Town Without Pity
Ariel Izzard arrived at the only hotel in the small mountainous town, a long single story with doors of the rooms opening out to the parking lot in front, late in the sodden afternoon. The dreariness of the old place matched the depressed mood the whole trip back to her roots took on from the beginning. She didn't want to be here. She swore she never wanted to return to this, her home town, twenty-five years ago when she was forced to leave.
'Forced' may be too strong of a description. 'Highly encouraged' or 'not given any other choice' may be more worthy of the truth. Whatever one calls the situation it was bleak and she was definitely unwelcome to remain in the only home she ever knew. Then again she was merely ten years old and without options.
Resigned to her fate she unfolded herself from her rented car, stretched, patted down her skirt and her hair then headed to the door stating 'OFFICE'. A bell tinkled as she passed the threshold. Inside the tiny space depicted old decor but it seemed clean. The bell had summoned a cheerful woman of indistinguishable age with a white crisp apron tied around her slim waist covering a blue and white checkered shirt waist dress which accentuated her bountiful bosom. Perfectly coiffed blond curls crowned her pretty face.
“How may I help you?” the proprietor asked.
“I need a room.” Ariel stated what she thought should be obvious.
“How many people and how long of a stay?”
“Just one person and hopefully only two nights but that may be subject to change. May I leave that open ended for now?”
“Of course. So a single bed will work?”
“Ideally. Do you take credit cards.”
“Oh, yes! We may look original from the fifties but we are modern in many ways.” She grinned. “I'll take the card information now but only charge the length of your stay to it.
“Oh, my! Ariel Izzard! Is it really you?” She exclaimed when she read the card holder's name.
“I'm sorry. You have me at a disadvantage. Do I know you? Who are you?”
“I'm nobody you would expect to remember but we were in the same class at school eons ago. Annabelle, Annabelle Ivy. Well, Annabelle Iverson now. I married Alex Iverson. You remember him don't you? He was always so-o-o good looking. Still is if you ask me. Maybe you'll see him around here sometime. We own this place together. His mom runs the cafe next door and we live in the trailers out back. But you don't care about all of that.
“You look terrific, by the way. I should have recognized you right away. Long sleek black hair and still so slender. Of course, we all were back in those days. Ha, Ha.
“Oh, oh! I bet you're back in town because of your father. Right? Been all over the news. Discovered after all these years. You must be devastated! And I better simply give you your key and let you get some rest. You must be exhausted.”
“Well, yes. Been to see the sheriff and the funeral home but can't get much done today so its been a trying time.”
“Sure. I understand. Welcome back and if you ever want to talk I'll be around. Oh. One warning. We have some news people from out of town staying here and they may be on the look out for you.”
“Thanks for the warning. Not that I wouldn't want to sample your mother-in-law's cooking but is there any other place to eat in town away from prying eyes?”
“Aurora's across from the town square. Not as good as Mom's but you may see some familiar faces.”
“I probably wouldn't remember anyone and no one was exactly kind to me after... you know.”
“You certainly got the short end and now for the truth to come out... Hope things settle down for you soon. I'll give you number twelve at the end of the row so you can slip in and out unnoticed. Better yet, why don't you take this menu with you and call an order in to me and I'll bring your supper to you tonight. ”
“Thanks. That sounds wonderful. You're the only one who's been kind.”
“I was only a kid myself back then and didn't know why you left school so suddenly until I heard about your mother. So sorry.”
“She'd made arrangements in a will for me to go with her uncle. I was raised at his home in Florida. I took over his jewelry business and expanded it to the internet so do okay.”
“I believe I know the line. Very elegant and classy. You model it well. Catch you later.”
Ariel got waylaid by news hounds spilling out of a van before she reached her room.
“Look! She's here! Anyway I think that's her.”
“Oh, Ms. Izzard, Ms. Izzard. Could we get a statement from you? Please.”
“Arthur Ian from Amalgamated Inc. What does finding your father's remains mean to you?” A nosy journalist rammed a microphone in her face as a cameraman aimed his lens.
“I, I can lay him to rest along side my mother.” 'What's wrong with these vultures?' Ariel wondered.
“Finding his bones in the trunk of a car in a mountain lake speaks to his innocence in embezzling the bank's money. Does it not? Adam Ingels, Allied I-Witness. What became of the quarter-million dollars?”
“You people are the investigative journalists why don't you find out the truth? I was a child when he disappeared. Looks more like he was a victim than a perpetrator. An unfortunate coincident the money went missing at the same time. Everyone assumed he stole it. The whole town shunned my mother and me and the pain and shame killed her. No one ever looked at any other possibilities. Now please leave me alone. The sheriff will hold a press conference tomorrow. So far this town without pity is full of nothing but artificial intelligence!”
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Hi Mary, I love how you peel out the plot like taking the folds off an onion. Your bits of humor (names of the news rags) is appreciated. I enjoyed your bio. Congrats on your short list and award. Writing is in your blood. May I encourage you to take the next step and publish or did I miss that? ~Kristy
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Thank you. I'm still hoping to get published but have surmised I need to make some revisions. I spend so much time here I neglect that mission. If I disappear for a while, you'll know why.😆
Read your bio. Close to mine but I didn't get extra training and you have more successes. Congrats.🤗
I did have one of my short stories picked up for an anthology.
Thanks for the follow.
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What an atmospheric piece. I'm curious to know what happens next.
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Going to try to expand it this week. Thanks for liking.
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The opening nails the mood — rain, old motel, that heavy feeling of coming back to a place you hate. I could picture it all. Ariel feels real. Her attitude and bitterness come through strong. The backstory hints make me curious without giving everything away. That chat with Annabelle? Believable for a small town — nosy. Missing dad, found body, missing money? I’d keep reading to see what happened.
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Thanks. Maybe add more mystery this week.
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Hey Mary, I really enjoyed the mystery you set up in your story. It made me want to learn more about the circumstances of the father's death. Definitely a curious beginning to a more ambitious tale.
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Well, this just makes me want MORE of this story. Great character development with just a few descriptions and some amazing dialogue. I loved the names, too. I don't know if I should read into them or just marvel at your good choices.
I am definitely hooked and hoping for more. Nice job!
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Good work! I'm looking forward to the next instalment.
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Working on it😊
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Very cool, almost surrealistic mystery, especially with the name game that hints at some even more bizarre against the noirish setting. Nice!
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Thanks. Coming from the master of mysteries that's a nice compliment.😆
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Mary, really loved this.
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Thanks 😊
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What a good story! Had me hooked from the start. Whats going to happen next, I wonder?
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Thanks:) Me too.
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Another great read! Glad your going to expand on this one, very atmospheric.
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Thanks:)
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I would love to hear how the story continues!
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Thanks. Got some of it finished.😊
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I'm someone who loves dialogue, and you do it well! — I'd love to know what happen. 🥹
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Thanks. Working on follow up this week.
Thanks for following
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Two things I liked about this story.
One: Your descriptive detail was succinct but also contributed to the mood, not just detail for details sake.
- ‘a long single story with doors of the rooms opening out to the parking lot in front, late in the sodden afternoon’
- “Arthur Ian from Amalgamated Inc. What does finding your father's remains mean to you?” A nosy journalist rammed a microphone in her face as a cameraman aimed his lens
- ‘unfolded herself from her rented car, stretched, patted down her skirt and her hair then headed to the door stating 'OFFICE'.’
Two: the curiosity in the mind of the reader aroused by the phrase, ‘ Oh, oh! I bet you're back in town because of your father. Right?’
The result was I stayed in the “dream” of the story visualizing the movie unfold, curious to find out what going on with the MC’s father.
Great piece of fiction!
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Thanks for the detailed comment. Glad you liked it.
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Great story, Mary! The beginning of another series.👍
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Will see.😂 Thanks.
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This is really good, the prose sets the tone well. My only advice would be to work on your dialog tags.
Some of it could be split up, or tagged more traditionally, so it reads well.
Like: "Well, Annabelle Iverson now." She corrected "I married..." etc. Just to make the statements flow well.
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This story really pulled me in—such a strong, moody opening: "The dreariness of the old place matched the depressed mood the whole trip back to her roots took on from the beginning." That line set the perfect tone for Ariel’s reluctant return and everything that followed. I loved the tension between past and present, especially with Annabelle’s overly cheerful welcome contrasted against the weight of what brought Ariel back. You handled that dynamic with nuance—it was funny, awkward, and sad all at once. The way the media hounds descended on her at the end was infuriating in the best way, like a movie moment that makes you want to yell at the screen. Ariel's final line was biting and brilliant. I hope you keep writing more about her; she’s a fascinating character with a story I’d love to see unfold further.
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There's been another request for a follow up. I'll see what I can do. Thanks.😄
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Poor Ariel! I want to know what happens next Mary! Great story!
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This one already sort of matched number 313 prompts about revealing info at end but I will see if I can't expand on it a bit more.😊
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oh cool will check it out. thanks Mary!
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Not there yet.😅
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Haha. Loved all the AI names. I didn’t mind Annabelle-giving her the benefit of doubt, she meant well. Great job!
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Thanks. Everyone entered such amazing AI senerios but I was at a lost what to write. This is what came out.😆
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You made me really annoyed at Annabelle. 😂 Lovely work!
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😆
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Annabelle feels so real to me. The way she keeps rambling, knowing full well that Ariel’s exhausted and probably grieving, is enjoyable to read. She’s one of those people who are well intentioned but puts too much effort into trying to prove how sympathetic they are. I know I’m casting Annabelle in a more negative light than she deserves. I like her a lot, though.
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Great you really embraced a character. Thanks. That means a lot to a writer.
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