Two Souls, One Heart

I said I would burn the world for her. Not in the metaphorical sense, but in the literal way that gave my body chills once the words left my mouth. She was my everything, the reason I kept living, and I had no idea how much of an impact she had until she left. 

I could never hold her in my arms and rock her body gently until the sobs stopped.

I would never be able to hold her hand and comfort her after something went wrong.

I am no longer able to fix her problems, wipe her eyes, or kiss her tenderly. 

She can no longer tell me to play nice with her friends or laugh at my miserable attempts to make jokes. I miss her so much, more than anyone in the world can comprehend. She was my oxygen, and I was dying to breathe her in.

So I sat at her grave, staring at the headstone with her name and date of birth embossed on the gray stone. I took a shaky breath, trying to rein myself in, but I can’t. 

I love you so much, Sweetheart.

My knees break.

My hands break.

My face breaks.

I collapse into myself, holding onto her grave with everything I have left. She can no longer see me in my most vulnerable moments, stroke my hair until I fall asleep on her chest, or kiss me a thousand times till I smile up into her beautiful blue eyes.

Blue eyes I can only see in photographs now. I can’t dive into the ocean of her eyes and drown within them, knowing she will bring me back up and save me. 

So I bury myself against her grave and sob until I can no longer catch my breath, and I hope and wish it would be my last, so I can be with her once more. 

I love you, Leo, so much more than you know. I promise, I will never let you go. Not in a thousand years will I leave you. My soul will rest with yours even if I leave this earth before you. 

I place a hand against my heart, attempting to calm myself after the hours I spent crying. “I know, Sweetheart; I am going to be with you shortly.”

I take one last look at where she rests and walk away. My mind whirls with all the memories of that night. The night she died.

I bounce my leg slightly against the plush carpet resting beneath my feet. I know she will be home soon, so I shouldn’t worry because she can take care of herself without me there. But something won’t sit right with me. I take a deep breath and sit back against the couch, intending to turn on the television. 

I flip through channels, attempting to find something to calm me down. I get to the News Reports and watch intently as one of the reporters talks about something I can only tune out because, in the bottom left corner, a scene of the Brooklyn Bridge is in commotion. 

Flashing lights and sirens occupy half the bridge. I walk up to the television to take a closer look. Three cars have been tipped over, and one car has the driver's door completely disheveled in a corner. I scrunch my face in confusion, but then the realization hits me like a truck to the abdomen. 

Her car.

Her license plate.

Her bumper sticker of a ballerina's pointe shoe.

I feel as if I am going to be sick because this can’t be real. This is not supposed to happen. If this is the Universe’s way of punishing me, then they did a hell of a good job because I feel as if I might die from worry, anger, and every other emotion.

I grab my car keys and slam on the gas pedal. 

A drive that should take twenty minutes took me ten, but I could have gotten there sooner.

I run out of the car and right up to the crime scene. Police officers, medics, and firefighters all surround the three cars, but there are almost a dozen more near her car. The car I bought her as a gift, and she cried happy tears before hugging me swiftly, taking all the air from my lungs.

I move under the CAUTION tape right up to her car. Officers scream at me to step back and say that the medics need to do the work. I can’t hear them or see them because my attention is solely fixated on her bloody, broken body fifteen feet away. 

“Clara,” I whisper into the wind. 

The Police haul me back before I turn my attention sharply to them. “Get out of my way before I have every single one of your badges confiscated. That is not a threat nor a warning; it is a promise if you do not let me see her.” For some reason, they listen, noting the anger and pain lacing every word I spew at them. 

I rush up to her from where she lies, with gashes bigger than her hands running down every inch of her body. The medics step back and slowly shake their heads. My eyes widen. 

No.

“Time of death: 8:57 PM.” One medic says softly. 

No, no, no. The medic can’t take back their words; I know that. There is no going back now. She is gone forever. 

I fall to her side and take her limp hand in mine, stroking it in soothing circles. “This wasn’t your fault, Sweethaert. I-I can’t begin to explain how awful this feeling is. I was waiting for you.” A tear slides down my face, and I pull her body onto mine, not caring about all the blood that will ruin my clothes. Officers try to approach me and offer their condolences, but I ignore them. I ignore everything except her. Except my love. My everything. My world.

I stare down at the water below the bridge. Definitely no going back now that I've made the jump. I wanted to grow old with her and travel the world together. But as I look down at the bridge, I know deep down she won’t want me to jump. 

She would want me to live. For the two of us. She would want our souls to be kept in my heart. But I can’t even imagine a life without her because she was my life. I take a deep breath and step towards the edge of the bridge, prepared to take my life right here. A soft voice whispers into my ear, “Leo.” 

My senses heighten, and I look around for the voice. I turn my back to the bridge, and I know my imagination is playing tricks on me when I see Clara. Her jet-black hair billows in the wind, covering part of her face. Her blue eyes meet mine, and I feel like I may die right here, looking at what I know is not real but feels so tangible. Her smile softens as she looks at me. “Clara?”

She starts walking towards me, and I move to her. I reach my hand out, and I feel her skin once more. My eyes widen in shock as she smiles at me. “Why can I touch you, Sweetheart? What is going on?" 

She takes my hands into hers, and I relish the feeling of her soft skin beneath mine. “I passed through some paperwork to be able to visit you here and talk to you for a short while. There is another world beyond Earth, but I don’t want you to experience that just yet. You have so much to live for, Leo. Don’t go. Not yet.”

“But how can I go on without you by my side? Without having you next to me through the best and worst times?”

“I am always going to be here. I won’t be here physically, but I’ll be here spiritually and in here.” She points to my heart. I take her hand and trail kisses along her soft skin. “Can I kiss you before you go, Sweetheart?”

She nods and blushes. I cup her cheek in my right hand and kiss her softly. She kisses me back and tastes of strawberries and something sweet. I breathe in her scent before kissing her on the forehead. 

She hugs me tightly and softly cries into my shirt, so I hold on one more time before she goes. “I love you, Clara. More than the Universe can comprehend.” She looks up into my eyes and kisses me quickly. “I love you too. I’ll be waiting for you. Right now is not the time for you to die, but when it comes, we will have until the end of eternity to be together.”

A tear slides down my face, and she wipes it gently. “I love you.” She says and fades away into the abyss. I let out a shaky breath and look back down at the bridge. She’s right. It’s not my time. So I walk away carrying all our memories with me. 

Every step away from the bridge feels heavier than the last, but her warmth remains locked in my chest. I whisper a goodbye for now into the wind, knowing she is watching. 

Clara wanted me to live, so that is exactly what I will do. Live for her until forever finally caught up.