A Cat From The, "Cat"-acomes Is, "Pur-r-r-r-r-r-rfect"

A Cat From The, "Cat"-acomes Is, "Purrrrrr-fect"

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a kitten named Cathy, but her friends just called her Cat for short. Then for long they called her Catherine-The-Great, but not, "for long." That's because she was constantly getting into various kinds of trouble. Then the other cats would have to risk their own lives to get her out. It seamed she spent most of her life always in trouble. She would do things like walk over electrical cords when they were wet and ended up making what should have been fried pussy cat. Other times she would be climbing a tree and the limb broke which sent her falling about 200 feet down to the ground. The thing is she only had 4 feet. Later on she was climbing a 26 yard-tall tree in her, "yard" to catch a squirrel since she'd heard him say, "Aw, 'nuts!' Why couldn't I have been like cousin Nell who's a, 'flying-squirrel ?" Yet when she chased him up to the top of the tree, he jumped into another one since he was a flying squirrel. Cathy figured she could do the same, but ended up learning the hard-way that was a reason she wasn't paid for thinking. Later on that lead to some mighty, " 'cat'-aclyzmic" results. Another time she was trying to catch some fish, but she forgot she couldn't swim and ended up having to have a bobcat give her c. p. r.. She couldn't even spell c. p. r., much less do it. There was another incident where she climbed a tree to try and catch some birds, but forgot she couldn't fly quite as well, actually, not at all. She even forgot she was supposed to land on her feet like all the other cats. There were several other incidents like that which she shouldn't have made it out, and yet she did somehow. One reason may have been she was too mean to be in Heaven and was too mean so even Satin wouldn't take her down below. Now, it didn't matte how many lives that cat had, she was just so incredibly evil down to the bone it wasn't funny.

Several witches had heard about Cathy being the meanest cat in the history of the universe. That made them cackle so much they nearly all laid some eggs. That would have meant, "the, 'yoke's,' 'white' on them, so it wouldn't make them feel, "shell"-fish if it didn't, "scramble" their brains too much while sitting on their front, "poach" and waiting for something to bring their, " 'sunny-side-up' and keep their dirty-side-down," which is c. b. lingo. Their friend, Lester the warlock was not all that bright, but his mamma still called him, "sun" anyway and she would, "call-Lester-all" the time on the phone just to hear his voice. Yet that's enough egg lines because they're, " 'egg'-zacly" what is needed to see that it made you laugh or smile like it, "does-in" your zigomatticuss major and minor muscles, which are the facial muscles that are used when laughing. Hopefully this document won't severely strain your orbicularus muscle which is another muscle used when laughing. I may be a dumby, but at least I'm an educated dumby. Plus, I also have got a ventriloquist dummy at home, except he's much smarter then I am, but I must, "pull some strings" to make him talk.

Cathy-Cat shouldn't have made it out, but she did anyhow. The reason is she still had 8 more lives then everybody else. " 'Per-r-r-r-r-haps" someday we'll learn their secret, but until then, we'll, "paws" to reflect how they draw the, "fe-'line' " each time they, "kit-in" trouble.

Cathy was given her name because of what the first 3 letters of it spelled. That particular cat never had to worry about dog-trouble be-cause she would whip any k-9 who attempted to shorten her lifetime. she would always ending up shortening theirs. Many animals thought she was part bobcat. When somebody said, "I really don't think you can domesticate a bobcat," the answer was always, "Of course not. Bob never intended for her to have such, 'cat'-aclyzmic results."

One day while Cathy was walking through the hood, looking for somebody who might be brave, or foolish enough to take her on, she came upon a 10 year-old girl named Cassie. She was born autistic and had never said a single word. When she saw the cat, (or cub, as the case may be), who looked like it hadn't eaten in a long time, she squatted down on the ground and extended her hands towards the, "wild" animal. Ordinarily, Cathy would have not wanted anything to do with humans or animals of any kind, but she needed some, as people who have spent a lot of time on a dairy farm would say, "cow" since she desperately needed some nourishment and that was no, "bull" about it.

Ironically, the little girl's name just happened to be Cathy, although everybody called her Cat for short, and they called her Catherine for long. She definitely did have a really major kind of thing about animals of any description, except her parents would never let her have a pet because they didn't want to go through all the expenses of buying a lot of extra toys and food to feed them, the expensive veterinary bills, having to housebreak or litter-box train the animal so it could stay indoors when the weather was not conducive for them to be out-doors then having to go through all the grief when they went Home and having to bury them. Besides, since Cathy had never said any words since she was autistic, her parents didn't think it would be worth going through the various expenses to have an animal for only a few years and then having to go through all the grief of burying, or else cremating the creature. That's what her parents were both raised to believe. They didn't take under consideration that cats have 9 lives.

Since Cathy was such a funny-looking animal, (that's because she was originally bread to be a witch's cat in the first place), she was pink with purple and green polka dots all over her body that were quite florescent and stood out in the dark. When she moved at night, the multi-colors would twinkle to make an eerie, beautiful-looking sight. Because she was originally bread to be a witch's cat in the first place, it meant that she had some magical powers herself, but she had never needed to use any of them at that point in time. Yet when she realized Cassie was unable to speak, her heart went out to the poor little girl.

After staring at her for several seconds, suddenly there was a blind- ing flash of lightening. What made it odd was the fact that there was not even a cloud in the sky. What made it even more supernatural was the fact that it happened inside her bedroom. That kind of thing doesn't happen very often. In fact, the last time it occurred was, well, never. Anyway, when the smoke had cleared Cassie said, "Wow! What caused that to happen inside? And another thing, how did I say that? It sure was neat!" Then she laughed so loud her parents both came running into the room. She's never said any words until that point.

"What took you so long to say anything?" cried the child's mother while waving her arms in the air, "Those are your first words ever!"

That was when the young 3 year-old child said, "Well, up until this point, everything had been fine! I trust my grammatical phraseology has not been too copious for your comprehensive abilities from the right occidental lobe of your extremely intellectual noggins!"

Yet everybody knew what the real reason was, the new feline animal which had just entered the child's life had given him the desire to talk. Because of that, she was more then welcome in their happy home. Besides that, they'd had a mouse-problem with those tiny creatures running all over the house, especially at night time. That was another reason those people wanted Cathy to stay with them and to keep a look-out for those pesky, little rodents who were not only pests while they were trying to sleep, but they chewed up anything that they could get their little teeth into. They couldn't afford to call an exterminator to come spray the whole house, although they were really getting to be like a bicycle with those rotten, little varmints. In other words, it meant that they were, "2-tired" of those little, destructive creatures.

Cathy had never had a real job before. However, there's a first time for everything. The people who lived in that house, named the Jones's, said to Cathy, "Now, look here, all we want you to do is catch those flipping, little menace who run through our house, making so much racket and destroying our house, plus everything in it. Get rid of those little vermin and we'll reward you greatly. If not, we're going to take away all of your remaining lives! We're counting on you like an adding machine! Either you get rid of those things or we'll have to see how many lives it takes for you to survive being decapitated! In other words, aw, don't lose your head! You had better do your stuff! If not, 'stuff' is what we'll do to you into a box and thrown into the river!"

Poor Cathy had never caught a single mouse in her entire time spent here on this old Earth. Yet speaking of Earth, if she wanted a, " 'Mars' bar by, "Jupiter" so if she wanted to hear another, "Nep-'tune,' " she was going to get busy and catch a mouse. It was time to help the, "son raise" the temperature on a, "Mars" Bar and with her life, to, "plan-it" better when she'd, "Saturn" on, "Uranus" which makes the, "Mercury" in the thermometer fall too low for a, "Venus" fly trap or Mickey Mouse's dog, "Pluto" to live in. Still, I'm so, "spacey" there is no, "space" for me to live on this old, "Earth." I love our solar system.

That's what Cassie told Cathy since she was such a, "cool-cat." Still, I would much rather be a, "hot-dog" since, "cold-cat," or make that, "cold-cuts," don't taste as good to me. At any rate, Cassie took Cathy to the park, but that was what she ended up doing to her car. If it had been a dog with her she could have put him in a, "barking-lot." Then hopefully it wouldn't be too, "Ruff!" for anybody concerned. I'm treated like a dog which is really a, "Ruff!" way of life for anybody on this old Earth. Yet if I happened to be a k-9, all I could say is, "Person-gone it!"

At any rate, Cathy loved cats. The main reason was because of what the first 3/5s of her name spelled. According to what they said in the movie The Incredible Journey, "Cats rule and dogs drool!" Although, you have to remember what animal is considered, "man's best-friend."

Regardless, her mom wouldn't allow her to have a dog because they were such high-maintenance animals compared to cats. You only had to feed them every other day and they were the happiest when they were roaming the streets. Yet the main thing to remember about having any kind of pet is to put an i. d. caller on them which has both their name and their address on it. Also the owner's name and phone number. Yet Cassie loved Cathy so much she didn't like to leave her in the house all day while she was in school and her parents were at work, so she let her run free. That was good because Cathy had some street-smarts. She always looked both ways before crossing the street. She didn't want her owners to change her name to Oliver. That's because she would be, "Oliver" the road if a car hit her.

Cassie loved that little cat so dearly. She would even sleep with her in bed at night. Her mamma hated to think what would happen if something bad ever happened to Cathy. Cassie would be crushed.

Then while Cassie was playing kickball with a few of the neighbors, the ball rolled into the street. As Cathy ran after it, suddenly a drunk-driver came flying down the road, swerving wildly as he veered off the road. Before Cassie could even yell, "Sop, Cathy!" it had run over her. The driver veered off the road and ran into the side of a neighbor's house. Cassie screamed in terror, bu it was too late. The drunk-driver had already run over poor Cathy. The problem was she'd had 9 near-death experiences already, so that meant she was all out of lives.

As Cassie ran towards the flat body of Cathy in the road, she stopped when she got close to her. She screamed out, "Cathy! Say something!" but no sounds came out of the little, flat fir-ball in the road whom had breathed her last breath. When the drunk-driver saw the body lying there, he said, "Golly! (hiccup)! That's what I call a, 'flat-cat!' (hiccup).

Hearing the driver say those words made Cassie's blood boil. She screamed, "You stupid driver! Look what you've done now! You've killed my precious cat! She was all out of lives too! You're a murderer! I'll hate you forever! Now, get away from from me, you cat-murderer!"

Then she broke-down and bawled over the body of her beloved pet. He would still be alive if it wasn't for that stupid drunk-driver.

Her daddy, who'd heard what she'd said, came out of the house with carrying a shovel to scoop up the body of his daughter's beloved cat. Even he was crying. Nobody had ever seen him do that but his mom.

Yet as he scooped up the remains of his daughter's beloved cat, she lifted her head. That caused her daddy to drop the shovel and scream.

Somehow Cathy had another life left. Cassie screamed again, only that time it was one of shear Ecstasy. There wasn't a mark on Cathy's body as she picked her up, still sobbing, only then it was from tears of joy. From that day on Cassie treated her beloved pet with even more respect then ever. As it turned out, Cathy ended up living another 80 years. She even outlived Cassie. So like the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish up with.

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

------------------------------------------ By, Cuz Roye.