Good Boy

Spot's life with mommy started when she learned he liked belly rubs. Mommy said, "You remind me of a dog I once met." He huffed and Chuffed, and he followed her home and now her house is Spot's house too.

Spot's had more than a year being her's and he's never been happier, he'd never thought he'd ever be happy with a person before her.

She's very careful about what he eats. She keeps his kibble in food safe containers so he doesn't get sick, but sometimes she's naughty and shares her people food with him. Like bacon, and all kinds of other things. Mostly as a treat, though never chocolate for some reason.

But that's when she's home. They have rules and he follows them closely.

Don't get up on the furniture when mommy ain't home.

Don't take food when mommy ain't home.

Don't take off your muzzle just because you're so clever.

Those sound like easy rules, but they're actually very hard. And that's what makes him a good boy. Because Spot can follow directions even when mommy isn't home.

Otherwise Spot gets to wander around the house if he wants. Though right now he just wants a nap in his crate, with his blanket and squishy. He wants to be ready to play when mommy comes home.

Spot wakes from his nap to a click, the front door has been opened.. but the footsteps are too heavy. The feet which make those sounds are not the slim clacking things mommy wears to work.

He whimpers, his muzzle is heavy around his head. He's clever enough to take it off, but Spot still isn't sure of what to do.

Spot could confront the man, and it is certainly a man, or he could wait out the moment, in the form of an ambush.

Catch, bite, but he doesn't want to break the rules just to deal with one man. Taking off his muzzle was no better than barking at the neighbors, or biting a friend. Regardless of the character of the target. He really couldn't do so if he wanted Mommy happy when she got home.

Like that Spot's mind was made up, he left his crate and his blanket and his toy, and went about stalking the intruder.

The man is stiff in his wandering, ignorant to Spot's location, he doesn't know where Mommy keeps the crate. He's waving bologna in the air...

Spot pounces on the man, his full weight behind him, Spot is not a small dog. The man huffs and Gruffs and wiggles and complains, he's so very confused by Spot's weight on his back. And Spot doesn't do a thing but bark and growl and snarl and howl and the man goes still.

Playing dead having released the presliced meat, Spot is not tempted. Spot does not get up. The man settles for a while, but Spot stays stern and sturdy as a weight on the man's back waiting for Mommy to come home.

Spot will not leave the man to ruin his home.

It's less than an hour later but Mommy isn't the one who walks through. Men with guns come in, and they pull him off which all things considered is rude. Spot whimpers. Not wanting to leave his self-appointed post. But the man remains at mercy to the men, and Spot is tame despite himself.

He's led out to the lawn where he sometimes plays and is made to wait surrounded by flashing lights.

It's not ten minutes later that Mommy runs up to him, whispering so sweetly into his ears while playing with his face. The cops are confused for some reason but he's so happy to have his face in Mommy's hands.

She taps his buckle, on the back of his muzzle and that's when he lets her take it off.

Suddenly he's not Spot anymore, Spot is in the muzzle and his brows slam together "the butthole thought I'd give up the house for some cheap cold reformed meat! Jokes on you, Good boys get bacon!"

"That's right baby!" Mommy said holding him real close and petting his head. He's been needing head pats. "I'm making you so much bacon tomorrow! I'm so sorry that you're day off went so bad!"

"Baby? So this is Kyle? Dana, what are you even doing with your life?" Remarked the man in Zip ties.

"Oh you're one to talk John, what are you doing waving Baloney in a woman's house? You're acting like a felon!" Dana pointed out plainly, he doesn't usually think about Mommy's name on his day off, but it's good to remember it when he does.

"That doesn't mean you get to leave your gimp at home!" Which was a silly way to refer to a good boy like himself, or to anyone's property for that matter. Where else does a boyfriend, dog, or set of shoes go other than one's home?

Silly man.

"It's my house John! I bought it myself, and I get to keep whatever and whoever I like here! And you can just eat a dick about it for all I care!" Dana retorted, holding Kyle making him feel precious.

"ah, Mam, could you not antagonize him?" A cop said, like that was really the issue here. Kyle might be a little dull on the weekends but it's not like he couldn't see what was up.

Dana took umbrage, "Don't you tell me, he was breaking into my house for who knows what reasons! I'm just glad my baby is safe!" Before pulling Kyle up to look him in the eyes, "You did so good too honey! You were so careful and you came out safe without breaking any rules!" Which is how he ended up with even more lipstick on his face.

John seemed to overt his eyes while the cop handling him just chuckled.

"A mam, are you willing to press charges regarding your gimp?" The cop asked, which felt like a weird question considering she hadn't been there, but it was at least her house, so he couldn't complain.

"Yes, but he's not my gimp! He's my sweet little puppy! At least on his weekends." Dana explained, she didn't like when other people demeaned their roles in each other's lives. "We haven't really had the same days off the last few months."

"Ah yes, understood." The cop said, likely not getting it. "How long have you been seeing your sweet little puppy?"

"Ah, quite a while." Dana responded, the full run down of how their relationship works would be extensive

"You've been living together?"

"Yes. Almost since we first met." Dana said, which was true. Kyle really did follow her home for the belly rubs. "Why do you ask?"

"Just accounting for whereabouts and expectations, it's really not better for him to be here unexpectedly to defend your house in the case that he wasn't cohabitating."

"Really?"

"It's defense attorney garbage, but it's the kinda thing that spins and wastes money."

"Well Okay."

"How do you know John?"

"God we dated years ago. It was a good minute of my time, about six months, and he ended up cheating on me with a Ficus."

"A Ficus?" The cop asked, likely wondering if there was in fact a Flora-file answer to pet play.

Dana looked at the civil servant with a cooperative confusion, "She had all the personality of a houseplant, he was very invested. So I dropped him. I met Kyle the year after." Dana paused than corrected, "I don't actually think that John fucked a houseplant."

The cop laughed, "So I take it he's been a good boy all this year?" His grin got wider and wider until Dana couldn't take the joke seriously anymore.

"Don't make fun, it's how he unwinds you know? He just kinda shuts his brain off and lets me take care of him. And he kinda just wanders when our days don't match. I know John's been following me lately on my socials, but I didn't think he'd misread my current lifestyle so badly." Dana had obviously found it funny how her socials would ping every so often at his likes or uninspired commentary. She honestly didn't know why he thought the dog was real..

"Argo the Baloney?"

"Argo the Baloney. I sometimes edit pictures of me with a Rottweiler 'cause it's funny."

"That's 'cause it is Dana." Kyle interjected. "I think I'm up for questions."

"Oh yeah, you were actually there." The cop pointed out plainly. Kyle was suddenly glad that the overtired man was dealing with such a nothing case instead of something more dangerous.

"Yep."

"So your puppy zone, you remember stuff from that?" He asked, it's a rather usual question to ask.

"Of course. It's not a split personality or something. Though a Zone is a close enough word." Kyle described, it wasn't all that complicated. It was just what it is.

"You say there are rules?" The cop asked, probably thinking about logistics, how does a couple play when they aren't together in the moment?

"Yeah, it makes it all more comfortable." Kyle said, "I couldn't take off the muzzle so I went about it like a bear.. just my full weight on his back until someone called. I knew that Dana would be home soon anyway. So she could do it without breaking the rules."

"You understand that the timeline isn't ideal?" The officer informed, hoping that their play hadn't made them irrational.

"A tackle is still a bit better than a shooting sir, I mean, wouldn't it be even stranger for a dog to shoot a man?" Kyle quipped, for the sake of levity.

They of course ended up going to the cop shop to make proper statements and make sure that things actually got through, as the entire incident was rather odd.

Things could've gone very wrong, but he still got his bacon, and his belly rubs, and a good weekend after all.