The Least I Could Do

I am lying on my back, my head to one side, staring at the tall grass and wildflowers beside me. There is no pain. The sky is clear, the sun is high in the sky, but I don’t feel its warmth. I can see, and I can hear. Star kneels by my head “Oh no, Donny. Oh no, oh no.”

I’d like to turn to face her, but I can’t. I can hear her voice, and her stuttering breathing. I’d like to reach out and touch her, to tell her it’s all right. I’d like to explain how this had given my life meaning. But I can’t.

“I called the police, Donny. Someone will be here soon. And an ambulance. Thank you for saving me. He ran off, it’s just you and me here. Oh my God, you shouldn’t have done that.”

Of course I saved her. That was the least I could do. I would like to smile, to show her it was worthwhile. But I can’t. The dandelions by my face wave gently in the breeze.

I wish I could see her face. I can tell she’s crying, but I can’t see if he hit her hard enough to break skin. I imagine her face as I last saw it, contorted with fear as she tried to back away from him. I try harder, I want to see her face as it usually is – smiling at the world, open to whatever life brings to her. There, I have it. Her face as she won the school dance competition. Still poised and in performance mode, but her eyes shining with joy. If I didn’t already love her, I’d have fallen in love with her then. I should have told her.

She’s still talking. I don’t know if she’s touching me. I hope so. It won’t do any further damage, I know that. “I’m so sorry, Donny. It was my fault. I wanted to see the cliffs, and he offered to walk me to a good lookout point. I didn’t even think…”

I’d seen him walk her away. He was older, in his twenties. I’d followed them with a sinking feeling about what might happen. I didn’t want to be a stalker, but she was so innocent, so guileless. She never thought the worst about anyone. I had to be there to protect her if anything went wrong.

He took her off the trail, through the trees. They were out of sight from everyone else, too far away to be heard. But I could hear him telling her about this secret place that no one else knew about. She was in a simple blue and white dress, a perfect dress for a church Easter picnic. He was leaning into her side, holding her hand, making her feel safe and daring and special.

I dropped back a little so they couldn’t hear me as I walked through the undergrowth behind them. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have made noise and talked to them. Maybe then it wouldn’t have happened.

Behind the dandelion I can see bluebonnets and Indian paintbrush flowers. April in Texas is beautiful. My vision is starting to blur, so I try to blink. But I can’t. I focus on Star’s voice again.

“Oh, Donny, I wish I’d stayed beside you. You always take care of me. Why did I go off with him? What kind of person would attack like that? He seemed so nice at first.”

My poor bluebonnet girl, so trusting. Everyone was always kind to her, she is so lovable. She’d never seen someone change like that. He’d gone from being nice and respectful to grasping her and pushing her against a tree. I stopped cold for a moment, refusing to believe he’d changed so suddenly. She was with him willingly, why did he grab her like that?

At first, she thought it was some kind of joke he was playing. Then I saw the realization in her face. The brief struggle where his strength and determination became apparent. The fear in her face, followed by anger, using her strong dance muscles to kick at his knees, forcing him away from her for a second. She backed away from him, but I could see she was backing towards the cliff edge. He was recovering now, and furious that such a slight girl had managed to overcome him.

He was roaring with rage as he followed her threateningly, matching her step for step. She looked briefly behind her and saw she was trapped.

That’s when I snapped, and rushed towards him, tackling him and pushing him away from her. In my peripheral vision, I saw her stumble past us to the trees. She was safe.

“You saved me, Donny. I can’t believe what happened. You fought for me like a real hero. And then he ran off when you fell. He didn’t stop to check on you. He didn’t even look at me. He just ran.

“And I called 911. They’re on their way, please hold on. I know you’re badly hurt, I don’t know if you can hear me. Oh Donny, please stay with me.”

He and I wrestled and rained blows at each other. He was a better fighter than I was, but I had righteous indignation on my side. I didn’t understand what was happening when he pushed me hard and I went over the edge. I heard Star’s scream, loud and clear, as I fell. It seemed to go on forever.

She isn’t screaming now. She’s beside me, moaning and weeping. I love you, Star. This was the best way I could die. You were the best thing in my life.

I can barely see the flowers now. Just a mixture of colors blending into each other. I’m here because Star needs me. I’ll continue to listen to her as long as I have to. I don’t know how she managed to scramble down to me. It was a significant drop, but I expect she was fueled by adrenaline. I’m still here, Star. I’m always here for you.

I can hear sirens. Finally, someone is coming. I hear Star crying out to the people, guiding them to us. I hear someone talking soothingly to her, picking her up and moving away. She’s still calling out my name, not wanting to leave me like this. Her voice fades away. I try to move, to see and hear her one last time. But I can’t.