Havens

“I had another vision last night,” I said to Leo. “This one was dreadful... They forced me to drink this horrible blue liquid.”

I look over at her; she stands there patiently waiting for me to continue. That’s one thing I really admire about her, she pays meticulous attention to every word, giving me the time to finish before offering advice. “At first, I thought it was a funky cocktail, but then it burned and I tried to scream, but nothing would come out. They were-” I pull my legs up to my chest and hold onto them, burying my eyes into my knees. My damp pyjamas hug my back as I start my breathing exercises to regulate my heart rate. “They were just awful to me again.”

Leo remains silent. Once I compose myself I peer over to her. My vision blurry. Her head is shaking side to side. This time she smiles at me but in more of a mocking manner. How can she not take this seriously, especially after everything we have been through together. A thought enters my mind unlike any I’ve had before. I wonder if she’s on their side?

Blood heats my face and spittle foams in the corners of my mouth.

“Don’t look at me like that!” My voice bouncing around our empty room. I leap off the bed, charging towards her, and slap her with all my might. She flies two meters across the room and hits the mirror wall with a snap. Her head detaches from the spring, causing it to ping off and rocket towards my bed.

“LEO!” I said, regretting my actions.

“No, no-no-no.” Scurrying across the concrete floor on all fours, I try collecting all the pieces. I have her body and the spring in my hand, but her head fell down the side of the bed and is just out of reach.

“I’m sorry, babe, please come back to me. I lost my temper… it won’t happen again.” My fingertips barely touch her hair; each flick of my wrist wobbles her head closer until I have her. I set all three pieces back on the desk beside my bed.

It’s a simple procedure to fix her, although the head now bobbles at an angle, making Leo look even more patronising than before my outburst. I reach over and kiss her forehead; I can tell she is still mad at me; I would be too if the shoe were on the other foot.

“Tell you what, I’ll nip to the shops and get you some flowers.”

My desk is empty, except for two piles of white paper and a box of crayons. I grab the closer pile and start sifting through my drawings until I find it: The Markets. It’s one of my happy places. I remember it from a vision—the smell of fresh plants and fruit will never leave me. I’ve drawn an entire stack of places from my visions, some of which I never visit.

The hairs on my neck flare up as I accidentally remember The Pits. I shake my face, physically snapping myself out of the dissociation. “Flowers.” I say, reminding myself of why I’m visiting the Markets.

Pulling a fresh piece of paper, I start drawing a bouquet of tulips. The smooth wax of the crayon against my fingertips allows me to drift off; smelling the new flowers, the crayon suddenly replaced by a wet stems of freshly cut tulips.

“She’s going to be delighted with these,” I say to the shopkeeper. “Thank you.” I’m getting giddy at the thought of showing Leo her gift, secretly hoping she has had time to cool down.

“How much do I owe you?” I ask, sliding over a page, with all my two-dollar bills on it, across the desk. “Keep the change.”

“Honey, I’m home.” Her head slants as I pull out her bouquet. “For you.” I say. I wish I owned candles for a more romantic setting; the white light from the ceiling panels is so clinical.

The tannoy on the desk wall lets out a huge screech, taking me out of my moment with Leo.

“Good Morning Zedd” his voice booms, deep and steady. Tango music plays softly during the gaps in his speech. I quickly run over to the tannoy and add a mark to my tally below it. Counting them all under my breath in fives.

Eighty-Seven.

Now… I can’t quite remember if that’s the number of days in Haven—that’s what I call my room.

Or, If it's the number of times I have heard His voice. Even if I try to focus all my energy, I can’t remember a single thing from before I woke up in here. I believe my visions connect to my memories from before, but secretly hope that’s not the case. I bleed for anyone who had to live through even half the stuff I’ve seen. Anyway, I digress. I have been in here eighty-seven of something.

“Please put your tribute into the sphere.” He says.

The centre of my room is home to the sphere. A steel post with an opaque glass ball on top. I pull out a clump of hair and twist the sphere's top, causing a small opening to appear. Raising my hand above the opening, my fingers spread out, releasing the hair. It snaps shut immediately. I don’t know how I know this, but something bad will happen to me if I don’t comply.

“Thank you.” He says.

“Wait, don’t go.” I pause, waiting to hear if the microphone clicks out. I realise the sweat from my hands has smudged Leo’s flowers. She is going to be so angry. Damnit!

“What is it?” He asks, agitated that I’m holding him back from whatever is in his room.

“Who are you?”

The pause is long. No microphone clicks, so he is still there; thinking about his next words carefully.

“I am you.”

Click…

“…You are me?” I say to myself, muttering it over and over as if the tenth or eleventh time will come with an Epiphone.

I spend the rest of the day at The Waterfall. It’s great for getting away from the distractions of life in Haven.

Gasping for air, my nails claw at the smooth wall, unable to find a perch. I shot upright in my bed. The wetness surrounds me, making the vision feel even more real.

“They drowned me! They bloody drowned me, Leo!” I scrunch up my blanket and throw it across the room. The soft stench of ammonia hits me as I look at my crotch. My head falls. Sometimes the visions are so lifelike my brain can’t help it.

“They drowned me in a huge bucket.” I say, looking across the room to see Leo’s reaction.

“Leo?” I swing my legs off the bed; my feet hit the ground with a wet slap. She never leaves without telling me where she is going. I look around the entire room from my bed and can’t see her.

“Leo!” This time my heart starts racing. The moisture completely gone from my mouth. Something feels different about this; her disappearance feels permanent. I hit myself in the head to delete that thought. The last thing I need is to manifest her out of existence. She is my anchor. The tannoy sits there more menacing than before, and I catch my reflection in the wall.

“Where have you taken her?!” I say, the vein in my forehead looks like it’s about to explode. My throat is so dry the last part of my accusation comes out like a strained wheeze. My brow furrows… No wall can stop me finding the love of my life.

Picking up the chair from my desk, I launch it with all my might, falling to my knees.

“STOP!” the man says, clearing his throat as he regains his composure. “You must calm down.”

There is a crack slowly migrating down the wall from where the chair hit it. Each time the man speaks through the tannoy, it grows. I run over and start shaking the wall to speed up the process.

“Zedd, please. I will bring her back to you; I was trying to fix her while you slept. Just calm down.”

Nothing is going to stop me.

I keep vibrating the wall until it happens. The wall pings and creaks until cracks and scars cover every inch of the pane. I hold my breath and curl into the foetal position on the opposite side of the room, dragging the piss-covered blanket over my head and body.

POP!

The wall shatters, and shards fly everywhere. My body takes some of the impact, but the blanket softens each blow. A breeze comes in, making my feet tingle, but I keep my face hidden for a few more seconds. There is a continuous humming noise and the occasional hydraulic hiss. It sounds like a chop shop for robots. An unfamiliar odour makes its way under my blanket. It smells clean and reminds me of a vision I had in a clinic with people pulling my teeth out… That’s not a good sign.

It’s time to see the aftermath of what I’ve done.

I throw the blanket off and stand up tall, being careful not to stand on any glass. Shivering in the breeze, I walk to the edge of my room and, for the first time, look beyond my Haven.

Cubes fill every space. A slight haze of light comes from each one. The glass boxes fill the darkness and appear to be ordered in a perfect grid. Each cube wall, although translucent, reflects these colossal mechanical arms which move up and down the grid. One flies past me, and I have to duck back into my room to avoid being hit. The arms seem to organise the boxes, like species on a collector’s tray. Left, right, up and down… They are everywhere.

All the boxes I can see have a single occupant, none of whom are aware that I am now looking at them. I poke my head out to test a theory, and I’m right, you can see into my room too.

What is this place?

Come on, you can do this.

Do it for Leo.

As I stand on the precipice of a whole new world, I rapidly count to ten on loop to block out any doubts and slap both my cheeks, tricking myself into fearlessness. It works briefly, but that’s all I needed.

I run and jump out of my room landing on the mesh runway outside. I wish I were more stoic in my delivery, but I screamed the entire way. What do you call a place like this? All these Havens? It hurts my head to think of a world this big.

I start walking, making it five steps before I’m frozen in place. I look into my neighbouring box. In it, a man floats face down in a huge bucket of water. His skin waxy and swollen. My body reacts accordingly and I’m sick all over my feet. Most of it slips through the mesh platform, and I hear it splat on the floor below seconds later. I turn away, unable to stomach the sight, and look into the room opposite mine. Another man sits there, slumped in a chair.

They all look so familiar!

His hands and feet were bound to the chair. A mixture of vomit and blue liquid covers his face. The strange liquid covers the whole body and drips off his fingertips.

I can’t. My peripherals close in and my chest tightens. Gasping for air again, I turn back to my room and run. Vaulting in, I collapse to my knees and start gathering the shards of glass, trying to put my wall back together.

“Easy there Zedd.” His soothing voice comes from outside and also faintly through the tannoy. My instincts kick in, and I grab one of the larger shards of glass and crawl away from his voice until my back is against the far wall.

“Stay back! I just- I just want it to go back to before.” My eyes dart around the outside of my Haven, trying to distinguish a figure from the darkness. “Please, just give me my wall back and let’s go back to before.”

The world is spinning. I see my drawing of the waterfall and hold it up to my face, an inch from my eyes. “This isn’t real. I’m at the waterfall. This isn’t real. I’m at the waterfall.” I repeat this over and over again, slowly regaining my breath. The man has now entered the room.

I lower the page slowly, seeing him for the first time. The light illuminating his handsome face. Perfectly slicked-back white hair, held in place by a set of thick-frame glasses resting atop his forehead. He looks eerily familiar as well, but I can’t quite place him.

“Are you the tannoy man?” I say, still attempting to control my breathing.

He nods in affirmation; it’s gentle, but I trust it to be true. He takes another step closer, kneeling down and offers me his bony hand. I see a nametag hanging from the pocket of his white coat.

Apex Eugenics

Medical Research Lab 1

Dr Mark Murphy

I make a series of quick exhales, similar to that of someone walking into cold water. Soon I’ll wake up, give Leo a kiss and take her to the Markets.

I close my eyes, trying to will that thought into existence.

No luck.

I can still hear the Doctor shifting his weight on glass. I also can’t think straight with the stench of saffron and cherry coming from him.

“Dr Murphy” I say aloud, although my intention was to say nothing and merely think it. This has happened before; I can’t shake the feeling. Everything is so familiar.

“Have we met before?” I ask.

He chuckles and holds out a hand, lifting me to my feet. “You could say that.” He brushes glass off me and finishes with his arm across the back of my shoulders. “You and I run the largest human trials company in the world.”

He positions us both in front of one of the untouched reflective walls in my room.

“Well, I started it and control the company in the boardroom, but you… You’re the real star. This entire process wouldn’t work without you.” With arms spread wide, he gestures to the world outside my room.

“What process?” I say.

“This process.” He says, now drawing my eye to our reflection.

I look into the wall, and two of me stare back. He is slightly swarthier, has larger muscles, and is about ten years older than me. But structurally, we are identical. My mind is completely blank, frozen in place, unable to process anything. “You are the clone of me,” he says. “And all of them… they are clones of you.”

I don’t know what reaction he expects from me.

Dr. Murphy continues to give me the sales pitch for Apex Eugenics.

“Your visions make you unique; you somehow have a link to all the clones made from your… our DNA.” He chuckles at the last bit. "The medical possibilities if we can isolate that gene are just,“ he raises his fist to his head and mimics an explosion with it. “Mind-blowing.”

“They are all dead,” I say, removing myself from his arm. “They suffered horribly.” The trembling starts again.

“In the name of science, Zedd, so many actual humans will survive for their sacrifice.”

“It’s no sacrifice, it’s murder!”

There is a warm impact on my neck, and I raise my hand to touch the area before I can even process what’s happening. It’s a small dart embedded in my throat. My legs start tingling and electricity spreads through my body. My vision blurs and I drop, unable to see.

“Keep up the good work Zedd.” Dr Murphy’s voice fading away as if I’m sinking in water.

Gasp!

I wake up in a panic and reach for my neck. Nothing is there. “Jesus Christ! The visions are getting more real.” I say to Leo. She stands there nodding slowly beside my bed.