midas in reverse

my name is harriet guster. i'm 9 years old. i have progeria, a disease which makes you look a lot older than you really are. my brother geoff and uncle reggie both say it makes me look "dis-ting-wished". i don't know about that. my favorite hat is a purple beanie with a white pom pom. reggie says ma made it when i was in her tummy. she went to heaven though when i was born. reggie says she liked to crowshay -- i don't know the right spelling.

in school we learned about king midas, who everything he touched turned to gold, and he got real rich, but then he couldn't eat anything. and my teacher played a song on the cd player called king midas in reverse by the hollies. i raised my hand and said that's what my brother geoff is, everything he touches falls apart. everyone laughed cuz they thought it was a joke, but it's not.

i said i can prove it. so that's why i begged reggie to let me borrow his camera so i can record geoff ruining stuff. we went to the woods behind our house. it wears geoff out to do it so we could only try a couple times. he took off his leather gloves and put his palm on a tree. right before my eyes, the bark went black and spread through the trunk til it cracked the tree in half! i got the whole thing on tape if you don't believe me, but you're just my diary so you don't have any beliefs anyways

next thing he touched was an old green beer bottle we found in the creek. geoff says glass takes longer so you have to be patient. and it did take almost a full minute, but then layers started to flake off and they were all shimmery, and the glass got cloudy looking, and then it cracked into a hundred million pieces!

i said let's go to the junkyard and do one more. that's what they call a grand finally. he said okay but then he'll need a nap. the doctor said he's narcko-lep-tick but i think his powers just make him sleepy. anyways we got to the junkyard and it was closed but we snuck in. i got scared cuz the camera got stuck in the fence but geoff took care of that real quick by crumbling the chain link, just one little piece. he said it's okay and that didn't count.

we found an old car. i stood on a stack of tires to record it when geoff grabbed the bumper and right away it turned rusty and fell off. it's the craziest thing ever! like my brother has the sands of time in his hands. but here's where it gets scary, cuz the lock on the trunk fell off too and inside was a dead body. i'm not even joking. i didn't scream. geoff gets mad when i scream, says it's bad for my health. but god was i scared. we just looked at it a long time in silence. she was a young asian lady in a suit. someone beat her up real bad and bent her legs crooked to fit her in there.

i told geoff we should call the police but he said we'd get in trouble for breaking and entering and they might even think we had something to do with it. plus he said the junkyard owner knows reggie and he's a real mean bastard (geoff's word not mine, sorry) and that our uncle owes him money, so we can't say anything. not one peep. so that's why i'm writing it in this notebook and i didn't show the tape to anybody. they think i'm a fibber now but i guess that's how it has to be

when we got home, geoff went right to bed even though his favorite show heroes was on. reggie and i played dominoes but i couldn't pay attention and didn't even eat all of my ice cream. the dots on the pieces kept reminding me of the blood drops in that trunk, and when reggie set up some pieces to knock over in a line all i could see was somebody hitting that poor lady again and again and knocking her down, and what did she even do to deserve that? i started crying and reggie was real conserned but i couldn't tell him why. i had to lie and say i miss ma. which i do kinda but it's hard to miss someone you don't remember

the next morning i told geoff we're not going to school. we're going back there to the junkyard and we have to do something. he said no harriet it's too risky, i'm older than you and you have to listen. i said you might be older but who is going to be the first one to die? and that made him get real quiet and still. i said i let you boss me around all the time but not this time. what if it was me in that trunk? i said. would you just pretend you never saw me? cuz i'd want you and reggie to know what happened to me and to get the person who did it and make sure they go to jail. he said real life doesn't work like tv and it's com-pluh-kated.

but then he thought about it some and changed his mind

so! we went back to the junkyard and brought the camera, since we need more evidence. this time the gate was open and we hid in the bushes. the owner was in there with a bunch of tools working on a machine. i asked what's that and geoff said it's called a "hy-drawl-ick press", for crushing stuff. the owner smoked one cigarette after another with no break and was cussing up a storm.

then guess who showed up? it was uncle reggie. i couldn't believe it but i guess geoff did say reggie owes the guy money. he drove his forklift in with the attachment on and the owner pointed him to the car with the dead body. and reggie picked up the whole car on c hooks and brought it over to the press thing, but the owner kicked it and said this effing press is effing stuck! reggie said maybe it needs wd40 and the owner cussed him and called him slow.

and that's when it got really scary. my heart was beating so fast i thought it might burst. i had to get out my inhaler and use it cuz otherwise i would've fainted. reggie heard the noise and knew what it was right away, and he was so surprised that he hit the lever with his elbow and made the forklift go and it smashed into the press. and then the trunk popped open and the dead lady fell out on the ground like a doll, all limp and tangled. and the owner cussed again this time so loud it made the crows take flight

next thing i knew we were running, geoff pulling me along into the woods, but it was hard to keep up cuz of my heart. and then i tripped over a log and dropped the camera and almost broke it. and geoff stopped to help me, but then the owner and reggie came into the woods chasing us and caught us. reggie said it's my niece and nephew, i'll handle them. but the owner guy was out of his mind, eyes all hot and empty at the same time, and he yelled this little b-word freak is filming us! and he stomped on the camera til it broke apart, and he took the tape out and pulled its ribbon loose all the way down to the wheel, and then set the whole thing on fire with his lighter. he said you tell anybody about this and it'll be the last thing you ever say. and then to make his point, he walked over to geoff and struck him in the face and gave him a bloody nose. reggie said take it easy, but the guy hit him again. i screamed at him stop it! but he pretended not to hear me, like maybe he even likes it when little girls scream at him. i said geoff if he hits you one more time, teach him a lesson. and a flash crossed my brother's eyes that gave me a thrill cuz it was like the characters on heroes when they're about to be brave. the owner reared back and slapped geoff hard as he could. geoff took it and he was stunned at first and i could tell he was seeing stars, but then he grabbed the man by his wrist, and the hairs curled up and went white, and those old man spots came, and the owner took a huge breath in shock as he watched his fingers wither up and his hand go moldy and his arm turn into a stick. reggie just looked disappointed like he was watching his team lose the game.

the owner in a terrified whisper said what the effing eff, what did you do to me? and geoff let go right before it crumbled to dust, but the guy's arm is stuck like that now. the owner fell to the ground cradling it and making strange noises, and geoff passed out right there in a heap of dead leaves. reggie said now you've done it, what a bleep-bleeping mess.

i asked reggie who is the lady in the trunk? but he wouldn't answer. i asked the owner, did you do that to her? he wouldn't answer either. makes me mad when no one will answer me, so i went to geoff and held him and made sure he was okay. his touch can't hurt me cuz of the progeria. i told the owner and reggie if they don't turn themselves in, we'd go to the police, and if they tried to stop us, geoff would turn them into wrinkly old gargoyles with bone disease and no sight or hearing, and we'd dump them in a nursing home.

the owner ignored me again and asked reggie if he knew his nephew could do that. reggie shrugged and said it doesn't matter cuz we're all in a world of poop (but he didn't say poop). the owner said it'll work better than the press and they should drag geoff back to the yard. i said don't you dare and stood in front of my brother and put my fists up. but reggie knocked me out of the way and scooped geoff up by his armpits and started dragging him out of the woods, and the owner guy grabbed me by the collar with his good hand and started hauling me there too.

geoff didn't wake up again til we were all crowded around looking at the poor woman's body. the owner said listen here you little a-hole, you're gonna do what you did to my arm to this body, and you're going to make it disappear. or else we make you and your sister disappear, got it? and uncle reggie looked so uncomfortable and sad but he kept his mouth shut. and i was so ashamed of him i said what would your sister think (that's ma). he didn't say anything though, he just turned a different color under his sandy mustash.

geoff said i can't, i used it too much today already. you saw how it taps me out. i got nothing left. and i was surprised cuz the owner didn't get angry, he actually believed him and said okay. we'll let you recharge for a few hours, but then it's got to be done. and he covered the body in a tarp, and then he and reggie forced us to go into his trailer and sit and wait in a pair of those plastic chairs with the holes in the back, which i hate cuz i'm small and always poke through, and they gave us some pringles and orange soda for a snack. me and geoff both ate like a couple of starving animals, i think cuz of the crash from adren-lin. the owner guy stared at his dried-up arm like he just couldn't believe it and kept mumbling about am-pew-tayshun

i told uncle reggie you can get rid of the body, but you'll still have two witnesses. do you really think you can keep us quiet forever? the look he gave me i've never seen before -- like a rat in a corner, with me as the big hungry cat. he said do you have any idea how much medical debt you put me in, harriet? how little of that gets covered by your social security checks? i said what's that got anything to do with this and he laughed in my face. actually laughed. he said, how do you think i ended up owing this guy so much? and flapped his hand at the owner

that made me feel pretty rotten cuz it's not like i made reggie take us in. and it's not like i chose to be born with this condition. geoff called reggie the p-word that rhymes with brick and said only a weak man would blame his problems on a little kid. reggie told him to shut up unless he wanted to get hit again, since his powers were all used up. they went back and forth like that til i stopped them both by saying i made a backup of the tape.

all their eyes glued onto me like fly paper and reggie said what'd you just say and the owner said yeah what was that? i said you heard me, last night after we played dominoes i made a backup. reggie has a VHS to DVD converter and it's easy as pie to use and i'm the only who can find the disc, not even geoff knows my secret hiding spot. and all of them were staring with their mouths hanging open so i said, better tell me who that woman is right now or else

and the owner said she's lying, and reggie said no i don't think so. she's just too smart for her own good just like her mother. and then a look came over him like someone poured ice water down his back and he said, she's a crimnal investuhgator harriet, working on a cold case.

i said what case and he said your ma's. i said what do you mean ma's, i thought she died of natcheral causes. he said that was the o-fishul story, but really they didn't know what happened exactly, her death was suspishes. i said what do you mean suspishes, what do you mean? and geoff shook his head a lot and said please don't please don't, but reggie gave a heavy sigh and said it's time she found out cuz the cat's already half out of the bag. i said what are you talking about goddammit (and yeah i swore like that cuz i was really upset and confused).

reggie said, your mom started getting sick after she let geoff feel you kicking in her womb. that's how we found out he's cursed. it's probably how you got progeria in the first place

and geoff said eff you reggie and i'm so sorry harriet and started to sob all on top of each other in a rush, and i didn't know what to think about it at all. i just knew i wasn't mad at geoff or anything. but i sure was fyer-ee-is with reggie, i was seeing red.

so the asian lady showed up and you killed her? to protect geoff? reggie wouldn't say anything more but the slump in his shoulders seemed like an answer. and i said well you must be dumber than a bag of hammers cuz my brother's not safe at all, he's in more danger than ever. and i got to my feet and he said where are you going, you can't leave. and i said you don't tell me what's what anymore. i said this is on you, reggie. you tried to take shortcuts. with your money troubles and with the law. so it's up to you to deal with it. but me and geoff are out of here, and if either of you tries to stop us, you know what will happen. but as long as you leave us alone, the cops will never see the disc.

and the crazy part is, it worked. they let us go. geoff took my hand and we went home to get our things. geoff said where's the disc, show it to me. i told him i made it all up. i never made a copy. and he looked at me like i'm some kind of unicorn and said harriet, i'm the luckiest brother in the world to have you, and that made me smile for the first time in days. i was feeling so grown up and sure of myself, but when he asked me where we were going to go, i got scared cuz i felt the bottom drop out from under us. the safety net from our lives was gone. so i said we're going to hop on a train to florida. and that's where we are now as i write to you, diary. in a boxcar. if you're worried about us serviving, don't be. there's all kinds of stuff in here we can use to make money -- whiskey, wine, cigars, cheese. things that geoff can age to make the value go up

and right now i'm just glad to be his sidekick. i have my purple beanie on, and geoff is snoozing in the corner, and no one in the world knows where we are. somehow that makes me feel safer than i ever have.