The room in my heart

Summer was about to end.

The forty-days break was about to end.

The fun of staying home all day was about to end.

The memories of the vacation were about to be put aside and the dilemma would end.

But it was no trouble to me –my life had already ended. Mira and I stopped talking. I didn't know why; we might have or had an argument, or perhaps someone told her something bad about me. We saw each other at the local market last week. She was a few metres away, but the second she saw me and I saw her, she froze. I started walking closer to her. Then she ran away as if I was some monster coming to eat her. This was just one of the many instances. I didn’t go after her, because I knew she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I tried contacting her, but it never worked; texts were never seen, calls were never answered.

Now just a few days were left. I lay on my bed, wasting time. I wanted to talk to Mira more than anything. I felt the urge to. Why did I? She did not want to talk to me, I should have respected her decision. But I rebelled. I wanted to hear her voice, I wanted to see her face. But why just Mira? Why not Rahul? What got into me? I asked myself. And I asked myself that question the entire day.

Mira was a part of my friend group. At school, me, Rahul, Samar, Mira, Rupali and Kiran sit together during lunch. We all are in different sections; Me and Rahul are in section A, Samar is in section B, Mira and Rupali in section C and Kiran in section D. The six of us were good friends, we knew each other since we were in preschool.

“Maa,” I called, “Where are you?”

“Son?” Maa replied, “What’s wrong, dear?” She came with some home-made biscuits.

I needed to ask this. I asked, “Why do I want to see you all of a sudden sometimes? It usually happens when I’m with friends or at Nani’s place…”

“I wonder,” she replied, “Maybe it’s because it gets lonely if you’re not there, dear. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel complete when I don’t see your face?”

“But why?” I asked.

“You’re my son,” she said, “Now stop asking stupid questions.”

“I’m going out,” I said. I ran out. I ran towards Rahul’s place. I was in a dilemma, why was I going to Rahul’s place? What was I going to ask him? How was I supposed to say that I wanted to see Mira but Mira did not want to see me? When was this feeling going to stop taking over me? Where would I find a solution?

While running, I saw Mira and Rupali laughing together. I froze. I saw her face — from afar though. Her face was happy. “Mira!” I gasped, “Mira! Mira! Mira! Mira! Mira! Mira! Mira!” I kept saying the name. I said it so slow that I couldn’t hear it. She turned her face. I felt like I was in a movie. I smiled. I stepped forward. But then she saw me and asked Rupali to run away. I felt restless. I started running towards Rahul’s house.

I was almost there. I needed to ask my question, I needed to tell what I’m feeling. Then I wished to not go to Rahul’s house. It would be embarrassing. But it was too late. I had already reached his house. And I had already rung the bell.

“Who is it?” Rahul called out. He swung the door open. I didn’t even wear a greeting smile. It looked so embarrassing.

“I’m very selfish!” I blurted out, “I’ve seen her many times, heard her many times. But it’s not enough! I want more! How do I stop this feeling from taking over me?” I turned as red as a tomato. I didn’t even say hello.

He stared at me with interest. “Come inside,” he said, “Let’s talk it out.” I clutched his oversized t-shirt and kept muttering ‘thank you’ over and over again.

I followed him to his room. It was messy but not as messy as Samar’s.

“Have you completed the holiday homework? Have you gone on a vacation? Have you gone to your Nani’s place? Have you learnt something new like a skill or something?” Rahul asked.

“Yes, I did,” I said. I trembled.

“You say that there is a girl’s face who you always want to see, ” Rahul said, “And you always want to hear her voice?”

“Y-Yes,” I blushed. I wanted to disappear.

“Do you see that girl often?” Rahul asked.

“Yes,” I replied, “But she has stopped talking to me… the last time we texted was before the summer break started.”

“So you text each other too,” Rahul muttered, “But it’s never enough?”

“Never enough!” I agreed.

“Dheeraj,” he said to me slowly, “You are in love.”

“What!” I was surprised, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well,” Rahul started, “It all starts when you hang out with or talk to a really pretty girl. That girl might leave after your conversation with her is over, but she stays in your heart. She makes her room in your heart and slowly starts living there forever.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, “How is that supposed to do anything with what I am feeling?” Rahul came closer to me and clutched my t-shirt’s chest button.

“Since that girl is in your heart,” He started in a slow voice, “You can’t see her and you will always want to see her, always want to hear her, always want to touch her. She will grow in your heart and will soon take over your thoughts. Tell me, who is this girl?” He let go of me and gave me some space.

“Mira… It’s Mira,” I said. I wanted to become invisible.

“Ahh, fascinating,” Rahul said, “I bless you two a happy marriage.”

“What!” I didn’t know how to reply to this, “I-I ha-haven’t eve-even confess-fessed y-y-ye-yet. She i-isn’t even talk-talking to m-me.” Then I described all the instances when she was petrified and ran away from me.

“Don’t you know that thing?” He asked.

“What thing?” I asked.

“It happened when you went on vacation to Landsdowne,” Rahul said, “There was a rumour spread in the class group chat — look…”

He showed me a message in our 10-A group chat:

Hey guys, did you know that Mira from class C is secretly dating four guys? I heard it from somewhere…

Really? I didn’t know that?

Unbelievable! Does she even love them?

Stop… Those are false rumours! Don’t say things like that!

“Mira thinks that it was one of us who started the rumours,” Rahul said, “And she thinks that we are the four guys everyone is talking about…”

“But who would spread such rumours?” I asked.

“No one, Dheeraj,” He replied, “Some people just saw the four of us with her during lunch… we’re close friends but everyone gets a different idea… I put an end to these, but not an end to her stress. Rupa says that she was even bullied for that.”

“Rupa?” I asked, bewildered.

“Me and Rupali have gotten close over the summer,” Rahul blushed, “I might have also confessed to her — in short, we have grown feeling for each other romantically.”

“You confessed?” I asked, “And you two are happy?”

“Yes…” He seemed confused.

“Your love grew over the summer?” I asked in desperation.

“Yes.” He smiled at me. I think he knew what was going to happen. I think he read my mind. He nodded and showed me the sign that meant, ‘Best of luck!’

And exited the house and ran towards Mira’s place, I knew her location — Rahul told me. Then I started thinking — Maa’s answer to my question wasn’t whatever she said, it’s because I am in her heart. This was love, I guessed. I saw Mira alone under a tree. She was looking up, trying to find something.

“Mira,” I said in a low tone. She turned around and was petrified.

“I know about the rumours,” I said.

“I don’t want to be with any one of you,” she growled, “How dare you!”

“I wasn’t me,” I said calmly, “But if they said that you were dating the four of us at the same time… then that would be wrong. Because I want you to only be with me.” I regretted what I said.

“What do you mean?” Mira asked. I took her hands and held them tightly so that she wouldn’t run away again.

“You have made a room in my heart and you are loving in that room and since you’re in my heart I want to see every time,” I said, “You have taken over my thoughts and I’m in love! Romantic feelings have developed in me for you… and… umm… I’ll be happy if we could start talking again.” Mira laughed.

“Perhaps,” she started, “I was overthinking it. But, if you fail to make me happy, I’ll have to break up.” We embraced each other. It felt great. It felt peaceful. I had finally realised what love was.