Songkran

“They’re having sex in the pool!”

All the children shouted out with glee and laughter. Nothing bonds a varied age group of siblings better than the discovery of some sort of morally questionable behaviour. The sight of adults acting like children, or in this case adults acting inappropriately, brings out glee and splendour from the band of incorruptible innocents, waiting for a reaction from their parents after delivering this juicy and salacious piece of information. News from these lively smirking incorruptible angels!

In this case it was delivered as they raced away on motorbikes into the melee of vehicles, open trucks, jiving motorbikes, bicycles, motorized tricycles, as he wondered if this was the stupidest idea he had ever agreed to in his life, letting the children go into the chaos, the street celebrations of the Songkran festival that day.

They looked like motorized conquistadors, the two younger children armed with high pressured water pistols, as the older two concentrating with earnest and intent on the chaotic street scene in front of them. Whether it was the driver or armed pillion passenger, there was seriousness, anger and revenge on these innocent angels’ faces, going into battle on the drenched streets of Pattaya. They all had a mission to accomplish.

The streets resembled scenes surrounding a football stadium after the final whistle blows, and the stadium spews out its human contents on the street. People were lingering outside bars and hugging their icy cool cans and glasses of beer like long lost friends. Watching, laughing, and cheering at the chaotic street scenes. Compared to an après football match, this was far more sinister. It was a scene from a battlefield, except all the weapons contained water and coloured powder. Open trucks paraded like chariots, haphazardly prepared as fire tenders, looking for their prey. To mow down the innocent victims, with a huge douse of water from their homemade pumps and hoses, and their water guns. Following by a handful of flour powder. Armed with their handheld water guns, and occasionally water cannons from passing trucks, they sprayed and gunned down any innocent bystander into a drenched sodden wretch. The streets were transformed into a modern-day amphitheatre, dedicated to streetwise combat. The trucks were their motorized carriages, but instead of spears and swords, their weapons were water hoses, cannons, and pistols, these look-like warriors with their crazed eyes and faces, hunting down their prey.

It was the Songkran Festival, the water festival, the celebration of the Thai New Year, which is full of rich and symbolic rituals and traditions. The festival lasts three days, during the mornings local people prepare food for the Buddhist monks and visit the local temples to undertake celebrations and rituals. At the time of the special occasion of the Songkran festival, many will demonstrate the traditional ritual of pouring water over the Buddha statues found every nook and cranny in Thailand. The act of pouring water over statues during Songkran is deeply rooted in Thai culture and Buddhism. It symbolizes purification and the washing away of sins and misfortunes from the past year. This ritual is part of a broader tradition of merit-making, where individuals perform acts of kindness and generosity to earn blessings and improve their karma. The water used in these rituals is often infused with fragrant elements, such as jasmine, to enhance the symbolic cleansing with a delightful perfume. The festival itself is a time for spiritual renewal, community building, and the celebration of Thai New Year.

During the Songkran water festival, the major streets and thoroughfares are closed to traffic and are used as arenas for chaotic water fights. A celebration for all. Everyone participates in the tradition by splashing water and coloured powder on each other. But the celebrations Joe witnessed that day had morphed into a serious street combat, as the marauding fleet of open trucks armed with their water cannons hunted down the innocent and the unprepared. It was even more messy, and uncomfortable, by the hurling of white flour, sometimes coloured onto the already wet, soaked and dripping victims. The mandatory dress code for the day was certainly old shorts, an old T-shirt, and flip-flops. Anyone unprepared and wearing anything else than old, tattered clothes would regret the New Year celebrations and curse the symbolic and meaningful purpose of the spiritual cleansing. Drenched in water and caked in sodden flour would result in an immediate trip to the shower and laundromat to remove the caked residue, cursing their bad fortunes. What might remain after cleaning was an angry feeling of being victimized, which was not the true spiritual meaning and consequence of the rituals of the Songkran festival. The true meaning of the water and flour dousing is purification of the spirit and wiping the slate clean from the past for the coming New Year. If you were a victim, it might be a good idea to remember the meaning behind the prank, otherwise it would tarnish a clean spirit, which would not match the clean washed clothes.

Songkran in Pattaya only added to the existing erotic ambience, the adult playground. The chaotic and frivolous days of the water festival only embellished the normal erotic scenes of Pattaya, as the nightlife did not diminish, it only became even more rowdy. The girlie bars prevailed, more rustic and shabbier than in Bangkok, but they prevailed. The continuing awkward questioning by the children of the sights and sounds of the nightlife in the land of smiles, prevailed in parallel. Observations and questions from the innocent angels continued to be awkwardly answered.

“You can see her boobies!” and “What’s that man doing to that lady?”

Or in discussion about lady boys – transgenders.

“Where do they put their willies?”

Unfortunately, real life doesn’t come with film censored ratings. An evening walk from the hotel encountered the X-rated, and the phrase – what happens in Thailand – stays in Thailand, repeatedly comes to mind.

The parents took the decision one night to take the children to Excalibur, the show. It was an extravaganza of lady boys - transgenders, in a large theatre hall in Pattaya. It was famous, a tourist attraction. The decision to take the innocent angels, becoming less innocent by the hour, was based on their continued confrontation with the bizarre culture environment of Thailand. Where gender and morals were perceived in a different manner, and basically anything goes. The embracement of diversity, before the advent of a more current political correctness. The parents with a tongue-in-cheek approach considered it all educational. The show was stunning, the costumes, the girls wore were incredible. The lady boys as they are referred to in Thai, were more glamorous than the real thing, as they all accentuated feminine beauty and glamour. The Thai culture not only honours and respects these transgenders, but they also glorify them. They are the Thai rockstar equivalents. They show off their beauty, no doubt, but they also mimic famous western movie stars and singers during the extravaganza of the show. The result is a wonderful spectacle of beauty and glamour.

On exiting the threatre that night the family went to the small town of bars opposite. The crowded little huts, all square-sided with stools littered on the four sides. It was packed and you would be lucky to find a spare seat. All the bars had small walkways, as the beer spilling crowds stagger from one little bar to another. That evening after all the streets had been turned into a waterpark was yet another eventful day of the Songkran festival. The small bar area was crowded with the bedraggled drinkers, foreigners all with red faces from the excessive exposure to the sun, and the endless amounts of draught beer.

The family took their place beside the revelers. Suddenly, there were hoots, and cat calls as some of the beautiful besplendid artists from the Excalibur theatre came across to join the rowdy crowd in the small bar area. Up close they were more beautiful than the view from the stalls in the threatre. Their demaeanour was extremely narcissistic, a proud head and neck elevated, like a human peacock. The look in their eyes to the awestruck onlookers, could easily be translated - “you should pay to watch!” and “don’t you dare touch me!” Their towering and curved slim bodies, look-a-like catwalk models with their statuesque appearance. Beautiful and ornate costumes, sequined and shimmering in the dimly light bar area. They all wore tall ornate headdresses which extenuated their goddess-like appearance. Their manicured and coiffured look must have taken hours of painstaking time by attending make-up and dressing teams.

In happened in an instance. Fortunately, these goddesses were not spared by the ritual of Songkran. In a fraction of a second the shimmering visions of beauty were doused with a bucket of water, followed by the drizzling of the flour powder. Their fine headdress disappeared to the floor. For these victims the onlookers did not immediately crackle with laughter, snickering with mirth, instead there was an uneasy hushed silence. The perpetrators of the dousing ran away, quickly hidden by the hordes surrounding the bars. The dripping beauty queens looked glum, there was anger in their eyes, where before there had been serenity. What came next was surprising to all the onlookers seated at the small bar. Both goddesses now sodden from head to foot moved behind the bar, without asking poured themselves a Jack Daniels, and gulped it back. Then they started serving free drinks to all and sundry. It was the Thai festival of Songkran, a time for spiritual renewal and forgiveness. Nonetheless, the incident was an epiphanic moment, which could only happen in Thailand.

The vacation to the land of smiles came to end without too many mishaps, the small toddler in the dysfunctional family escaped being kidnapping and any subsequent human trafficking by prostitutes. He survived the misadventure by his siblings and getting lost in the multi floor elevator. No one was bitten by snakes or the loss of any limbs in the crocodile’s chops. The elephant rides were safely survived by all, and a monkey was not found in a suitcase on their arrival home. Most of all, Joe and Marsha were very relieved to find the safety of their home, as the key turned the latch

The children were banned from the swimming pool to avoid possible sexually transmitted diseases, when it was reported by the children that it was being used nightly for erotic aquatic pool party activities. This was in response to their gleeful announcement.

“They’re having sex in the pool!”