My Dearest John

Trigger Warning: Mental health mentioned, Suicide mentioned, Miscarriage mentioned, Death mentioned

March 1, 1962

My Dearest John,

I have grown tired of waiting for day and night for you. You don’t come around like you used to, like in our younger years of marriage. Many nights I have pondered this, but alas, my feelings on the matter have grown cold. Then, out of the blue one day, after our nightly fighting, I saw you downtown going to a hat shop. I would have thought nothing of it if you didn’t have that blonde tramp hanging off your arm. I couldn’t miss the way you two had looked lovingly into one another’s eyes like you two were newlyweds. Which is funny because I have recalled that you are currently married to me, are you not, John? I used to spend countless days weeping in sorrow, wondering what was wrong with me, but after a while, I realized that there is nothing wrong with me, but there is something wrong with you. How could you do something like that to someone you love or claim to love? Then you stop coming around altogether, so comes to my purpose of this letter, dear John. I have already filed for a divorce, and by the time you have found this letter, I will be long gone. I don’t want anything with you anymore, John. I know now you don’t love me; hell, you probably never did. Don’t come looking for me, John, just have a wonderful life with that dumb blonde of yours. I would say I wish you well, but I don’t; in fact, I wish upon you the worst of luck, John.

Goodbye Forever,

Your Now Ex-Wife

Elizabeth

March 5, 1962

My Darling Elizabeth,

I had just received this letter this morning while pacing the living room, wondering where you were. If that is your wish, to never hear from me again, then congratulations to you because after reading your horrible letter, I nearly died on the spot. I do like to clear some things up. First of all, Alex (the blonde tramp) is and never has been my mistress; she is my sister. I only had my eyes for you. Second of all, the reason I had stopped coming home at times is that of the nonstop fighting that we have been doing. Every conversation that we have somehow turns into a stupid screaming match. What man wants to come home to that? I certainly didn’t. I think that somehow in your head, you have spent the last year convincing yourself that I am some evil man who sneaks around with other women. Even though the truth is that I have been killing myself working double shifts at the factory to help support a lifestyle that you want. You speak of the younger years, and I miss them too. I miss the woman who would laugh with me on the porch swing at some dumb jokes that were made. I miss you, my darling wife. The old you. I drove over to your sister’s house, trying to find you after your letter, so we could talk about things. However, she told me you were not there. If this is your way of punishing me, then consider me punished and just come back home. I apologize for my actions, and I am willing to work it out with you. Please come back home. I love you.

Your Dearest Husband?

John

March 9, 1962

John,

I do not believe that Alex is just your sister because I do not seem to recall siblings lovingly staring at each other. Perhaps I somehow imagined it all. Like how I “imagined” the floral perfume on your suit jacket? Or how I “imagined” the lipstick on one of our mugs that isn’t mine? Somehow, you had this unique talent of just driving me plum crazy. As for your rant about how you missed the old me, do not pretend to suddenly care about me because I have left you. You did not seem to miss me when I had cried myself to sleep beside your empty spot in our bed. You did not miss me when you were staying out until God knows when. Please do not write me ever again. I do not have the time or the energy to read any more of your lies.

Sincerely

Elizabeth

This is a returned letter that was found inside John’s desk drawer after his death.

March 14, 1962

Elizabeth,

I am so tired of this. Not of you, I would never grow tired of you. I am just tired of all of this fighting that we have been doing. There is something that I kept secret from you. No, it is not an affair like you might have thought. I have been sneaking off to doctor appointments after I had some weird symptoms. The symptoms that we had thought were pneumonia or a common cold were actually lung cancer. The doctor thinks it's from working double shifts at the factory. I was too scared to tell you because I did not want to see you hurting or afraid. Especially since you had the miscarriage. Some days I thought if I could ignore it would disappear and I could go back to being the dearest John you remember. Sadly, that is not true. Since I was too scared to tell you, I had Alex come with me to my appointments, so I had someone take me home. I thought that my actions were protecting you. Instead, I had made you hate me. I am sorry, my darling Elizabeth. I heard some rumors about your vehicle being spotted at Briar Lane the other day, so I went there. I did not spot your vehicle there. I did see some skid marks on the bridge. Please, Elizabeth, if you are alive, write me back. Please be alive. I love you, and I can’t bear to be apart for a moment longer.

Your Dearest

John

This was a letter that was sent to John from Elizabeth’s sister, Mary.

March 18, 1962

John,

I am writing to you to inform you that my sister was unfortunately found deceased. Her body was recovered from the Blackwater River in the early morning hours. She did leave you some things if you want to come by to pick them up. I think one of the things is a letter. Anyways come by whenever you can. I offer my deepest condolences for your loss, and I am here if you need someone.

Mary

Newspaper Clipping

May 2, 1962

LOCAL MAN FOUND DEAD IN APPARENT SUICIDE

John Smith 45, was found deceased late Friday evening near the banks of Blackwater River. Authorities report that there was no signs of struggle. Some witnesses claim that Mr. Smith had recently suffered emotional distress following the death of his wife several weeks earlier. There was a letter that was discovered in his coat pocket. According to Sheriff Greene of the Jackson County Police Department, the final line of the letter read: “She was waiting for me, so I went to go see her.”