HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT

“Damien, hey, man, I’m glad you could get free for the afternoon. I wondered if the bosses would give you a hall pass, so to speak. I mean, that’s a pretty demanding job you’ve got yourself. I won't even ask you to explain how it's possible to turn carbon dioxide into oxygen; that’s what you do now, right? But like they say about morticians, I’m glad somebody does it.” .

“Morticians, Ted, ha ha. That’s old school! No, hell, I would always take time for you. Especially considering how far you’ve come. Coming here, it’s not like jumping on a Greyhound bus, like we used to do.”

“Well, this was an adventure, capital A. Question, you geniuses all dress like this around here? I feel like the Pillsbury dough boy in this thing.”

“ Sorry, it's the nature of the work. Yeah, we do dress like this. Well, mostly unless we are in one of the safe zones. But honest, Damien, talking about the job, you can learn anything engineering-wise with the right bot riding shotgun, so to speak. And Angus, my A.I sidekick got me up to speed in a week on the process. Anyway, they paid me a wheelbarrow full of crypto to move here. l I figure I’m not getting any younger, and it's 2038 already. How about you? Here, sit down in that monster chair over there, the one that looks like a gigantic open hand. It’s gruesome but really comfortable. And it’s got a full back and shoulder massage setting, with red light therapy. “

“If you say so. Damn, it’s like falling into a bowl of jello.”

“ So, Ted, your video text didn’t tell me much. I guess you’re here solo? Was it too long a trip for Grace?”

“ Earth angel Grace?, no that’s old news, Damien. Our horoscopes just didn’t play well together, you might say. You know, Sagitarius male with female Pisces? But she landed on her feet. She’s a VP now at that space bike company, Third Wheel. No, I am a bachelor on the loose, far from home.”

“Far from home is an understatement. What really brought you here on this adventure of all the adventures you could have had? Oh, wait, I get it. You are job hunting. You were always the restless one, even at UCLA. Maybe it’s good timing. Our firm is looking for specialists in solar radiation management right now. If that speaks to you?” Or do you know anything about perchlorate disposal? If so, you could be in the money. “

“Not really, I don’t have your mad tech chem skills, Damien. Beyond old-fashioned solar panels, I’m just doofus Ted.”

“Too bad. I could use a little back home company here. So, what really brings you here, Ted?”

“Raw Curiosity, maybe ..Sure, I could have gone to Ibiza or the Maldives. Or French Polynesia. I sold both condos. I even adopted the wolfhounds out to an old-money Russian couple next door. I’m free. I got time. And the second reason, you are my coolest college and post-college buddy. What bigger draw? What better reason?”

“So, you're not doing environmental compliance anymore?

“I haven't had a real job in half a decade. Thank god for the government’s Interglobal income fund. That and the cash from the condos made me a free man.”

“Ted, wave at the yellow vending machine headed your way. You can press one of those buttons on its belly for a drink or a snack. The menu is quite good. Bet you don’t have one of these back home.”

“Nice. The thing is, I haven't got your tech smarts. My Automan robot Godot, for instance, is kind of second-tier. I got him on sale from A.I. - Bay. He booked this trip, he handles my schedule and writes video letters to the kids once a month, but he’s not like your guy. He would just hallucinate if I asked him to educate me about solar radiation or carbon dioxide exchange, for example. And he can’t play poker for shit. I should apply for an unused upgrade.”

“Well, Ted, I’m just glad you got here. It’s not everybody’s idea of a vacation paradise. And even with my income, there's not a whole lot to spend it on around here. You’ve had a day here. What have you tried?”

“You’re right. The food does take some getting used to. I miss fresh fruit and vegetables. But the fake meat isn’t that bad. Remember, I used to be a vegan, so I have an open mind. And sports and fitness. I see there’s a Cold Yoga (ok, Cryo Yoga) studio on the other side of town if I wanted to work out a little… differently. And, I hear there are Droids playing Hot Ball on the sunny days. It’s not the New York Mets, but it’s something.””

“ Cold yoga is different, alright? Especially followed by a cold plunge. Brings out the caveman in you!”

“ No kidding. But how about your family, Damien? How long has it been, this mini reconnaissance of yours? Wouldn’t Marcy and Griffin qualify to join you soon? Maybe Marcy would enjoy Cryo-Yoga. A little break from her Hydrox racing.”

“Crank- up- the- thermostat, Marcy? Marcy, who wears a pashmina to the beach? I think all this could be a dealbreaker for her, and she hates fake meat. And the darkness. Griffin is a sunny-day kid. He’d miss softball and soccer. Hey, what about Naomi? Why not invite her along? I seem to remember you still had a thing for her.”

D“Naomi? Cheerleader Naomi? She’s shacked up with a rich guy half her age named Steppenwolf, who dabbles in IQ-enhancing magic mushrooms in Utah. Psychedelics are legal everywhere short of the kindergarten and the Scouts, they tell me.”

“Yeah. . We get free samples all the time with the Gemini Eats deliveries. You mentioned the dark. It did take me some time getting used to it.. I mean the extended dark.”

“Yeah, but you know what it’s good for, Ted? Try the underground cinemas here. They’re open every night. Almost all night. What’s not to love?. They even have a Noir night on Wednesdays. You’re a fan of those old private eye flicks from the forties. Right up your alley.”

“ True. I guess I could complain just as much about the long sunny days as the dark days. Griffin would like the endless sunshine for his sports. When does that start??

“ Soon, Ted. I’ll admit that our hydroponic soccer is a little different than the real thing. It takes getting used to, like fake filet mignon. .But we also have year-round figure skating. The temps here are perfect for ice sports. “

“Your watch is blinking.”

“ Oh, that’s a call back to work. .So, Ted, tell me the truth.”

“What’s that, Damien?”

“Do you really want to go back?”

“Back to where?”

“You know, back to planet earth.

[silence] “

“ I thought not. Welcome to the Red Planet, Ted! Now you can start to become the Martian you were meant to be!”