Monsters Will, "Monst," Evem After Maroage

Monsters Will, "Monst," Even After Maroage

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a man named Laurence Talbot who had everything going in his favor for a 16 year-old boy. He had a 4.0 grade average and was recruited by some of the finest colleges in the country such as Yale, Harvard, Princeton, U. N. C. and Danville University. He also had a girl-friend named Belle who was voted most-likely-to-succeed in the entire school. She was a real knock-out and had gotten in trouble when some guys had tried to hit on her, so it's what she did to them, like hit them, only it was a lot harder then they ever expected.

After classes and homework, she'd go out on some dates, but both parties were really sweet, like fruitcakes. The problem was when they got together they'd act like a fruitcake, (that means nutty). The faculty would always try to do various things that would make them act like, "normal" collegian students, but nobody knew what a good example of that word would be. All the frat-brothers and the sorority-sisters had to be in their dorms by 11:00 p. m. on school nights and 1:00 a. m. on the other nights. Yet they were allowed to hang around with, and even date each other if they would be in their dorms by curfew, and since U. D. was a sophisticated college, it was even more important that they be back before curfew, there were no excuses. The schools motto was, "No crud will bud by blood-shed by any stud or dud that will flood each spud or your name is, 'Mud' sure as cows chew their cud!"

All the history buffs knew that referred to when John Wils Booth shot Abraham Lyncoln then jumped out the 3rd story window of Growman's Chinease Theater and broke his leg, so he had to hobble over to a doctor named Dr. Mudd and said he fell off his horse. After fixing him up, the doctor got in some extremely severe trouble for aiding the assassinator of the president. That story you jus read is ture. Today the things most people think about when they hear the name Lincoln are that he was the guy who abolished savory in The United States Of America, but other people's warped minds will just remember his picture is on the $5.00 bill or it's something to add on to your phone or your computer.

The things that have made this awesome country become so great is due to all the stuff that our forefathers suffered and gave their lives so that we could live here under a democracy which is being governed for the people and by the people. Remember Amerigo Vespusy, the dude it was named after. He wanted to be sure our freedom didn't stink which is the reason why his name was Amerigo Ves-, "piew"-sy. He was one of our forfathers along with Leaf Ericson, Vasco Nunez, Balboah and all those other dudes who were our forfathers. Yet something that makes no sence to me is how they all had, "4-fathers." Anyway, this great country has a saying which states, "We hold these truthes to be self evidnt that amung these things are life, liberty and the persuit of happiness." That has become this great country's motto. If people ask you, "What's a motto" one right cute reply you could have for that person might just be, "Nothing. What's a, 'motto' with you?" Anyway, this awsome country was built on the blood, sweat and tears of many awsome people who gave their lives for us to have the privilage of being able to live on it. That humbles me to think of all the suffering those people went through so we could have the privilage of living here on this totally radical country. Laurence and Belle both had red-hair, white skin and blue eys, so they were each filled with our colors red, white and blue. Although some people might just say, "The people, 'red' all of The Constitution, 'white' when they needed to which made sure they never, "blue" it. That's why Betsey Ross chose those collors to be on Old Glory, the flag that always waves proudly. If you see it waving, be sure to, "wave" back.

Anyway, Belle wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. In fact, she was all bear and no foam. Her elivator didn't go all the way to the top floor. Her lights were on but nobody was home. She was a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Her weals were spinning except her hamster was dead. Some people have siad, "When God handed out brains, she thought He said, 'rains' and ran cor cover." Others say she thought He said, "trains," and missed hers altogether. Many people say, The Lord put her brains in with a teaspoon and somebody jiglled His hand. In fact, when the doctors did an e. e. g. on her they couldn't find her brain and she didn't know how to spell e. e. g.. They also tried a catscan and later on a dogscan, but they still couldn't find her brain they thought was extremely, "Ruff!" At any rate, when it came to being smart, she made a good seamstress, although some people called her a, "sew-and-sew." In fact, the only reason she made it all the way through school was becasue the teachers didn't want to have her being in their classes again for a second year. Her name, Belle was quite fitting because it seamed as if somebody had rung hers. She was just plain d. u. m.. She didn't even deserve the b at the end, if that will tell you anything about how inteligent she actually was.

Anyway, a witch named Broomhilda wanted Laurence to marry her. That would have worked out except that she was, for lack of a better word, as ugly as sin. It's a rule in the witch handbook on page 24 paragraph 15 that reads, "You cannot make another person fall in love with you." On page 26 paragraph 3 it says, "No witch can cast a spell on herself for some self-improvement, that must be done on their own." Everybody knows that. It's as well-known as to kill them they must either be doused with water like The Wicked Witch Of The West, have a house dropped on them or be burned at the stake, although most people don't like anything that's, "burned on their steak." Otherwise they will just live forever and get uglier with each passing day. Most of them look alike which makes it quite difficult to recognise, "which-witch-is-which." Since they fly on their broomsticks, it's quite obvsous when you see one that they are not exactly comeing with dustpans to sweep your house.

All of Laurence's friends and relations tried to discourage him from dating other species, but he couldn't stand to be told what kind of person that he could go out with because his great, great, great grandaddy happened to be The Prince Of Darkness himself, Count Dracula. The problem was he didn't like having to, "count" on that fact to succeed in life, or rather it was obveous the things that were beyond life. Since Belle was a vampire, she enjoyed, "flying" to far-away places whenever the mood hit her. Anyway, it was bad that their whole families discouraged them from going out with each other so frequently. Even though Belle was a vampire, she still liked to, "wear-wolf" fur because it felt so warm and comfortable. Yet deciding on which place to go on their dates drove them both, "batty." Neither of themn wanted to, "bite off more then they could chew." Yet they loved being able to, "chews" the type of person they could bite, even though Laurence wsa typ A and Bell was O positive.

That problem became more intense as time went by because they each wanted to do different kinds of activities. Belle enjoyed flying to various far-away places whereas Laurence didn't like being in a lot of extremely warm environments since his fer made him hot, even though that was precisely what Belle loved about him since he was really a, "hot" guy whereas Belle was such a, "cool"-cat, like a witch's cat. Yet it's true that sometimes, "opposites atract," but they were some monsters anyway. The problem was keeping their secrets from the other party even thought they both loved to, "party."

Then one fateful night when they were having a really great time dancing at a discotheque which was owned by a man named Sam Frank, Laurence brought along his harp to entertain the people there and give the other instrumentalists a break for a few minutes while he was given a chance to play in front of a large audience while at the same time giving him an opportunity to show-off one of his talents to Belle. He intended to only play a few tuens to entertain all hte customers and Belle at the same time. Then he pcied up the pace becasue he wanted to wake up everybody who was dancing. All the other people there who were dancing kept asking him to play another piece because it was so southing. It put them in a mighty romantic fram of mind. They were each really enjoying his music.

The whole evening would have been a totally fun-filled time for everybody, except Laurence got so caught up with his entertaining-skills he lost track of time. That's when some woman mentioned to him, "Uh, excuse me, sir, but why is your hair growing so fast, and why is it covering your whole body?"

That's when Laurence knew he was about to mess-up in royal-proportion, so he dropped his harp and ran out of the disco tech. Some people followed him since he hadn't even told anybody there his name, but it was too late. He had already started going through his startling metamorphoses. As he ran towards the woods with many people following him, yelling, "Stop! Wait a minute! What's your name, sir? We want you to come back and play for us full-time! We'll pay you anything! Just name it! Oh, please come back! We really do need you!"

Belle also ran after him, but she on kept going after the others had given up. That's when Laurence turned around and looked at her. By then he was a full-fledged werewolf. Belle spread her arms apart and turned into a bat. As she flew over Laurence's head while he ran, snarling and growling through the roads in search of somebody to, "have for dinner," since there is a lot of iron, vitamins and minerals in human flesh. He'd eaten 3 people by the time he notaced the bat flying over his head. That made him snarl and paw at her, but she stayed 2 feet over his head, even though he had, "4 feet" under his body. He didn't understand why that flying mammel wouldn't stop hovering over his hed while he ran. That made him stop running. To his surprise, the bat stopped and hovered over his head. While the werewolf gazed up at that hovering bat, something calmed him dramaticly so his growls turned into purs. Next the bat lit on an eye-level branch and extended her wings to him.

By then the sun was about to rise which would end Laurence's terrible experience. The bat landed on one paw and lovingly rubbed up against him. That was when he realized that he actually had somebody to trust in the midst of the terrible experience he was going through. That made him turn back into a human. The only problem was that he was right in the middle of downtown Danville, but he was as naked as a jaybird. Still that didn't bother him at all. Then the bat turned into Belle, who was also in her birthday-suit. Their eyes met and then they embraced and kissed each other. While they were embraced, the sun began to rise. Yet those 2 perfectly, "normal" people continued hugging and bonding their love between each other. Even though Laurence had never even been on a single date with Belle, he still, "popped-it." That made her mouth turn from a lower case n shape to a capital U shape. In other words, the corners were pointing up north instead of down south. It felt terrific. Since they were right besides Chillies, which is one of the finest dining establishments in the entire metropolis of Danville, they held hands and went inside. The problem was when they walked through the front door, one of the waitresses said, "Uh, excuse me, sir, now I'm terribly sorry, but we do have a rule here which states that all customers who come to eat in this establishment must be fully clothed. You can't come here in the, as some people would call it, 'the raw,' uh, the way you are right now."

All of a sudden, a flash of lightening struck Laurence. What was so unique about it was the fact that there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and what made it even more unusual was the fact that it happened inside of the restaurant they were in. Now, that kind of phenomenon actually doesn't happen all that frequently, at least not in Danville anyway. Lightening bolts usually will strike inside of hotels as a rule. Anyway, when the smoke had cleared, Laurence was fully clothed in a munkey-suit, except he looked more like a penguin which made him strut and waddle to an empty table. Belle could tell there was something different about Laurence's appearance. That's when he got down on one knee and, in front of the entire restaurant, "popped-it." Since he didn't happen to ahve a ring handy, he used the bottom of a bottle top since it was all he had at the time. When Bell replied, "Oh, yes! Yes! A millian times, YES!!!!" they embrased and kissed right there in front of the entire, totally packed restaurant. Everyody who was there was in total awe of what they had just seen. In fact, the entire restaurant erupted with, "Awww!" then they all broke out in applause, whistleing and shouting. It was beautiful.

Since Belle was still a vampire, for her beverage she ordered, "a bloody Merry." Later they looked in the phone book and found a witch doctor in town. Since there weren't many of them locally in Danville, it wasn't too difficult to decide, "which-doctor" to chose. They found one whose name was Dr. Broom who happened to be the only one who wasn't booked solid because it's extremely difficult to get an appointment with them. Anyway, he prescribed some magic potion which included some lizerd tones, rinocerous morrows, bullfrog's vocal chords, newt eyes, bat wings and frog's brains, but the latter had to be cooked just right or the othe witches will say, "I, 'toad' you to cook that potion a little bit longer!" That potion sounded so delicious Laurence drank it right away, but he also shared some with with his dearest lady-love, only she said, "No thank you, dearest, the only way I like to eat my rynocerous morrow is with an elephant's, 'trunk,' but it has to be after he returns home from his vacation. When you mix the elephant and the rhinoceros together you'll end up with the, 'elliphino!' "

Laurence and Belle were, like a mule to a plow, "hitched." The following year they blessed the world with a cute little vampire who was extremely smart and learned how to count quickly. Since Laurence was so tickled to have a son, he broke out the champagne for everybody to have some. Yet all the other monsters would always count on him to be the party-champ. In fact, he did that so much all the other vampires changed his name to, "Count Drunkula." Later he had a son who grew up trying to play baseball, but it turned out his favorite position was the, " 'bat'-boy." That's because it was in his, "blood." Anyway, he grew up to make his daddy proud of him. He later got a job working at H & R Block because that was the kind of head he had. The problem was learning how to spell the H & R part of his company. Still, Laurence and Belle never died anything but they're hair. They also never aged so they both staysd the same age forever. They were really proud of their son, who had to stay away from the, "sun" so when they went to the beach they could work on their gorgeous, "moon-tans." There was no, "bad-blood" between any of the other monsters. It turned out they were exacly the right type of person for the other, o. positive. So as the best-written storries of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

------------------------------------------

By, Cuz Roye.