Your Average Comic Story

“You are finished, evil doer!” A bombastic voice yelled. It rang powerfully throughout the warehouse which caused the civilians and criminals to wince ever so slightly. The man who produced such a voice was ripped straight out of a generic comic book. He was just over 6’4 with tanned skin, blonde hair, and eyes as blue as the sky. He wore a green eye mask which didn’t serve to hide his identity quite that well but it counted for something. Additionally, he had a bright orange body suit and yellow tights that probably were riding up his ass in the current moment. Yes, he was the single thing which stopped crime from overflooding the streets of Super City. He was what people called out to in their moment of need. He….was…..CAPTIAN JUSTICE!

“Mwahahhahahahha! It appears you’ve come to stop me afterall, Captain!” A slimy voice countered. Like seriously, the voice was covered by phlegm and mucus. If he hacked out a good one then he probably wouldn’t sound so evil or disgusting. The person who the voice belonged to was a short man about 4’10 with long unkempt black hair that thrived in any form of grease. His beard was both scraggly and full, almost reaching the floor beneath him. His skin had obviously seen better days because it was a shade of white yet colored in with the slightest tinge of yellow. He was Captain Justice’s sworn archenemy. He was the known criminal of Super City. He…was….Entrisinc Violent Impossible Liberator, otherwise known as EVIL!

“Indeed Evil! I have come to free these tortured civilians and stop you from releasing the Nega Bomb upon Super City!” Captain Justice shouted.

“Mwahahhahahahha! So you’ve discovered my plan, aye? BIG WHOOP! I’ve got something cooking just for you which stops any of your bravado, Captain!” Evil responded, rubbing his fingers. Although it wasn’t stated, Evil is currently sitting in a chair across the room shouting at Captain Justice who is barely a few feet from the doors of the warehouse. They both have yet to move and the civilians who are kept at gun point by the henchmen seem to be less afraid and more annoyed if anything.

“Impossible! Have you managed to track down a purified diamond from my homeworld, my only weakness!” Evil, you fiend!” Captain Justice cried out in outrage, shaking his fist.

“No! I’ve derived something even better my dear Captain!” Evil sang, ignoring probably the most crucial information that Justice had given up voluntarily. Sadly, it wasn’t the first time that fact was mentioned. The ensuing battles would have gone a whole lot differently if Evil wasn’t so one track minded.

“What could it possibly be, you malicious monster!” Captain screamed.

“Mwahahhahahahha! Perhaps something you hold dear? Something you can’t live without?” Evil responded coyly.

“Just spit it out already!” Captain said, grasping his head in outrage. Yes, the prevailing opinion most people in the warehouse had already.

“We’ll looksee to find out something a Captain can’t live without. Oh yes, his sidekick known assssss..”

“BOYSCOUT!” Captain finished, fear permeating in his voice. Evil clicked a button from his chair and ropes began to descend from the warehouse. It wasn’t as slow as Evil would have liked and it was rather painful for the person who was currently falling. The rope burned my skin as I was displayed rather pitifully to Captain Justice and company. Yes, it is I, Boyscout who was narrating this stupid battle! Honestly, I feel like Captain is messing with me because he sent me to “scout” the warehouse a few hours before he arrived and didn’t connect the dots at all. However, he is probably one of the dumbest and purest people that I have met so sadly he didn’t plan my defeat and subsequent kidnapping.

“EVIL! You’ve stepped too far! Release him now and I will spare you my wrath!” Captain bellowed out. He still hasn’t moved at all from his spot and I can feel the ropes straining my body. A little sidenote, Captain Justice was the strongest superhero in the world. He could move faster than a bullet, carry buildings, and shoot layers out of his eyes. A little sidenote, Evil didn’t have powers and doesn’t know about Captain’s weaknesses. Evil being Captain’s archenemy stemmed from the fact that they both were idiots plain and simple. I was strung up like some damsel in distress while they were both acting out Romeo & Juliet. Why couldn’t I have been born with powers? They don’t even have to be that strong, I just don’t want to listen to them banter anymore.

“I don’t think I will, my dear Captain. I will break your spirit right here and now with a few of my special tricks!” Evil said maliciously. I could feel the sweat pour down my body. I didn’t really like the sound of anything coming out of Evil’s slimy voice but he was sounding real mean at the moment which couldn’t possibly bode well for me. Evil clicked another button from his chair and the ground directly below where I was held suddenly started to shift out of place. That tiny section of space revealed itself to be a pit with turning blades that seemed to be stained with an old liquid. Despite the steel permeating down below I still caught a whiff of copper implicating the substance to be blood. I definitely wouldn’t die on impact from a thing like that which meant I would live an excruciating few seconds as I was ripped apart. I’m no stranger to life and death situations but this seems quite intense for an idiot like Evil.

“C-Captain, help me!” I cried out, voice cracking with fear. Is it sad to say that it’s my catch phrase? I never really meant it most of the time but it always worked in a pinch when I couldn’t be bothered to fight anymore of the batshit villains that seemed to have an erotic fascination and obsession with Captain Justice. However, my life was obviously going in a certain direction so I desperately needed my guy to tighten up just a little bit.

“No worries my beloved Boyscout! I’ll have this chump defeated faster than you can say "Themis!” Captain laughed out.

“Ha! You’ve said it already.” Evil said merrily while clapping his hands.

“Blast it! You’ve gotten me again, you no good very bad day!” Captain retorted. WHAT? What? What? What? My fear was slowly moving from my body and rather into a tight place of frustration because I couldn’t possibly take anymore but on the flip side I didn’t want to die! If I died listening to them do whatever this was then my life would lose all meaning.

“Captain! DO SOMETHING!” I all but shouted. Captain’s eyes tensed and the moment he began to cease his back and forth and prepare to be an actual hero, Evil decided to think ahead for a change.

“Dearest Captain, as if I would let that “something” come to pass!” Evil exclaimed, slamming a button on his chair. The ropes which bounded me began to plummet into the noise below. It was like time slowed down as I saw Captain rush towards me….with normal speed? Oh. I was going to die. He looked like he was going to cry any second and instead of bulleting towards with the speed I knew he possessed he was covering ground with a most brisk jog. I pondered in this slowed down time as the pressure of the blades grew louder and more violent. I could almost feel it start to clip and consume me and instead of observing the scene before me I closed my eyes and let death finally have its way wit-

TO BE CONTINUED….!

h me. Are you serious?