Cats and Caffeine

“Welcome to Hariette’s Home-Style Hamburgers! What can I get for ya?”

The thin waitress, too peppy for 9 in the morning, looked at Sandy with wide, blue eyes. She held her notepad in her hands, shaking it along with her body. Caffeine overdose, Sandy duly noted. He put on his best smile.

“Just a coffee for now, miss.”

“O’ course, right away, sir,” she said, scribbling coffee on her notepad, before scampering off.

Sandy sat back in his chair, looking around the diner. It was a small establishment, with four booths along the windows and 3 table-for-twos. The bar area was in the back, the most populated spot of the diner. Behind the bar was the kitchen, greasy but homely in a…warm way. The decorations looked like a Five Guys wannabe, with the black-white-checkered floor and the red accents. The difference was the giant sign plastered above the bar, featuring a blonde woman holding a burger. In swirly letters, it read, “Hariette’s Home-Style Hamburgers.”

From his booth, Sandy could see his waitress twiddling her fingers as another woman filled up a cup with smooth coffee. As soon as it was passed on, the waitress bounded over, surprisingly not spilling a drop. “Here ya go, sir. Hope you enjoy! Gotta warn ya, it has LOTS a’ caffeine an’ stuff, sooo be careful!"

The waitress moved off again, greeting another person as they walked in. Sandy looked at his cup of coffee, wafting the smell into his nostrils. He took a sip, feeling the caffeine coursing through his veins. He set it down, coughing.

Suddenly, someone came from the kitchen. Sandy looked up, his throat buzzing from his coughing. His eyes went wide. His mouth dropped open. His coffee seemed to stop jittering.

There, coming from behind the bar, was a witch. Or, someone dressed up as a witch. Her hair was dyed a vibrant orange, and she wore a purple and black dress. Her waist was cinched in with a corset, and her shoulders puffed up behind fabric. A black hat sat upon her head, the point looking at the sky. And, finally, a black cat slunk up behind her, its green eyes looking around the room.

Sandy recovered quickly, taking another sip from his coffee. Surely, the coffee was giving him hallucinations. There wasn’t a witch-woman dressed up in the middle of summer. Sandy rubbed his eyes and took his third sip, unconsciously downing the coffee. The last drop slipped down his throat and he opened his eyes.

She was gone.

Sandy laughed, another coughing fit exploding.

“Hey, man.”

Sandy yelped, the witch-woman popping up on his left. “Oops, sorry buddy! Didn’t mean to scare you!”

Sandy looked at the woman, her hair burning his eyes. Her eyes were hazel, and her skin was chocolate brown. Her voice was smooth, with a rock to it. Sandy coughed, vowing to never drink this coffee again. “I-sorry, it’s fine. You didn’t scare me at all.”

“You sure? I mean, you jumped pretty high,” she said, moving her hand to the spot. “You stayed up there for a good two seconds. Looked something outta Scooby Doo.”

Sandy laughed, combing his fingers through his hair. “No, you didn’t scare me. I’m good.”

The woman laughed, grabbing his hands. “Gosh, you are shaking like a leaf! Rittia, did you give out more of your coffee?”

Sandy’s waitress, Rittia, poked her head up from behind the counter. “Um, maybe, I mean, I guess, I-”

“I thought I told you you couldn’t do that anymore.”

“I mean, yeah, but-”

“No buts, Rittia. Come apologize to this poor man. He is positively on edge!”

Rittia scurried over and shook his hand. “Very sorry, sir, very sorry-”

“That’s enough. Get back to work, Rit,” the woman said, patting Rittia on the head.

Sandy giggled throughout the exchange. From the hyper waitress to the loud witch-woman, this day was turning out quite peculiar.

“Anyway,” the woman said, turning back. “I just caught you staring at my costume, and wanted to come speak with you.”

Sandy’s face flushed. “I mean-yes, I was-no, no, I wasn’t-just…peculiar, is all, I-”

The woman laughed, her voice booming through the diner. “Sir, calm down, you ain’t in trouble! You just seemed like you wanted to talk! But, yeah, it is a little strange to wear this in July, right?”

Sandy laughed, ringing his hands. “I…guess so, yes.”

“Well, I’m a representative of my company, and wanted to show off. You know, there ain’t no joy in dressing normal when I can come to work and wear whatever I want.”

Sandy’s eyes widened and his mouth fumbled. “Oh, are you Hariette?”

“Yes sir, the owner of Hariette’s Home-Style Hamburgers! Established 2010, running for almost twenty years!”

“Twenty years? I mean, you don’t look quite like 35 or-”

“Oh, right, my dad named this restaurant after me. He and my momma knew my name before I was even born! Now this restaurant is all mine!”

Sandy nodded, smiling. “Well, it’s one nice place.”

“Sure is, sir-oh my, where are my manners? I haven’t even asked your name!”

Hariette laughed, holding out her hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Hariette Mulls. And?”

Sandy held out his. “I’m Sandy Plummer.”

“Plummer, eh? Nice last name.”

Sandy laughed. “Yup, good ol’ Plummer. Funny story, my dad is one.”

“You're kidding! That’s hilarious!”

Sandy shook his head. Hariette laughed harder, shaking his hand. She got up from her mini-kneel and wiped her hands on her skirt. “Well, nice meeting you, Sandy.”

“Same to you, Hariette.”

Hariette tipped her hat and walked back to the kitchen.

Sandy laughed to himself, looking at his empty coffee cup. Suddenly, the cat jumped up on the table. Its collar jingled. Sandy looked at it, reading aloud, “Nasiib Xumo?”

Rittia appeared next to Sandy, holding out a mini burger. “Here’s your slider!”

“Um, slider? I didn’t order a slider…”

“Oh, but you said…(ahem)nasiib xumo…and that means slider in, uh, french, so…”

“Well, uh, thanks?”

Rittia nodded, smiling. She slid away, running back into the kitchen. Sandy coughed and took the slider in his hands. He put the whole thing in his mouth.

“Oh, this is good-”

And Sandy passed out.

Rittia skipped back over, snapping her fingers. “Got ‘em!”

The diner disappeared and a forest materialized in its place. Hariette appeared out of a puff of smoke. She clapped Rittia on the back.

“Yay! Great job, Rit!”

“Your welcome, Harie.”