June 27th, 1914:
Today started out like any other day. I was a bit hungover from grabbing a drink and going to the cinema the night before, and it still never ceases to amaze me how well the real world can be captured in a black and white film. The headache that has already begun to plague me was expected, and most certainly worth it.
After rolling out of the bed, I dipped my head below the faucet and drank what felt like at least two liters of water. My morning routine as of late has consisted of eating eggs with a dash of salt and paprika, shortly followed by a walk through the town square to get some fresh air.
Lately during my trip, I have been keeping a keen eye on one particular house that has seen a rather odd amount of coming and going compared to usual. I doubt anyone else has noticed this, but when you partake in the same activity for months on end, you begin to pick up on a thing or two.
The estate in question is painted olive green, but it is tarnished to no end. Overgrown bushes and shrubbery pollute the property, almost as if they are the real tenant rather than whoever actually lives there. I’ve come to believe that the reason for the recent activity is due to a college student moving in for the semester, and if I overheard the conversation between the older couple and this new figure correctly, then I believe his name is something close to Gabriel.
I’m not sure why I have an off feeling about him. Maybe it’s because I don’t easily welcome new people into my life. Or maybe it’s because this Gabriel character exudes a type of arrogance that can be seen from his posture and facial expressions alone. Either way, I have come to terms with the fact that I do not like him.
That’s all I have time to write about today though. Work at the accounting firm that Grandma set me up in awaits, and the world almost certainly won’t keep spinning if I don’t keep our client's books correctly.
Sigh.
Yours,
Othello
June 28th, 1914:
During my morning walk today I noticed that the olive-green house is no longer bustling with its usual racket.
Dare I say it looks entirely empty? I laugh out loud to myself when I think of the shrubbery finally emerging victorious and overtaking the home.
It is rather odd though, considering for the past six months I haven’t been able to focus on the birds that I used to feed scraps of bread to while venturing around the corner. There has been an odd amount of yelling coming from their home for the past few weeks in particular, and even more college folk have come and gone as well.
Good riddance to all of them I say. Gabriel, or whatever his name was, I am especially happy to see gone for some odd reason I can’t explain. It’s rather unfortunate that the older couple left though, as they have been a pillar of my people watching entertainment for the last couple of years.
I’m looking forward to getting back to my undisturbed walks in the meantime, and I hope the flock of birds that used to gather on that street corner begin to come back now that the noise may begin to tone down once again.
Before I went back home to write in my journal, I was able to grab a luxurious pastry that is usually out of my budget. Anything goes when my weekly coin comes in though, with a buttered slide of cornbread being my vice of choice whenever I can afford it.
It’s nothing remarkable to most, but for me, the sun shines just a little bit brighter every morning that I’m able to share with one.
On my walk back home, I noticed the older couple through the window, which made me unexpectedly happy to see. That house is too special to be abandoned, I thought.
Off to work again with that said, and let's hope this peace lasts longer than a day.
Yours,
Othello
June 30th, 1914:
Oh. My. Days. It was Gabriel. I can’t believe it.
The outskirts of Bosnia are usually nothing special. I suppose they still aren’t. But something devastating happened in a nearby town yesterday.
Archduke Franz Ferdinand was murdered, and it was by Gavrilo Princip.
The name I overheard from my neighbor's lips was not Gabriel. It was Gavrilo.
My accounting firm gets the newspaper every other morning, and the front page was plastered with a photo of the young college student’s photograph just below the story sharing that the AD was assassinated.
I didn’t particularly like anything I have heard about Ferdinand, but someone murdering him? I simply could not believe it. Certainly not that the same person who struck the final blow took up residence only a few houses down from me for half a year.
My hand is shaking as I write this, and it is simply baffling that I was the only one who has made this connection so far. Did nobody else see him or his friends? Why did they even decide to do this?
I simply must stop journaling now, and moreover, I have to visit the olive-green house when I’m free next.
Maybe the owners of the olive-green house will have answers.
Yours,
Othello
June 31st, 1914:
I swear the old couple must have heard my heartbeat from a mile away, because when I approached the door, the older white-haired man opened it up before my knuckles could even rap against the oak.
“Come in Othello! We have been expecting you after all. Nobody has taken notice of our nephew Gavrilo visiting quite like you have. We all noticed you staring at our house with disdain more times than once, you lackey!”
This cannot be happening to me right now, was all I could think.
His wife had the table set for three with an open seat… for me? She spoke with a voice that I could only think to describe as gently wrinkled.
“Oh dear. We were devastated to see the news too. Gavrilo was certainly a stubborn lad, but we didn’t think he was capable of this sort of reaction to the Archduke sleeping with his girlfriend!”
My jaw dropped through the floor and into the cellar at this remark. I had no words to say that weren’t laced with shock.
“Gavrilo murdered the Archduke, because he stole his girlfriend?!”
The man who can now be identified as Gavrilo’s Grandfather patted me on the back and breathed out a heavy sigh.
“It seems to be so. When he had his friends over, they always talked about wanting to get back at Franz for what he did – I just assumed they were joking about!”
I sat there wordless. Dumbfounded at what this could mean for Bosnia. Until his Grandfather said the words that will forever be etched into my memory.
“What’s the big deal? It’s not like this is going to start a World War or something. I’ll sure miss my nephew, but at least the birds are back now that those loons have left town.”
All I could do after that was stand up, politely decline their invitation to stay for dinner, and go back to living my life.
Hopefully whatever’s to come next won’t be that big of a deal.
Yours,
Othello
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I don’t want to criticize the author personally — anyone who submits a story has clearly put effort into it. My question is more about the judging process. For me, the winning piece contained very little dramatic action and relied mostly on description rather than events unfolding on the page. I also found that the story lacked a historically grounded context, which surprised me, given that the story appears under the “historical fiction”subcategory. I would genuinely be interested to understand which criteria led the jury to select it as the winner. This is nothing personal, Riley. I’m genuinely happy for you and congratulations on the win.
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This is a great comment. I don’t get it either.
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I have to agree with Marjolein. I appreciate the author's effort, and it's a nice story, but does not appear to have the dramatic or emotional content to warrant a win. However, I'm looking forward to additional stories by this talented author.
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Well good luck, because there's zero transparency on the judging issue, and statistically, they want first-time authors winning to keep them coming back and paying the entry fee. It's sort of like how you're more likely to win early in the night at the casino so you stay and lose twice what you won early on. Lately they've been shortlisting returning authors just to try and distract from their actual approach. I did the math about a year back, and over 80% of winners were first-time storytellers, but if you bring that up, or any kind of criticism, people will say you're bitter and what does it matter, although some of those people are actually bots that I assume Reedsy has created.
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Congratulations on your win, Riley. It is always good to dip into history, and for that I applaud you. Might I just mention a few issues, however. Firstly, this is not an 'ode' to anyone. An ode is a congratulatory poem used to extol a life, and yet I see the Archduke receives no such accolade in this piece. Secondly, there are too many anachronisms. There is simply no way, for instance, that an early 20th century journalist would have written, 'Oh. My. Days'. And if it is a journal, who on earth was he signing off to? They read more like letters than journal entries, and to be honest, they read like a 21st century person had written them. Which, clearly, they did.
I would write these comments to the judges, of course, but they always remain intriguingly off-limits, so I once again congratulate you on your win, although I remain a little baffled as to why.
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I agree. This story just felt off, but no disrespect to the author. Congrats, Riley, on your win, and welcome to Reedsy. It seems now a lot of 1st/2nd time authors are winning, and authors that have been on here for months see no winning/shortlisted. Just a thought. But yes, Rebecca, I agree with you, but congrats on your win, Riley.
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Good eye Hazel. That's exactly their tactic now.
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This was such a great surprise to log on and see, and thank you so much for choosing my story! I loved writing this and still enjoy reading it back. That's all that matters at the end of the day I'd like to think!
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Don't listen to the comments, girl, this was great!
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Easier said than done haha, but thank you for saying that. Really needed to hear this and thank you for being kind!
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I agree. Don’t listen to the comments. You can’t please everyone. Just believe in yourself 🤗👍. Congrats on the WIN 🏆!!!
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What's wrong with comments giving constructive criticism? This is a writing website aimed at helping people get better and it's a writing contest with a monetary entry fee and prize. You have no stories listed here and it doesn't even look like you've commented on any, so either you're a bot or you're just here navel-gazing. Either way, it's not appropriate for you to comment on conduct since you're barely using the site at all.
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Hi, I understand that the judging process is unfair, and I agree that this story didn't really peak my interest, but I don't think you have much room to talk about other people not contributing or writing. I looked at your profile and you have no stories at all. On top of that, ALL of the comments you have are criticism. I understand the frustration with AI in your comments, but literally every single one of your comments is bashing anyone and everyone. You're almost a hypocrite at this point. People will come on, comment and defend a story that won but shouldn't have and they won't write one story. But, for you, you will come on, comment and attack a story that won but shouldn't have and YOU won't write one story! I think that you don't have much room to get angry at other people when you are doing the exact same thing as them.
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Yeah, I noticed that as well. I agree with some of his/her points, but the criticism can be a little heavy.
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I have plenty of stories here as well as comments on other stories. I've won several times and been shortlisted as well. I agree that the previous commenter is being hypocritical, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it seems suspicious that anytime this site is criticized, random accounts with no history here jump in to defend it for some reason. I think that should be our main concern and not the people pointing it out.
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The beginning of this story is so tepid that I wouldn’t have kept reading but for trying to figure out how it won. The historical context of this piece of historical fiction is buried near the end. You have to be a history buff to even find it. I’m baffled. The idea of telling the story through the diary is, however, quite clever. But the diary’s dialogue doesn’t work and lacks authenticity. Riley, congratulations on your win. My criticism is directed to the judges and not you!
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Wow, I am so sorry for all of these mean, passive aggressive comments! You don’t deserve any of that! I thought your story was funny and cute. Yeah, the language feels 21st Century, but to me, that was part of the humor. This feels like the kind of story you could give to high school kids to help them feel more interested in history. The juxtaposition of the modern elements with the historical background was genuinely funny to me. Congrats on your win!
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I've yet to see a mean or passive-aggressive comment. Did you go to school? When your teacher marked up your paper, was that "passive aggressive?" You might be on the wrong site. This is a website for writers. Not a knitting circle.
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Wow, you seem really upset! I'm not going to discuss my credentials here, as I don't really think that's the problem. I'm wondering if maybe you're directing some anger about something else at me, a faceless stranger on the internet who probably seemed like an easy target. I value constructive criticism, but I also believe it's important to treat people with civility. I'm sorry whatever complains you have aren't being heard by the people who want to hear them. I hope you're having a better day now than when you left this comment. Best wishes.
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Way to go, Riley! Enjoyed your unique take on the defining historical event. If only we could re-write history. Well done!
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Thank you!!
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I loved "My jaw dropped through the floor and into the cellar at this remark. I had no words to say that weren’t laced with shock." This part made me laugh out loud.
Congratulations on the win, the story was great to read.
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Haha thank you so much! My jaw was in the cellar as I wrote it myself so I'm glad that resonated with you too :)
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The story grabbed my interest but was a little confusing at the end. Also the term, 'journaling' is a fairly recent term and at first I thought he was writing letters which I would have preferred. Overall though I liked the idea and the time period
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A little disappointed in the end...
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I think this was a very clever use of the prompt, and I really enjoyed your story! Nice work, Riley!
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Seriously fun! Congrats. I really enjoyed how smoothly it flowed into the twist. ♥️
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Congrats on the win Riley! A very creative retelling of the AD's death. Gave me a little insight into what the ordinary folk may have thought during that time. I liked the implication that the characters didn't expect such a consequence as a world war. A touch of irony is always nice.
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This is not a historical story rather we can say this is distortion of facts. Can we label a story Historical if the the historical events and characters are used in it though the facts are distorted to create suspense?
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CONGRATULATIONS! This is a great story with a fun twist at the end!
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Thank you so much!
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This was such a fun read- the voice you crafted for Othello is brilliantly dry and unintentionally comedic in the best way. His mix of petty neighbourly disdain, hangover-induced observations, and complete obliviousness to the historical earthquake happening around him. The grandfather's casual 'It's not like this is going to start a World War or something' was brilliant.
Huge congratulations on the win- the modern, conversational tone against the backdrop of 1914 Bosnia gives the piece a fresh charm. A really clever angle on a massive historical event.
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This was such a kind and thoughtful comment, and thank you for making my day. Too many negative ones just above this for some reason so this was a light in the dark!
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Of course! I genuinely hope you keep going and explore your own style.
Also, if I may, my crits in architecture are often quite harsh- my tutors politely dismantle my "bold stylistic direction" because it doesn't align with their sacred architectural doctrine. But honestly, I've come to enjoy it. The joy of any creative field is to experiment, play, and grow. You will find your audience- and truly, doing your own thing is always more interesting than becoming a neatly packaged carbon copy. The real trick is to make plenty of mistakes and ruffle a few feathers along the way; it keeps things interesting :p
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Congrats
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Congratulations on the win! I thought the choice to tell such a major historical moment through the POV of a seemingly ordinary neighbor was a very interesting and distinct angle. The diary format made the story easy to follow, and the more modern, conversational writing style helped make the setting feel accessible despite taking place in Bosnia in 1914. The final line also added a touch of dramatic irony. Well done.
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Thank you! I was really proud of the idea when it came to me :)
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Very nicely done :-)
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Thank you so much!
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The repetition is somewhat jarring. Particularly references to Princip and the olive green house that could be replaced by a pronoun.
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