Braindead

The shakes were the worst part.

It always happened early in the withdrawal, and each time Viv thought she was prepared for it. Yet when they came, they were sharper than she remembered them. More painful, too. As if every single muscle in her tired, worn-out body was rebelling against her until everything was simply… pain. Even the act of breathing.

Ten days. She thought. You only have to make it ten days.

The unfortunate truth of it was that she had no idea what would happen if she made it ten days without Cog. No one, as far as she knew, had ever lasted that long. Especially not her.

“They say there’s a man who went nine days, once.” Thiago said from beside her, though his voice was slurred. She couldn’t tell if it was a product of his withdrawal or her own.

“Who?” She mumbled. She didn’t even hear the word when she spoke, rather she felt it slide over her tongue like a limp rat.

“Dunno. Rumor is he died.”

Impossible. Viv thought. You can’t die from Cog withdrawal. Yet here she was on day three, feeling closer to death than ever.

Day three. Had it only been three days? Her longest record was five before she’d caved. Plopped to the floor and begged the medics to inject the Cog right into her bloodstream. They had, of course. Five days without Cog was practically unheard of. It was unfortunate that she’d made it so far.

Unfortunate that she knew what came on day four.

“I hate them,” Thiago said. It took Viv several long moments to realize he was talking again. She knew just by looking at him that he was on day two. It almost always manifested in strange, nonsensical rambling. “Cog was supposed to help us, wasn’t it? Make us smarter. Now look at us.”

Viv did. Look, that is.

It was not the first time she’d seen Thiago in the underground cellar that worked as some kind of hospital. Much like the room around them, he was a dirty thing. With long, black hair that had matted to his scalp and round, blood-shot eyes. If Viv squinted, she could see the barest hint of blue buried beneath all those popped veins.

That happened day one.

A short, rundown medic slipped between them. It had been built long before Cog had even been a thought, when people had relied on their own, squishy little brains for thinking, and it wore its age in every dent and scratch. The bots from before were simple. This one, MED-A134, could do nothing more than check vitals on human patients and pump a nutrient-dense sludge into their bodies. Still, it was practically untraceable.

“Give your brain the boost it needs, unlock its capabilities…”

Thiago was singing the SmartLabs jingle, the one they still used to advertise Cog – or Cognow, the name printed on the label – to the masses.

Definitely day two. Viv thought, even as she opened her mouth to sing along.

“Don’t fall behind the crowd! Improve your brain, and take Cognow!”

Someone screamed and the medics rushed across the room, beeping frantically. Viv knew that scream. It was the scream that accompanied day four, when the painful shaking turned more sinister. When the brain became so desperate for Cog it began to attack itself. She still had scars along her temple from when she’d clawed at her own face, as if her brain had believed the only thing standing in the way of more Cog was her flimsy skull.

Viv’s body shook, but beneath the tremors she could feel… something. A clarity, perhaps. It was that feeling that kept her coming back, day after day, year after year. Desperate to escape the Cog. She felt traces of what waited for her after day ten. A moment of incredible insight or a surge of memories, so clear and sharp she felt as if she were living them all over again.

All of it buried beneath that terrible, incessant shaking.

Beside her, Thiago was sobbing.

“Just give it to me,” he cried, “I can’t go another day like this!”

When the medic came to administer the Cog, Viv found herself shoving her own arm out, too.

I wonder how long it will be this time. She thought.

***

‘Cognow improves the human brain.’ The man said.

The tv was blaring into the kitchen where Viv sat with her parents eating canned soup. It tasted metallic, less like soup and more like licking a spoon. There were two men on the screen. Dressed in fancy suits, with teeth so white they blinded even through the set.

‘The human brain doesn’t need improvement…’ the second one began, but the man cut him off.

‘Did you know we only use 10% of our brains? Imagine all that unlocked potential! With Cognow, you’re practically a supercomputer. Studies show significant increases in data retention and processing. Initial tests show up to 75% higher brain function in most subjects.’

The first man snorted. ‘At what cost? The main ingredient in Cognow is highly addictive. Once test subjects take it, they have a nearly 0% chance of ever stopping. It’s lifelong!’

Viv’s father turned to smile at her mom. ‘Did you hear that, Margaret? 75% higher brain function. Imagine what we could do with that!’

Viv did not return to herself for three days.

Once the medics had injected her, she’d left almost immediately, though she hadn’t even been aware of it. SmartLabs had sent out a daily wave of updates and hers had led her to the data center. She was a janitor, at least she was reasonably certain she was a janitor. Under the influence of Cog it was hard to remember what she did. Where she went. Her thoughts were not her own, rather they were sent out as daily updates from SmartLabs.

Go here.

Do this.

Sleep.

Wash.

Eat.

Cog did not bring relief, though she was glad to no longer be in pain. More than anything it brought a numbness. She felt… empty. That sliver of something she’d been chasing for five years was gone. That was the problem with Cognow, once a brain became reliant on it, it couldn’t function without a constant stream of inputs.

Perhaps, that had been the goal all along.

Sometimes, though, there was a delay in the updates. A window where Viv came back to herself and had a flash of her own thought.

Take your pill. The update sent from SmartLabs marched through her brain, less a thought and more a note scrawled over her vision.

You only have to make it ten days. That weak, hopeful part of her thought back.

Her feet carried her back to the dirty stairwell that led to an even dirtier room. She’d been coming for so long, she couldn’t even remember how she’d found it. Whoever had created it had abandoned the project long ago. Probably some poor idealist who had fought the inevitability of Cog just long enough to put together a space to fight through the withdrawals, only to fall to it just like everyone else had. Still, people found their way to it. People like Viv. People who had that spark of something clawing through the Cog.

She made it only two days.

The next time, it was four.

You only have to make it ten days.

***

Viv glared down at the small, white pill. ‘I don’t want to take it.’

‘You have to take it, Viv,’ her father said, ‘you don’t want to be left behind, do you?’

She shook her head.

‘Once you start, you won’t want to stop.’ her mother said from across the room, though it was hardly her mother, anymore. All her inefficiencies had been swept away, leaving behind a shell. As it turned out, most of what made Margaret, well, Margaret had been deemed inefficient by the Cog in her system. ‘You’ll feel braindead without it.’

‘I’m not braindead.’ Viv mumbled.

‘Oh, but you are, dear. You just don’t realize it yet.’

Viv stood before the stairwell.

It was raining, but she hardly felt it. Her body was too numbed out by the Cog. The street around her was practically empty and when she looked up she could make out the traces of the sun battling against the black clouds of industry. She could remember what the world had been like before efficiency had been the only goal. When humanity had meaning, too. Back then, she could look up and see blue sky and puffy white clouds. She’d liked to draw, and suddenly wondered how long it had been since she’d drawn. There was no reason for it, now. It wasn’t efficient.

A man scuttled past her. He smelled unpleasant and she wondered if SmartLabs had simply stopped sending washing updates, then her eyes caught on the wall. On a handful of scratches made against the surface with a rock. If she squinted, it looked almost like someone had drawn a bird there.

You only have to make it ten days.

She did not see Thiago. In fact, there were more empty beds than full ones. Most of the medics sat idly in the corner, beeping mournfully. Viv couldn’t help but think that they looked rather hopeless.

She made it five days before she asked for more Cognow, and when she left every bed was empty.

***

'What is humanity?' The woman asked.

Viv looked up from her drawing to where her parents sat watching the television set. They were doing that more often. She wondered what was efficient about that.

“What an insightful question,” the man said. It was the same man they always watched, with a sleek black suit and teeth that were too white. “Let me answer it with one of my own. What sets us apart from the apes? You know, I’ve heard stories of gorillas exhibiting compassion and empathy. And of course, we’ve all heard of Koko the gorilla and her painting. Have you heard of the Infinite Monkey Theorem? They can even write Shakespeare! So don’t tell me it’s art or emotion or thumbs.' He chuckled. 'No, what sets us apart from the apes is our cognitive ability. And now, with Cognow, we are further apart than ever.”

Viv frowned, unsure why his words made her shiver.

Her father glanced at her. “What are you doing over there? Come Viv, time to take your pill.”

The medics all sat in a dark corner. The room had always been depressing, but it was worse, now. Rows of beds sat unused along the wall. Their sheets tucked into sharp corners. Yet everything was still. Viv couldn’t even remember the last time she’d been there herself. It felt like ages.

She somehow knew that she was the last one. That something inside of her had gotten quieter until there were days she was sure she’d imagined it, and wasn’t it so much easier to just… stop? To take the Cognow. To receive the updates. To turn into simply a bot, bereft of everything that made living anything more than a heartbeat.

To die, she supposed.

It's inevitable. That's what everyone had said, in the beginning, but she couldn't help but think that it was only inevitable because everyone had simply accepted it without wondering if they should.

You only have to make it ten days.

Viv swallowed and pulled a sheet off one of the beds just as MED-A134 rolled toward her, beeping quietly.

“What do you think happens when it’s out of your system?”

The robot beeped and read her vitals.

“Ten days,” Viv said, tying herself to the bed, “don’t let me die.”

The first day was easy, as far as the withdrawals went. Viv was thirsty and tired. MED-A134 beeped and hovered and pushed nutriment through her veins. There was no one to talk to, but she talked anyway. Sang the SmartLabs jingle. Whispered memories that came to her in flashes.

"Give your brain the boost it needs, unlock its capabilities..."

On day three, the shaking started. Viv hated the shaking, but it was not nearly as bad as the desperation that came on day four.

She thought, perhaps, that it would get easier after day five. But the shaking only worsened. Her fingers scraped against the bed frame and the medic beeped worriedly beside her.

The hallucinations began on day six.

‘What is humanity?’ The woman asked.

Viv blinked. She could feel it still. The withdrawal. Everything was pain and shaking limbs and yet she existed, too, on this couch. A woman watched her expectantly and beside her sat a man. His suit too formal. His teeth too white.

‘What an insightful question,’ he began.

Pain tore through Viv and she bit down so hard she tasted blood.

Take your pill.

That was her fathers voice. When was the last time she’d seen him? She couldn’t remember.

Beside her, the man was still talking. “What sets us apart from the apes?”

Viv remembered this. It was one of the last memories she had of her childhood. Even then she hadn’t liked the man, and seeing him now she thought he looked rather sinister.

Take your pill. An update from SmartLabs flitted over her. The medic beeped somewhere. Another surge of pain.

And Viv found herself wondering. Humanity had become something small with Cog. Efficient, perhaps, yet for what purpose? There was no more creation — why create when a bot could do it faster? There was no more learning — why learn when you could simply take Cog and eliminate the process entirely? Everything that had been beautiful or unique had been erased in the name of efficiency. In the name of cognitive functioning. The world was certainly efficient. So much so that people didn’t need to think for themselves anymore.

“What sets us apart from apes is our cognitive ability.” The man said.

“You’re wrong,” Viv croaked, surprised at the sound of her own voice. Ragged and hard as if she’d been screaming.

Life with Cog, it wasn’t living. It was not efficiency that made humanity, Viv was sure of that. It was… the fight, perhaps. That something inside her that yearned to be more than a cog in a wheel. That desire to create. That hunger to learn. That drive to continue to try even when Viv had failed, and failed, and failed... It was a bird scratched onto a stone wall. A girl drawing on the floor. When it was all stripped away – thinking, creating, reasoning, discovering, learning… what, then, was left? A heartbeat and a handful of cells. A man with teeth that were too white, smiling on a television set.

Cog had stolen it from them, and as Viv shivered beneath the weight of her withdrawal, she knew that she would steal it back.

Viv opened her eyes on day ten.

A thin layer of sweat clung to her clothing, old enough now that she shivered. The room was dark and damp. It must’ve been night above. In the corner, a medic chirped, reading her vitals.

It was not a beautiful place. It was, in fact, a very ugly place, and yet in that moment Viv had never felt more alive.