What About Bob

"We've got to make a great first impression," I said to Alora while kicking a rock off the path into a garden. A priest I hadn't seen retrieved the rock and placed it back on the path, giving me a dirty look, in a holy way, of course.

"You need to stop kicking rocks. It never works out well for you."

"Forget the rock. Focus. How do we impress the Shaman?"

"I still don't know enough about their religion. The priests are not cooperative. Although I can understand why. None of them are happy with us for bringing the Elite Guard to their front door."

Alora had a point. However, the priests have assured us that the Elite Guard will not enter a holy place. Although it has been hard to sleep, knowing they're chomping at the bit for us to put one toe outside the temple gate.

"I'm not so happy about it myself," I said.

"Hey, do you remember that priest who laughed at your joke yesterday? You know, the short guy with blonde hair?" Alora asked.

"Yeah, Flin or Fron, something like that."

"He may be willing to help us. I can't understand why, but he tolerates you better than any of the other priests."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." I said sarcastically. "Who knew androids could be so funny?"

We found our tolerant priest in the kitchen washing dishes.

"Hey, Fron? Or is it Flin?" I reached out my hand for a hardy handshake, forgetting we're not on Earth.

"It's Grinfo." He rinsed his hands, drying them on a towel, looking puzzled. He didn't know what to do with my hand, and eventually elected to bow, then extend his hand, not in a handshake, but just pointing straight out.

Alora whispered, "How did you get Flin or Fron?"

"Okay, so I'm not good with names," I whispered back. "Now be quiet and let me lead."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Alora stayed behind, watching me pour on the "Drew" charm.

"Sorry, Grinfo. Look, Friend – can I call you friend?"

"I guess, although we hardly know each other."

"But don't you feel like we do?"

"Not really."

"Perhaps if you looked deep inside, you'd see we're a lot alike."

"How deep?"

"We're getting off track here. I need to ask you for a huge favor. We need to make a good impression on the Shaman? We really don't want to face the gentlemen outside these gates."

"You mean, you don't want to be arrested by the Elite Guard?"

"If you want to get technical about it."

Grinfo smiled. "I don't know if this will help, but the Shaman has an impossible name to pronounce. I've never been able to say it. Heck, not even the Shaman can say it. He changed his name years ago. Before that, he had an easy name that even a child could pronounce, Joequellfeellian. But the Shaman has the right to change his name if he wants to. But I believe he'd love to hear someone say it. I've heard you come from a far country. Perhaps you will be able to pronounce it?"

"We have come a long way. But how are we going to say it if you can't tell us what it is?"

"The Shaman had me chisel his name above the door of the temple. The first and last symbols are the same, but no one knows what they are. I'll take you there. Maybe you'll recognize them?"

Grinfo led the way, and we followed behind so as not to be overheard.

"I'm the linguist. Let me translate," Alora said.

"Don't forget who the captain is around here. Besides, I took a course in linguistics."

"One course? I know over three thousand languages, I deciphered their language, and I programmed your translator."

"I know you're good, and I appreciate your work, but I think I've got this one."

When we arrived, we could hardly believe what we saw. Only three letters graced the archway: B, O, B.

"See what I mean," Grinfo said. "I'm not sure if the gods gave this to him, or if the Shaman made it up."

"Do you really think it will impress him?"

Grinfo nodded. "Do you know what it says?"

"I do, although I find it hard to believe that this name would impress anyone."

"You can't say it. Surely, this is another one of your jokes?"

"No joke. Do you want me to say it now? Or save it for the Shaman?"

"I don't want to hear it before the Shaman, but you'd better be able to, or the Shaman will throw you to the Elite Guard for lying. He really doesn't like liars."

That night, Grinfo gave us an invitation from the Shaman who had just arrived to have dinner with him. "I told him about your predicament with the Elite Guard and your unique gift. He almost fell over when I told him you can pronounce his name. He's looking forward to it."

Alora and I sat at the head table with the Shaman and Grinfo. A priest stood and gave a prayer, then everyone chanted, "The way provided," and began to eat.

The Shaman didn't look anything like I thought he would. A short man with a black and white braided beard, thick black and white dishevelled hair, a burnt orange robe and hat, and several necklaces made from flowering vines. He looked like he belonged in a forest, not a temple.

"I spoke with Targon, the Prime of the Elite Guard, and he told me that you," the Shaman nodded to Alora, "incapacitated some of his men. Is this true?"

Alora nodded.

The Shaman smiled, "He didn't tell me why."

Alora told him how Freena had hidden them from the Elite Guard and that the guards had slapped her around for not giving them up. "I couldn't let them hurt her. She has been very kind to us."

"Good. Those pompous windbags deserve it. Although I sensed Targon hadn't told me everything. Do you know what he might be hiding?"

Alora and I looked at each other. We're not sure how much Targon knows, but he may suspect we're not from this world. But I'm not about to tell the Shaman we're aliens.

We shook our heads.

Grinfo pulled me aside and asked if I was ready to speak the Shaman's name. "Anytime you're ready, I'm ready."

"The Shaman wants you to say it to everyone," Grinfo said.

I'm not much of a public speaker, but it's a reasonably simple speech, so I'll give it the old college try.

Grinfo took me to the podium and introduced me, telling the crowd that I would speak the Shaman's name. Murmurings and gasps filled the hall. I stood, taking a deep breath, and said it.

A few priests fell out of their seats. But the majority oohed and ahhed. Some tried to mimic me, but they failed miserably.

Grinfo led me back to the head table.

The Shaman respectfully nodded, "I've only heard my name once before, and you said it perfectly. I want you to stay. We will protect you, and I will try to smooth things over with the Elite Guard."

"Thank you very much," I said. I must have made a really good impression.

The Shaman motioned for Grinfo, "Could you get me a drink, please?" After Grinfo left, the Shaman lowered his voice to where only Alora and I could hear. "I know you two are gods. Only a god can say my name, because a god gave it to me." He gave us a knowing smile, with an expression that said it would be our little secret.

Now that's a big twist.