The Golden Bench

The air smells crisp, and if I inhale too much i'll have to stop at the drug store and pick up more allergy medication, or do I still have some? You know what I should pick up some anyway because I will need it at some point. Ah yes, there is a bench open and not just any bench, this bench is the best view of the entire park. Should I run to it? No. I can’t run to just sit down and watch people in the park. What if someone else is watching me and they too know this is the best seat and they watch me pathetically run to just sit down, and not just sit to rest like I have been running this whole time but to just sit and watch everyone. I mean what if they just happen to look over at me running and have no idea that i have not been running this whole time? Right, because I came to the park in jeans, a long coat and my hair is half curled from the night before and hiding under my beanie. Not exactly workout clothes, they would probably think i'm running for someone or something. 

I am overthinking this. No one else is probably even here to just watch people like I do. Why do I overthink every little detail of everyday life? Stop it now. Let’s just think about what is happening right now. The five senses. Smell, hear, touch, sight and taste. I smell fresh cut grass, flowers finally blooming after the week of rain, I smell something delicious. What is that delicious aroma? My stomach slightly growls, I need to find what that is so I can see if it tastes as good as it smells. I see a pretzel cart, donut shop, coffee shop. I know there is a bakery right around the corner of the park perhaps it's them. I keep meaning to stop in that bakery and see what they have. There is always a line out the door and around the block every Saturday morning. It has to be good to have a line right? I will have to try it, this Saturday i have no plans so i might as well go wait in line. On my way home I should check their hours and show up thirty minutes before they open to be ahead. Ha! Who am i kidding, everyone probably thinks about that and i should wait to see if it is really worth the long wait. I will show up as they open, maybe I won't be far down the line but still have the experience of waiting in line for over an hour. When i get home i will see if they have a website, and see what i will want so i don't waste time while in there picking from there selection. Side tracked. Why am I such a spaz? How hard is it to just focus? Focus Stephanie, focus. Wow, i am out of shape. I am breathing so hard just from walking a little fast so i can make it up this slight hill to get the golden bench, if you will. The wind is picking up a little. Spring is such a weird time of year, it's cold in the morning and at night but warm in the afternoon. I need a watch, maybe i could track my steps and the time being here and i left my phone in the car. Oh of course i left it in the car but if i turn around now someone else might end up on my bench. Okay Stephanie now focus, no phone to distract and stop getting side tracked on items around the senses you're trying to focus on. Sight, what do I see today at the park. Anything more interesting than last week? What do I see, what do I see, oh I like to look at all the people here and think about what they do for a living or maybe just hobbies or how they know each other. That couple right there, they are like, what my age? Sure. Blonde but not natural look at those dark roots showing through but then again that is kind of the style nowadays and he kind of has that silver fox look right? The salt and pepper hair if you will, slicked back and black rimmed glasses. Not even in workout clothes, more like dark wash jeans and a button down shirt with a sports coat. She is in work out leggings and a long sleeve light hoodie, more of a shirt i suppose. Their conversation looks pleasant, she looks enthused as he speaks while moving his hands around directing the flow of conversation. She as well speaks with her hands but way more rapidly. I bet she talks fast when she gets excited about whatever she is talking about. I wonder if he enjoys this, she kinda seems like a spaz like myself. Do others find that cute or corky and like it in others? I am not aware of those who do yet, ha i just get told to slow down and focus on what i'm talking about. Okay okay oh okay, who is next, oh there is a sweet elder looking couple sitting on a bench over there in the sun, i would sit in the sun too because the wind is quite brisk and staying in the sun keeps some warmth. They don't have much going on, who else is here. Looks like some parents over there, oh my god it is only getting colder as I move into the shade under these trees, my bench is still open. The golden bench is still open for me, I am so close but not close enough.  What do I hear in the park?

I hear the parents I spotted over by the playground yelling at their children to be careful and watch out for other children. The mother doesn't seem too into watching her kids, as she scrolls through her phone looking up once in a while. The father is chasing the kids and growling like a dinosaur, sliding his hands through the play set like a zombie or something. There is another mother over there talking about every little thing. Oh be careful, don't run, slow down, watch out for that, get that out of your mouth. Overprotected and probably no fun for the kids or other parents especially sitting over listening to her raise her voice about all these things, i can hear her all the way over here. Okay Steph focus on nature sounds, what else do you hear? I can hear the wind, no not the wind really but the branches moving in the wind along with the leaves that are starting to find their way back scraping against each other and other branches. 

Touch now, what am i touching, well nothing beside the uneven sidewalk and occasional rock i step on. When I finally reach the bench I will feel the cold plastic and nails through my thin jeans. I mean the sidewalk could be a lot worse, there are no huge gaps or splits in the sidewalk enough to trip someone but I can feel through the bottom of my shoes that it is not even. I can feel the air as I walk fast through the park doesn't that count as touch? Okay let me just move on to the next sense that would be taste. 

Taste, what do I taste while I walk through this park, nothing. Well, nothing that has an actual name. I taste my tongue like almost morning breath but I did just brush my teeth before leaving so it's kind of a mix. Toothpaste and bad breath from like the deep, dark part of my throat. I brought water but just like my phone I left it in my car parked on the other side of the park. Why did I park so far away to begin with. I mean I didn't think my favorite bench would even be open on this nice spring day. 

Uh excuse me what is this, who do they think they are! That is my bench and they look so pleased with themselves about to relax and watch the park. How dare they not know i have been walking at a faster pace up and down these small inclines to get to that bench and they just sit down like they own the place. How dare they. I mean, there is room I could sit beside them, but I planned on sitting in the middle of the bench so others would feel awkward not to sit beside me so I could enjoy it by myself  and all of its glory. I could say something super weird like riddle off a random fact that makes everyone uncomfortable and they leave. They might just ignore me and stay sitting, or call me a weirdo and ignore me. I am a weirdo, who else gets mad about a bench. Who else comes to the park just to sit and watch other people. 

Uncomfortable eye contact with the two girls sitting on the bench, look away, look away, look past them and wave so they think someone is behind them and you're looking for them. Wow, okay you did not have to look at the nobody I was waving too, i'm just gonna walk past the bench and make my way back to my car. This has been too much in my head for this walk. I am so over coming to this park. Not enough nature sounds anyways, to many people. Maybe i'll try the state park next week. Oh I can't forget to stop at that bakery Saturday, I'll have to write it in my phone as soon as I get in my car. Where did I park again?