The Devil's Bounty: Hellfire

(CW: Language, Murder, Violence)

Life can be cruel sometimes. It’s like a dark stranger waving a golden coin in front of you with the promise of a happy, fulfilling existence, but as your eyes grow wider and your lips curl upward, the dark fucker snatches the shiny treasure back like a thief in the night. It’s only then that you realize you were played.

So, yes, life is a fool’s game, and no one knew that better than Captain Blackheart.

He spent his living life plundering the seven seas and amassed a vast treasure, which he melted down and created his own gold coins with the image of a skull resting on two crossbones. Nothing made him happier than his bounty.

On one devastating night, Blackheart was seduced by one of the few women amongst his crew. The thralls of sex was a good distraction from mutiny. On the cusp of an orgasm, the wicked wench slashed Blackheart’s throat, and while he died, the rest of the crew stole his treasure.

Blackheart’s spirit lingered in the living world because he had unfinished business—to collect his bounty.

For the next ten years, Blackheart roamed the seas until he found his crew held up in the Port Reef of Sanguine. They had used his bounty to build the village, so he killed them all and burned it to the ground.

His unfinished business had not yet been resolved. He still didn’t have his treasure. So, over the next few centuries, his spirit roamed the seas of the world until he tracked his bounty to the city of Boston, where a charismatic buffoon named Captain Jack Sparrow, who had also survived the plague of time, tracked down the legendary treasure and hoped to double his stakes with the Museum of Fine Arts.

Once again, Captain Blackheart was betrayed by his ghostly crew of misfits. He had promised them peace if they helped him find his bounty, but witty Jack had won the day by stealing the gold coins once again and Blackheart’s own ship, the Black Death.

Enraged by madness, Blackheart’s crew tore him asunder and left him to the very darkness that birthed him back to life….

In the deepest part of Hades, in a fiery swirling abyss of molten lava, stood the City of Tartarus. A pirate Hell if ever there was one. A hot magma river flowed through several islands of black granite, where hordes of undead pirates picked and plundered the stones for treasure that was never there. A repetition of torment for a life of missed opportunities.

Several lava waterfalls flowed down from the mouths of giant black skulls carved into the mountainsides that encircled the entire wasteland. It was a source of Hell’s fury where all hatred accumulated.

At the center of Tartarus, on a raised platform island of twisted rock and molded imperfections, sat the Pirate Lord of Destruction, Finn Skullcrusher. He held a long, shiny sword in his right hand and drank blood-red rum from the other. His belly was round and robust, but thanks to his long black robes, it was barely noticeable. He wore a broken crown layered with ash-filled diamonds on his bald head, and his shark-like teeth were thirsty for rotten flesh, which was a scarce resource in the realm.

Two skeleton guards covered in soot dragged a broken husk of a man with his decapitated appendages and laid him before their Lord.

“What be the meaning of this? Can you not see that I’m busy?!”

With a quick bow, one of the skeletons said, “This be the remains of Blackheart himself, my Lord. We thought you be liking the pleasure of spitting on him before we drag him to the fire pits to taste the everlasting flames of Hades!”

“Ah…Blackheart…to be sure, says I,” Skullcrusher said with a wicked grin. “Reassemble this wretch, for I have much to say to him!”

Without delay, the skeleton guards grabbed Blackheart’s loose body parts and snapped him back together like an old jigsaw puzzle.

“Good…” Skullcrusher praised. “Now, leave us!”

As the guards skuttled away, Skullcrusher took one last swig of rum, placed the empty bottle down, and rose from his throne. He kneeled beside Blackheart’s corpse, and with a snap of his fingers, the dead captain was reborn anew.

Blackheart sprang to life and screamed, “NO! Not again, not again!”

“It seems bad luck be following ye, says I,” Skullcrusher mused, rising to his full height.

“Arrr, where might I be?”

“This be Tartarus. Do ye not remember striking a deal with me to retrieve your lost bounty?”

After a few moments to take in the horrid sights around him, Blackheart nodded. “Aye…that I do.”

“So…. Where be the treasure ye promised? I allowed ye to venture back to the living world in exchange for that said bounty.”

“’Tis a merciful thing to be sure, but me bounty was stolen by a Sparrow!”

“WHAT?!” Skullcrusher yelled with rumbling fury. “Did ye say….Sparrow?”

“Aye… Jack Sparrow be his name.”

Skullcrusher balled his fists and raged, “Aye, Sparrow is no stranger to this place! He’s a calculated idiot who tricked me into allowing him a second chance to be among the living, but he’s an idiot nonetheless!”

“Send me back once more so that I might have me revenge. I’ll bring the bumbling fool back to ye swiftly and surely, har har!”

“Alas, I cannot be doing that,” Skullcrusher said. “Ye only get one pass back to the living world, and ye already had that. But even if it be true, there’s still the matter of the treasure ye promised me.”

“Aye. Though me bounty be precious in every way, it’s also me ticket to rest in peace amongst the heathen pirates of old. If there be a way to go back, I’ll be making sure to hand over the treasure and the bird himself, har, har!”

Skullcrusher sat on his throne and hung his head low. “There be but one way to get back to the living world at this point, but—”

“Me fury will be unleashed to set things right, I assure ye, so tell me what needs doin’!”

Skullcrusher spoke clear and true. “Ye must steal the only vessel in this realm that can take ye back, but ye know who it belongs to…”

“Bloodthirsty Annie… Aye… A challenge to be sure, but thy will be done. Har, har!”

Skullcrusher rose from his throne, grabbed Blackheart’s scrawny neck, and slammed him to the ground. He quickly rose and held the evil pirate down with his boot. “I cannot let ye go without a handicap!”

“What?! But you took me leg last time. Me is handicapped!”

“True, says I, but this time, I’ll be taking ye hand!”

“NO!” Blackheart yelled.

Skullcrusher extended Blackheart’s arm, raised his sword, and slashed his hand off at the wrist. A thick stream of blood spewed out and boiled on the hot granite.

Blackheart’s painful screams were heard throughout the realm, but Skullcrusher wasn’t finished yet. He kicked, punched, and waylaid Blackheart’s limp body until he was satisfied with the punishment. Then, Skullcrusher grabbed a rusty hook appendage from his worn battle chest and jammed it into Blackheart’s bloody stump. Now, with a wooden peg leg on the right and a rusty hook on his left wrist, things were balanced just right.

He lifted Blackheart upright and snarled, “Now ye look fit enough for the journey ahead. If ye should make it back, remember our bargain, and bring me that bounty. And should ye fail one more time, the flames of Hades will be the least of ye worries, if ye catch what I’m sayin’. And if ye should see that bumbling Sparrow, make sure ye bring him back here to me!”

With his final warnings in place, Skullcrusher threw Blackheart off his floating island. “To the depths with ye! The haunted shipyard be a place not even I dare to go, hearty har, har!”

It’s hard to tell how much time went by before Blackheart opened his lifeless eyes. Everything in Hades blended together into one never-ending nightmare. The sound of a tolling bell from a small ship sailing by provided the necessary awareness the captain needed to regain his footing.

There, a slender skeleton dressed in a black hooded robe steered his small vessel in the hot magma river away from the banks where Blackheart was standing. To the living world, the craft was nothing more than a small fishing boat.

Blackheart called out to the passing ferry. “Where might I be, you scallywag!”

The lanky phantom pointed to a faded sign just beyond the boundaries of a thick fog that read: SHIPYARD.

Narrowing his eyes, Blackheart said, “Aye…at least that devil threw me bones in the right direction.”

As the boat slithered further away, Blackheart hopped along to keep pace. “Tell me, wretch, where might I find Bloodthirsty Annie?”

The hollow sailor lifted his arm once more and pointed beyond the white fog.

“Not much of a speaker, eh?”

There, beyond the mist and broken wreckage, stood the Hellfire, Annie’s mystical ship. Made from the ashes of tempered steel and twisted metal, the vessel was a grand sight. Its sails were black as night, and the ashen boards glowed with hot embers, giving it a foreboding look. It was the biggest vessel in all of Hades.

“There,” Blackheart gruffed. “That be the prize I be looking for.”

The lone phantom said nothing. He planted his oar deeper into the lava and pushed his boat further down the river.

Blackheart looked around and saw hundreds of pirate spirits floating around the shipyard. Their green mists gave the swirling fog a haunting presence. It was no wonder why Skullcrusher called it the haunted shipyard. But not all the dead pirates were ghosts. Some of them were walking zombies who wanted to kill any unwelcomed visitors.

The walking dead pirates had Blackheart in their sights and were soon upon him. They formed a firm line and began their slow march. With jaws open and weapons ready, Blackheart knew he had his work cut out for him. He thought for a moment that he could jump onto the phantom’s boat and make a quick escape, but the silent passerby was further down the lava river than he had expected. The only thing left to do was fight.

Blackheart looked at his new appendage and realized it could be used to his advantage. He mashed his rotten teeth together and charged forward. Nearing the zombie line, Blackheart swung wildly and stabbed his hook into one of them. To his surprise, the head came completely off and was left snapping like a hungry piranha on a fishing line.

The fiendish captain quickly removed the head from his hook, threw it to the ground, and smashed it to gooey bits with his peg leg. “Avast ye heathens! Come get some of daddy before mommy dearest finds out, har, har!”

One of the zombies drew back his rusty sword and swung it straight and true, but Blackheart blocked it with his hook and took it for his own. Then, he quickly stabbed it into the dead pirate’s mushy skull, killing him once and for all.

Three undead pirates were left, and Blackheart knew he had to act quickly. He could handle them one at a time, but a mob was a different story.

As one of the zombies lunged forward to take a bite, Blackheart spun out of the way and lopped his head clean off. With another mighty stomp to the decapitated head, only two remained.

“Arr! ‘Tis be a foolish day, when me don’t know how to kill the likes of ye. Bloodthirsty Annie be callin me name, and I shan’t be disappointing Mommie, har, har!”

Without saying another word, Blackheart jumped into the air, stabbed his sword into one zombie, and hooked the other with a powerful swing. They fell at his feet with a loud thud.

The commotion disturbed the other pirate spirits who roamed peacefully. Now fully alert, their soft green eyes turned red, and Blackheart was in their sights.

“I shall not be messin’ with likes of ye!” Blackheart said, running down the riverbank.

Despite his peg leg, Blackheart caught up with the phantom sailor and jumped a narrow gap to land safely in his boat. The phantom stood firm and said nothing.

Blackheart took his tripoint hat off and bowed to the chasing spirits who would not cross into the magma river. “Ah…. ‘Tis a shame me be bidding ye, gents, a fond farewell so soon, har, har!”

The phantom halted the boat and stared at Blackheart through a vale of darkness so cold Hades might have frozen over.

“What are ye waiting for?” Blackheart asked. “Onward! Me has a boat to steal and a trip me shan’t be missin’, har, har!”

With no words uttered, Blackheart began to repeat himself, but his words were locked behind a shocked tongue as the phantom removed the dark hood. There before him stood not a man, but a woman with white skin and black markings that circled her face like a spiderweb. Her eyes were red, and her hair was blue.

“Bloodthirsty Annie?!” Blackheart gasped.

Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. “The Hellfire is my ship, and the only way ye be taking it is over my dead body.”

“That can be arranged, bonnie lass!”

She closed her eyes and screamed, “NOOO!”

Blackheart drew his hooked hand back, but before he could slam it down for the kill, the magma river moved beneath them. Suddenly, the boat was lifted into the air, as if it were flying. The captain fell to his knees, and when he peered over the side, he saw a massive white skeleton the size of a giant mountain. The small vessel they were in was a part of the monster’s skull, like a teepee hat a child would wear.

“What madness be this?!”

“I shall stomp ye before ye see the final light!” Annie moaned.

The giant skeleton followed Annie’s movements like a mime. It stomped the ground and caused the lava to bounce up from the river and rain down on the shipyard. The evil spirits and zombies felt the burn.

Blackheart knew he had to act quickly, or he was as good as dead. While Annie reached upward to make the skeleton reach for the captain, he quickly jumped off and came to a rolling crash beneath them. He gathered his wits, or what was left of them and hobbled towards the Hellfire ship.

Along the way, the skeleton stomped and smashed the ground like a cat trying to catch a mouse. “You can’t escape me!” Annie thundered.

Blackheart dodged underneath stone bridges and leapt through narrow passageways to create some space between him and the raging skeleton monster until he reached the Hellfire at long last. It was even more magnificent up close. There was no time for sightseeing, however, because Bloodthirsty Annie was hot on his trail.

He quickly mounted the vessel and was surprised to see a hearty crew of zombie pirates standing at attention. “Now hear this, you scallywags!” Blackheart ordered. “I be your new captain! Untie those sails and pull up the anchor, we need to gain some speed, har, har!”

Bloodthirsty Annie was livid. Though her giant skeleton was strong, it was equally slow. She moved the monster as fast as she could, but the coming Hellfire was at hand.

“Onward, says I,” Blackheart yelled. “If that sea-bitch be thirsty, we shall give her a drink, har, har.”

The Hellfire sped along the magma river like a flying dart. Annie lifted her leg and slammed it down. Her skeleton did the same, but as its heel came down in the riverbed, the lava lifted the Hellfire ship into the air, and the tip of the bow impaled the monster straight through the rib cage.

In a reverse effect, Annie grabbed her heart and felt warm blood flow out like a waterfall. She fell over dead, and her skeleton crashed to the ground. The Hellfire floated down like a giant feather and landed back into the magma river.

“That be the way, boys!” Blackheart howled. He enjoyed the victory. It made him feel alive again.

His journey was far from over. He needed to get back to the living world, and the only way to do that was to sail up the main waterfall in Tartarus.

With the grand waterfall in sight, Blackheart ordered, “Tie those sails down, you heathens! We need to pick up speed to venture up that lava!”

The zombie pirates did as he commanded, and soon they were sailing faster than anything in Hades. As they approached the waterfall, the Hellfire slinked up the slope, and Blackheart stabbed his hook into the ship’s wheel to hang on.

As they sailed up, Skullcrusher looked on in the distance and said, “Well, shit fire on me lost soul…. That son-of-a-bitch did it!”

“Onward and upward, you scallywags!” Blackheart screamed.

As the Hellfire zipped up the lava waterfall, the orange glow gave way to darkness, and then shards of bright light engulfed them. A rush of cool water kissed Blackheart’s face, and the sea birthed them back to the living world. The Hellfire was steaming like a melting ice cube.

Blackheart could barely believe it, but he had returned. Back for revenge.

Staring out at the sea, the cool blue waters called to him.

“Now, Jack Sparrow…. Where ye be…. Where ye be…HAR, HAR!!”