Consequences

Jude Walker had always wanted to be a rock star. As a boy, he taught himself how to play acoustic, then electric, guitar. At 14, he formed a band, called Pen, named after the pen Jude was using to write down a long list of potential names, none of which anyone liked.

Jude was the band’s lead singer, songwriter and guitarist. Anyone who watched Pen perform knew Jude was its leader. The other band members looked to him, and he played with more enthusiasm than all his bandmates combined. Jude always looked like he was having a blast.

Pen played local gigs all through Jude’s high school years. Then, right after graduation, he took his band on the road.

Pen’s unique brand of rock, a blend of grunge, folk and heavy metal music, became wildly popular with young people. The group toured regionally, then nationally, then globally. Within just a few years, they’d become one of the hottest bands in the world, and Jude, as the handsome face of Pen, became a star. His lifelong dream had come true.

Jude had a lot of women along the way. But he didn’t fall in love until he was 30.

Her name was Brittany. She worked for an agency that was promoting Jude’s concert tour. They met when she was prepping him for a media interview.

Right after the interview, Jude asked Brittany out. They went to dinner the following night. It was Jude’s first real date.

Unfortunately, Jude and Brittany barely had a moment to themselves over dinner because everyone in the restaurant recognized him. Fans kept asking for autographs and selfies.

Jude kept apologizing. Brittany just smiled.

Jude and Brittany kept in touch. They got together whenever Jude had a break in his tour schedule. They fell deeply in love, got married and bought a house. A year later, Brittany was pregnant.

Throughout, Jude kept touring. It was hard for him to be away from Brittany, but they’d gone into their relationship with both eyes open. Besides, Jude loved the crowds.

“They give me energy,” he often said.

But when he missed the birth of his first child, a boy, Jude was distraught. When he missed the birth of his daughter, two years later, he was so upset that he decided to quit the band.

Brittany knew Jude’s first love was music. As much as she wanted her husband home, she couldn’t imagine him not performing.

“Maybe you could just record and not tour,” she said.

Jude smiled.

“For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved playing music for people,” he said. “I love to see their happy faces. I love to hear them singing along. But I love you and the kids so much more. It’s time for me to shift gears.”

His decision to step away from Pen, at only 35, was big news. Music industry experts, who knew how much Jude’s “brand” was worth, speculated he’d be touring again within a few years, maybe even sooner. His fans were banking on it.

But Jude loved being home with his family. He loved waking up in his own bed. And as much as he drew energy from the concert crowds, he didn’t miss the relentless pace of touring.

But what Jude thought would now be a quiet life turned out to be anything but.

As one of the most famous rockers in the world, everywhere he went, people recognized him. He couldn’t go anywhere without being approached for autographs and selfies.

So he stopped going out. He became a recluse, venturing out only at night and to places he was unlikely to be noticed, like gas stations. Even then, he had to keep watch for paparazzi.

Jude thought the fandom would wear off after a while. But his fame only grew. Becoming a recluse made him all the more intriguing. Photos of Jude wearing sunglasses and ball caps to hide his identity lit up the internet. Jude Walker memes were everywhere.

Jude learned to live with it, and he didn’t regret his decision to be a family man. He didn’t like living like a recluse. But he was always glad to be there for Brittany and their children.

When Jude decided to stop performing and stay home, he put his guitars away. But the offers to get Pen back together never stopped, and the cheering crowds were never far from Jude’s mind.

When his children left home, for the first time in 20 years, Jude allowed himself to imagine performing again. But did people really want to see a 50-something man rocking out? Maybe my time as a rocker has come and gone, Jude thought.

One evening, when Brittany was out with her friends, Jude poured himself a drink, went out on his patio and watched the sun set.

Then he closed his eyes and thought back to the first time he held a guitar, an acoustic, and how good it felt in his hands. He remembered the pure joy he felt when his parents bought him his first guitar. He remembered teaching himself to play and how he couldn’t wait to get home from school to practice. He remembered playing for his little sister and how she used to love to listen and how happy that made him. He remembered forming Pen, playing for audiences of just a few people and feeling ecstatic when even one person clapped.

And then it dawned on Jude that he hadn’t always wanted to be a rock star. There was a time, long before he became famous, when he was perfectly content just to play.

Jude got up, went inside and went downstairs. He opened the door to a storage room, turned on the light and saw a dozen guitars suspended on cushioned hooks mounted along a wall. He stepped over and carefully lifted an old favorite acoustic off its hanger. Then he sat down on a stool and began to tune it.

He played until his fingertips hurt so badly he had to stop. Then he put the guitar back and resolved to play again in the morning.