Premonitions of Everyone Else

Dear Katherine,

I’ve always hated those people who name their diaries. I swore I’d never do it. You’re just a book. But the name Katherine has just been in my head. So I figured why not? I can always change it. One day you’re Katherine, and poof, the next day you’re back to being just a book.

So keep that in mind, Katherine.

Update on that Felicity situation: she’s gone. Like full on disappeared. They made the official call on her dad. I guess no one told that moron about drinking and driving. Like have a little self control. And just like that, Felicity is a Little Orphan Annie. I don’t think that’ll last long though. Like I said, she disappeared. I give it a week. I can almost see the headline: “High School Girl Found Under Bridge Because She Did Herself In.” Felicity was always dramatic like that. Some people can handle it, some people can’t.

But some of us have to keep the world moving, can’t just mope about our problems and drinking dads. Some of us have jobs, and I have to go to mine in a second here. But I swear I’m going to send my resume out tomorrow after school. I need a good summer job situation for my scholarship, so hold me to it, Katherine. Another summer slinging burgers ain’t gonna cut it.

Dear Katherine,

You’ll be happy to hear I submitted not one but four applications. Resume, cover letter, and references. The whole shebang. The jobs look good too, my college has a whole network of places through my scholarship program.

Brandon from stats said he hasn’t even started applying to schools, if you can believe it. But don’t worry, K, I told him I could help him after class Friday. And Olivia can’t be mad. I’m literally helping her boyfriend get into college.

Let’s just cross our fingers he wants to talk about something other than Felicity. Real talk of the town, she is, that’s for sure. And everyone thinks her and I were BFFs because we’re neighbors. Felicity was way too emo for me. Like after her mom died and she had to “go live with an aunt for two months.” Like sure, but they don’t give you those crazy people sticky socks at your aunt’s house.

Dear Katherine,

Okay so worst day ever. Brandon came into work today. If I had known he ate at the Joint, I literally never would have applied. If I even knew he knew it existed. I need another job ASAP, Katherine. Olivia got a job answering phones at her dad’s office, and I know that looks good on a resume. I need a job like that. Only losers get stuck in fast food.

So anyway, this family comes in. The mom’s skinny as a twig. The dad isn’t much bigger. But their kid is this huge chunk. Like two, maybe three of me. And they come walking in—mom, son, dad—like a double stuffed vanilla Oreo. And they come right up to my register. Of course they do. But no one ever thinks how it affects my work when I get all the fatties. People are going to start thinking the burgers I serve are extra bad for you.

So they walk up, and I know Maddy from homeroom is side-eyeing me from her own register. And I’m really trying to help this kid out. He asks for fries, but I point out that we have side salads or even fruit cups. But fatty turns to his mom and says he wants fries as if I’m not right there taking his order. His mom nods and says: “He ordered fries not a fruit cup.”

“I’m just saying we’ve got options.” That’s me.

“We’ll stick with fries.”

“Not even a kid’s size?”

“Do we need to order at another register?”

As if the other registers aren’t slinging the same stuff making her son big. And I know Maddy is really eating this up over at her register. But let’s be honest, Maddy’s going to be working this job the rest of her life so….

So I just ring her up and repeat back the order. Maybe there’s some brattiness to my voice. Maybe. But not enough to warrant the look she was giving me. But then, then in walks Brandon. He comes up and says hi. To me.

And his mom’s like, do you know this girl? And Brandon says he does from stats. And she goes: “We need to talk about the type of people you spend your time with.”

God, I turned red, bright red, like the restaurant’s sign out front. I really need a new job. I am absolutely praying I get a call back from one of the places I applied. I cannot be a middle-aged-fast-food-burger-server like Maddy is bound to be.

In the meantime I’ll just keep replaying how Brandon turned to his mom and said: “Well, we don’t really hang out.”

Hey Katherine,

So I don’t know if his performance at the Joint was only that, but Brandon is still coming over Friday. That’s confirmed. He has absolutely no idea how to write an application letter.

I’m leaving it to him to tell Olivia or not. She’s his girlfriend. Besides, Olivia and I haven’t been friends for a while. Everyone kind of cut her off after she started flaking to be with Brandon.

P.S. They found Felicity. Guess who was right.

Oh boy, Katherine,

Holy shit. Yeah, I mean it. Real mixed bag for you today. So Brandon and I managed to write half an app letter in a whole afternoon. But before I get into that, you’ll be happy to hear I got a call back. They were a little vague about the work. It seemed like they were trying everything they could to not say "secretary work.” But it’s in an office. I know I might have to pay my dues and do front desk, bimbo work before making real money. I’ll survive. I have an interview next week. I can finally say goodbye to Maddy and the rest of the losers destined to be working fast food post high school. Like it’s obvious why you’re poor.

So anyway half an app letter taking an entire afternoon may not seem like a productive Friday. But Katherine, are you taking into account that Brandon KISSED ME?

I’ll spare the details. A lady doesn’t kiss and tell. Not like Olivia. I told Brandon it wasn’t cheating because he said he doesn’t really love Olivia any more. I don’t blame him, tbh. Olivia was pretty Freshman year, but she’s kind of gone downhill. I mean the acne definitely isn’t getting better.

Once Brandon cuts ties, my summer will be looking pretty good.

Katherine, I have like zero time. It’s been decided that we’re all going to the beach on senior skip day. Brandon hasn’t asked me out officially yet, but I’ve heard rumors that beach day is THE day. But that was from Maddy so you know.

Hopefully Olivia can handle it well. It’s kind of on her tbh.

Katherine,

I hate this school. Everybody. I’m not going to talk to a single one of them once we graduate.

I shouldn’t have worn that stupid, stupid bikini. Mom can never shop for me again. This is her fault.

First thing at the beach, Olivia has a fit. Brandon sent her a break up text the night before. Which like honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t see it coming. She left early which was good. Poor girl wouldn’t be able to handle Brandon asking me out.

Brandon and the guys got there a little late. Then they immediately start throwing the football. (It’s hard to tell if they genuinely enjoy that, or if they’re compelled to throw a ball the moment their feet touch sand. Compelled by God or something.)

Finally I just get up from my towel and just go over to him.

“Brandon, hey.”

He smiles sort of.

“Want to go in the water with me?” You know what I mean? Like really setting him up for success.

But he shakes his head. “I think I’ll just throw the ball.”

So he does. The whole afternoon.

In fact, the only girl Brandon talked to was Maddy. Then when the sun goes down, he leaves.

“What the heck?” I asked Maddy before she could leave too. “He didn't say anything. You said today was the day.”

“I don’t think he is any more. Sorry. But you can do better anyways, right?”

“But he broke up with Olivia.”

Maddy shrugs, looking toward the parking lot where the guys are huddling into their cars like clowns.

“Did he say why?”

Maddy frowns and wants to look anywhere but at me.

“What did he say?”

“It’s the bikini,” Maddy says, looking me up and down, still with that pouty face like I was hurting her by making her say it.

“What do you mean the bikini?”

“Well, know how we get free food at work?” The question sits there like a fart. She leans in. “Know how I always bring my own food?”

“I don’t know what you—”

“Well—and this is what they said, not me—some of the guys said you’re getting a little, like, sort of chubbierish.”

“Chubby?”

“I think Dylan said, ‘a huge chunk?’”

Hey Katherine,

Sorry, I’ve been quiet. But also I don’t owe you anything. I said I’d never name my diary then I did. You’re just a book. Let me start over.

Hey diary, I don’t really want to talk about anything. But school ended. Just kind of another day among many. It was a little weird. I just went to work after. Four years ending like any other day.

There’s a party Saturday. I’m going to go. Not just because Brandon is going. I’ve heard he might not even go.

Oh, I got the job. Nailed the interview. And it really seems like a dream. They said they’ll work with me through college too. I quit my job at the Joint ASAP. I don’t know what Maddy was talking about at the beach, but she’s the one still working there so you know.

I’m just ready to get out of here. Olivia hasn’t talked to me. Or Maddy. And walking home without Felicity has kind of sucked. I just need to put my head down and focus on work this summer I think.

So diary,

Guess I’m grounded. The party got busted. Someone called someone’s dad about it, and he’s a cop or something. I think it was Olivia. I’m super grounded. I did some drinking, but literally everyone was. And I didn’t even have that much.

“Cops are coming!”

I don’t even know who yelled it but a group of us were closer to the back door than the front. But in a fenced in yard, we were just as trapped as if we were inside.

We scan the yard, all sweating now. I’m pretty sure I hear the cops inside because the music stops and there’s a much older voice giving orders. Any second now they’ll come out and see me and the others and a yard that’s not worth hiding in.

The next logical route was over the fence. I found out that jumping a fence in the suburbs gets the cops really excited about what they called “a fuggin trespassin charge right here, maybe.”

Mom said I should have known better. As if she didn’t do it back then. But whatever. Grounded is fine. Until the job starts, I’d rather stay in my room anyway.

Diary,

I don’t know what to do. I went in for my first day. I introduced myself to the front desk assistant which I thought was going to be my job. He looked my age anyway. He looked at a clipboard then clicked on the keyboard. He repeated my name back to me as a question. I confirmed. Then he kind of like hissed through his teeth.

“No one told you?” he says.

“Told me what?”

“They—we, I guess. Sometimes I forget I get to work here!—we pride ourselves on having the highest quality students, like me, in our internship program.” He pauses like that was the full answer.

“And?”

“I guess I should thank you,” he says. “I was a runner up for the position behind you. But then they called and said the position was open. They didn’t say but I’m assuming it has to do with the big event last Friday. And especially the—” he puts a hand to the side of his mouth, only mouthing the next word “—drinking.”

I really felt something leave me then.

“But,” he says, putting his cheerful smile back on, “I heard there are open positions downstairs. So that might be worth checking out, huh?”

I don’t know if I said anything else. I did go downstairs though. Downstairs was the food court. They were hiring.

Diary,

I didn’t think I’d miss anyone once school was out, but I do. Olivia and Maddy have ignored my texts since summer started. Brandon too, but that’s my fault for even texting him.

I work in the food court now. Underneath where my internship was going to be. I make subs now instead of burgers. It smells better at least.

I got a letter from my college yesterday with ‘Open Immediately’ written across the front in red, that caps lock key smashed in. I haven’t opened it, immediately or otherwise. I think I know what it is. My internship was through my college, and if the office heard about the party, my scholarship program did too.

So yeah.

Here’s something. Brandon’s fat brother has been on my mind recently. And Maddy, stacking burgers. Olivia too with her loser ex.

I’ve been thinking about Felicity. I’ve been wondering what was going through her mind those last couple days. I’ve been thinking maybe I know.

I checked out Felicity’s bridge this morning. It’s pretty. In a perverted way. I think I’ll go back again tomorrow. I can almost see the headline.