The Lady Bug vs. The Wicked Scoundrel

Monday, January 13th

Why of course The Lady Bug will fail to stop me this time! Now, it may be true that all of my other nefariously evil contraptions and schemes fell short and were thus thwarted by that stupid, bug-costumed freak. But I, The Wicked Scoundrel, am the most cunning and monstrous villain in all of CityVille! Not to mention the most handsome, as well.

The plan is simple and yet oh, so diabolical. I will create some common ruckus in the center of town, perhaps the ole "bomb strapped to the statue of the mayor" trick. Yes, yes, that one has worked in the past to draw out the beetle... but the details will come. Broad strokes here folks. I'll draw out the Bug with some simple ruse as mentioned, and once I've got her where I want her I'll use my dastardly new trick: The Lady Bug net! It is truly a wonder that I did not think of using any kind of bug catcher until now.

Once I've gotten the Bug into my comically-large net it's right into the terrarium with her! Now I wish I meant something more heinous, but rest assured that this is truly just a large terrarium in which she will be held. I've even added some moss and rocks for her. A beautifully tranquil self-sustaining hobby, certainly something to be kept up with after I win this battle... wait, where was I? Yes, the terrarium!

Once The Lady Bug has been contained in her glass cage, I will then of course enter my usual long-winded monologue wherein I will reveal that my true intention is not to blow up the statue of the stupid member of the bourgeoisie that runs this town, but instead to steal the towns water supply!

You see, before the phony bomb has been placed on the statue I'll have already secretly placed my SuperSucker3000 (perhaps a series of shop-vacuums arranged in tandem, perhaps not) strategically on the shores of the towns water reservoir. All that I will then need to do is plug in the SuperPower3000 (perhaps a series of extensions cords that reach from the reservoir into the center of town which will allow me to plug in the device [most-evilly] in front of The Lady Bug, perhaps not) and soon I'll have early access to waterfront property on Lake Evil! At that point, the town will be forced to buy my properties at alarmingly high rates once they realize they cannot resist the allure of constructing their own personal lakefront homes! Oh, it's so debased I can hardly stand it! My next entry will surely be one detailing my success and newfound wealth!

Wednesday, January 15th

I lost.

How on Earth could I lose? It makes absolutely no sense! Everything was going swimmingly until it wasn't. I had the SuperSucker in place. I had the fake bomb loaded up. And even I had my comically-large socket to plug into the comically-large outlet. Yet somehow The Lady Bug shows up, confident as can be, and ruins everything. As usual!

I started with some basic talk in the town square about how the statue of the mayor was "a monument to tyranny" and "a passable likeness, at best" and of course, as predicted, my nemesis arrived. I feigned devotion to this plan in an effort to get an honest reaction from her and once she seemed interested in stopping me I pulled out the net. To the surprise of all the civilians watching this unfold, as well as my own, I was actually able to apprehend her with this device. I had her placed in the terrarium and accordingly waxed poetic about how evil and dastardly I really am. This went on for some time, I don't know maybe five or ten minutes, and I eventually made my way back around to the point I was trying to make. That point being: I deserve to be the owner of a new and exclusive neighborhood situated on the shores of a stocked and scenic freshwater lake.

Lady Bug of course had her piece to say about why this could not stand, something about "people will never pay historic-home prices for a plot of land with space for little more than a household" and "justice", but her words were muffled against the foggy and self-sustained walls of her glass cage. I, of course, laughed my best "heinous villain" laugh before revealing the aforementioned plug and socket.

Wouldn't you know it? As soon as I was about to connect the two items, a yellow cloud of dust was at my feet. A Pollen Pellet! Of course, it's Bumble-Boy! How could I have forgotten The Lady Bug's boy sidekick?

In this cloud of pollen I coughed and wished so desperately that I had taken my allergy pill, but soon enough I regained my senses. Thankfully, Bumble-Boy is just that: a boy. He is simple and foolish (and to be frank, I'm unsure why he is still employed by The Lady Bug) and often easily thwarted by my brilliantly wicked mind. It did not take long until I was able to rouse him into my Lady Bug net with a bit of sugar-water that I thankfully found in my back pocket from a previous encounter. I then, of course, added him to the terrarium to join his critter comrade.

With Bumble-Boy handled, and a stuffy nose that no nasal spray could mend, I again found myself with an opportunity for an evil monologue that my two arch enemies could not escape from. And so again I spoke about my evil qualities, my true plans, my failed attempts at online dating in this shallow town, and I once again found myself somehow ending on the point that the town's water supply was mine to own.

I again took up the oversized male-end of a plug and felt giddy with excitement. Finally! It was my time to be on the ground floor of a stupidly easy investment opportunity! I walked towards the outlet, almost feeling tears forming in my evil eyes, and as I inserted the plug into the large socket-

I woke up in a jail cell. Wha--?

This isn't right. I should be waking up in the clubhouse of Evil Municipal Golf Course. Not the CityVille slammer. Again.

A cop walks by my cell whistling a tune and I ask him 'what's happened? Why am I here?'

"Oh hey Scoundrel, glad to see you're up. Yeah you plugged in that extension cord and got a pretty good shock. Whole town lost power for about forty-five minutes. Electric company came out and said apparently there were a whole bunch of vacuum cleaners linked together at the reservoir and it tripped the whole town's circuit. Crazy stuff.

Anyway, apparently you got somethin' like forty thousand volts through you when you plugged in that big ole extension cord in town. Lady Bug was trapped in some fish tank-"

"It's a terrarium!"

"Sorry, some terrarium and got pulled out by the fire department after they had you loaded onto a stretcher. The doctors said you were gonna be okay and Lady Bug made some talk about how the day was saved and asked the cops to bring you here. That's where we are now I reckon."

Now what on Earth could you mean the fire-department pulled Lady Bug out of there? What do you mean my dastardly invention failed? Thankfully I of course brought my Tunneler3000 (perhaps a jackhammer, perhaps not) and made my way out of the prison cell which contained me as I am wont to do in these situations.

I sit here once again devising another plan to vanquish the putrid Lady Bug and hoard a wealth of my own.