, the God I met and got to know way back.

That it wasn't, He wasn't a delusion. Not the white haired, long beard and robe person that He is depicted as.

Our time is almost up. I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Of course. I just hate to leave you wondering. Right, I guess that's true.

No, I won't forget. Besides, you have taken notes.

Same time. I’ll be here.

Three days later

What has happened? Are you asking if I saw God again? You are. Yes actually.

Alright, I won't go back over what we went through before. Are you still an unbeliever? I understand that. It's just… Alright. Alright. I won't push.

This time or last time?

Okay. I will start at the beginning. I was walking along the road. You know I walk everyday? You didn't? Yes. It helps to work things out, that walking.

Anyway, I was walking and there He was. I didn't recognize Him at first. At first, He looked just like a regular person. He sat on the bench, disguised as an old man. He was feeding the ducks.

Not bread. No, he would have known better. He was feeding them peas. Regular peas. That was what first caught my attention. I stopped to ask Him why.

“Child, it is better for them.”

It was the child that got to me. Child met pain but He, the way He said it felt safe. I didn't think I knew Him, you see. Not then. So why did I feel safe? I took a seat beside Him. He offered me some of the peas.

I know. I never do that. Strangers are dangerous. But, I just had to spend more time with Him.

They ran away from me but came up to Him. They felt it too, the ducks.

“Let it go, daughter. That weight you still carry.”

I stared at Him. Daughter? Why would He call me daughter?

Then He seemed to read my mind.

“It is hard to hear that word, isn't it? I’m sorry. It wasn't supposed to be that way.”

Yes, I know you have said the same. The difference, you know my past. This stranger shouldn't have unless…

Not enough for you?

Yesterday, I walked back to the park, hoping to see Him again. I did, sorta.

It was an old woman this time. She was feeding the birds. She smiled when I walked up.

“Have you forgiven him?”

I nodded.

“Have you forgiven me?” You see, I knew she was God like this man before her was.

“Yes, my child. You can let it go, all of it. Let me carry it. You weren't made to.”

Anything else? How can that not be enough?

Alright, you want more? Okay.

What I haven't told you is that both of them talked to me about_____.

Yes, that got your attention didn't it. No one outside this room knows about it.

Who else but God could both know about it and bring that type of peace? You don't have an answer do you?

On the next room

“It seems to have worked.”

The two actors nod. “I am glad we could help.” The older man says.

“Did she really do that? Or just think she did?”” The woman asks.

“Does it matter?”

“Well if she really killed her parents?”

Her question goes unanswered.