The Globe Denier

The bus was late. Not that this was a new occurrence, obviously. What did grate on John's nerves was the day it had decided to be late. The convention was in 45 minutes, three towns over. It would take 40 minutes to get to the conference centre. To make matters worse, the unforgiving sun was already blazing overhead. At 10am!

"I bet you regret spending your savings on useless, unrewarding nonsense," his late mother's mocking voice echoed in his mind. His research was not unrewarding. It certainly was not nonsense. He did however regret not buying a car when he had had the chance to. Or better yet, taking the tram. Now why had that thought not crossed his mind earlier? It was not the time to reflect on his air headedness. He needed to find a way to get to his destination, fast.

"A taxi!" he cried out, startling the few scattered individuals at the bus stop. Had it been a cartoon, a light bulb would have appeared on top of John's bald head at this brilliant idea. To his luck, he succeeded in hailing one among the very little cars in town.

"Please drive, fast. I need to be there as soon as yesterday!" John commanded, sweat dripping down his chubby, pudgy face. Getting his heavy yellow backpack in the backseat with him was a fight.

The elderly man looked at him through the rear-view mirror.

"Firstly get settled. Secondly, if I knew where it is I am driving to we would be on our way, wouldn't we?"

Today was not John's day. In all honesty, when was it ever John's day?

"Ah yes, forgive me Sir. We are going to the Romulus Conference Centre in Fiddlers-upon-Laye. If you know a shorter route, do not hesitate to take it."

I may actually make it on time he said to himself. The thought brought a smile to his face.

John had the gnawing feeling that he was being watched. And sure enough, he was being watched. By the elderly taxi driver.

"Your car is very clean," he commented to break the silence.

"You are one of them flat earther people, aren't you? "

Now why did that sound more like a slur than a question from the old man?

"Wha- what gave it away?" John stammered in response, smoothing his sweaty hands on his shorts.

"Your outfit."

This perplexed John. What exactly about his clothes screamed "flat earth advocate?"

The driver sighed as if to say, "you cannot be serious."

"You are wearing neon a waistcoat with flat earths all over it. And a pair of pink shorts," he deadpanned.

Uncomfortable. That is the word John would have used to describe the feeling that took refuge in the pit of his stomach.

"Yes, I am a flat earther as you call it. We however prefer to be called Truth seekers."

Well, you should be called Falsifiers or something along that line."

The car stalled. Helensville was a small, dead town with nothing but crickets and the occasional tumbleweed tumbling by. It had a maximum of 15 cars. The most exciting thing that had happened in the last two months had been Mrs Daniel's car getting stuck in a ditch. But today, when everything needed to go moderately right for John, it went in the opposite direction. A Traffic jam, today of all days. In Helensville. Everything was working against him as usual.

"I gather I am in the presence of an unbeliever," John stated to the driver who kept staring at him as if he were a speck of dust in a sea of white milk.

"Look buddy, you will not make your destination on time. I am guessing it is some cuckoo gathering.

John clutched his invisible pearls at this stranger's hate speech.

"Sir, you are not obliged to speak to me. I am paying you to drive me, not to insult me."

The driver scoffed as he tried to manoeuvre around the roadworks ahead.

"Keep lying to yourself big guy."

John, being the man that he was, someone who stood up for what he believed in could not let the matter rest.

"Why do you believe the earth is not flat then Sir? Could you explain it. What evidence do you have?"

"Absolutely everything on this Earth proves that it is a globe! You and your kind are lost sheep that will keep wandering aimlessly!

"If I did not so desperately need your taxi services, I would have asked you to drop me off right here! You offend me Mr. Did you know that in 1781, Sir Edwards Insectus proved that the earth is flat? His work is on public display at the Buffon's museum. You should go and see for yourself."

The elderly driver was noticeably getting as worked up as John felt, although he tried to keep a cool face in this heatwave.

"Exactly, the museum of what? Buffoon! Do you know what that word means? All you have to do is look in the mirror to know!"

John could not believe what his ears were hearing! That was his last straw.

"Let me out this instant! Stop this vehicle. I demand to be left right here." he pointed his index finger to the ground.

" That is not how it works buddy, I have a job to do and you have a joke to get to."

It felt like he was talking to his late mother all over again. 22 years ago when he had been 21 years of age, John had gone on an excursion with a group known as the Expanse. The goal of the excursion had been to locate the edge of the Earth. It had been later proven that the group had been a cult. Their objective had been to vacuum people's pockets dry. Upon his return home 2 months later, as broke as the day he had been born, his mother had hoped that this would be the wake up call his son had needed. Except that John did not wake up, he continued sleeping. He kept on sleeping on all the new research and images that showed a clearly spherical world. The excursion with the cult had fuelled his delusions to the point of no return. Hoping to save her son, Marie, his mother had taken to mocking the crazy out of him. What she was not aware of however was that, the more she poked at him, the more he had become determined to prove to his mother what he knew to be the truth.

"You know that I have almost reached it three times. Three incredible times!"

The driver looked back at him questioningly.

"The great edge. I am talking about the great edge of the Earth."

He shook his head in protest, "Please spare me all the details. I have heard them before."

John's eyebrows raised in what he would describe as amusement, "Oh is it? I thought you did not want to hear anything about Flat Earth."

"There was a time when a lot of people were under the illusion that the Earth was flat. Lucky for some of us, "he emphasised, "the illusion faded and did not turn into delusion."

"You will be so sorry once I submit my research to the international department of science. It will seal it once and for all. Not only is the Earth flat, but there is a great big woman that sits right at the edge. She gives diamonds to anyone who manages to reach her!"

This subject was John's passion. His demeanour and face became fully animated.

The car came to a sudden screeching halt. John, who had been lost in his hogwash assessed the surroundings.

"Where are we? This is not the way to Romulus, Mr. Where have you taken me?"

The driver was visibly unsettled.

"I want you to get out of my car right now. I have taken you as far from the conference centre as I could manage in this pity of a county. I want you to walk yourself back home and think about everything you just told me today. Reflect long and hard on all the rubbish that is inside that bald head of yours."

John did not understand what was going on. They were at the edge of the forest that was in the next town of Cloudsville. Like every day of his life, he had effectively managed to make a mess of another one.

"Sir, I paid you to take me to Romulus and that is where you will-"

"You have not yet paid me, and you will not. I do not want any money of yours. Heaven knows where you got it. You will probably tell me that you got it from a garden fairy."

John's mouth was stuck. The words in his mind could not seem to get past his throat. His door opened and the driver dragged him out.

"Think long and hard about this buddy, alright? And do away with that ridiculous research. There is nothing like the International branch of science or whatever you called it. I am going to leave you now."

The sun was scorching the poor Earth. And John's bald head. The driver sped off, as if he was afraid that John may just run after him.

One thing was for sure, he was not making the convention. What a waste of his morning. The convention only came around once a year. What a rude taxi driver!

" I will show him," John determinedly announced loudly to no one in particular.

"Once I make my way to the international department of science, they will surely believe me."

John was a big man. The weight of his yellow backpack hunched him forward as he trudged on his way.

"I have the pictures to prove it too!"