How Hidden Secrets Will Become Revealed

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a 16 year-old girl named Roxanne who was exceptionally pretty. She had long red-hair which she always had curled up somehow. Her blue eyes were complimentary to her hair since red and blue made purple, which was the color of royalty. She was also extremely smart with a 4.0 grade average all the way through high-school. In fact, she had even been recruited by some of the finest colleges in the entire county including Harvard, Princeton, U. N. C. Chapel Hill, Yale and the University Of Danville. Yet when her daddy, who didn't share his daughter's intelligence, asked which one she would chose, she said, "Yale." so then he said, "Okay, WHICH ONE WILL YOU CHOSE ?!?!"

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It was quite apparent that Roxanne's daddy did not share his daughter's intelligence. They couldn't even carry on an intelligent conversation with her because she was always correcting them whenever they were wrong about something, which was every time. Her parents had named her Roxy because they figured she would end up being like them which meant that was what would be in her head. Yer her biggest problem was she had a crush on a guy named Donny who was quite different from Roxy in the brains-department. In fact, many of the other kids in school had nicknamed him, "Dopey-Donny." Obviously, Roxy's parents turned their noses up at their brilliant daughter dating a guy like that. After several months worth of them going together, her daddy finally put his food down because he said their relationship was bad for his, "sole" and if they didn't break up somebody would have to pick him in a, " 'toe'-truck." Actually, that happened right when he heard them come in at 11:02 when her curfew was at 11:00. He was waiting at the door holding a 30 aught magnum in his hand which was cocked and ready to decrease the population of Danville by one. He'd have done it if his wife hadn't have been there.

When they pulled up in front of the house, Roxy hugged Donny. That was when the total silence of that night was broken by the sound of an argument between the parents over weather to shorten Roxanne's new boyfriend's lifespan right then or wait until later. The moment the front door shut, her daddy yelled, "Aha! Sneaking in after curfew, are we? To to bed, little girl! You're grounded until you go to college!"

"Yeah, well, we got hung up since we hit a squirrel which upset Donny so much we had to berry her. Since he wants to be a preacher some day, he prayed for the poor squirrel because he was responsible for ending her life so abruptly because it stopped many generations of squirrels. It made both of us say, 'Aw, nuts!' That upset me so badly I went to the hospital and get medicine from an, a-'nest'-atist there. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to, 'pine' for some joy since no, 'dog-wold' make me feel better with it's, 'bark' and I want to pack my, 'trunk' before I go out on a, 'limb' to, 'leave' this, 'branch' of service. I might even join some, 'branch' of the service since after all, I want to be deciduous when I, 'leave' you guys. That's a 75 cent word for you."

He didn't want his folks to see the military notice he'd received to be drafted. That's especially since there wasn't any draft except for the kind his daddy used since he was an architect and the kind he had to fix when the wind would blow through the cracks in the windows.

That night at dinner, his daddy asked him if anything outstanding had happened to him that day. That made him swallow deeply then said, "No, Daddy, nothing outstanding occurred. How about your day?"

"Well," said his daddy, "I felt some wind blowing through the window so I need your help to take care of that, 'draft' if you have the time."

"What draft?" yelled Donny with his eyes popping, "We're not even at war yet! If you want me to fight I'll sign up for karate, judo or boxing!"

"Take it easy son," said his mom patting him on the shoulder, "Your daddy just wanted to know if you'd had to fight with anything today."

"Fight!" screamed Danny, "There's enough fighting happening in the world now! I want peace! More then just a, 'piece' of it for everyone!"

Roxanne hated seeing Danny so hysterical. She tried to hug him but he knocked her on the floor. That made him put his hand on his mouth as if he'd just done something extremely horrible. His lips moved, but no sound came out of his mouth. Yet Roxanne knew what he was trying to say, and it wasn't anything love-filled like he used to tell her. The horrified expression on his face told the whole story. The 2 of them had to keep that news a secret that nobody else knew except for them and Danny's uncle, who's named Sam. Ironically, he happened to be the same jerk who wanted them to give him some tacks off of their bulletin board, only his, "tax" didn't make Danny, "bored." The only other person who wrote to him quite often was named, "Bill," who always sent him letters with little windows on them.

Since the United States was going to war with Afghanistan, he'd seen war movies on t v and didn't want to go through the same junk those soldiers each went through. When he showed the letter to Roxanne, she said, "There's only one thing we can do if you don't want to bet involved with the war that's already taken way, way too many lives, that's move out of the country. Nobody has ever been able to call you a chicken if we'd just, 'check-in' to a hotel for a while, but at least you won't be a, 'turkey' who will, 'gobble' up bullets being shot at you when going into that war. I just want the man I love to be safe and be here to make some future generations so I don't get, 'bird' staying all by myself since I'd have to get an, a-'nest'-atist to help me sleep at night knowing you were out fighting for your life and the lives of this great country of ours because if not, my, 'goose will be cooked' if we don't take a, 'gander' at life while we can. Take, 'my-great' advise and don't be out there with bullets flying at you which would not be, 'the bomb.'"

Then she broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably. She buried her face in his shoulder and wept bitterly. After several seconds Danny was drenched so he had to stop her from bawling so uncontrollably.

To her utter surprise, Danny began laughing. That made her stop crying and say, "What's so funny about you going to war and the chance of me never seeing you again? That's no laughing matter!"

Danny said while patting her head, "There is no draft now, honey! Besides, we're not at war anyway! Stop crying before I have to join the Navy because you will have cried an entire ocean of tears right here!"

That made Roxy punch Danny which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he saw some doctors looking at him as he lied in a hospital bed. That's when a doctor smiled and said, "Welcome back, Danny Boy. We thought you'd left us. You survived the war, and then you got knocked out by a girl. That's gonna be a real ha-ha for all the guys."

As he laughed and patted him on the arm, in came Roxanne. She looked mad, but at the same time pentitive. That's when one of the nurses said, "Congratulations, Danny. The general promoted you to colonel because of your courage and ability to put up with women."

Then he punched him playfully, as did a lot of other higher ranking officials. By the way, when his jaw healed, he, "popped-it" to Roxanne. Naturally, she accepted so they were married. The next year thy blessed the world with a junior general who would one day change the world all for the better. So like the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

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By, Cuz Roye.

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